Felony on Two... Hut, Hut

Ray Rice is a professional football player for the Baltimore Ravens. He is considered a marquee player. He is married.

Mr. Rice and his then girlfriend are shown going into an elevator. When it reaches it's destination, the door opens and she is dragged, by ol' Ray, unconscious from the elevator. Now, I have been on a couple of elevators. I have never been knocked out by one... So, it is very probable that Rice beat her to the point of unconsciousness.

So... Spousal abuse will get you a whopping TWO game suspension. Alleged rape? Like that of Ben Rapistberger from the Steelers? FOUR games. Kill your teammate whilst out drinking and driving? Cowboys are still hopeful for Josh Brent to come back to the team! He did his 135 days!

Smoke a joint? YOU WILL MISS A SEASON!

Rape and murder??? Tsk tsk! Drugs??? BURN!!!

If you want to here a professional go off, professionally, KO did it nice the other night...

If you really want to understand what a great many of you will be cheering come this fall, imagine if you will, that when they do the player intros when starting offenses and defenses take the field... There is new stat columns (Hell, it would be a screen unto itself)... Criminal Record. You could break it up into Felonies, Misdemeanors, Time Served, Fines Paid... Oh, the stat fiends would lose their collective shit.

The special treatment of "star athletes" is fostered from early on. The local legend from my small town in Kansas was that the high school starting QB, Larry Something or Another, was allegedly drunk and allegedly hit a cop car with his car... I think he played the next Friday... NOW, if my long haired, bad attitude having self were to have SNEEZED on a cop car, I am willing to bet that a "warning", would have come in "shot" form.

I was married once (thrice actually) to a high school Chemistry teacher. She did a stretch out near Midland. They take their football quite seriously out that way. Ex-Cowboys wide receiver, Roy Williams, came out of that area. Texas schools instituted a "No Pass No Play" rule back in the day. Guess who "passed" Chemistry? Roy Williams! Now, if'n I were a betting man, I would put money down that the guy could not even SPELL chemistry.

So, from the high school days, certain kids are taught that rules do not apply to them. The only thing that increases is the amount of money and the seriousness of the crimes committed.

Albert Haynesworth was playing for the Titans, and he jolly stomped a Cowboys player's helmet-less head. The play was OVER. The cut from Al's cleats netted the Cowboy 30 stitches. Haynesworth got a FIVE game suspension.

That is called "Aggrivated Assault". The NFL labelled it "Detrimental Conduct".

Ndamukong Suh - All American!!! Has repeatedly been criticized for his "aggressive style" - and "idiocy" on the field. Only been suspended for 2 games for kicking a guy. Has been fined for $216K. Wow...

Here is his contract... 5 years/ $63.5 MILLION. $23.5 MILLION is GUARANTEED.

$500K... Yeah... That has got to fucking sting. Say you had $23.50... And you did something uncool... Seriously dick move... And someone said you should cough up fifty cents... Two quarters... Would that deter you from doing it again?

Micheal Vick... Fuck him. Everybody can jump on the bandwagon all they want... "But he paid his dues and he did his time." Yeah, how many other CONVICTED DOG KILLERS do you welcome into your house on Sundays? He was sorry... for getting caught. I still don't think he realizes or thinks he did wrong. So it is easy for him to say he is sorry and what he did is wrong. The NFL's response, TWO game suspension. Ouch.

I think I have had enough of the NFL. I still can't support Chik Fil A for using their own money to fund hate, so I will probably boycott and not patronize the NFL for supporting REWARDING evil fucks.

Sad, I used to love football.

More human than human,

d

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When Two Men's Asses Touch...

On this day, at 3:17PM CST, July 20th, 1969, we landed on the moon. Moon landing... Read the title again. Your welcome. I'll be here all week, try the veal.

The guys at NASA did this death defying feat with the same computing power I had in my bedroom when I was 14. They went to the moon with the computing power of a Commodore 64, I was looking for the earliest of digital porn...

The number one song on the radio was this...

