You... Me... Them...

No, I am not thinking of "Everybody Needs Somebody To Love" by the Blues Brother, BUT we would especially like to welcome all the representatives of Illinois's law enforcement community that have chosen to join us here in the Palace Hotel Ballroom at this time...

No... Everybody, and I mean everybody, answers to somebody.

"BECAUSE I SAID SO!"

Mom and Dad are usually the first people we answer to. In my case it was the two of them. The indivisible front. You could not "divide and conquer" them, which was problematic in the teen years. The folks are the ones who should set boundaries and limits. It is not until one is older that you realize that it was for your own well being. Because when you are young, you are ignorant. Some of us grow out of it... Others... Well, where do you think Republicans come from?

There was an experiment done at a new school. The recess yard was an open field. Some sprinkled playground equipment here and there. The kids would mostly huddle by the door. If teachers would go to a piece of equipment, the kids would utilize it. The next year, a fence was erected around the equipment and a ways out from the building. The kids would scatter and be found in every corner, every square inch, of the fenced in area.

Kids need and WANT boundaries. They thrive within them... Within REASON. You can smother a kid with them as well...

Having a mother who had witchy powers like I did (She was born on Friday the 13th for fuck's sake), I knew who was boss. I pushed the limits for the majority of my formative years, but I also knew when playtime was over. I can now walk through a mall and point out which parents have won the battle of wills, and which parents have lost the battle of wills.

There is, of course, the over compensation to worry about. I have seen parents who I would consider abusive, not physically, but emotionally and mentally... Those aren't parents, they are wardens.

"Who?"

A lot of people answer to a "higher power". I tried and got tired of getting nothing back. If a absentee deity works for you, enjoy your one sided convo. I will enjoy porn and bacon without having to ask forgiveness.

"Bueller? Bueller?"

Educators have a shitty, shitty job. There is no other way to put it... Every grade represents a unique set of challenges.

Kindergarten, the kids want to go home and do not understand this concentration camp that has usurped their cartoon watching... And who is this large person telling me that I have to take a nap. Only Mom tells me to. WTF? Oh... Graham crackers and milk? Well, you make a good argument...

1st - 4th Grades... Kids start developing personalities. In other words, assholes and bitches appear. In the later grades, they also start learning that teachers have limitations... This does not bode well. 5th grade is usually the last of the elementary grades. These kids know the terrain. They are the big dogs.

6th grade, the rules change... WTF happened to Recess??? What do you mean we are not exchanging Valentine Cards??? I saved and decorated this shoe box for nothing? This place sucks!!!!

7th and 8th grade... Boys notice girls. Girls notice boys. Whole new ballgame. Teachers say this is where kids lose their way... More so that boys become preoccupied with boobs, girls with shoes...

High School - Kids are so fed up with everybody always telling them what to do, it is at a tipping point. Hormones raging, the feeling of knowing everything, and the innate, human yearning for independence are the ingredients for a run of the mill teenager... Who will proclaim with vehemence the "NOBODY UNDERSTANDS ME!!!"... Except everyone who has been there. They do get so pissy when you laugh at them.

The inspiration for this week's blog came from an old memory. An ex-Neice in Law, X2 (Second ex-wife) Clan I believe, was having trouble at school. Her mom asked me to talk to her. "Why me?". "She thinks you are the least grown up grown up." I could not argue that logic.

"What is the problem, kid?"

"My teachers are soooo stupid."

"Little doofus, I say this with the utmost sincerity... You will encounter people in positions of authority over you that are complete fucking morons for the majority of your life. These people will determine if you get PAID!!! YOU have to learn how to deal with them. Think of school as your free education in how to play the system and deal with the phalanx of idiocy you with, without fail, encounter."

"Would you like fries with that?"

In your life, I would hope that you have had what I like to call "Process of Elimination Jobs". I worked as a dishwasher, and soon discovered that there was no way in hell I wanted to be a dishwasher for the rest of my life. I worked in a lumber yard... And I discovered that, while a hellacious workout, it was a young man's game.

