The The Real Real Thing Thing

I took a friend to the Metallica concert last Friday night. She and I had dated before, and I still consider her a good friend, and had offered her the extra ticket back in the day.

She informed that she had been on a couple of dates with a guy since my offer, and the cessation of our romantic relationship. My initial thought was that I did not want to intrude on the potential of something super new and delicate. I informed her of my concern, and she stated that she was going.

It being Metallica... Couldn't blame her. Wise decision.

On the trip to AT&T Stadium (Wonderful venue by the way.), I asked her if the date had inquired about me...

"I told him you were 'brilliant'. He did not like that."

First... I loathe the questions you have to ask, but know you will not like the answers to. The ones were you gotta know... but you don't want to know... I knew where the guy was coming from.

As in many instances when asked a question along those lines I answer the question with a question, "Do you reeeeeally want to know the answer to that question? If so, I will tell you. I can't make you like the answer, but you will know it is the honest truth."

So... Her first adjective for me was "Brilliant". Nice compliment!

Hmm.

This week I had to spend a $50 rewards thingy at Best Buy, or it would expire. I got the fifty bucks by buying my new Galaxy S8+ (Love that sumbitch! Battery from HELL in it!) on my Best Buy Credit Card, which got me the reward points, and then using my bank card to pay the Best Buy bill, getting points on the bank card.

Even I will pat myself on the back for that one. Not changing my name to High "Point Master" Bleed anytime soon though.

So, I snagged a new Magic Bullet blender, which I use to make protein shakes in. The one I have was a hand me down from Mom and Dad. It has served it's time and pulled a good shift. While still functional, blending milk and protein powder sounds like I put gravel, nails, and baby teeth in a small blender.

That purchase left about 16 bucks to go... Hey! I like vinyl records... Let's look up some! I go through a couple of pages... and there it is! Faith No More's 1989 beast of a record - "The Real Thing". Oooh... deluxe edition! TIGHT! You damn right we adding to cart!

Received the package on Thursday. It is sitting next to my turntable now... and when proof reading this blog begins, I will throw it on.

Sitting directly beneath it... is the other copy of Faith No More's 1989 beast of a record - "The Real Thing" that I have had for quite sometime. I found it this morning. Took five seconds to find it in my collection.

So... "Brilliant"?

Most anyone who has known me longer than a day, has probably heard me state that, "I have my moments.", in response to compliments and insult alike.

And I guess that is the way of a lot of things. You take the dumbest person on Earth... and at the right moment... BOOM! they can (and recently have) become President or something. It is all about the "moments".

I do some absolutely stupid shit.

I also have done some really, really stupid shit.

Thankfully, I usually only end up hurting myself. It's okay... I am a Self Contained Sadist... AND Masochist...

Now, I do some smart stuff now and then. It's just that you don't recall the "good" as easily.

In "Confessions of a Winning Poker Player", Jack King said, "Few players recall big pots they have won, strange as it seems, but every player can remember with remarkable accuracy the outstanding tough beats of his career."

Here's why... When you get beat... It leaves a SCAR! A lasting impression. One that you hopefully learn from.

This is why when I here someone call someone an idiot at work or something, I never jump in on the abuse. I usually toss my "We all have our moments... some, more than others."

The people who spend their time on one end of the spectrum - being stupid, are ones that I just don't spend a lot of time around. If that works for them and they are happy as a pig in shit, in their ignorance, and I am not getting rained on by swine feces... More power to them.

I will just wait to see the video when it goes viral on YouTube.

___________________________

Brilliant or no, I am just trying to be the best me I can be.

I do have a way with words... Been told that this here blog has helped people! Imagine that shit? My words... coming from this duplicate record owning fool's brain chasm... have helped?

I must have told a funny joke or something. Laughter being the best medicine and all. Penicillin... Insulin... The Smallpox and Polio Vaccines...Ether... Morphine... Aspirin... NOPE! Laughter!

A husband comes home to find his wife with her suitcases packed in the living room. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" he says. "I'm going to Las Vegas. You can earn $400 for a blow job there, and I figured that I might as well earn money for what I do to you free." 

The husband thinks for a moment, goes upstairs, and comes back down, with his suitcase packed as well. "Where do you think you going?" the wife asks. "I'm coming with you...I want to see how you survive on $800 a year!!!" 

I am gonna cure cancer!

