88%

First, I want to apologize for missing last week. I had visitors. The folks came down to bestow gifts upon me. Everyone made out like bandits. All is good. Legos are smack to those who are creative, yet like planned out details... You know, SOCIOPATHS!!!! (High functioning, but still...)

One other quick note... Sinatra Select Jack Daniels... That stuff is proof that A Deity Whom I Question the Existence Of loves us.

The names have been changed or omitted to protect the guilty... Remember kiddies... Guilt and innocence is a matter of timing...

The 2014 silly season is in it's death throes, but it is not without victims. I have a friend dealing with some major issues. The most vile demons come from within. I feel for them and seriously wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. I can only offer support and advice.

There is that fine line of  being helpful vs. being controlling/intrusive. I guess the "friendship" is defined by the repercussions of crossing said fine line.

This Xmas eve, I was visited and asked by another friend, "How are you doing?" Very loaded question. Do they expect/want the standard "Doing all right.", "Proceeding with enthusiasm", "Can't complain." or do they want the truth?

I discussed the year in general. Focusing on certain aspects... Most of which, you, loyal reader, are aware of. Last year at this time, I was in love with and had won the love of a good woman. Starting on that high of a note, like when that first apex of a roller coaster is crested, there is only one way to go.

Yes, March was a no fun zone... I did what you are supposed to do... Get back up, rub some dirt on it, and get back in the game. However, I had a new perspective. I was given the vision of how one is supposed to be alone. You take that time to improve YOU.

We discussed work. Which is picking up steam. I am not worried about vacation time, as I will more than likely be earning comp time due to the onslaught of shit coming down the slope. We talked plans for the upcoming year... Scarby in April... Possible Sherwood excursion in February.

We also solved the world's problems... Israel and Palestine? Double Elimination Round Robin Softball Tournament. Want control of the Gaza strip? Better work on your pitching. NEXT!

At the end of the conversation, over one or six drinks,  they remarked, "You... You are doing all right." They meant it literally. In their opinion, which I respect, I am making the correct decisions. Not doing wrong.

This year of our Jack Lord, 2015, could see the realization of many plans I have laid. There is always the fear that plans will get sidetracked or flat out demolished.

By the end of this year, I fully plan on being:

• Credit Card debt free. 'Bout damn time.
• Forced to "Use or Lose" vacation time. SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
• Full on Pimp. Never stopped this... Comes naturally.
• Owner of a less fat damn dog! She is doing all right, thanks for asking.
• Better shape myself. Drink it in... Drink it in...
• Able to play "Smoke on The Water" on guitar. RAWK!
• in Kansas City at least once. Mom will like this.
• in Augusta for the 25th reunion... If it is happening...
• seen for being an amazing writer, paid to do so, and I go live in Colorado, enjoying "nature".

___________________________________

In the mean time, the time that is cruel, I am alone. And for the first time I am really okay with it. I do not need someone. That being said, I would not mind having someone in my life to COMPLIMENT IT, NOT COMPLETE IT! 

There is something to be said for having someone not care if they are intruding and send the "Good morning" text. That someone who wants the last thing I see before crashing is their "Good nite" text. A person who initiates conversations... Who asks me questions...  If I continue having to initiate conversations, and draw out everything, I feel like I am a nuisance. No bueno.

I look forward to the day when I plug in my phone to charge at night and it is not at 88%.

Worship music,

d

This blog brought to you by The Rolling Stones (19th? That's it?), Jay - Nootch!, The Beta Band, Saliva, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, Dangerous Toys, The Seatbelts, Buffalo Springfield, Foo Fighters, Rob Zombie, Van Halen  (5150!), Dr. Frankenfurter, Green Day, Jerry Cantrell, and Anthrax.

The Hokey Pokey?

Sometimes topics for this thing come readily and easily... I have an idea, usually around Wednesday and it percolates and takes form. By Sunday evening, I have done my weekend chores and put in my required gym time and am ready to focus.

This week did NOT lend itself to plotting. I was in training all week. Not being trained myself, but rather to answer questions if they arose. About three or four such queries did happen. It was NOT week long training either... Rather three, day and a half iterations of the same training... By Wednesday, I understood, really understood, why animals will gnaw off a leg to escape a hunter's trap.

Throw on the fact my damn dog seeming to regress in health a bit... She is doing all right now, must have been the psychotic weather we are having as of late... Still, emotionally and mentally taxing...

Anyways, this morning, 5:45ish, as I lie in bed, an outline formulated... Not fully congealed, so apologies if it comes across as half-cocked... "Rambling" has been intimated to me on an occasion...

I am not a serial dater (I know "playa" is legit to use, but I don't "play", I "date"... would that make me a "data"?). If I see and like someone, I tend to focus solely on that person. Not obsess... but see where it goes...

I decided to avoid relationship discussions in this blog thingy. They last time I mentioned a person, wanting to see where it went, and the like... it ended. Abruptly. No animosity involved... People make choices. They have to live with them. Their loss. "Next".

It got me to thinking that maybe the blog was a curse... If mentioned in these diatribes of lunacy, does that count as an incantation for "relationship dissolution"?

The peril in writing about an infant relationship here is that they will know who I am talking about. There is little mystery, if any at all. The person I am writing about in this very blog is gonna know I am writing about her. With that in mind, and AGAIN, with zero animosity, I can talk about the latest dating failure... Well... dating "learning experience". As Joe Friday stated... "Just the facts, Ma'am."

I knew of this person about three years ago from a dating site. There was communication, desire to meet, but nothing manifested. We remained Facebook "friends" and Words With Friends adversaries... They got married so I gracefully faded into obscurity... Then I see them pop up on the same dating site... "What the hell ya doing back here?"

We begin talking, and we finally met. Pictures are neat and all, but this woman was hot. Surface of the sun hot. My alarm bells automatically were going off, "She is hot enough to make you compromise just about every stance you have."

"Why, YES, I am a Born Again Evangelical, Republican, Gun Loving, Movie hating, Vegan if it means I can see you naked."

There was chemistry. Undoubtedly. Was palpable.

I learned that she was coming out of a divorce. Two or three months FRESH out of said divorce. I learned that it was not the best of situations. My own experiences with divorce, I know that you can never say one size fits all. Every situation is unique.

By the end of the first week, a stray, flippant, "love you" would pop up in a text. A "we should get married" text was shocking, but laughed off. Noted... Filed away... Flagged.... but laughed off. Then the "I LOVE YOU"'s started showing with more frequency.

I never responded in kind. I would comeback with an "Awwww", or "I can't blame you." It made me think back to the last real relationship I was in. They were uncomprehending of how I "could be so sure." of my feelings for them... Now I knew how they felt...

We did discuss the reservations I had about the texts. I never minced words about my wondering about the validity of her claims of her affection towards me. I made it clear that while I knew she wanted to love me, and wanted to be loved in return, I simply did not know if she was not just rebounding.

These discussion took place in varying states of undress... Which did not help the situation. And yes, I just wanted to get that out there. Good times!!!

There were some other differences, nothing that could not be overcome or settled OVER TIME. I would have no problem being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with her. To repeat... I am not a serial data. I was not actively searching other people while I was with her. I don't think that is fair to a relationship. A relationship in the early stages is very fragile... like a lamp from France.

Eventually, it was my lack of being able to reciprocate her level of devotion that led to the cessation of communication. I tried to let her know that someday, I might be able to... Just not two weeks into a thing. If a person is drowning, you have to be careful trying to save them... They might pull you under as well... She was the type to almost drown, get to the shore, say thanks, and dive right back in the dark, turbulent waters...

She was very "Hippie". In touch with nature, loves animals, and loves, Loves, LOVES, love. Offset by an almost crippling social shyness... It was a weird dichotomy. I sincerely was, and still am, in awe of, and worried over, her ability to love and not let cynicism override her heart.

Hippies, of course, are a fan of "Free Love". Which brings me to the damn point...

Your Love Should NOT Be Free, It Should Cost.

Prostitution? No... If you give your love to everyone, how will the special one in your life know they are the special one in your life? Your love, for that one special person, should have value. Merit. Mean.

_________________________________

While I know I have walls around my heart, and high though they may be... The climb is worth it. HOWEVER, COMMA... To all would be prospects.... Try knocking on the damn door. Save yourself a climb.

And really, that's what it's all about,

d

Yes, Mom... I made this blog "f*ck" free... Xmas came early!!!

This blog brought to you by The Beatles, The O' Jays, The Burden Brothers, The Marilyn Manson, The Tenacious D, covering THE Ronnie James Dio, The Doris Day, The Van Halen, The Andy Williams, The Kid Rock, The Ray Stevens, The Stevie Wonder, The Metallica, The Ledry Anderson, The Tesla, The David Bowie, The Temptations, The WAR, and THE George Harrison (How so very appropriate.)

Jingle Bell Rock, Paper, Scissors.

The title song makes absolutely no mention of "Christmas" in it's lyrics.

Which makes it my new favorite Xmas tune!

That is right, ladies, gents, and others... It is the Xmas blog. Little early, but as with everything related to the silly season, I want to get it out of the way and done. This Tuesday, I should be able to complete my holiday shopping. Fin!!!