At these jobs, there are these people. These people have a slew of different titles... Manager. Supervisor. Senior Associate. Craig. The names and faces change, but there are the archetypes of bosses you have to answer to... Here are a few examples:

1) The Higher-Up Pleaser. This person could not give one shit about you. They usually will let you know it. You are meat for their grinder, to grease the wheels of their meteoric rise up the ranks. Do your job, but understand that any going above and beyond will be co-opted by this douche. It was their doing... Not yours.

2) The Drill Sergeant. This job is their life. How can it not be yours as well??? Any discrepancy will be considered as a personal affront to them. The paycheck should be seen as a vulgarity, because the WORK is reward, in and of itself. These people are three flavors of bat shit crazy.

3) The Short Timer. This boss has already checked out. It will be the most fun job you will have. Ever. Sadly... When the short timer does leave, they are usually replaced by one of the types already listed.

4) The Owner. Owners fall into a couple of subcategories. The owner who has a thriving business, and the struggling owner. Struggling owners resemble #2... but you can understand because it IS their life... Thriving types are pretty laid back, and can't be a #1, because they ARE the higher up. If they do it right, you will feel compelled to help them out, because you feel like it will help you out in the long run. Or they are going to completely fuck you, squarely in the ass. Been there, done that. Best of luck!

One thing I noticed when in the USAF, which is a whole other blog on "authority"... is the adherence to the "Chain of Command". I found if you took action without consulting your immediate superior, two outcomes were possible. If said action made your immediate superior look good, you showed "initiative". If said action made the immediate superior look bad, you "went outside the chain of command, maggot."

"Did you skip 'obey', Padre?"

If you are human, you will probably seek out another person to swap fluids with. This person will make you feel good... until they don't... That is why the word "NEXT!" was invented...

If you are in an exclusive, committed relationship, you SHOULD answer to your significant other. That does NOT mean you have to call them at lunch when in line at JJ's to ask them what kind of sandwich you want. This has transpired. In front of me. I wanted to ask the guy what color was the purse his wife kept his balls in. Does he get to see them every once and a while?

A relationship works well when you, confronted with a decision that could possibly effect  the life of your significant other, TALK TO YOUR  PARTNER! A relationship works like a fucking champ when BOTH PARTIES do this.

Think of it as self imposed authority. This is why you should have someone in your life that compliments the areas where you are not so smart. X3 (third ex wife - which does NOT exclude me from being smart about relationships!) was damn good at handling money. When I met her, I was a tad more "frivolous"... Under her reign, I had an allowance... And it was probably for the best.

If you call someone your "partner"... Treat them as such. Don't agree to stuff that impacts them without consulting them. It is a dick/bitch move.

"You look like shit!"

Out of all the people you have to answer to in your life, the one you can not escape from is the person you see everyday. Unless you are blind... then... you can't read this anyway. So, suck it.

Everyone answers to the person they see everyday in the mirror. If you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you are not right with you, and shit has got to change, Kemosabe.

We have all done something we are not proud of. In my case, "something" is not gonna cut it... More like "a fuck ton of shit"... For a while, I avoided mirrors. I didn't like who I had become. I was not a good person. I was at a crossroads of epic proportions. Then I met a chick (who later became X1). I would like to say that everyone lived happily ever after, but that ain't how the story goes.

A wise man said "To Thine Own Self Be True"... That man was Captain Kangaroo. There have been many variations on that theme... Katt Williams is fond of saying, "You gots to take care of your Star Player."

I think back to what the 103rd Master of Sinanju said to his pupil who was afraid of heights... "Fear is just a feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you. Purge your mind of fear and believe in yourself. Without that belief, I can do nothing with you."

This guy also claimed, "Professional assassination is the highest form of public service." Love that guy!

