First, I want to apologize for missing last week. I had visitors. The folks came down to bestow gifts upon me. Everyone made out like bandits. All is good. Legos are smack to those who are creative, yet like planned out details... You know, SOCIOPATHS!!!! (High functioning, but still...)
One other quick note... Sinatra Select Jack Daniels... That stuff is proof that A Deity Whom I Question the Existence Of loves us.
The names have been changed or omitted to protect the guilty... Remember kiddies... Guilt and innocence is a matter of timing...
The 2014 silly season is in it's death throes, but it is not without victims. I have a friend dealing with some major issues. The most vile demons come from within. I feel for them and seriously wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all better. I can only offer support and advice.
There is that fine line of being helpful vs. being controlling/intrusive. I guess the "friendship" is defined by the repercussions of crossing said fine line.
This Xmas eve, I was visited and asked by another friend, "How are you doing?" Very loaded question. Do they expect/want the standard "Doing all right.", "Proceeding with enthusiasm", "Can't complain." or do they want the truth?
I discussed the year in general. Focusing on certain aspects... Most of which, you, loyal reader, are aware of. Last year at this time, I was in love with and had won the love of a good woman. Starting on that high of a note, like when that first apex of a roller coaster is crested, there is only one way to go.
Yes, March was a no fun zone... I did what you are supposed to do... Get back up, rub some dirt on it, and get back in the game. However, I had a new perspective. I was given the vision of how one is supposed to be alone. You take that time to improve YOU.
We discussed work. Which is picking up steam. I am not worried about vacation time, as I will more than likely be earning comp time due to the onslaught of shit coming down the slope. We talked plans for the upcoming year... Scarby in April... Possible Sherwood excursion in February.
We also solved the world's problems... Israel and Palestine? Double Elimination Round Robin Softball Tournament. Want control of the Gaza strip? Better work on your pitching. NEXT!
At the end of the conversation, over one or six drinks, they remarked, "You... You are doing all right." They meant it literally. In their opinion, which I respect, I am making the correct decisions. Not doing wrong.
This year of our Jack Lord, 2015, could see the realization of many plans I have laid. There is always the fear that plans will get sidetracked or flat out demolished.
By the end of this year, I fully plan on being:
Credit Card debt free. 'Bout damn time.
Forced to "Use or Lose" vacation time. SQUEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!
Full on Pimp. Never stopped this... Comes naturally.
Owner of a less fat damn dog! She is doing all right, thanks for asking.
Better shape myself. Drink it in... Drink it in...
Able to play "Smoke on The Water" on guitar. RAWK!
in Kansas City at least once. Mom will like this.
in Augusta for the 25th reunion... If it is happening...
seen for being an amazing writer, paid to do so, and I go live in Colorado, enjoying "nature".
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In the mean time, the time that is cruel, I am alone. And for the first time I am really okay with it. I do not need someone. That being said, I would not mind having someone in my life to COMPLIMENT IT, NOT COMPLETE IT!
There is something to be said for having someone not care if they are intruding and send the "Good morning" text. That someone who wants the last thing I see before crashing is their "Good nite" text. A person who initiates conversations... Who asks me questions... If I continue having to initiate conversations, and draw out everything, I feel like I am a nuisance. No bueno.
I look forward to the day when I plug in my phone to charge at night and it is not at 88%.
Worship music,
d
This blog brought to you by The Rolling Stones (19th? That's it?), Jay - Nootch!, The Beta Band, Saliva, Smokey Robinson & The Miracles, Dangerous Toys, The Seatbelts, Buffalo Springfield, Foo Fighters, Rob Zombie, Van Halen (5150!), Dr. Frankenfurter, Green Day, Jerry Cantrell, and Anthrax.
Sometimes topics for this thing come readily and easily... I have an idea, usually around Wednesday and it percolates and takes form. By Sunday evening, I have done my weekend chores and put in my required gym time and am ready to focus.
This week did NOT lend itself to plotting. I was in training all week. Not being trained myself, but rather to answer questions if they arose. About three or four such queries did happen. It was NOT week long training either... Rather three, day and a half iterations of the same training... By Wednesday, I understood, really understood, why animals will gnaw off a leg to escape a hunter's trap.