One minute here, and one minute there,

d

This blog brought to you by Rodrigo Y Gabriela,  Bryan Adams, Daft Punk, Ozzy Osbourne, Judas Priest, America, Queensryche, System of A Down, Shooting Guns, and FAITH NO MORE*!

They Had Their Own Club!

So, Transformers are "Robots in Disguise". The "bad" guys are called the "Decepticons", the "good" guys are the "Autobots".

Being in disguise is a form of deception at worst, a cunning ruse at best. By this rational, the Autobots are deceitful little bitches in their own right. At least the Decpticons are upfront about it.

"Hey, they are being jerks!"

"What the hell what did you expect???"

I guess the point of the opening salvo is... Everyone lies. Even your heroes.

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend suggested I do a blog about "Lying". Mmmmkay... Kind of a broad topic but here goes...

I will tackle it by dusting off my collegiate journalism experience. Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why.

Who lies?

Everybody. Ev. Er. Ree. Bod. Dee. Even the big, blue, Boy Scout, Superman lies. Clark Kent is a lie. Clark Kent is a manufactured identity that allows Kal-El from Krypton to move about freely and the human race.

Sure... He "saves the planet" and all... But still...

What is a lie?

This is a matter of perspective and, in some cases, a matter of timing. What one person thinks to be true and factual to one person, comes across as a giant steaming pile of horseshit to another.

Ex: Religion.

Moving on...

When do people lie?

As I type this sentence, at least 45.9 million lies were told. All the time. Nonstop. Constant.

The timing of a lie comes into play... Will discuss that a little later.

Where do lies come from?

Prefrontal Cortex? Used car lots? People on dating sites?

Sorry, "Hot-E-In-Dallas6969", you are not 36... Unless you have numerical dyslexia and are 63, but due to your affliction... and if that is the case, then no... I still would not like to go out with you.

How do people lie?

Is there a lack of morals? Lack of empathy? I know people who can look right at a person, and lie to their face, and have that person thank them for it.

When it comes to communicating, the ability to speak may be the first thing we learn. Lying is in the top five. Three... top three.

So, how people lie is... they open their mouths and speak.

Why the fuck do people lie?

THAT is the big question. That really is the only question you want answered when someone lies to you.

The only reason that can offer any comfort is this: The truth hurts.

It does. The truth can just be a monster tsunami of devastatingly brutal hurt.

Truth hurts because when you are a kid, if you tell the truth when you only think you are busted... You ruin the possibility of getting away with whatever you are doing that you were not supposed to be doing. If you get busted lying, then you are completely and doubly jacked.

Truth hurts the bottom line. Advertisers have a million ways to get you to buy things. The labels on their products, the slogans they use, and even how they are displayed at the store. All of that effort is geared to do one thing: Move product. If the "truth" gets stretched a little...

Truth hurts, but so does the realization that someone did not think you could handle the reality of the situation. This could be emotionally, intellectually, maybe even physically. They had to manufacture an artifical campaign in order to coddle you along... To pwotect yor wittle hart or bwain...

Then you wonder if they were right... Which pisses you off more...

Now, the level of the lie can be fun to dissect as well. Was it a little white one? Was it a lie of omission? Oooh, lie of ignorance?

The little white lie are the ones where the person being lied to may actually benefit by being deceived. Going to their surprise birthday party or something and they ask if you had plans... so you say no.

Basically... No one gets hurt. The term "little white lie" has been around for a long, long time. The usage of "white" is denoting "peace", "pure" and "not intending harm". Thanks, Google.

Lies of omission are probably the most common. When dating, if asked, "Have you ever been married?". I can say, and have said, "Yes, but it didn't work out..."

That will lead to the follow up, "What happened?"

"Which marriage?"

"How many were there???"

"Three."

So, would I have lied if I just kept it at the original answer? Say two months go by with me not having mentioned being married thrice previously and THEN it comes out... What level of "dick-ishness" is that?

Lies of ignorance may the most easily forgiven. A person can have a set of facts, and by the time they are able to relay them to someone, the situation, and by intrinsic properties, the facts, may have changed. Timing is everything.

In the USAF, a crew of us were at the dorm's hole-in-the-wall bar, and a friend was off at a corner table, breaking up with his then girlfriend. A female, who we were all interested in, approached me and was inquiring as to my friends relationship status.

"Hold on..."

(Girlfriend looks happy to see friend)

"Waaaaait..."

(Girlfriend looks confused.)