The point is, live a life that makes you like what you see in the mirror. String enough of those days together and you feel pretty damn good. Believe in yourself.

________________________________________

So, we all have to answer to somebody. Besides yourself, who you give that power to... Well, as I say repeatedly... "Choices, choices".

Ain't seen daylight since the start of this band,

d

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Why I...

Write.

I write because it is a nice way to express what I am feeling. These blogs are as much for me as they are you. I am finding it challenging to come up with new rants, mainly because the same shit keeps happening. No one likes a broken record.

I also want people to know that I try to always cite sources, link to the places I get numbers or stats, and do my best not to blatantly rip off or plagiarize anyone else. I also understand that in the black and white cases, it's hard to be a different shade of black... I have avoided topics and certain things because I have seen them covered on "Last Week Tonight" with John Oliver, and he does it so brilliantly, that I wonder why I do this at all.

The one thing I took away from being a philosophy major (for about a month), was that we are constantly integrating information, environmental influences, and thoughts and feelings into our own personal philosophy. It is a continual process of being introduced to new pieces of information that you break apart and either allow it to change your thoughts and feelings on a subject, or you summarily dismiss it as complete bullshit.

This process is one of the myriad reasons I enjoy getting visits from the folks. Mom's optimism and spirituality, offset by Dad's pessimism and general curmudgeonly attitude, leaves me sorting through the discussions we have. Incorporating things I agree and liken to, letting stuff I disagree go down the drain...

I usually say goodbye to them knowing Mom just wants me to be happy, Dad does not want to pay for it. All is good in the 'Verse.

 I write because someone I trusted and made me trust in myself said I should. I believed them.

Code.

It is simple to say I write computer code for the same reason a bank robber robs banks. It is where the money is at. I do get paid to program. I am a professional and what not.

There is a subtle art and signature to everyone's code. I came into the job I have now and was handed a legacy system that four other developers had had their hands in... The code was a patchwork mess. I ended up rewriting the entire system. Mostly to gain system knowledge, but almost as importantly, to put my own nuance on the code.

It was a weird feeling to be able to read the code and determine which of the developers had written the page. "Ah... this page has it C, B, then A... Whatsername wrote it..." That is how personalized code is.

There is also an elegance and artistic side to coding. You take the time to figure out the most elegant solution. A problem could have four or five ways of getting taken care of... but what is the most efficient, elegant, and sometimes most challenging solution???

When I see an app, site, or system... I do not see it as it is presented. I am breaking down the elements. I am visualizing the table structures in the database back end... I am reverse engineering the queries... Good times... I get intellectually erect... 

Now, while I like to write code, I see it much like I do all my previous occupations... If I am not getting paid to do it, well... as the Joker so brilliantly remarked, "If you're good at something, never do it for free." When I was a dishwasher, I did not do dishes when I came home. When I was a mechanic, "No, I will not work on your car for free." (the later depending on how hot they were...). When I get home, the computer is an entertainment vessel... Nothing more.

I code because it pays the bills and I am good at it.

Ride.

I ride a single gear bicycle. I ride it at a decent pace. I am a fan of rituals, of the process of something. I never want to try heroin for this very reason... The whole preparation aspect of it has an appeal... Getting ready for a ride is a process, a ritual that I undertake. A sign on the door entering my gym says, "Just showing up is half the battle." Once done with my pre-flight check, the only thing left to do is start pedaling.

The health aspects are pretty much a known deal. I have an app that will inform me of my progress. Distance, time, and mph... Which is a double edged sword. In a certain stretch, I hit a lot of stop signs, so my mph drops... So next stretch, I bust my ass trying to get it back up. Good times.

A couple of peeps have seen my posted results on the ol' Facebook and remarked positively. Then they hear that I am doing it with one gear and then my sanity comes into question.