Baseball games were interrupted... And the players took to the field to salute the astronauts and lead the crowds in the singing of "America, The Beautiful".

The world watched and the world held it's collective breath, praying to numerous deities. Hell, Aldrin gave Shepard communion in the capsule. If I could ever envision a time when I would look to an imaginary friend to help out, it would be as I was about to step foot in an environment completely alien.

Kennedy said we were going to do it, and America got it's shit together and did it.

Let's flash forward 45 years...

The number one song on the radio is "Rude" by MAGIC! (All caps and an exclamation point to really mean it). It is a stupid pop song about a skeezy looking musician who accuses a father of being rude because he does not want his baby girl marrying a skeezy looking musician. If the musician was smart, he would know that "groupies" are definitely in the "perk" column... Getting married whilst on your meteoric rise and groupies are bountiful -  That falls into the "Dipshit" column, hombre. Unless you are a drummer...

I can not imagine anything of a scientific related nature interrupting ESPN... or ESPN2... or The Ocho... or ESPN Classic.. We will get a press conference and headline news for Lebron James going back to Cleveland, but something tells me that, if asked, he would not be able to tell you what NASA stands for, or possibly what it even is.

Like Tom Hanks in "Apollo 13", I too wonder "When are we going back and who will that be?" Wondering often leads to discovery of certain truths... This is not always a pleasant thing.

I can prognosticate with great certainty that we will never go back to the moon. "We" being the operative word and "we" meaning the United States of America. NASA is gutted. NASA in it's role of "manned space exploration", for all intensive purposes, is dead. The majority of press or recognition NASA receives is that of tragedy or failure. Or some psycho astronaut lady driving all night, wearing a diaper, with murder in mind...

What has been in the news cycle longer... Duck Dynasty or the fact that there is a rover on Mars? Score one for misogynistic, bible thumping Redneck douches.

This is not to say humans will never make it back to outer space. There is even a remote possibility we could get lunar someday... In the year 2525... See what I did there?

It will be left to the corporations. The guys like Branson and Musk. The guys who have made their fortunes and now want to go forward and reach further. The sad fact is that out of all the rich bastards in the world, those are the two I can think of that have vision beyond that of the bottom line. I am sure there are maybe four other guys and gals... So... 6.

Now that we have identified that science and exploring spirit are sorely lacking... Like a true American, I wanna blame someone for it...

Well, let's see... Maybe if we did not have to waste time in a SCIENCE class teaching fucking fairy tales like "creationism" and "intelligent design"... maybe that would help.

Maybe if we did not have one of two major political parties be so vehemently against anything scientific, that could help. As a wise man said... "No bucks, no Buck Rogers". Funding is what makes rockets fly. Republicans want to kill the frikkin' planet, why would they give two shits about space???

Maybe if we challenged the kids. These would be the kids who have the collective intelligence of the world at their fingertips and are looking at the latest in digital porn... Wait... Seriously, our "standards" of education are insanely inadequate since "Every Child Left Behind" had it's way with curriculum across the nation. Thanks, Retarded Cowboy President!

For every article of promise, showing intellect and scientific thinking by the youth of today, I read a gazillion others that make me think we are not only doomed, but unless it is trending on Twitter, most under the age of 21 won't notice.

"You have 140 characters until self destruct",

d

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When All You Have is a Hammer...

Everything looks like a nail.

We have an epidemic of gun violence in the good ol' U.S. of A. More so than a lot of developed nations that do not have restrictions such as those in Britain and Australia.

First and foremost... Let us clarify one thing... If you say "They're cumming fer mah guns!!!" and there is nary a soul on your porch or, (most likely) in front of your double wide, from the ATF, with a warrant for your arsenal of penile compensators, then THEY ARE NOT COMING FOR YOUR GUNS.

After the current President got elected, a friend, who is a rabid gun nut, blamed the new President for jacking up prices of ammunition... I was like a Rottweiler with a baby in it's mouth... I was not letting that one go... "HOW is it his doing???" No answer. That was just a company agreeing with the President that Americans will cling to their guns and bibles and they made a buck or a million off it...