Throw on the fact my damn dog seeming to regress in health a bit... She is doing all right now, must have been the psychotic weather we are having as of late... Still, emotionally and mentally taxing...
Anyways, this morning, 5:45ish, as I lie in bed, an outline formulated... Not fully congealed, so apologies if it comes across as half-cocked... "Rambling" has been intimated to me on an occasion...
I am not a serial dater (I know "playa" is legit to use, but I don't "play", I "date"... would that make me a "data"?). If I see and like someone, I tend to focus solely on that person. Not obsess... but see where it goes...
I decided to avoid relationship discussions in this blog thingy. They last time I mentioned a person, wanting to see where it went, and the like... it ended. Abruptly. No animosity involved... People make choices. They have to live with them. Their loss. "Next".
It got me to thinking that maybe the blog was a curse... If mentioned in these diatribes of lunacy, does that count as an incantation for "relationship dissolution"?
The peril in writing about an infant relationship here is that they will know who I am talking about. There is little mystery, if any at all. The person I am writing about in this very blog is gonna know I am writing about her. With that in mind, and AGAIN, with zero animosity, I can talk about the latest dating failure... Well... dating "learning experience". As Joe Friday stated... "Just the facts, Ma'am."
I knew of this person about three years ago from a dating site. There was communication, desire to meet, but nothing manifested. We remained Facebook "friends" and Words With Friends adversaries... They got married so I gracefully faded into obscurity... Then I see them pop up on the same dating site... "What the hell ya doing back here?"
We begin talking, and we finally met. Pictures are neat and all, but this woman was hot. Surface of the sun hot. My alarm bells automatically were going off, "She is hot enough to make you compromise just about every stance you have."
"Why, YES, I am a Born Again Evangelical, Republican, Gun Loving, Movie hating, Vegan if it means I can see you naked."
There was chemistry. Undoubtedly. Was palpable.
I learned that she was coming out of a divorce. Two or three months FRESH out of said divorce. I learned that it was not the best of situations. My own experiences with divorce, I know that you can never say one size fits all. Every situation is unique.
By the end of the first week, a stray, flippant, "love you" would pop up in a text. A "we should get married" text was shocking, but laughed off. Noted... Filed away... Flagged.... but laughed off. Then the "I LOVE YOU"'s started showing with more frequency.
I never responded in kind. I would comeback with an "Awwww", or "I can't blame you." It made me think back to the last real relationship I was in. They were uncomprehending of how I "could be so sure." of my feelings for them... Now I knew how they felt...
We did discuss the reservations I had about the texts. I never minced words about my wondering about the validity of her claims of her affection towards me. I made it clear that while I knew she wanted to love me, and wanted to be loved in return, I simply did not know if she was not just rebounding.
These discussion took place in varying states of undress... Which did not help the situation. And yes, I just wanted to get that out there. Good times!!!
There were some other differences, nothing that could not be overcome or settled OVER TIME. I would have no problem being in an exclusive, monogamous relationship with her. To repeat... I am not a serial data. I was not actively searching other people while I was with her. I don't think that is fair to a relationship. A relationship in the early stages is very fragile... like a lamp from France.
Eventually, it was my lack of being able to reciprocate her level of devotion that led to the cessation of communication. I tried to let her know that someday, I might be able to... Just not two weeks into a thing. If a person is drowning, you have to be careful trying to save them... They might pull you under as well... She was the type to almost drown, get to the shore, say thanks, and dive right back in the dark, turbulent waters...
She was very "Hippie". In touch with nature, loves animals, and loves, Loves, LOVES, love. Offset by an almost crippling social shyness... It was a weird dichotomy. I sincerely was, and still am, in awe of, and worried over, her ability to love and not let cynicism override her heart.
Hippies, of course, are a fan of "Free Love". Which brings me to the damn point...
Your Love Should NOT Be Free, It Should Cost.
Prostitution? No... If you give your love to everyone, how will the special one in your life know they are the special one in your life? Your love, for that one special person, should have value. Merit. Mean.