I like the single gear because you never have to answer the questions, "Am I in the right gear?". The answer would always be "Yes" or "Do I need to shift to a higher/lower gear?", the answer would always be "No" In riding, I feel connected to my conveyance more so then any other. I love the one-ness with the bike. I do not love the one-ness with asphalt or concrete though...

When done, the helmet comes off. The gloves come off. The shoes and socks are kicked off. The soaked shirt and shorts get peeled off. I stand in front of the fan for about 15 to 20 minutes. Another ritual... This weekend's ride, I had the folks visiting. So I made small talk... basting in my own juices as it were... Dad said, and I am paraphrasing, "You look like you want to die. Glad you enjoy it..." The fatigue, soreness and general nausea... Nothing compared to making the road my bitch.

I ride because I want to sweat out the demons...

Love Music.

These things I do... The separate "Why I"s... Could not be accomplished without music. I listen to a minimum of 4 hours of music a day... Look below the sign off on all my blogs... I could not sit in silence and pound this shit out... I need tunes. When writing, I have literally been reminded of an event, appropriate to the post because a song was playing.

Being a listener since I can remember, a lot of memories have a soundtrack. If I hear that song again, I can recall, with great ease, the accompanying memory. The intertwined nature is only bested by sense of smell... And it is a close contest.

When coding, I will type to the rhythm or beat of a song... There are times when you need to pound out some code and Simon & Garfunkel will not do... As my old boss used to say, "Dougie, gimme something to get the job done." "White Zombie, coming up."

When I ride, I have a playlist specifically for riding. If I was trying to kick for a mile, and fucking "Ob La Di,  Ob La Da" came on, I would have to stop and jab an ice pick in my ears. Or hit the "Next" on the player. No... I need something with a tad more, "Fuck You" to it. That does not mean to say it is all "angry"... It just has to have drive. A pushing tone. A challenging manner.

"Red Barchetta" by Rush would be one that I would like to shuffle upon. It starts out slow... meandering. I would used this build up to plot out my stretch. For the bulk of the song is a musical car chase. The imagery created by those three geniuses, makes you feel the wind on your face. When riding, the wind is there already... and when the chase starts, I would be gone...

Drive like the wind.

Straining the limits of machine and man.

Laughing out loud with fear and hope.

I've got a desperate plan.

My nights, usually spent chatting with friends from all over the country, has a soundtrack... And sometimes, I will broadcast it out on the interwebs. Round about 2 hours a night... Just sitting back, shooting the breeze, and listening to tuneage. It is just like I used to do in Duncanville driveways, Augusta parks and in front of the middle school on State. St., in McChord AFB common rooms and hangar parties, and now... Everywhere.

Music has always been and will always be my companion, unobtrusive,

d

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Oh My Mictlantecuhtli

I know this will be off putting to some of you. I would say I am sorry... but I would be lying.

I do not believe in "God".

I am not Agnostic, where I think there is a higher power, just not gonna label it (hoping not to piss it off). I do not think there is anything but the big ol' Universe. I have said many times, "Universe got jokes." Personification of something expansive and/or conceptual, such as the Universe, is just a matter of scaling it down for comprehension.

I am an Atheist. I do not believe in any of the millions of deities that have come and been led across the river Styx by Charon... Essentially, my Christian, Muslim, and Jewish friends, I went one god further. You do not believe in Lloth, Thor, Zeus, Apollo, Mars, Daikoku, Amen Ra... Neither do I! We have so much in common. I am 100% Atheist, you are 99.9999999999% Atheist!

I also will throw out a "Goddammit". I will sprain eye muscles by rolling them so hard and letting out an "ohhhhh my gahhhhhh-duh"... This usually happens when a Republican is talking...

This is the same thing as before... scaling it down for matters of comprehension. It is much easier to say, "oh my god", vs. "Oh my non-existent deity with whom many identify as their savior" or "oh my Itzananohk'u" (patron god of the Lacandon people).