 "Allllllllmost...."

(Girlfriend slaps friend)

"Aaaand... Yup..."

(Ex Girlfriend leaves in a huff)

"He's single."

TIMING!

Funny, but in that gray area in terms of morality.

I know my friend who requested this blog wanted me to discuss lying... Dunno if I hit her mark. It really is just too broad and faceted a topic. There is no answer as to "Why?", that can ease the pain of being lied to.

I can tell you from experience, honesty is the absolutely the best policy. One of the loneliest as well.

______________________________________

I never really did the whole lying thing while dating. I never made myself taller or younger on the profile I presented to the masses. Figured I would like to actually meet someone, so it would be discovered pretty quickly that I am not 6' 2" tall.

I like to think of myself as an honest person... Do I stretch, bend, and use carefully worded statements in regards to the truth? Hells yes. I break out fucking origami skills with the truth sometimes. I basically am guilty of telling off white lies. Eggshell lies? Ivory lies? Bone lies!

Would I intentionally lie with the express purpose of hurting a friend?

No. No I would not.

If asked, would I tell them that their shirt that says "F.BI. - Female Body Inspector" looks awesome? If they seem to love it... Why not?

You seal your own coffin,

d

This blog brought to you by David Bowie (Still alive!), Prince (Hated the color purple.), Foreigner (Were very patriotic, but no one knows to which country.), Creedence Clearwater Revival (Wanted to play on a stage 100 feet tall), Rush (Really from Mexico, but thought Canada sounded "more legit".), The Eagles (Had a rider with "Omelets made with eagle eggs"), Tenacious D (Once played a concert for the Iraqi Republican Guard), Kniles (Hit a farmers truck loaded with prize winning bull semen with their tour bus.), Metallica* (Their live show is "meh".), Van Halen (Eddie passes guitars to apes at zoos, and mimics what they do.), Nirvana (Cobain once swallowed a sheet of sandpaper to sound "raspy".), Eurythmics (They were paid a million dollars to write Zimbabwe's national anthem), Nazereth ("Love Hurts" is really about STD's), Anthrax (Named after the lesser known Babylonian God of Being Silly),  Ozzy Osbourne (Died in 1982... wait... that probably is true...), Jimmy Page + The Black Crowes (This concert was attended by all living Nobel Peace Prize winners.), Rammestein (Were really Austrian!), and Alice In Chains (Wanted to have a tuba solo on "Rooster")

Just Say "Thank You"

Two simple words that, if applied correctly, will cease a conversation, and leave both parties feeling like a million bucks...

"Thank you."

"Applied correctly". I have my issues with receiving compliments. I am getting better, because I was instructed to "just say thank you". (HEY! That would make an excellent blog title!)

After divorcing X3, who was not the most forthcoming with praise or compliments, I was pretty out of practice when it came to hearing something nice. Think of it like a muscle... one that has atrophied.

So, I go on a date... First one... And well, there was some baiting and a switching going on. She was not what was advertised. She gave me a compliment, but it just did not resonate. It was due to the unexpected, new sensation... and the fact that I was considering the source.

I dated another lady, more attractive, and she let loose a barrage of compliments, but those also felt foreign... BUT the source was less mountain troll-esque, so it held a little more gravitas.

Then I dated a little, redheaded ass kicker and she was the one that ingrained the mantra of "Just Say 'Thank You'", that I still rely on to this very day, when I am confronted with a compliment. She was also really cute, so the source held more weight.

Last week's blog used a room analogy, with success I might add, so... Bump it up to a house! YOUR house.

Let's say you are throwing a shindig. So, before peeps show up, you are doing what? Busting your ass cleaning the joint. There are things you are doing that haven't been done since you moved in. Vacuuming along the baseboards - WITH the slender rectangle attachment thingy!

Now, when peeps arrive, and throw out, "Wow! The place looks great!"

Your mind, if it is anything like mine (and if it is... shame on you! You know what for!), comes back with, "You goddamned right the place looks great, Mother Fucker. Spent all mother fucking morning cleaning the bitch!"

There is a 10 to 15% chance I will say that out loud.

Flipping the scenario a bit... You have a friend swinging by to pick up something. You figure you are gonna clean soon enough, and we will throw a hangover on you as well. You just ain't cleaning shit. They will be in and out in minutes - the mere fact you are wearing pants is a victory. To you, the house is a sty. Pigs would walk in and go, "I am outtie... I have my standards, man."