It is not that I hate "Christmas", I rather hate people at Christmas. They seem to care more. The most important word in the preceeding sentence was "seem". Hence the italics, yo. It is either a case of a person is trying to be nicer, which goes against their nature, so it seems forced and insincere -OR- You are expected to forgive assholes and bitches for being assholes and bitches, because "It's the season." To hell with that noise.

It is not the Atheism that makes me get exasperated with the whole shebang either. I do find the whole Christian aspect to the holiday to be the most laughable fable ever constructed. It has no basis in reality. Did not happen. Theological scholars will tell you that "Hey, Zeus" was born in July... Or September... Or any other month BESIDES December.

December just tested well in the focus groups...

Ghosts of Xmas Past

The decorations were out the day after Thanksgiving. So was the stack of Xmas LPs. The music would be on in the mornings as we woke up... Coming out to see the tree all lit up. The prismatic effects through sleepy, squinting eyes making me understand the appeal of LSD.

I remember the family gatherings in Michigan. The epic snowball fights... The hide and seek games with all the cousins, more than a couple of Uncles and Aunts participating too.

I got my first cassettes and CDs, both on Christmas. One of the cassettes was Slade's "Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply". The two CDs  were Nirvana's "Nevermind" and Metallica's Black Album. Still have them as they are both staples in a person's musical edification. Well, they should be...

I remember getting "Die Hard" on VHS one merry morning. This marked the beginning of the video collection that I amassed. Quite substantial one, at that. It was when VHS titles became affordable to the masses. THIS is the first nail in the coffin to the video store. To this day, I will do my damnedest to watch "Die Hard" on Xmas... Traditions - It is the glue that we huff and keeps up together!

One of the first pornographic films I ever saw was "Merry XXXMas". Again, thank the VHS boom. I remember never being able to look at an elf and Mrs. Claus the same... "Ya like that, huh???" Ahh, memories. Having a great memory is not without peril.

There was 1993... I was in San Antonio, Texas. Lackland Air Force Base. The Drill Instructor was a swell guy. He would play Elvis' "I'll Be Home For Christmas". I can not make it through that song without tearing up. It slays me more than any other recording. Ever. I will listen to it once a year. Just to make sure I still have that pesky humanity.

Two years later, it got worse. Incirlik AFB, Turkey. Was asked for a divorce about a week earlier. Not a good time. At all. Thankfully, alcohol was very, very cheap.

X2 had some nice family gatherings... An Uncle In Law and I would speak in "Blazing Saddles" quotes. With X3, I was so depressed, it was difficult to see any point to the putting on of a show for all the people we never entertained... "Look, look... We have a tree and the appear happy!" Remember I mentioned the whole "forced and insincere"? Yeah...

Last year, I was told I was loved. In chocolate. "Better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all". Horseshit.

Brief Interlude...

I am having some fun with the tunes below (Have fun guessing)... But it reminded me that almost everyone has that one Christmas song they loathe and makes them want to punch babies...

X3 - Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time".
X3's Mom - "Feliz Navidad", by the Mexican dude...
Anyone with a brain - "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer"

For me... There is one recent tune, "Christmas Shoes". I would go off on it... However... Leave it to the professionals... Some language, brace yourself...

Bless you, Patton Oswalt. Bless you.

Ghost of Xmas Presents

As South Park rightly decreed, the true meaning of Christmas: Presents!!! This was after Jesus and Santa duked it out.

Consumerism at it's gluttonous best. I understand it, being a person who hates people and loves things... Though, the reports of Black Friday injuries make me think we are truly deserving of whatever fate is coming...

As far as gift giving, I rock. Not gonna mince words... I rock. I am pretty thankful this year was low in the tally of people to shop for.

Mom and Dad... About it. One other person, but we trade booze... So it is kinda moot. This year is shaping up to be the Sinatra Select Jack Daniels.

Trying out inviso-text.... Mom and Dad, do not mouse over if you don't want to see... I am just wondering if I can get it to work... It will RUIN XMAS IF YOU DO!!!!!

• 7 quart Crock Pot
• Guardians of The Galaxy on Blu
• Three 1000 piece puzzles
• 6 jars of jelly from HEB
• $50 gift card to Half Price Books

That is so cool!

Ghost of Xmas Future

According to the reporters on  Fox "News", there is a war... on Christmas.

Sorry, it is not that Christmas is under attack. It is that people are realizing, "Hey, I am realizing that not everyone believes as I do... WAIT... I AM NOT THE CENTER OF A WARM AND COZY UNIVERSE????" Then, like the scene in "Scanners"... Their head explodes. This is how the pagans will win the war!!!!!!

_________________________________________

When I get told "Merry Christmas", it does not offend me. If I feel that the person is saying it out of rote, it gets a "Right back at ya!". If I get the feeling there is an agenda behind it, as if they are goading me, it makes me think, "Oh you poor deluded sheep." It is usually returned with a warm, cheery smiled, "Praise Hell, Satan."

Now I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho,

d


This blog brought to you by Bing Crosby (being racist on Dec. 25th), Andy Williams (repetitive precipitation requests), Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Savatage without vocals), The Carpenters ("Karen, want a sammich? No? You sure? Ok, Darling".), Jimmy Boyd (Discovering that his mother is a cheating whore), Dion (Being polite in his request for someone to return), Beach Boys (Song about a man with a dildo shop), Johnny Mathis (Hanging with Alice, after Dec. 22nd), Cheech & Chong (Classic - They only did one, ya know), Brenda Lee (Imitating an autistic kid around the rotting Fir in the living room), Burl Ives (Mandating what kind of Christmas to have), Tony Orlando (Establishing a time and weather conditions of a sex crime - You will groan.), Donny Hathaway (Last Dec. 25th? Next Dec 25th? Oh...), Bryan Adams (Telling a deer with a nasal condition to imitate Forrest Gump), Spike Jones & His City Slickers (Dental emergency),  Otis Reddnig (Song about a child born on Dec. 25th), Jimmy Durante (The Ice Golem, who endangered all the children... Seriously... That song is about lawlessness! Scope the lyrics...), Ray Conniff (288 hours... which is how long this song seems...), Earth Kitt (Seducing a guy who gets out once a year... and sounding like a materialistic whore...), Beach Boys (Warning about the myth approaching), David Bowie & Bing Crosby (Singing about something that will never happen), Nat King Cole (Frostbite injuries, Inuit clothing, Childhood insomnia, ages recommended: 1 to 92), Hall & Oates (Title), The Kinks (Harrowing assault and mugging recounted for the holidays!), Perry Como (All about appearances... OR... The Day After Halloween at WalMart!), Andy Williams (What if you had a great summer and bringing up "scary ghost stories"??? WTF???), and John & Yoko (I do want it, John).

More inviso-text for the answers... ya cheating bastards!!! (Click and drag the mouse over to reveal)

• "White Christmas"
• "Let it Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow"
• "Christmas Eve, Sarajevo"
• "Merry Christmas, Darling"
• "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus"
• "Please Come Home For Christmas"
• "The Man With All The Toys"
• "Winter Wonderland"
• "Santa & His Old Lady"
• "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree"
• ""Have A Holly Jolly Christmas"
• "It Came Upon A Midnight Clear", told ya.
• "This Christmas"
• "Run, Rudolph, Run"
• "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
• "Merry Christmas Baby"
• "Frosty the Snowman"
• "The Twelve Days of Christmas"
• "Santa Baby"
• "Santa Claus Is Coming To Town"
• "Peace on Earth/Little Drummer Boy"
• "The Christmas Song"
• "Jingle Bell Rock"
• "Father Christmas"
• "It's Beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas"
• "It's The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year"
• "Happy XMas (War Is Over)"

Fine... Thanks.

At this time of the year, one is oft supposed to remark on what they are thankful for. I have done a couple of blogs on this very thing. One more ain't gonna kill no one!!!

People

I do not like people. People usually like me. I don't make the rules on this sort of thing. I do have a special cadre of peeps in my life that make the whole "getting out of bed thingy" tolerable.

I work with some good people. Some salt of the Earth types. I have gone round and round with more than a few with my "Leftist" stances, on a myriad topics. At one old job, after I had left, an older gent had to have a quadruple bypass. I hope I had something to do with that. AND THAT WAS SOMEONE I WAS NOT ACTIVELY ROOTING AGAINST! Think about that!

I have a good boss with who I don't "Hate". She is a damn hard worker and sets an absolutely brutal standard/work ethic that I have no desire to attain. She will be the first to admit that her work/life balance is slightly skewed. So is mine... towards the opposite end of the spectrum.

The next strata of peeps are virtual. the Facebook people... All 40 some odd of you. I am not out trying to amass the numbers, who I have no clue who they are. I go through a culling about twice a year... No activity of merit in the past six months? Buh bye.

I have the sites I visit, with their chat rooms. I am known and welcomed, by name, in a couple. "High" or "HPB"... That's me. I love DJ'ing in the rooms. It is the mission to play the right song for the mood of the room, and keeping people talking. I have met a couple of these cats in the "Real". Good people.

The people I meet in the "Real" on a more consistent basis can be counted on one hand with fingers to spare. If you have seen me "live" in the past month, you know who you are. You are the creme de la creme.

