And you, Madam, are NO Lycia Naff!

I read today about a woman who has been augmented to have three breasts. Then, in preparation for this here blog, I read that it is probably a prosthesis. For the remainder of the blog, I will be writing it as if it were real.

In between the two articles, I was contacted by someone requesting I write a blog about that "stupid c*nt".

While never having attended the Central University of North Texas, I could understand the requester's animosity. From what I know of the person making the blog request, it was not the augmentation itself... it was the reason given by the vapid idiot.

According to reports, she got the surgery because she doesn't want to date anymore. This was her attempt to be "less attractive to men".

Holy fuckballs... Where to begin??? But first, *sniff**sniff* Smell that? That smells like a load of shit.

Possible Pros to Getting a Third Boob

1. You own stock in a pastie manufacturer.
2. You wanted to have a litter or pups and the teets to feed?
3. You can never decide on which bra to wear and you want to mix and match.
4. You are cross-eyed... Severely... So when you looked down, you wanted there to ACTUALLY be three boobs instead of just thinking there are three boobs.
5. You are a stupid fucking attention whore willing to mutilate and humiliate yourself in order to become another talent-less, clawing desperately for your 15 minutes of fame, quasi-celebrity, on par with the fucking Octo-Mom, and this was easier then shooting out eight pups from your diseased birthing canal.

Considered Cons to Getting a Third Boob

1. You look like a fucking moron.
2. When gravity wreaks havoc on the two natural udders, the cycloptic one in the middle will make you look even more fucking moronic.
3. People will write you off as a novelty. And they will be correct in doing so.
4. This is America... Some even crazier chick will show up with FOUR, count 'em FOUR, breasts... and you, you are gonna be last weeks news faster then Ebola can spread through third world country (Too soon?).
5. You have to constantly claim that you are not a stupid fucking attention whore willing to mutilate and humiliate yourself in order to become another talent-less, clawing desperately for your 15 minutes of fame, quasi-celebrity, on par with the fucking Octo-Mom, and this was easier then shooting out eight pups from your diseased birthing canal.

According to the stories, the procedure cost around $20,000 dollars. I am a pretty creative guy. I can think of 8,579,321 things I could do with twenty grand before "Get Third Boob" makes the list (It's on there, don't judge me!!!). That is just off the top of my head. And that is not even including gentleman's clubs...

This person, in all seriousness, needed to devote that much money to her therapist. There is some serious mental issue, or serious lack of mental activity going on with this person.

To say it was because you want to "repel men" and "don't want to date anymore" was such an utter and obvious manipulation. If that were the actual case, why is your punk ass out showing them off and shopping them around for a reality show??? Is it to show how hard it is to have three boobs that YOU HAD DONE TO YOURSELF?

Don't want to date anymore? Want to repel men? Join a fucking nunnery!!! But wait... That would mean putting someone before yourself.

I wonder if it was the constant feeling of "needing a gimmick" to attain a level of stardom that led to this poor, tortured, idiotic soul's decision. Seeing all the Kardashians, Hiltons, Spears', and Cyrus' making money and nabbing headlines for abso-fucking-lutely NO reason other than being wastes of exposed flesh... The thought must have been, "Hey, don't waste the flesh, bunch it up, shove it between my tits! And while you're there, throw a nipple on it!"

The Outcome:

The spectacle will be too much for the masses to resist. There will be a reality show. Halloween costumes will be made. There will be merchandising and sponsors. The inevitable porn deal will be sought after...

The worst aspect to all of this is that little girls will see this woman's attempt and sickening success, and perceive it as a viable option for THEIR dreams and aspirations to be a "celebrity".

There are those who "need a gimmick", and there are those who bust their ass, honing their craft, practicing their art... The ones not out partying, flashing side boob, or upskirts, or getting their sex-tape "leaked"... There are no stories written about the hours, days, weeks, months, years it took to become great at their chosen art... Just those 15 minutes in the spotlight are focused on and sought after.

All I know is, I was never a boob guy anyway... I saw the poster for "For Your Eyes Only" at an impressionable age and the rest, as they say, was history.

Just the 'A' Ma'am,

d

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Today's Title Etymology:

At the Vice-Presidential debate in 1988, Lloyd Bentsen told Dan Quayle, who had just compared himself to John F. Kennedy,

"Senator, I served with Jack Kennedy. I knew Jack Kennedy. Jack Kennedy was a friend of mine. Senator, you're no Jack Kennedy."

Lycia Naff was the woman in the original "Total Recall" who played Mary, the three breasted prostitute.