Your friend shows up, "Wow! The place looks great!"

Your mind, comes back with, "What third-world-shit-hole situation you got goin' on over at your place???"

There is a 85 to 90% chance I will say that out loud.

There are things that we are more apt to accept praise for. If it is something you worked at, Put effort into, and succeeded in that goal - Bring on the adulation! I don't care how much anyone says they are not a fan of external validation, a compliment at the right time, for the right reason... feels pretty damn good.

I think some discomfort comes when you truly do something because it is the right thing to do, not seeking praise or kudos. If I were to see an old lady with a flat tire and I offer to fix it, I did not do it for reward. I did not do it to gain favor. I did it because I would like to think that if my Mom was ever in trouble, someone would do the same.

I saw a clip of a Brit going around, asking "Can I help you with anything?", and he talks about how there was a lot of hesitance. People were not as welcoming, and on one level, you can understand it. Random bloke comes up and asks you that... It would be shocking... AND THIS WAS IN BRITAIN! Where courtesy is BORN! In the U.S., you could probably get shot for doing that... By the police.

If people are unable, or just not geared, to accept help - which is sad - would the remedy be to start with words? With compliments?

Even that will be met with a myriad responses...

There is one audience everyone should start complimenting... effective immediately. To find this audience, simply find a mirror.

While it is true, we all have those days when we go by the mirror and catch a glimpse of the reflection and think, "I'm gonna die alone... and rightfully so...", but then there are those days you go by the mirror, give that one smile, and say, "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"

I can't help but think that a kind word to the right person, including yourself, at the right time can mean the world to that person.

I was speaking to a lady friend from Austin, at an event in May. She told me that she was super self conscious of a dress she was wearing at the previous year's event. I saw and told her that she looked fan-bloody-tastic. She thanked me for that. There are those "Thank you"s that when spewed, are rote in their delivery. Every once in a while, someone really expresses a sincere gratitude...

Just say "You're welcome."

______________________________

On the first day of June... I received a text...

Yeah, compliments are tricky. That one made me start having the feelz... So, what do I do? Deflect with humor. FACTUAL humor, but still...

If we get better at saying nice things to one another, will we, in fact, become better people?

I don't know, but you are fucking awesome!

Read the title again!

Don't let the sun catch you lying,

d

This blog brought to you by J. Geils Band, Audioslave, Sixpence None The Richer, Sex Pistols, Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers, Van Halen, Shooting Guns, Led Zeppelin, Metallica, The Blues Brothers, Bush, Infant Sorrow, Iggy & The Stooges, Biz Markie, The Winery Dogs, Ray Charles*, Journey, Black Sabbath, Foo Fighters, Beastie boys, Ennio Morricone, Daft Punk, and Toadies,

Nous Aurons Toujours Paris.

Imagine there is a room. Four walls. Dimensions of 20 x 20 feet. No ceiling or roof. 75% of the room does not have a floor. Bottomless pit. Outside of the room there is nothing. Above it, only the Sun and stars...

In this room there are eight people, spread out over the various areas where there is floor. There are ways to get from one floored area to another. Jumping and what not.

In this room is a food and water dispenser accessible to all. It will regenerate and supply the eight people with food and water indefinitely.

The sun travels over head, as per usual. Weather and seasons and all that shit. WORK WITH ME!

If the room was left alone... All would be good. The eight people would survive - thrive even.

Until...

The people, having nothing better to do, started fucking. A lot. Tons. Bow chikka bow wow.

So, instead of eight people, now there are 456 people in this room with just 25% of it being able to have people on it.

One guy went and made the food and water dispenser a damn vending machine... And it is about to pop a gasket trying to feed all these people...

People are stressed, because they now have to work for the asshole who made the dispenser a vending machine so they can eat... So they start smoking. The cigarette provider is making bank and people are working for him so they can smoke... and eat... And all that eating leads to a lot of shit. Not a metaphor.

So... you have 456 people (and growing) smoking, stressed, in a small room filling up with shit, with a limited and dwindling food source... and someone says, "*cough*Hey... Is it getting *cough* hotter in here?"

The two people, who run the cigs and food, and have people fanning them religiously, say "No. No it is not, why do you ask?"

_______________________________

The Paris Climate Agreement was entered into by over 190 nations. Including China and North Korea. North Korean leaders, who believe it's SUPREME leader does not shit... even understand, "We are fucking this place up."