Mom and Dad. I have written many a sentence about these two. My life has been immeasurably bettered by their example and through their love and guidance. Oh... infinite fucking patience on their end was pretty helpful.

Lily... The damn dog. She is doing fine, and keeps me sane. And on schedule.

Places

I am thankful for have a damn good memory. Really incredible one, considering the self induced chemical poisoning that was also known as "High School"... I am amazed at how clearly I channel places by smells or songs...

If I smell honeysuckle I am instantly transported to Goldman St., between Center and Freeman in Duncanville, TX... On my way to Central Elementary school, 1982-ish. There was a long row of honeysuckle along the sidewalk on the east side of the road...

The song "Ride On" by AC/DC will whisk me back to Hwy 77, heading out to the house after a night of "debauchery"... Jimmy Bryan introducing me to Bon Scott era AC/DC. Late April, or early May of 1987.

I can go to these places... And I am thankful.

I am thankful because I am not quite enthralled with the location at present. Texas is wearing thin on my soul. This is the longest continuous stretch of time I have spent anywhere. Ever. Wanderlust is kicking in. If I win a lottery of some sort, all you would see is a spinning computer chair. Contrails of paper in my wake.

Things

I am a materialistic type for the most part. I have a firm belief in things I can see, hold, touch. These items don't let you down. They are replaceable without consequence or emotional blackmail!These things fill a lot of the holes in my soul... Never quite to the brim. There is always something else I would not mind obtaining.

In no discernible order - New bike (more mountainous, 29er?, due to Garland's roads sucking major dick). A left handed six string (why not?). 3D Printer.... SEX BOTS FOR EVERYONE!!! Trip to Zealand. This ties into the "Places" blurb above. I WILL travel a fuck-ton more before I die. This I swear.

I am uber, uber thankful for my car. I love that little motor scooter! I have not even broken it in yet. In one year, I threw about 6200 miles on it. 900 of them were on a trip to Memphis.

One last thankful thing... This weekend, I have spent four days not doing ANYTHING (except for that one thing that starts with "M" and ends in "inecrafting"), I  was privy to seeing something I have not witnessed in close to 25 years... I saw new footage of the Millennium Falcon flying. I whooped... I fist pumped... I shed a tear... I was 13 again... watching that gorgeous Corellian vessel bank and turn as I had never seen and it was GLORIOUS.

Jar Jar Abrams... THANK YOU for that taste/hint of things to come.

In the end, nouns fucking rock,

d

This blog brought to you by The Stooges, Led Zeppelin, Pantera, Tenacious D, Garbage. Stray Cats, AC/DC. Deftones, Bad Company, Fleetwood Mac.Foo Fighters, The Darkness, Eminem, and Steve Vai.

OCD... Engaged...

This weeks offering will be short and sweet... Because I was at the gym earlier and tweaked something in the right side of my back. Ow, Baby. Very ow. I was rushing. I was doing the standing calf press. Last exercise of the day. Hell, it was the second to last set of the outing.

The main reason I was rushing? Minecraft.

Earlier this week I installed the game, Far Cry 4. Far Cry 3 was the last game I played on a console. It was a great game. At the end, a chick goes all praying mantis on you. She literally kills you after you bow-chikka-wow-wow and impregnate her. Great game. Boobies and bullets.

Far Cry 4 is a beautiful game. The textures on EVERYTHING are insane. The fur on the animals is affected by the breeze. The shadowing is so bad ass I had to turn down my settings, as I was blinded by the sun sometimes. Absolutely brilliant game. I have played it for about an hour or so, total.

The day before installing that one, I installed Minecraft. I have spent about 10 or so hours playing that one.  As a person with an addictive personality, you could double that to be safe. "No, I don't have a problem, fuck you for asking."

The graphics are reminiscent of a Super Nintendo game, circa 1993. So, why the appeal?

Some of you are already in the know, are aware of what the game is. You have seen the 8-bit swords and pick axes in the toy aisle. It is much, much more than that...

You create a world. Then your little avatar runs around in said world. Basic rules of gravity apply. You fall to far, you die. The world has land, sand, water, rocks, lava, trees, cows, pigs, horses, plants, etc. It's a world. Complete with shitty weather.

You start off with NADA. You want stuff? Beat the shit out of it by clicking on it with your left mouse. If you pound on a tree, it gives you "Wood". If you get enough wood you can construct other things. Combine different things together to make all sorts of stuff. I did a minor "cheat" and watched a YouTube video for noobs.

So I spent today building a two story house. Hardwood floors. Kitchen. Roof. Torches for lighting. On the second story I left the wall open to watch the sunrise over the sea. I also left a single walkway to the abode because there be bad guys.

Zombies, Creepers (that look like a dildo and explode when you smack them), Blobs, Skeletal dudes with bows and arrows... They mostly come out at night. Mostly.

Like the name implies, you go into the ground. You mine. You craft. It's what you do.

So, about 10 AM, I was looking around my little island paradise, and noticed that the trees were looking little ragged. So I decided to get all Bonzai on them... Then  I am building earthen bridges between islands... And then I think the one tree is not like the other... So I fix that... Then it is 4:00 PM, the dog is looking at me like, "Hey, FuckMook! Kinda hungry over here... NO, the pancake you made for me this morning don't mean dick!"

So, I feed the dog, run to the gym... Rushing because I think I can fashion a bow if I do a couple of things... Not concentrating on the machine I am using and voila! Pain, made to order.

I am JUST realizing I forgot to eat lunch as well...

I have a feeling I know what I am gonna be doing this four day weekend...

Now, I have also realized a few things... The game is about creating. And destroying. As you gather wood, you are essentially deforesting the area. If you remove all the trees then grass grows and cows get to graze. I built a bridge to another island and upon awakening the next day, I found that the sheep from the other island made their way to mine. It is all about resources...

Yes, I killed the sheep to get the wool, and I also got the mutton, to cook. and consume... But if I kill ALL the sheep in one day... No more mutton... If I go on a kill crazy rampage on the chickens, I get meat... but there will be no more eggs...

You learn a little something something... Even if you didn't mean to,

d

This blog brought to you by Aleve + Jack N' Cokes, Wax, The Pretenders, Queen, Anthrax, Tesla, Silverchair, Metallica, Green Day, and the Beatles.

Sticks n' Stones

"And the Geek shall inherit the Earth"...

Have heard that for years now. I am not debating the factual accuracy of the statement. I happen to think it will eventually be Google that winds up with the whole enchilada, and that is pretty damn geek. There are some good and bad things about Geekdom. Let's explore, shall we?

And while I will be using the term "geek"... I am fully aware of all the terms one can use instead of "geek". If you feel that there is a better term, feel free to tattoo it on a rat's ass. You will have to find your own, because I could not give one.

First, we all have some geek in us. One can protest this fact until they are blue in the face, to no avail. Jock-Sporto types used to be the first to deny any trace of geek in themselves. Listen Chief, the first time you memorized the number of Joe Montana's Career Number of Fourth Quarter Comebacks... you entered the realm of geek.

Ladies... Being able to spot a designer's fashion on another female, and being bitchy enough to point out to your friends that it was "last years" in a whispered, catty tone... Geek-chique, baby.

My brother was "not into" comic books... He could say that because he did not spend HIS money on them... He waited until I spent MY damn dollars, or 65 cents at the time (they run about $2.99 and up now), then read them... There were one or two "violent disagreements" because I would have my stack and he wanted to read the ones I had not yet read... FUCK THAT, after I take their virginity, you can have my sloppy seconds, but til then you keep your fuckin' dick-beaters off of them... BLOG FLASHBACK!

Being a geek knows no bounds. No race, gender, sexual orientation, creed, color, or religion. The moment you start to obsess over something and want to know EVERYTHING about it. Every nugget of information is devoured like you are that fat kid at Willy Wonka's. You memorize stats, countless variables, historical anomalies, influences, which leads to even more geeking out. The most important caveat about these morsels... THEY MEAN FUCK ALL TO EVERYONE ELSE!!!

Genres

Genres are where the lines begin to form. I can identify myself as a comic geek, movie geek, Ren Faire geek, music geek, and computer geek...

Genres lead to conventions... or "Cons". This is when you abandon the private nature of your special obsession and seek out other to share the aforementioned non-essential details you have memorized. There will be more about community later... Oh, this is when shit gets expensive!

Here is where the trouble starts...

Sub Genres

Divisions in the community exist all over the place... I mentioned I am a movie geek... Movies are already divied up into genres. Comedy, Drama, Classics, etc.

We shall examine Sci -Fi genre. It gets into the biggest Sub Genre of all geek-dom. "Star Wars" vs. "Star Trek". Long has this battle waged... Each side has it's battle cries... "Has Lucas raped your childhood again???", "How does a franchise survive with only the even numbered movies being good?", "Jar Jar Fucking Binks!", "C'mon man, that's not fair..."

But... An Abrams will unite the clans... And we shall know of his coming by a lens flare!

See... THAT is a prime example of geek. J.J. Abrams directed the last two Star Trek films and is set to direct at least one of the next trilogy of Star Wars films. He is also known for have a damn lens flare as often as a human retina can withstand it.

YOU HAVE TO KNOW THAT FOR IT TO BE FUNNY, AND THE PEEPS WHO GET IS LAUGH THEIR BALLS/TITS OR BOTH OFF!!!