In this blog, I will do my darnedest to not pick on any one religion... But since I am surrounded by Christians... They may take the brunt of this... And be used as examples versus other belief systems.

My history of religious experience is not all that encompassing. I went to summer bible camps once or twice... Pledged my soul to Jesus Christ. By doing so, I was rewarded with Lego's. If Satan had a better deal, or just more Lego's...

I remember my weariness of religion and religious people being exemplified by the kid across the street in Duncanville, TX. (He STILL LIVES THERE! No, not in the same town... In the SAME HOUSE!). We will call this person "David". I was 12 years old or so and out stretching my legs, having just watched 4 or 5 hours solid of Bruce Lee flicks...

David, about the same age (plus or minus one year), was taking roof shingles, folding them up into about four inch squares and whipping them, like Chinese stars at his two neighbors girls who were playing in their front yard and were maybe 5 and 7 years old. I proceeded to make my case that he better knock it the fuck off. He whipped another one... I moved closer and added, "Or Else." He then flicked one at me, welting my shoulder.

I delivered the cleanest and most beautiful kicks to the throat of my life... It was a thing of beauty. Bruce Lee would have given me the raised fist of, "HELLS YES! THAT'S HOW YOU KICK A THROAT!". David proceeded to grasp his throat, make a "pig-squeal" noise and run inside his house. 5 minutes or so later out came his Dad. Deacon of a church, I think... Could give a rat's ass. He judged me right there and then, "You Hellbound Sinner!" The mother of the two girls gave me ice cream. Guess whose opinion I valued more?

My sojourn to religious freedom then moved, as I did, to Augusta, Kansas. Think rural... Now rewind your watch back 10 years... Think "Footloose", without the humor. Oh, we were like peas and carrots!

We moved out to the country. Six miles from town. I learned that we would be burning trash. You get a 55 gallon drum, put your trash in it, set that shit on fire. Being from the city, not understanding the whole deal... And Kansas being a tad windy... Little embers were flying around. I, thinking of a hundred acre fire being blamed on little ol' me, tried desperately to stomp out the offending sparks.

About a week or so later, I get called to the principal's office. A guy from Topeka, Child Social Services, asks me, point blank, "Are you a Satanist?". Now... upon reflection... I should have said "According to the First Amendment of the Constitution of these United States, I can honestly say 'None of your fucking business.'", but, at most, I think I uttered a "No?".

My friends Dad, yet another Deacon in some stupid church, was driving by and saw me "Dancing around the Satanic flames of a ritual". Great. So rumor got spread around real, REAL, quick about my visit from the State... I played that shit up for all it was worth. If a nice young lady wanted to piss off her folks... Guess who she went to?

By the time I was 18, I was done with organized religion. I was probably 80% Agnostic, 20% Atheist at this point... I didn't think there was a higher power, but I WANTED there to be. Would explain some of the stupidity in the world...

The best example I have ever heard falling out of religion was in Kevin Smith's "Dogma"...

"He (Cleric) said that faith is like a glass of water. When you're young, the glass is small, and it's easy to fill up. But the older you get, the bigger the glass gets, and the same amount of liquid doesn't fill it anymore. Periodically, the glass has to be refilled."

Or like me, give up the Kool Aid all together. For me, knowledge (you know... the FORBIDDEN FRUIT) about the time and place where these supposedly holy texts were written, proved to be too convenient...

Why is pork outlawed in some of the most prominent religions? Back in the day, there was no refrigeration. Meat would go bad... Guess what meat goes bad quicker and can kill your ass if you are not careful? Less people equals less tithes. "NO BACON FOR YOU!!!!" "PORK CHOPS ARE BLASPHEMY!!!". See where this is going?

Homosexuality is on par with a ton of abominations in the bible... My favorite being "A Proud Look"... That is an abomination... Say you just completed a super hard Sudoku... Feeling pretty good about yourself??? Same thing as sucking a dick if you are a dude!!! Ladies, did you wear slacks? You might as well sleep with your dog... Same thing... an "abomination". I do get so tired of people who cherry pick which parts of the bible make them holier than me.