Since Columbine (April of 1999), there have been 130 some odd school shootings resulting in at least one fatality. Some might say, "That was 15 years ago!, 130 isn't so bad!" I am sure ones perspective would change if a massacre were to occur at a school where their little parasite attended.

That is just in schools... Workplace incidents? Suicides by firearms? Gang violence? Hooded teenagers with Skittles? If one were so morbidly inclined, I am sure they could find gun violence to be a daily activity. We have a new national pastime!!!!

Both sides of the issue have their specific rhetoric...The gun nuts* hold up the 2nd Amendment like a shiny, all powerful standard as they march along... Meanwhile, them being able to quote or identify any other important pieces of the Constitution is a dubious proposition, at best. The biggest gun nuts, the NRA, has repeatedly spouted nuggets of verbal feces that are good for soundbites, but found to be indigestible to anyone with half a brain. For example...

"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun." True... Usually, they are called "cops" or "soldiers"... They have extensive training. It is not some dipshit who spent one Saturday in a rec room and got a Concealed Handgun License (CHL) who will more than likely add the problem vs. help it. So, if you want to stand by that statement, apply to a police academy or go down to the local recruiting office. Otherwise, try again, thanks for playing.

Now, I have friends who love to find the one or two stories a year where a crime is prevented by a law abiding citizen with a firearm. "Oh the coverage is disproportionate..." Well, yes... A class of elementary school kids getting killed is a tad more newsworthy then when a crime does not happen...  For every one or two stories of that nature, I could find 10 to 20 not so happy incidents involving a firearm.

The last set of reforms to be up for a vote, with 90% of the populace supporting the measures, did not pass... The NRA is to blame for that one... One of the provisions in the reform was to be a tad more stringent on the background checks... Mainly because, the whole "determining who is a good or bad guy with a gun" has been failing miserably. Remember the "Joker" guy who shot up the theater when the last Batman flick opened? All his arsenal... Legally obtained.

Friends o' mine also like the stance of, "The gun is just a tool... If a person did not have a gun, then it would be a hammer or a knife... Ya gonna outlaw them????" This argument is an advanced variation on the idiotic "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." True... but as the philosophizer Eddie Izzard noted, "Guns do help."

On the same day of the Sandy Hook tragedy, a guy in China went to a school with a knife and stabbed or sliced 23 people, mostly kids between 6 and 11 years of age. Ah... see... didn't have a gun!!!! True... but here is the kicker... NO ONE DIED!

The NRA is also very much into assigning blame. They actually blamed VIRTUAL, PIXELATED weapons and bullets for the damage caused by REAL, NON-IMAGINARY weapons and bullets... That is ballsy. Complete and utter horseshit, but ballsy.

I know Americans will never allow the passing of anything that would remotely hinder access to firearms. We are not fighting "guns"... but more so the "culture of guns"... It is a hodgepodge mix of the sport of hunting (legit), the power of life and death a weapon bestows to it's owner (I do NOT want that power), the compensation for a small penis (Buy a big truck too!), and self preservation and protection (also legit).

I had myself a nice Glock 21 SF... .45 caliber... Extremely nice weapon, got it for a STEAL... I went to ranges and remembered my training from the USAF, and fired off enough rounds to realize that I am still bad ass... And that was it... Until the AC broke down. In Texas. In August... So... Bye bye gun... No use in protecting my stuff if it's all melted...

I may or may not ever own a gun again... It is not even on the radar... However, the moment that the government says I can't... That is when I WILL obtain one. And as for the Zombie Apocalypse... No worries. I got swords. No reloading.

The solutions are there but not simple, but will never be enacted. The answer is not "No guns", and the answer sure as hell is not "More Guns". I personally am for taxing the living shit out of all gun and ammo sales. Sin tax in effect, yo. All that money goes to mental health funding... Because in the end, crazy people will always have access to something that can do me and you harm. Bush, Jr. invaded Iraq... Just an example...