Comic books are primarily divided into the Houses of Marvel and DC. Each has their stable of characters and each bring something to the table in either art or story. However, much like free agency in the sports realm, people are moving from one title to another all the damn time. Hard to build continuity.

Thankfully, I stopped buying comics a long time ago... NOTE: "buying" is a very important word.

Sub Sub Genres

Now, we are getting into the heavy duty of realms of geek. Lets take a look at the Movie Realm, Genre: Sci-Fi/Fantasy, Sub Genre: Fantasy. Sub Sub Genres: Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter.

While both the Lord of The Rings and Harry Potter are phenomenal successes and have legions of fans around the world, and a countless number of those fans loving BOTH of the franchises... South Park exploited the conflict... And I love those guys for that.

Geek Warfare

The main weapon in any geeks arsenal, like Batman, is money. Reeeeal close second is information.

In order to outgeek your adversary, you might have to dish out some cash in order to get that one limited edition card/game piece/downloadable gear, or whatever to give you the edge.

When I was in the USAF, the "card battle game" craze was really building up steam. "Magic: The Gathering" being the granddaddy along with Pokemon. A friend of mine was telling about the rules. This one douche found his way into the conversation. He was from Kentucky or some other state where no one likes you.

The next day, Douche Boy shows up with a binder full of some really, really expensive cards. My friend told me exactly where he got them and how much he paid for them, because he had been eyeing a couple at the comic book shop where they were sold.

What El Doucherino did was "outgeek" my friend. Did he need those cards? No. Did he try to wedge himself into a community that just one day previously he had zero interest in? Some people have a SENSE of community and are welcomed into it, others BUY their way in.

The information power play is not as douchey as the Daddy Warbucks Gambit. It is also not as successful. The moment you nail your opponent with a little known Star Wars fact that you read on the pg. 38 of a Starlog magazine in 1979, is the moment they go all "Treaty of Versailles" and simply state, "Really! Cool! I did not know that".

You also have to be gracious in your victory... The line of  "Know it all Ass Clown" is easy to miss.

Community

A sense of community is pretty cool in one simple fact... You are not the lone weirdo anymore. Strength in numbers. All those stupid factoids that didn't mean shit earlier??? WELL THEY DO NOW!!!!

You will be surrounded by your peeps. You will make connections with people you would have never run into in the world, all do to your shared love of something that others just don't get.

Also, the geek communities are very accepting of new members. They don't question your motives. They appreciate imparting knowledge to the noobs. An instant, positive support system. Just add geek.

I loved at the end of "Fanboys". when the main cadre of... well, fanboys, are waiting to see Episode I, and the older brother shows up, causing the younger brother to ask, "Chaz, what the hell are you doing here?"

"C'mon, Bro. It's the 'Wars'!"

All he had to say. Welcome to the tribe!

Damn it feels good to be a geek...

Marvel announced it's film line up out to 2019!!! This was just to bitch slap DC and their tentative film schedule.

The latest Star Wars film just wrapped.

The last trip into Middle Earth is next month...

Harry Potter has been whispered to have another story coming.

The number one show on TV is "The Walking Dead". Based on what? A comic book... you damn right.

_______________________________________

In the end, geeks will inherit the earth because we are all a geek - in one way or another. It is a passion, going beyond a "hobby", and straddling the line of an obsession.

I leave you with a quote...

"Every day, I wake up and I say, 'Why... how... did I end up with 1.7 million Twitter followers?' It's freaky to me, every day, but that tells me that there's an appetite out there that had previously been under-served. There's an inner geek in us all, an inner bit of curiosity that people are discovering, and they like it." - Neil deGrasse Tyson

Are you gonna go my way,

d

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Love To Ruin

Every couple of years we have the ability to overthrow the government. Why we haven't is beyond me. The current system is completely broken. That being said... It is all we got... for now.

I have my leanings. I have made no bones about them. I feel that a certain party preys on the weak minded, soundbite swallowing masses. They get the cheap bump from the crowd by mentioning a couple of buzzwords to get them riled up and thereby thinking like a mob.

I have heard the mob mentality equation defined as: Take the leader/speaker of the mob. The guy who gets them going. Take his IQ, divide it by the number of the mob. This number is the average IQ of the people in the mob. Say the leader has a 120 IQ. If there are 10 people in the mob, the average IQ of these normal people is reduced to 12. I am pretty sure even George W. Bush Jr. was in the 20's.

For the purposes of this blog, I will do my damnedest to keep it bipartisan in the blame.

Why You Should Not Vote.

The primary reason... It does not matter.

Your vote will not make a difference because all politicians are corrupt pieces of shit, entrenched in the system of lobbyists and monetary influences on a level which you could never compete.

There was a round of legislation after the Sandy Hook Shooting Massacre that called for more stringent background checks and reduction of magazine sizes. It had public support in the high 80's, and by some reports, 90% range. It did not pass. Why? The NRA, that's why. I hope it cost them a lot of money to buy off all the votes, and I hope the ghosts of all the victims of gun violence haunt their fucking dreams every fucking night.

A politician will say things in his or her ad... And then suddenly... Due to party lines being dictated by unions, corporate overlords, or lobbyists (like the example above), they do the exact opposite of what they promised in their campaigns.

Speaking of ads... "Oh, it is a week before the election... I still do not know how I will vote... I hope I hear another political ad on the radio or see another ad on TV." SAID NO ONE EVER.

Geography can play a part in your choosing not to participate in your governance. For me, personally, I live in occupied territory. Very red. Very redneck. Very dumb. My vote will be washed away by racists assholes who will exhaust every reason under the sun in order to avoid saying "I just don't like that colored fella in charge."

Redistricting will "disenfranchise" almost 25-30 million voters this mid-term. A certain party has made it more difficult to vote in Texas. Mostly to discourage elderly people and non-Caucasians from voting. Texas allows people with Concealed Carry Licenses to vote, but not Student IDs... Guns win over education, again.

As soon as the Supreme Court tried to summarily declare racism dead, by removing clauses to the Voting Laws, Texas legislators put forth 33 some odd new voting laws. I think this coincided with statistic that showed Latinos will be the majority demographic by 2020. They may have an opinion or two on Immigration Reform.

These new laws were to stop the scourge, the plague, of "voter fraud". Um... What voter fraud?

Again... All of this is moot, because you have no voice in the electoral process.

Why You Are a Fucking Idiot If You Do Not Vote.

What are the things you can do to honor a veteran? Put a fashionable ribbon on your truck? Tie a yellow ribbon around a tree? Give up your first class seat on a plane? (Actually saw a girl do this, made me think "Gee, we might make it after all.")

Here's an idea... How about you get off your ass and go exercise a right for which they fought and died for instead of spouting stupid shit and claiming "Freedom of Speech".

The biggest fear of the people in power is an informed population. This is why in a nightly national newscast, there is about 4 to 8 minutes of actual news that could be defined as "informative".

The current Congress has an approval rating in the low tweens. 12% or below. This is both the Senate and the House of "Representatives". Quotation marks were intentional... Casts derision. The same Congress usually has a 90% incumbency rate. Same assholes, same problems...

I really would like to see a rap sheet on my voting machine. A little icon or blurb that gives me one or two more vital pieces of intel... For one, show me the incumbent. The person who is in office presently. Second, on the incumbent, the year first elected to office. This way, I can see that the ads this person has been running, spouting "Washington is BROKEN!", it will be easy to see that this candidate is PART OF THE FUCKING PROBLEM!

America gets the government that it shows up for on voting day.

If you do not vote... You can still bitch, but I give it as much credence as I do an errant hair on my shirt. Seriously, voting gives you the glorious right to say, "I didn't vote for that asshole/bitch."

If you didn't vote... It is akin to bending over and offering your ass to the next group of officials to penetrate. You are the female bonobo monkey of governance... You lie there and take it from the entire tribe until your genitalia is red and swollen from constant abuse. I do so love to paint a picture.

If you do not know where you lie in the political spectrum, it is really quite simple...

Are you male, old, white, and really rich? You should vote "Republican".

Everyone else... Vote "Not Republican".

And that is another fun option when voting... I did not vote all Democrat. Some contests did not have a Democrat running, so I voted Anti-GOP in those.

Participation is not mandatory in our bloodless coup of the government, like it is in Brazil, but if you are a young person, do you want people so far out of touch with you and your concerns enacting laws for you?

For the ladies... In 2013, more laws LIMITING your reproductive rights were passed then in the LAST DECADE. For fuck's sake... Do I need to bring up the bonobo monkey thing again??? I can add pictures to these things... Just sayin'.

_____________________________________________

In the end... Please vote. It does matter.... Like the old saying goes, "The only things wrong with the world are ignorance and apathy."

My reply, when I was a dipshit, "I don't know and I don't care."

I have grown up since then... I know more now, and it is not that I "care" per se... I am just pissed off.

Pimped out Jedi Knight, Obi-Wan meets Dolemite,

d

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The Pandemic of the Anti-Academic

"Oh, come on, Casey. You have to admire its simplicity. It's one billionth our size and it is beating us." - Sam Daniels, or Ratzo from "Outbreak".