Once identified as an Atheist, people assume I am a man of Science. Sorta... kinda... I trust more in science's ability to say "I don't know. Let me question more." This is in direct opposition to the religion standard of "If you don't know, IT WAS GOD! DO NOT QUESTION!!! And if you do, then God is just so far advanced, you won't be able to comprehend it anyway, so don't hurt your head. Give me money."

I have debated this with many a religious folk. An old teacher friend tried the "Young one, you can't see or touch love, much like you can't see or touch God."

My reply, "I have concrete proof of love... You welcomed me into your home. You let me sit at your family table. You shared your food with me. You let me alone with your daughter... Foolish as that was... If that is not love, then I do not know what is."

I will never attack someone's faith. In the same vein, I will not be accosted over my non-belief. If someone states "This is what I believe, and it gives me a sense of peace and calm." AWESOME! Good on ya! Sadly, more often than not, they will then say "You need to...." or "You should..." do x, y, or z.... THAT is when I will attack and destroy whatever belief system they hold dear. It is not an attack. It is retaliation for their affront on me.

I will also let them know that I think teaching children any religion before the age of at least 13 is tantamount to abuse. The reason why they have Sunday school??? Same as big Tobacco's use of cool characters aimed at young people... Get 'em while they are young. Impressionable. There are no "Christian Children", there are no "Muslim Children", there are no "Jewish Children". There are "Children of Religious Parents".

I have held off this blog because it is so divisive. Religion is such a personal thing. I would like more of the religions types to keep it that way. Personal. Inside Internal. A lot of you guys got big ol' houses with lower case "t"s on top... Go there.

The reason my cup runneth over was because I was on another site's forum... A thread about the suicide of Robin Williams was started. A douche wrote,

"He had everything men seek. So what depresses a soul who's life seems ultra full? In my view it has to be a lack of a true and honest connection to God. For it seems so few people of faith ( devoted faith of any persuasion)..kill themselves. The Spiritual seems to be the missing piece."

That pissed me off. Islamic Extremists kill themselves with Teddy Bear vests... No wait... SUICIDE VESTS...  Christians shoot doctors and murder their children in bathtubs. He took a serious condition and made it one of superstition.

Just so you know, you can't pray away depression. You can't baptize away an addictive personality. You can't Tom Cruise away a chemical imbalance in yer head...

I really do not like religion. It is what holds us back. It will destroy us. It is a leash. It is control.

Peace be unto you, I am good (without god),

d

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Yo, Nimoy...

I was pondering a thing or several hundred things when I was on the elliptical the other day. Namely, WTF am I doing this hamster wheel bullshit for?

Next... I will be the first to admit it... I am in search of* an elusive creature. I know she exists. I have felt the disturbance in the force. I had given up the geas. Broken the spell. as it were... Then the universe decided to get jokes. I met a lady who brought into sharp focus of what it means to have one's shit together.

Admit it, you had to look up "geas"... And if you didn't, roll percentiles to see how big of a nerd you are. (Old D&D reference, if you didn't get it, no worries... you had a social life in high school. Congrats.)

I have been going to the gym routinely. I do this as preventative maintenance. I do this to combat stress. I do this because it will make me look better to the opposite sex. The opposite sex, who is oft heard to say that "sense of humor" is a big factor in a potential mate. I don't want to sound too cocky, but I am a funny mofo. If a sense of humor was that big of a deal, I would be knee deep in women...

I proffer this visual representation...

I have heard a couple of women exude moans when discussing Ryan Gosling... Patton Oswalt is one of the funniest dudes on the planet... Never heard of a woman's panties dropping for him. Superficiality wins out yet again. So... Back to the gym I go...