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While I know I have walls around my heart, and high though they may be... The climb is worth it. HOWEVER, COMMA... To all would be prospects.... Try knocking on the damn door. Save yourself a climb.
And really, that's what it's all about,
d
Yes, Mom... I made this blog "f*ck" free... Xmas came early!!!
This blog brought to you by The Beatles, The O' Jays, The Burden Brothers, The Marilyn Manson, The Tenacious D, covering THE Ronnie James Dio, The Doris Day, The Van Halen, The Andy Williams, The Kid Rock, The Ray Stevens, The Stevie Wonder, The Metallica, The Ledry Anderson, The Tesla, The David Bowie, The Temptations, The WAR, and THE George Harrison (How so very appropriate.)
The title song makes absolutely no mention of "Christmas" in it's lyrics.
Which makes it my new favorite Xmas tune!
That is right, ladies, gents, and others... It is the Xmas blog. Little early, but as with everything related to the silly season, I want to get it out of the way and done. This Tuesday, I should be able to complete my holiday shopping. Fin!!!
It is not that I hate "Christmas", I rather hate people at Christmas. They seem to care more. The most important word in the preceeding sentence was "seem". Hence the italics, yo. It is either a case of a person is trying to be nicer, which goes against their nature, so it seems forced and insincere -OR- You are expected to forgive assholes and bitches for being assholes and bitches, because "It's the season." To hell with that noise.
It is not the Atheism that makes me get exasperated with the whole shebang either. I do find the whole Christian aspect to the holiday to be the most laughable fable ever constructed. It has no basis in reality. Did not happen. Theological scholars will tell you that "Hey, Zeus" was born in July... Or September... Or any other month BESIDES December.
December just tested well in the focus groups...
Ghosts of Xmas Past
The decorations were out the day after Thanksgiving. So was the stack of Xmas LPs. The music would be on in the mornings as we woke up... Coming out to see the tree all lit up. The prismatic effects through sleepy, squinting eyes making me understand the appeal of LSD.
I remember the family gatherings in Michigan. The epic snowball fights... The hide and seek games with all the cousins, more than a couple of Uncles and Aunts participating too.
I got my first cassettes and CDs, both on Christmas. One of the cassettes was Slade's "Keep Your Hands Off My Power Supply". The two CDs were Nirvana's "Nevermind" and Metallica's Black Album. Still have them as they are both staples in a person's musical edification. Well, they should be...
I remember getting "Die Hard" on VHS one merry morning. This marked the beginning of the video collection that I amassed. Quite substantial one, at that. It was when VHS titles became affordable to the masses. THIS is the first nail in the coffin to the video store. To this day, I will do my damnedest to watch "Die Hard" on Xmas... Traditions - It is the glue that we huff and keeps up together!
One of the first pornographic films I ever saw was "Merry XXXMas". Again, thank the VHS boom. I remember never being able to look at an elf and Mrs. Claus the same... "Ya like that, huh???" Ahh, memories. Having a great memory is not without peril.
There was 1993... I was in San Antonio, Texas. Lackland Air Force Base. The Drill Instructor was a swell guy. He would play Elvis' "I'll Be Home For Christmas". I can not make it through that song without tearing up. It slays me more than any other recording. Ever. I will listen to it once a year. Just to make sure I still have that pesky humanity.
Two years later, it got worse. Incirlik AFB, Turkey. Was asked for a divorce about a week earlier. Not a good time. At all. Thankfully, alcohol was very, very cheap.
X2 had some nice family gatherings... An Uncle In Law and I would speak in "Blazing Saddles" quotes. With X3, I was so depressed, it was difficult to see any point to the putting on of a show for all the people we never entertained... "Look, look... We have a tree and the appear happy!" Remember I mentioned the whole "forced and insincere"? Yeah...
Last year, I was told I was loved. In chocolate. "Better to have loved and lost, then to never have loved at all". Horseshit.
Brief Interlude...
I am having some fun with the tunes below (Have fun guessing)... But it reminded me that almost everyone has that one Christmas song they loathe and makes them want to punch babies...