I have avoided the blog about the Ebola virus. Even though I live fifteen minutes east of where the first guy in the U.S. died from it. Even though it has been politicized. Even though when I went in for my dental cleaning last week, I had my temperature taken. Even though people are acting the fool... I refrained.

Last night, after a shitty weekend... I was plagued (pun intended) by dreams of my contracting the virus. It was the kind of thematic dream where upon waking up, you realize, "Man, that was fucked up", only to fall RIGHT BACK INTO THE DREAM!!! Can't happen when I am dreaming about Charlize Theron, nooooo....

So... Ebola. Not a lot of fun. Kind of depressing, actually. This from the man who will debate you that 80% of the world's population needs to "go away.".

Stopping Flights

The knee jerk reaction... Read that phrase again and place emphasis on the middle word. Every person of a medical/scientific background, not employed by Fox "News"*, has repeatedly stressed that this would be a stupid idea.

The major reasons for not stopping flights are as follows... 1) Doctors and "People Trying To Stop the Epidemic at the Source" need to get INTO the countries. Imagine a battle for a continent. Now imagine people with big ol' brass balls diving into Hell on Earth, headfirst, to fight that war.

These people are trying to get the source, the epicenter, and get it under control. If WE, as in the human race, do not do that, then the cases of infected people getting out will continue, and increase.

Think of a fire... People are losing their shit and getting stupid over a stray ember or two. Embers need the attention, sure...Trying to stop the aid workers is akin to stopping the people with the hose from putting out the actual fire.

2) The second reason stopping flights is a dumb fuck idea is that there are rules for travelling by plane and that helps keep dispersal low and traceable. In Africa, the transmission is usually contained to villages... Those villages usually are completely wiped out by the disease, and as cold as this sounds, that is a good thing.

Containment is the key and by stopping flights, those who feel that there is nothing left to lose will seek less "regulated" means of escape and travel. At the airports, if  a person is tested and found to have been exposed to the virus, they don't just point them to the nearest dock or bus station... I hope...

The Nurses In Dallas

I tried explaining to my salt-of-the-Earth co-workers, who were of the opinion that them thar nurses were idiots for not following protocol, to imagine you have a snowmobile in Texas.

I would vote that the snowmobile, like the "In Case of Ebola" Binder had collected some dust from not being used or looked at in decades. Should it have been browsed (or at least taken off the shelf) once the news of the virus spreading in Africa hit? Sure... Hindsight is a mother fucker.

These ladies deserve nothing but accolades and admiration. Did they do everything right? No. But until I get the invitation to your "Perfection Coronation", shut the fuck up. It is easy to cast derision from the safety of your own home vs. an emergency room.

Also, nurses are in direct control of the needles that may or may not enter your body at varying degrees of "owwwww". Mad props to the nurses.

Politicization

Due to the proximity of the mid-term elections... Many political ads have started to include Ebola comments. I have yet to hear of any politician come out in favor FOR Ebola.

This is not a political issue. This tactic of fear mongering, panic inducing verbage.... Seems to be used more by the party without one single idea of what they actually believe in, that resonates with people who are NOT crusty, old, rich, white dudes.

What is the most depressing fact, is that the majority of the rhetoric is about how the candidate was FOR restricting flights... Which I already discussed as a jerk move... I do hate repeating myself...

Politicians, when questioned about climate change have repeatedly quipped, "I am not a scientist." Well, they seem to be Virologists, Epidemiologists, and know better then the head of the damn CDC.

Assclowns.

Stupid, Stupid Humans

Heart disease, obesity, tobacco, guns, alcohol... These things are killing humans, 'MURICANS!!!, in droves... But any regulation to impede these things is infringing on your rights... Basically, you want your bullet frosted rum cake and eat it too...

I saw a report from a person warning people not to eat "strange mucus" until this crisis is resolved.. WTF??? Once we get a handle on the Ebola thingy, then we can go back to slurping up the mucus we have not been properly introduced to?

My favorite aspect has been the fact that EVERY doctor or scientist interviewed has said WITHOUT FAIL to NOT PANIC. Of course, these same scientists could scream until they are blue in the face about climate change and get crickets... Or refuted by politicians... who are not scientists...

________________________________________________________

While not a fan of humans, I am not rooting for Ebola either. If it could be directed, controlled.... No more NASCAR!!! Turn that nightmare into a dream!!!

In the still of the night, I hear the wolf howl, honey,

d

* - In fairness, Shepard Smith from Fox "News" did a nice piece about how the media needs to calm the fuck down.

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Can I Get The Piss On The Side?

As I text a lady friend that, "I got nothing", in reference to this week's posting, I start to wonder why I have nothing to rant and rave about.

I then think about an interview with Sully Erna, the lead singer for Godsmack. In it, he intimated that it is hard to write angry or be all pissed off when you are rich/happy.

While I am far from rich, I will admit that I am pretty damn happy.

Work

Work is a nice break from being home all the time. It also allows me to catch up on the TV I miss when DJ'ing chatrooms at night. I also have to plan out five sick days I have to use before the end of the year.

We are about to be in a nice stage of upheaval. We are shifting modes of operation... I could go all Weird Al "Mission Statement", which is a song of nothing but corpo-jargon-speak. Regardless, the system that has been the bread and butter, that I wrote and maintain, is getting gutted.

There are pieces of the existing code that will be retained, and retooled. A more modern version, if you will. I am enjoying switching the language of the code. Something of a challenge.

The new software is pretty neat... I look forward to getting in there and learning the new system. This way, any municipality that uses this software might be able to use a programmer that can actually modify the UI or data structure to be more conducive for them... In other words, I can go anywhere that uses this widely used, industry leading software package.

Money

As I mentioned, I am not rich. I am, however, all about the financial plan I have instituted. I am gonna try like hell to stick to it.

It will take a year of "sacrifice". Which essentially means, no buying swords at Ren Faires. I can handle the limitations. No shiny, sharp, metal objects!!!!

After this stupid year... I should be out from under a credit card bill I have had since I went to Butler County Community College. GO Large Predators, Some Type of Bear, I Think! Thankfully, the interest rate is still what it was in 1991, when I was issued the card...

Lily

The damn dog is doing well. She needs to drop a couple of the pounds. She is also either going deaf or being more of a spiteful diva.

I say that because when I come home at lunch to check on her and let her out, she is almost oblivious to my entry to the house until I wake her up... This was NEVER the case before. So, THIEVES... C'Mon over!

When she was had her neck problem that caused her to yelp in pain, she avoided me like a plague. If I came in to a room, she would leave, PDQ.

It has been at least a month since she has yelped... Closer to six weeks (Yes, I knocked on wood). The other night, as I got ready into bed, loving the sensation of the cool sheets enveloping my body, she jumped up on the bed. Spun twice and plopped on down. First time since mid-June? Yeah... I cried a tad.

The weather is getting to the point on my rest nights from the gym, I should take her for a nice walk. Get her used to the harness I bought. That and not let her finish my damn sandwiches for a while... She should slim down in no time...

The Folks

The parents celebrated their 49th anniversary of being happily married this week. I think the longest I have ever done anything is I have breathed for almost 42 years...

I know that their accomplishment is something I could never achieve... So, as I know they my most dedicated readers, Mazel Tov, Mom n' Dad. You make me sick. In a good way...

I also know and am pleased that I will get to see them soon, albeit briefly, as they are gonna come down and watch Lily for a weekend. That is because...

Texas Ren Fest

Got to get my mead on. Got to wander around, armed in public. Nov. 8th and 9th I believe is the plan. Houston bound. Time to dust off the kilt...

And Finally... 

I have been seeing someone. Met her online. We have a lot in common, almost too much. We both hate people. We both would like to escape Texas at some point. We both love to read and write.

"Other than your lack of flossing, I find you to be a truly stunning person." - Text from her. Honest. Safe to say she likes me.

If I can get over my inclination to wait for the other shoe to drop, it could have legs... Almost as nice as the legs she happens to possess.

It is still in it's infancy, so I am almost remiss to write about it... But it all Taratino's back to my original point...

__________________________________________________

I am pretty happy. I got no real bitch in the world... I mean... Sure the gym could get another stair machine... I mean, really... One???

I also have to get a crown on a tooth this week... You can still drink with those temp thingies, right??? And since ol' girl is in the Dental Game, I will refrain from saying anything detrimental...

She did let something slip though... If you are an asshole... They can make it hurt more then it should. I actually thought that was awesome-sauce.

Hopefully next week, I can be back to my curmudgeony bastard self...

Mother, did it need to be so high?

d

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* "Marathon Man" reference... Watch it and really, REALLY fear a dentist... Well, Nazi Dentists... "Nazi"... the new adjective for "Evil Fuck".

Matter vs. Antimatter

As I find myself getting older, which most definitely beats the alternative of "death", I am learning more and more about things that really matter and those that don't.

Now, with this realization, one must also take into account that this is wholly personal. For example, I am involved in deep conversations with a new friend. Thus far, the biggest disagreement has come in form of "e-Reader VS. actual, flammable, smelly*, easily destroyed, can't get wet, heavy when amassed in great numbers, paper cut inducing - therefore 'bloodthirsty', books." Does anyone care to venture where I stand on that issue?