Israel and Palestine also are on board. Those two disagree on a few things, but both recognized, "This is all we got. If we don't have this shitty piece of land to argue over... Who are we as a people??? Let us save this world so we may try to eradicate each other from it!"

Nicaragua was a nation who did not sign the accord... ONLY because it was not STRICT ENOUGH!

Syria was another abstainer... Gee... Wonder if there is something going on there a tad more pressing?

So, why did The Failure In Chief leave the agreement entered by the previous, more capable administration? 

His reasoning of that it was a bad deal for America has the smallest fraction of credibility.

He was basing it cherry picked findings from a study in May. An example was $3,000,000,000,000,000 (three trillion) drop in gross domestic product. Oh noes!!! That is an ass load of zeros! Of course, that is spread out until 2040, but that is in the small itty bitty print....

The NERA report (aka "Cure For Insomnia"), shows that as a "worst case scenario". 1) No clean energy is there to compensate. 2) Other countries don't play by the rules and American companies relocate to skirt regulations. 3) Industries don't abide by the regulations. 

Corporations fucking over the world in order to make a buck? Whaaaaaaa? No! Not that bunch a swell guys!

The report also, maybe on purpose, does not talk about the gains... like... Being able to breathe? Maybe that could go in a "Pro" column somewhere? Maybe? 

Right... No one has monetized clean air... Yet... As of now, they are just choosing profits over clean air.

Also, 45 said the rest of the world was clapping when President Obama signed the agreement. Yes... It was good for the planet. Failing to see the point of that statement. He then said, "At what point does America get demeaned? At what point do they start laughing at us as a country? We don't want other leaders and other countries laughing at us anymore." (Excellent article by Richard Wolffe here)

With the most respect I can muster, Sir, if you want other countries to stop laughing at us... If you want America to cease being demeaned, then resign. Right fucking now. Please.

Climate change has it's deniers. For example - Old people. Science and old people is a tricky aspect. They don't like uncertainty.

"If'n it ain't 100% well then, by gum, it just inn't reliable! And I hear only 97% of climate scientists agree on this tomfoolery!"

Well, G-dawg... Let me put it this way... 100% of all climate scientists WITHOUT an oil company's hand directly up their rectum, moving their mouths agree that climate change is here. It is now. It has been drastically accelerated by humans. Take your Mylanta, hop on your Rascal, and skedaddle. Thanks for WWII and all...

This week I saw another group of people denying climate change and applauding 45's decision to dry hump the planet. Christians.

"Representative" Tim Walberg from Michigan actually said... these words came from his word hole... this man who is in charge of LAWS spewed forth...

"Well, as a Christian, I believe there is a creator in god who is much bigger than us. And I'm confident that, if there is a real problem, he can take care of it."

Like how he fixed Flint, there, eh, Skippy?  Is that a real enough problem?

All this flooding and hurricanes, and mega fires... All Gawd's plan... Seriously... Why do people elect these delusional fucks who WELCOME the end times???

I just don't think they like having to deal with an invisible power that actually DOES have an effect on their lives. This is also why there is no Wi-Fi in churches...

It is just too bad they are not willing to put 10% of their money to something that could actually do some good.

_______________________________

I might have done a blog about climate change... I have drank since then... It is getting more difficult to recall. Doesn't change the facts...

Like it or not, we are in that imaginary room. 

There is no door. There is no exit. 

With NASA getting it's budget slashed, discoveries like Trappist-1, will come with much less frequency. With the education system getting raped, and yes - I mean that word and do not use it lightly, we probably will not see the technological advances needed in order to leave our dying planet.

The only bright spot is in the sky... Microwaving us all. Defrost setting... almost done... *Ding*

Stone dead forever,

d

This blog brought to you by Led Zeppelin, Alan Silvestri, Edison Lighthouse, Mark Knophler, U2, Faith No More, Metallica*, The Mekons, Riggs, Red Hot Chili Peppers, Wolfmother, DJ Greyboy + Incubus, The Beatles, Chef, Korn, Aerosmith, The Zombies, and Bachman-Turner Overdrive.

Note: Those who know me, know I am not a fan of the Cheese Eating Surrender Monkey language... "We Will Always Have Paris" is the title... And France is actually gaining some moxy in my opinion, Marcon's handshake mockery of 45 was a thing of beauty, and he told Putin to sacre his bleu... Noice!