X3 - Paul McCartney's "Simply Having a Wonderful Christmas Time".
X3's Mom - "Feliz Navidad", by the Mexican dude...
Anyone with a brain - "Grandma Got Ran Over By a Reindeer"
For me... There is one recent tune, "Christmas Shoes". I would go off on it... However... Leave it to the professionals... Some language, brace yourself...
Bless you, Patton Oswalt. Bless you.
Ghost of Xmas Presents
As South Park rightly decreed, the true meaning of Christmas: Presents!!! This was after Jesus and Santa duked it out.
Consumerism at it's gluttonous best. I understand it, being a person who hates people and loves things... Though, the reports of Black Friday injuries make me think we are truly deserving of whatever fate is coming...
As far as gift giving, I rock. Not gonna mince words... I rock. I am pretty thankful this year was low in the tally of people to shop for.
Mom and Dad... About it. One other person, but we trade booze... So it is kinda moot. This year is shaping up to be the Sinatra Select Jack Daniels.
Trying out inviso-text.... Mom and Dad, do not mouse over if you don't want to see... I am just wondering if I can get it to work... It will RUIN XMAS IF YOU DO!!!!!
7 quart Crock Pot
Guardians of The Galaxy on Blu
Three 1000 piece puzzles
6 jars of jelly from HEB
$50 gift card to Half Price Books
That is so cool!
Ghost of Xmas Future
According to the reporters on Fox "News", there is a war... on Christmas.
Sorry, it is not that Christmas is under attack. It is that people are realizing, "Hey, I am realizing that not everyone believes as I do... WAIT... I AM NOT THE CENTER OF A WARM AND COZY UNIVERSE????" Then, like the scene in "Scanners"... Their head explodes. This is how the pagans will win the war!!!!!!
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When I get told "Merry Christmas", it does not offend me. If I feel that the person is saying it out of rote, it gets a "Right back at ya!". If I get the feeling there is an agenda behind it, as if they are goading me, it makes me think, "Oh you poor deluded sheep." It is usually returned with a warm, cheery smiled, "Praise Hell, Satan."
Now I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho,
d
This blog brought to you by Bing Crosby (being racist on Dec. 25th), Andy Williams (repetitive precipitation requests), Trans-Siberian Orchestra (Savatage without vocals), The Carpenters ("Karen, want a sammich? No? You sure? Ok, Darling".), Jimmy Boyd (Discovering that his mother is a cheating whore), Dion (Being polite in his request for someone to return), Beach Boys (Song about a man with a dildo shop), Johnny Mathis (Hanging with Alice, after Dec. 22nd), Cheech & Chong (Classic - They only did one, ya know), Brenda Lee (Imitating an autistic kid around the rotting Fir in the living room), Burl Ives (Mandating what kind of Christmas to have), Tony Orlando (Establishing a time and weather conditions of a sex crime - You will groan.), Donny Hathaway (Last Dec. 25th? Next Dec 25th? Oh...), Bryan Adams (Telling a deer with a nasal condition to imitate Forrest Gump), Spike Jones & His City Slickers (Dental emergency), Otis Reddnig (Song about a child born on Dec. 25th), Jimmy Durante (The Ice Golem, who endangered all the children... Seriously... That song is about lawlessness! Scope the lyrics...), Ray Conniff (288 hours... which is how long this song seems...), Earth Kitt (Seducing a guy who gets out once a year... and sounding like a materialistic whore...), Beach Boys (Warning about the myth approaching), David Bowie & Bing Crosby (Singing about something that will never happen), Nat King Cole (Frostbite injuries, Inuit clothing, Childhood insomnia, ages recommended: 1 to 92), Hall & Oates (Title), The Kinks (Harrowing assault and mugging recounted for the holidays!), Perry Como (All about appearances... OR... The Day After Halloween at WalMart!), Andy Williams (What if you had a great summer and bringing up "scary ghost stories"??? WTF???), and John & Yoko (I do want it, John).
More inviso-text for the answers... ya cheating bastards!!! (Click and drag the mouse over to reveal)