Does it matter? Hell to the no. It will, however, come into play if she were to ever ask me to help her move... THEN it matters. I envision on the 8th load of a box marked "Books", there's me... Giving a tilted, knowing, "Hey, you wanna know how heavy a 32gb Micro SD card is?" look, cast in her direction.

That example brings into sharp focus the facet of "situation based importance of the matter at hand", or "Alice", for short. Having been married three times, I know that my quick thinking skills are never more important and truly matter than when confronted with the "Hey, does this outfit make me look fat?" Crucible. I should probably make mention that I am thrice divorced...

I think this was whole topic was brought to the forefront yesterday as I was out and about. I stopped in Half Price Books. Went to the vinyl. Nothing. Well, there was an $80 copy of Pink Floyd's "The Wall" I just could not justify... As I have two copies already... I went to the art books (YES, those I will go with "real" over the e-Reader, Shuddup!), no Micheal Parkes. I did check their Blu-rays for "Hitchhiker's"... Nothing. So I leave.

I go to Party City... Halloween costumes... Meh... Although... a Deadpool morphsuit could be fun... But too esoteric... Quality fangs? Nah...

I go to Best Buy, my other toy mecca. I am at a place financially where I have no trouble being able to drop about $500 on just about anything, AND have it paid off with having paid zero interest. Not hurting... THIS used to be a downfall... Because I would continuously find things that MATTERED. I could easily justify the most inane shit that invariably found it's way to eBay at a huge loss to me.

I eyeball an XBox One for a while... And I can't even bring myself to consider it... WTF? I had the discussion with Dad a while back, concerning my lack of "enthusiasm" towards getting new, shiny toys...

"You have gone through your 'acquisition' phase. Now comes maintaining."

"What comes after that?"

"Downsizing. Finding out what REALLY matters."

I also remember talking to a co-worker, years back. He was essentially a hoarder. If he saw a deal, in his mind, it was economically stupid for him to NOT get it... He had over fifty fishing poles... Two arms last I checked... Important note: He was also in a loveless marriage. He jokingly quipped one day, "I don't know why I feel I have to do this sort of thing?"

"It is because you have a hole you are trying to fill. Right now, you are filling it with material possessions. They won't let you down. They won't withhold from you. Sadly, they won't fill that hole you keep trying to fill.", was my reply.

"Damn... You are right. How'd you know?"

"Why do you think I have so many toys? That, and we can smell our own."

I eventually filled my hole... Well, the patch is holding. I am just more focused on what matters.

So... What does matter?

Lessee... In the foreseeable future...

1) Texas Ren Fest - GOTS to get down to the ren faire. It has been far too long since I have been armed in public... And all that Mead Training I have been doing...

2) Mid Term Elections - Just when you thought it would not get political... 73% of Americans are not aware there are elections this year. WAKE THE FUCK UP! Here is a little tidbit to help snap you out of your lunacy... Congress (which is comprised of the House of Reps, and the Senate) has an 8% approval rating... and a 90% incumbency rate... What is the definition of "insanity" again?

In the local arena, the big one is to see who will take over for Rick "Reverse Superman" Perry. On the one hand you have Wendy Davis. Mostly remembered for her "Standing Up" filibuster for women's reproductive rights.

The attack ads on her are about how she is too Republican in her shady dealing. Basically, "This is how we scam the system! Get your own playbook!"

She is going up against "Who Cares About a First Name" Abbott. Perry clone. The attack ads literally call him an empty wheelchair. Seeing as how he is IN a wheelchair... I can see them taking umbrage with it... But that ad also talks about how he got his eight figure payday from the accident that put him there and he has voted against pretty much every case of victim's rights since.

3) The Cast of Characters in my Life. My friends. My family. All 32 of you... You matter!

Seriously, that is kinda sad... By family I mean Mom and Dad. I was alarmed that last week's blog thingy made Mom cry. I made mention that Dad was a hero of mine... She got all silly about that...

My friends... You know who you are. There is need to get together and plan the aforementioned numero uno trip... Let us make way to the northern Houston area... And that right quick.

There is a new person coming into the mix... I am liking where things are heading, but always with trepidation, concern, and caution and it is so very early in it's formulation.

"Pineapple" and tapping "Shave and a Haircut" for a non-verbal, good to know,

d

* For the record... I miss the smell of the pages sometimes... But it helps my argument. Don't judge me!

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Cinco.

Of the 7.125 billion people on the planet (as of 2013), I find that I do not like an overwhelming majority of them.

That being said, I am going to be positive this week. I am going to avoid things like Sarah Palin not knowing one of the world's most recognized addresses. Or Supreme Court Resident Douche Monger Antonin Scalia's proclamation that it is okay for the government to make laws favoring religion over non-religion. All I can say is that I hope both these people meet their beloved God. Sooner would be better than later.

NO! I am going to list five people I would actually cross the street to shake the hand of. Five people who make me happy that the planet has not spiraled into the Sun, being consumed by fiery plasma and blinked away into nothingness.

In no particular order:

1) Stan Lee

More than the bible, more then any teacher, more then society, comic books shaped my moral compass since I could put words together in a sentence. I know that I have a way with words. I know that is a power. And due to this guy, I KNOW that "With great power comes great responsibility." Stan Lee is comics. Stan Lee is responsible for the greats... Spider-Man, Hulk, Daredevil, Captain America, Iron Man, The Fantastic Four, The X-Men... Dr. Frikken' Doom, who I would love to model my life after... This guy made him up!!!

These characters were my constant friends as I moved around growing up. I learned that these spandex clad peeps were everywhere. I will always be indebted to Stan Lee for the creation of these pillars of my childhood, a childhood which continues to this very day.

He is still going strong. He loves the cameos in the Marvel films as much as we, the audience, are ever vigilant to spot. Not only that, he served in the Armed Forces in WWII. Been married to the same woman since 1947!!! He received the "Most Exhalted Creator" title from China! And they hate everyone!

Excelsior, indeed, Good Sir.

2) Dave Grohl

Drummer for Nirvana, Everything in the Foo Fighters. The first demo tape, Grohl did the drums, guitars, bass, vocals, songwriting, producing... The guy is a complete musical badass. More than that, he gets that he is just a damn lucky, son of a bitch. He decided to do it his way.

Getting scoffed at when in a studio? To hell with it, he records a grammy winner in his garage. In between drinking, barbecuing, and playing basketball. Getting hassled by the label? Start's his own. Love the history, the soul, of a place that is about to be demolished... Make a documentary to preserve the memory of your hallowed ground.

Then there are the stories... He writes a song for the Beaconsfield Miners, who were trapped underground and when a life line got through to them, they asked for some Foo Fighters tunes. He gives some of his beer to a guy in the second row. He stops a concert and boots a guy who was trying to start a fight.

Here is the reason why I would cross the street though... As the credits roll at the end of the documnetary, "Back and Forth", some footage of ol' Dave swiffering the floors of his place. Millionaire Rock Star... doing chores.

Rock on.

3) Senator Elizabeth Warren

Warren, time and time again, just makes sense.

She is the only one on a committee I have ever seen really tear into the corporate fat cats. Every other politician is busy trying to get their mouths firmly attached to the bankers anus'.

I am not gonna list all of her accomplishments, that is what Wikipedia is for. That and she happened to join when Congress is at it's most dysfunctional. When she started a bureau to make it so credit card companies can't fuck with you as much as they used to, the Republicans blocked her appointment to be the head of HER OWN AGENCY!!!

So, she got herself elected to the Senate. Just the colossal "FUCK YOU!" that represents makes here cool beans in my book.

As I said, she just makes sense. Of course, this is problematic in a town where intelligence and common sense is belittled and not so common.

2016???

4) Ricky Gervais

Gervais will consistently make me laugh, just from his laughing. I have rarely seen a man so comfortable with his own sense of self, he is not intimidated by other comedians or anybody else, really.

He does a lot of work for animal rescue organizations. That alone makes him pretty cool. For me though, it is his unashamed stance on Atheism. He is not afraid to talk about it, and while it may come across as "in your face", Christians have zero remorse in proselytizing... But that is tolerated... He basically said, "I got a voice too."

His work on the Netflix series, "Derek" will have me rolling one minute, in tears the next. His David Brent is considered, by a great many, to be one of the greatest TV characters of all time. "Invention of Lying" was a great movie that will make you stop and think the next time you say "I am an honest person."

Cheers, mate.

5) Peyton Manning

I wanted to spread this list out over "fields" or "genres"... When it came to sports, I had to stop and really search. Trying to come up with a person who, just because they throw, catch, kick, swing a stick would cause me to alter my day, or course, in order to shake their hand and say "Thanks." was no easy feat.

The closest I have ever heard to someone saying something bad about the guy was, "Hey did you see the statue of Peyton Manning outside the stadium?"

"No... That WAS Peyton Manning." Not the most fleet of foot, that guy. He did host SNL though...

The reason he made the list is this: A couple of seasons ago, Manning went from the Colts to the Broncos (Horse fetish maybe?) and while the mantra of "There is no 'i' in 'team'" may usually apply, it does not with this guy. Every single player elevated their game. A Pro-Bowl receiver was quoted as saying, "I thought I was the master of game prep... Then Manning showed up." Watching him dismantle a defense was always a joy to watch.