In addition to the gym going, I cut waaaaaaay back on drinking. This was due to a woman of merit who I shared some time with... She voiced concern after an amigo ushered me three shots of Jack in about 10 minutes and I was not phased by their consumption. It was a serious wake up call for me, as well. Again, I did not do this expressly for someone else. That is an important point. It was in conjunction with their wishes. Of course, I am enjoying a beverage as I type this...

Drinking was never a problem. It was a distraction. A nice derailment of my train of thought. I have had spells where people have voiced "concern". I laughed at them and said, "Chief Master Sergeant, your concern is noted and unwarranted. I have never broken the rules and regulations set forth in the Code of Conduct and Uniformed Code of Military Justice. May I please be excused? I gotta go get drunk."

I have also jumped on and stuck to a budget in recent years. X3, upon leaving, set up the Quicken for me, and laid it all out. I will always be appreciative for that. After X2, I was a complete wreck and idiotic when it came to the dollars... I charged a lot of stuff that I should not have and am STILL paying for it...

I am on track to get my financials in a state of awesome-sauce, where I am not dragging the sins and ghosts of past relationships into new ones.

And that is what it is ALL about... Preparation. I have seen the previews but would not waste a second watching a show like "Doomsday Preppers". I guess what I am doing now would be considered "Holy Shit I Found a Woman I Really Like and Would Like to Possibly See Where It Goes Prepping".

Again, stressing that fact that the things I am doing are self beneficial first... The fact that they could be appealing to a potential female mate... BONUS!

I have been hoarding vacation time. In years past I have been foolish in my using of a day here, a day there, and not really needing to burn them... I would scarcely have any to carry over into the new year. Then I get into a thing with aforementioned woman of merit, and we discussed travel and I was worried that I did not have the vaykay days accrued... Because I was an selfish douche.

A little harsh, but it was more that I had the mindset I was of undeserving of love and would not be in a relationship for a long, long time. Especially from a woman who had her shit together. (They know who they are).

I look back at the years between X's and am almost ashamed of the wasteful manner in which I let it slip through my fingers. I should have been preparing for when I met the elusive and mythical "her".

Yes, Mom and Dad... I should have done some college and shit. Internet porn was invented. Sorry.

When it comes to the emotional side of things, I am not concerned. I know what it takes to be in love with a person and in a committed, exclusive relationship. I got that shit down. It is now more of the "What I bring to the table" aspect. We all have baggage. I just am making mine more manageable and properly labelled and compartmentalized.

So, if I am bringing my on the road to physically fit, honest to a fault, social drinking, fiscally responsible, gainfully employed, silver tongued, not ugly, excellent taste in music, sense of humor having, dog loving, ready to travel self to the table... They better bring their fucking "A" game to have a seat at the same table as me.

For the record... I could make a list of my faults longer then the "pro" list... I am not perfect... Far from that shit... But I am a good person. I am also an asshole, but an asshole you want on YOUR side. Also, this is my blog... If you want to make the "con" list, GET YOUR OWN BLOG!

On the ol' FB, a friend asked, "What are you looking for?" Short answer: Rich, Nerdy Stripper type. Long answer: I want a woman who gets that the person you are angry with is not the person of the last five minutes, it is the person you have known for five months, five years, etc. A woman who gets that reality TV is neither "Reality" nor "TV".

I want her to be supportive, not blindly aligned to my every whim. I do not need sunshine blown up my ass 24/7. I just do not need to be torn down at every turn. Questioned on the wisdom of my actions is fine... Hell, that is almost demanded of. Summarily denied constantly will get old rather quickly.

I really want to have the someone in my life that when I get news, good or bad, it has not really transpired until I get to share it with them. I did not think it was ever going to happen again. For X-Mas last year, I was proven wrong. That brief installment of happiness did not make it. It just showed me that the possibility exists.

Now, I am in search of...

d

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* Title of this tirade is a reference to a show narrated by ol' Spock...  Called "In Search Of".