This week, people lost their shit and saw a pic of Spielberg sitting in front of a sprawled out Triceratops. Some of these Einsteins actually accused the director of JURASSIC FUCKING PARK of hunting and killing a dinosaur. THESE PEOPLE PROBABLY OWN GUNS!!!! THAT SHOULD SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!

Sir Psycho Sexy,

d

* Gun nuts... I understand having a piece for home protection... I understand having a couple of weapons for practicing and the joy of going to a range and developing your skill as a marksmen... Coolio, this term does not apply to you... But if you have over, say 10 guns... You may not be the "problem", but you sure as shit ain't the solution.

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Lily

I know I usually throw one of these out there every Sunday. Given the events of this last week, I am just exhausted enough and have only one overriding thought...

My Lily. She is such a good, smart, loving, happy, WELL CARED FOR (Hear that? Sound of my own horn being tooted), spoiled, loved, idiotic, well meaning, compassionate, friendly, goofy, beautiful dog.

While an Atheist, I am not against the concept of a soul. Higher mammals have souls. Elephants mourn. Wolves mate for live. Dolphins have orgies. And dogs know when you are hurting.

There is no other soul on this planet I have had more contact or interaction with in the past 7 years.

She kept me on this planet when I really could have given two shits that I remained. I hate wearing a helmet when riding my bicycle... Even though it is an wicked awesome helmet... I would love to feel the wind... BUT... Knowing the driving styles of the local populace, I fear getting creamed by a nice elderly person. I do not fear my injuries, I fear someone not being here for Lil'.

I have thoughts about vacations and going on jaunts... Putting miles on my little coupe... But I don't like the thought of boarding Lil' for that long... hurts my heart for whatever reason. She would eat it up, of course and she could probably use a little more socializing.

Tomorrow, I get to call the veterinarian. I will tell her of the VAST, CONTINUING improvement. I will tell her the medication count. I will ask her the next steps. I will thank her profusely. I will probably cry at the reminder of the last time I talked to her and was getting prices for euthanasia... Just typing the fucking word is making my eyes brim with tears...

Tomorrow is the first time back at work since last Tuesday. I am super thankful for the understanding of my Boss. She went above and beyond in helping me. I owe her. She came and helped me transport Lily's new palatial crate because my sporty, little coupe could not accommodate it's bulk. I tried throwing her a 20 spot, but she would not hear of it.

I am actually looking forward to going mainly because I have been getting a tad stir crazy... I will be making trips home at lunch... To let her out, and give her meds... I will be thankful for the 1.5 miles commute...

My friends, my families, my people... All those who have sent the positive, healing thoughts out there... And yes, to those who have prayed... I sincerely thank you. I don't believe in any of that voodoo, but would sure as shit not turn it down either.

Friday, I was in the shower, and reminded the Universe of a couple of my redeeming actions... "Hey, Universe... Remember when I could have told that racist, fucking piece of shit, SrA Manning that I deflowered his "virgin fiance" 6 months before they met and did NOT?"

"Hey, Universe... Remember when I did not try to hurt X1 when she told me who she cheated on me with, and got pregnant by, and really, really could have?"

"Hey, Universe... Remember people who said I saved their life by just being there and listening?"

I did not do those things looking for recompense... I didn't do them to garner favor... I did them because they were the right things to do. But Friday, when confronted with the thought of losing my best friend... I was not above calling in some karma...

I think the "Black Cloud" is weakening and will go away all together... Now, it will be assessing the damage and rebuilding...Taking things slowly and trying to set up a warning system if, and inevitably when, another storm approaches...

The onslaught of emotions that this brought on... I can't catalog them all... Thursday, the 3rd, was a bad, bad day. I was in shock. I was prematurely grieving... I think she decided to get better to prove me wrong... Just to make sure I do not go back to a wardrobe consisting of black t-shirts. I love that damn dog.

I see you shiver with antici...

d

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("SAY IT!!!"... pation.)