It is his work ethic, "Aw, Shucks" demeanor, and class that I would decide to walk up and offer a handshake to the statue.

The Quick and the Dead List.

1) Nikola Tesla - Smart Smart Smart Smart Smart Smart Smart

2) Bruce Lee -  Please teach me some zen... and how to cave a man's chest in, Sifu.

3) Danny Thomas - Founded St. Jude's hospital. Told families who have gotten the shittiest of cards dealt to them, "We will take care of you!" THAT is how to be a human being.

__________________________________________________________

In the end, these people are just that. People. They are flawed, I am not unaware of that simple fact. But each have done things and shown me how to I would like to handle it if I were to become influential or massively successful at whatever...

Be it the passion, and longevity, exhibited by Stan Lee, the grounded goofiness of Dave Grohl, the common sense of Elizabeth Warren, the unabashed happiness/exuberance of Ricky Gervais, or the nose to the grindstone, work ethic of Peyton Manning,  I hope I can incorporate some of those traits into my own life.

These people will probably be the first to tell you they are not heroes. I concur, I only have one of those, and I call him "Dad". I also shake his hand... and I don't make him get up off my couch to do so.

Takin' care of business,

d

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The Foregone Conclusion To Being Tripped.

Ah, Fall... Or Autumn, if you prefer. I don't, mainly because it would make the title seem stupid.

The time where you get sick of hearing about the following:

• The leaves changing color... Yes... It is called "dying". People usually will remark about this one in the beginning of Fall. When they have had to rake said leaves more then once, their feelings on the matter usually change... and not for the better.
• School. It happens every year at the end of summer. For those of us who decided not to spawn, we really could give two shits about how it is going. Wanna spot a teacher? Look for people who repeat "not prepared" or "not enough time" more than once in a conversation.
• Football. As a person who recently decided to say "No, thank you" to the National Felon's League, people spend a tad too much time devoted to this game. Now... A Side Note...

Side Note: Last weekend, I was in Petsmart. Lily has provisions that seem to need replenishing every week... I am not kidding... I think there are three weekends in the year when I am not in there, buying something. I am oft heard to remark, "I love that damn dog, and I have the receipts to prove it."

I take my two purchases to the check out person. Imagine frumpy, pimply faced, late teens or early twenty something... Has got those stupid spacer things in his ears. Short buzzcut, that on him, made his head look like a scrotum from a 70's porn.

"Tomorrow will be a glorious day as the St. Louis Rams defeat the Dallas Cowboys."

These were the first words he gurgled at me. Reeking of smugness and certainty. I know the tone. I fucking perfected the tone. HOWEVER, I use the tone in the rare occasions when I am 100% correct and know it. Not in prognostications of football games.

I stared. Said, "Okay, are those two baseball teams?" I watched as his feeble, stunted brain tried to understand that I a) did not react to the brazen insult to the local football team. b) pretended not to know what he was talking about. c) looked at him like he was a piece of dog shit on my shoe.

He stammered, and tried to recover from his deflation... Scanned my two items and gave me the total... "$29.21"

"Okay, I am gonna put twenty on the debit and the rest in cash..."

"Ewwwkay... How much will be in cash then?"

Now, I understand retail and dealing with the public is noooo picnic. I worked fast food dammit. I try to give young people the benefit of the doubt... At Target, I was helped the cashier figure out how to do a partial/split payment. Which is why my reply of, "Are you fucking kidding me?" surprised me as much as it did him.

"Well... It is easier if I do the cash first and then the card..."

"Here is two twenties... That would be forty dollars... Don't hurt yourself." I said this in a tone that would insult a third grader.

"Sorry, man."

"The change will be $10.79. I hope your male sheep do well tomorrow."

The reason I helped the cashier at Target and not this Air Waster? First, she was cute. Second, she was new and was trying - putting effort forth. The idiot at Petsmart put the problem on ME.

And the Rams lost, by the way. I had to go in there today... And yes... I looked for him.

Moral of the story: Customer Service is becoming, if it isn't already, the leading occupation in America... Shouldn't we be better at it?

End Side Note.

Oh, yeah... The final thing I loathe hearing about in the fall... Halloween.

Halloween is not a holiday. Here is my reasoning... If Halloween is on a Tuesday, do I get that day off, paid as a Holiday? NOPE. Then NOT A DAMN HOLIDAY!

Thanksgiving... THAT's a holiday! Two days, baby.

And for whatever reason, most of the Halloween's that I remember doing something on, it was always bitter fucking cold. November 1st? Pleasant... Oct. 30? Awesome-sauce on a stick. Halloween? Cold or just shitty weather.

I remember sitting in Penny Lacy's car... Faded Green '76 or '77 Mustang, Duncanville, TX. 1980? Feeling like a wussy because I chickened out going into the haunted house Ricky Lacy and my older brother went into. 20 minutes later when they came back crying like bitches, I felt secure in my declining to pay money for the treat of getting scared.

Other notable memories of Fall...

Mom racking the leaves, us doing the goofy pictures in said piles of leaves.

First days of school, and the goofy pictures of said first days of school.

I got to call in sick for the first time in 4 years in the Fall of 1997. Ya see...

In the USAF, there is no, rolling over, picking up the phone, faking a cough and puny voice, or actually being sick, and "calling in sick." No no... You had to get up at the normal 6:00 AM. You had to go to the shop for morning muster. You had to then tell the boss, "I am going to the Med Hall." Drive up to Med Hall. (I did all this with a 103 fever and wicked hangover once). Go to "Admissions". Wait to get your own Med Chart. Get said Med Chart and walk to the building they tell you. Then you get assigned a room or told to sit down and wait. When you get to the Dr., he does the once over. He will then decide to send you home, or light duty, or just back to work. Then you will always have to go to the Pharm (I threw away no less then 30 vials of meds when getting dismissed). There is always a line. Get your pills and you are FREE... it is about 11:00AM... If you wanted to play hooky for the day? Half gone. If you were actually sick? You feel like a cup of rancid vomit in a dumpster that has been used as a homeless toilet for three days and baking in the sun.

Yeah... I looked forward to calling in sick and rolling my ass over and going back to sleep.

Thanksgivings... X2 and her family had some pretty good ones. She had the nicest "Appearances" or "Surface" family. Everything looked good on the at a glace, but underneath... Complete and utter disaster.

One Thanksgiving eve... A Wednesday, I believe... X2 told me she was going out for Cranberry Sauce. I asked her... "Have you taken your pills?" Pills was the nice way of saying, "Have you gotten your Ambien fix for the evening, ya junkie?"

"Nope..."

She leaves and 10 minutes later, I get the phone call... "I hit a car". Which was the nice way of her saying, "I was drugged out of my gourd, and ran into a parked Ford Explorer doing 45 mph."

Moral of the story: The new Volkswagen Beetles are extremely safe cars. She had a scratched knee where it hit the key in the ignition. Oh... and drugs are bad... Mmmkay?

One or two years later, early Fall, I told my then Mother in Law, "Brenda, I am so done." Her response, "Can you at least make it through the holidays? It would mean so much to the family."

Never mind defending her daughter or the sanctity of marriage.. Nooooo... She was just worried it would reflect badly on her... Superficiality... Made here in Texas! Yee-haw! On the plus side, she did make good during X-Mas. Was a bountiful haul that year.

Last Fall was pretty special... Got to meet an important person in my life. Had one of my favorite Thanksgivings in a long, long time. There was anticipation. There were nerves. There was laughter. There was a connection.

I think Fall lends itself to reflection because everything changes. Not like Spring... where there is "hope" and a feeling of renewal. No, everything changes and you know "worse" is coming. You reflect, in order to learn from your previous mistakes and avoid them in the future... One hopes.

Winter is coming,

d

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And you, Madam, are NO Lycia Naff!

I read today about a woman who has been augmented to have three breasts. Then, in preparation for this here blog, I read that it is probably a prosthesis. For the remainder of the blog, I will be writing it as if it were real.

In between the two articles, I was contacted by someone requesting I write a blog about that "stupid c*nt".

While never having attended the Central University of North Texas, I could understand the requester's animosity. From what I know of the person making the blog request, it was not the augmentation itself... it was the reason given by the vapid idiot.

According to reports, she got the surgery because she doesn't want to date anymore. This was her attempt to be "less attractive to men".

Holy fuckballs... Where to begin??? But first, *sniff**sniff* Smell that? That smells like a load of shit.

Possible Pros to Getting a Third Boob

1. You own stock in a pastie manufacturer.
2. You wanted to have a litter or pups and the teets to feed?
3. You can never decide on which bra to wear and you want to mix and match.
4. You are cross-eyed... Severely... So when you looked down, you wanted there to ACTUALLY be three boobs instead of just thinking there are three boobs.
5. You are a stupid fucking attention whore willing to mutilate and humiliate yourself in order to become another talent-less, clawing desperately for your 15 minutes of fame, quasi-celebrity, on par with the fucking Octo-Mom, and this was easier then shooting out eight pups from your diseased birthing canal.

Considered Cons to Getting a Third Boob

1. You look like a fucking moron.
2. When gravity wreaks havoc on the two natural udders, the cycloptic one in the middle will make you look even more fucking moronic.
3. People will write you off as a novelty. And they will be correct in doing so.
4. This is America... Some even crazier chick will show up with FOUR, count 'em FOUR, breasts... and you, you are gonna be last weeks news faster then Ebola can spread through third world country (Too soon?).
5. You have to constantly claim that you are not a stupid fucking attention whore willing to mutilate and humiliate yourself in order to become another talent-less, clawing desperately for your 15 minutes of fame, quasi-celebrity, on par with the fucking Octo-Mom, and this was easier then shooting out eight pups from your diseased birthing canal.

According to the stories, the procedure cost around $20,000 dollars. I am a pretty creative guy. I can think of 8,579,321 things I could do with twenty grand before "Get Third Boob" makes the list (It's on there, don't judge me!!!). That is just off the top of my head. And that is not even including gentleman's clubs...

This person, in all seriousness, needed to devote that much money to her therapist. There is some serious mental issue, or serious lack of mental activity going on with this person.

To say it was because you want to "repel men" and "don't want to date anymore" was such an utter and obvious manipulation. If that were the actual case, why is your punk ass out showing them off and shopping them around for a reality show??? Is it to show how hard it is to have three boobs that YOU HAD DONE TO YOURSELF?

Don't want to date anymore? Want to repel men? Join a fucking nunnery!!! But wait... That would mean putting someone before yourself.

I wonder if it was the constant feeling of "needing a gimmick" to attain a level of stardom that led to this poor, tortured, idiotic soul's decision. Seeing all the Kardashians, Hiltons, Spears', and Cyrus' making money and nabbing headlines for abso-fucking-lutely NO reason other than being wastes of exposed flesh... The thought must have been, "Hey, don't waste the flesh, bunch it up, shove it between my tits! And while you're there, throw a nipple on it!"

The Outcome:

The spectacle will be too much for the masses to resist. There will be a reality show. Halloween costumes will be made. There will be merchandising and sponsors. The inevitable porn deal will be sought after...

The worst aspect to all of this is that little girls will see this woman's attempt and sickening success, and perceive it as a viable option for THEIR dreams and aspirations to be a "celebrity".

There are those who "need a gimmick", and there are those who bust their ass, honing their craft, practicing their art... The ones not out partying, flashing side boob, or upskirts, or getting their sex-tape "leaked"... There are no stories written about the hours, days, weeks, months, years it took to become great at their chosen art... Just those 15 minutes in the spotlight are focused on and sought after.

All I know is, I was never a boob guy anyway... I saw the poster for "For Your Eyes Only" at an impressionable age and the rest, as they say, was history.

Just the 'A' Ma'am,

d

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Today's Title Etymology:

At the Vice-Presidential debate in 1988, Lloyd Bentsen told Dan Quayle, who had just compared himself to John F. Kennedy,

"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."

Lycia Naff was the woman in the original "Total Recall" who played Mary, the three breasted prostitute.

Microwave Cookery

As a creature of habit (FINE... sufferer of mild to annoying OCD), when I go shopping, I have the path in my mind of where I need to go to get what I need. There are small variances that occur, sure. I hate them so.

A while back, the almond butter I usually snag got recalled. I think it was for Salmonella... Besides the obvious thought of "What salmon is eating almonds???", I was struck with the conundrum of "Do I return the jar I have already eaten out of or not?" Seeing as how this shit is damned expensive, I decided on getting the cash.

What am I needing almond butter for, you might ask? So, glad you did, by the way. Thanks.

I do the gym thingy, and sometimes when I do, my body will go into open rebellion the days following particularly brutal sessions. Walking funny, crying while trying to raise arms to shampoo hair, tying shoelaces becomes and endurance sport... Good times...

While there are a myriad post workout bars and edible proteins, a good friend (they know who they are) came across and shared a recipe with me for making a recovery treat. Almond butter, honey, chia seeds, gluten free Rice Krispies, and mini-chocolate chips. Mmmmmm, dee-lish.

ANYWHOOZLE... The grocery store I invade weekly has a barren space on the shelf normally occupied by the almond butter I throw down on. This, coupled with the fact I needed some other stuff, not offered at the one store, and I wanted to check on a particular Blu-ray, I found myself in another store. The date was 9/9/2014.

As I picked up the few stray items, I thought I would check this stores almond butter status. I get to the section, and while they do not have the brand I am accustomed to, they have others. I decide on a jar of this expensive stuff.

SIDE NOTE: For one jar, AND NOT A LARGE JAR AT THAT, of almond butter, I could buy about 7 boxes of assorted Little Debbie Snack Cakes. Wanna know why a third of Americans are obese? Because eating healthy is expensive as hell. How about we stop subsidizing Big Sugar? Just a thought...

The First Lady got criticized for saying school lunches should be healthier... And stating kids should limit their intake of carbonated beverages. "Don't you go'n tell me how feed my child!!! Now, after I give 'em their insulin shots... we gonna have wurds!!!!"

Thus endeth the side note...

I get home, and in my excitement of popping in "Captain America: The Winter Soldier", I hapahazardly put the groceries away. I remember the jar falling out of the bag... into the cupboard! I distinctly remember that because it was cool as hell. Could not have planned it better.

Here is where the plot thickens...

This Wednesday, I was gonna make a batch of the recovery treats. I know the day because I did upper body and 20 minutes on the damn stair machine (that is actually an escalator phobia inducing device). I begin to gather the ingredients, contorting fingers into dizzying arrays to maximize carrying capacity. The counter I am going to set them on is five feet away... but TWO TRIPS? I already worked out once today, thank you oh so mucking fuch! Don't judge.

So, phalanges straining, I am not finding the almond butter... Where is it? Ugh!!! I set the stuff on the counter, go back and bend down to inspect the shelf in question. This, being Wednesday, and payday being Thursday, the shelf had maybe two other things on it. Nothing.

Remembering the coolness of the jar drop that was NOT a jar drop... I thought maybe it was on a different shelf. Cursory inspection of the barren cupboard yielded zero results.

I checked the fridge... Maybe I put it in there? No fucking clue as to why I would have done that, but I have found some weird shit in the fridge before. A slow moving, very upset rattlesnake being the winner by far. Nope, no almond butter.

I go back to the cupboard... Checking every shelf. Checking inside the crock pot up on the top shelf... Ya never know... Bupkis...

I invade my mind... Forcing the recollection of the shopping excursion... I remember waffling on the purchase of said almond butter due to the fact I was picking up "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" on Blu.... And "Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D", Season 1 on Blu... I also remember picking up a tub of actual almonds, that I keep in my desk at work for mid morning snacking purposes.

With all those extra items, I was already dropping a pretty penny, so... I... must have... put it back versus actually buying it... Did I?... But it fell in the cupboard... Did that happen before? No... I must have put it back at the store...

This went on for a bit... And I chalked it up to I must have imagined the jar drop that was NOT a jar drop...

Thursday comes along, I get paid, I pay bills, I go to work, I go to gym, I come home, I go to booze store, I have a couple o' beers, I go to bed.

Friday, whilst at work, I comprise my shopping list. I put on almond butter the list. Underlined. Twice. Debated throwing a highlighter on top of that, but thought that would be pretentious...

I get to my preferred marketplace of grocery and foodstuff procurement. I plug in the earbuds, which is a fantastic way of letting people know, "I have no desire to talk to you." without having to be overtly rude. Old ladies like talking to me a grocery stores... I DO NOT KNOW WHY!!! I check out, I get home, I get the stuff unloaded. I pop the cork on a bottle of mead... All is right with the world.

Saturday, do my thing... Ride fifteen miles on the bike in an hour, check out Halloween costumes, and I stop by the Toy's R Us, pick up some Legos (B-Wing... fave Star Wars hoopty). I relax with my Gentleman Jack N' Cokes. I do this because I know Sunday is looming...

Today... Sunday... The "Lord's" day (I would think they would all be his...).  Creature of habit mode... ENGAGED... I get up. I let the damn dog out. I feed said damn dog. I go back to the bed and lay there. Planning out the day. I know I will be doing laundry, including linens on bed. I know I will be cleaning house. Oooh.. prolly will mop. I know I have to go to gym for Leg day... So, whilst formulating, I scope the Best Buy ad online. Okay, Laundry... I have three loads to do... Sheets, Black n Whites, Colors. On it.

Laundry is sorted, time to dismantle the bed's sheets and what not. My bed, courtesy of those crazy ass Swedes is just a mattress on springy slats, that act as the box springs. I fling the comforter to the side, I disrobe the pillow of their cases. Off with the sheet. I get to the foot of the bed. I grab the fitted sheet, and pull up.

The mattress lifts of the frame, exposing the corner of the floor underneath the bed. There lies a jar of almond butter. Correction... THE jar of almond butter...

Damn dog.

Nice gnaw marks, Lily.

I have got to start believing in me more,

d

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Today's title etymology:

The old guy in the Simpsons, Jasper, walks up to Rev. Lovejoy at the Learning Annex.

Rev. Lovejoy says, "'Coping with Senility'?"

"NO! 'Microwave Cookery'!" berates Japser, who then pauses, "Wait... 'Coping With Senility'"

From the CLASSIC Season 4, Episode 16, "Duffless",