So A Priest Walks Into A Bar...

On this day of zombie worship, I thought it only fitting that I regale you, faithful reader, with my top three most blasphemous tales.

I am not saying I am proud of these... But... Truth be told, gun to the head... They do make me smile.

Coming in at number Three. Knock Knock.

I do not know if this counts as "blasphemous", but it is in the same ballpark... So, it was Easter weekend when I was in the USAF, and I was divorced from X1, so this puts it in 1997.

Being that I was drunk on most, if not all, of my awake hours when I was not in uniform, this is one of those rare stories that I can NOT start with the phrase, "So... we were drinking and..."

There was a lady in my shop, we will give her the made up name of Karla Melly. She was... "spirited" and believed in "free-love"... And like Simon & Garfunkel croon in "The Boxer", "There were times when I was so lonesome, I took some comfort there." (As did a lot of other guys in the shop...)

She had a very skewed moral compass at that time... It aligned with mine quite nicely, and we were good friends. So, when early April was nearing, she decided that I was the needed element in her mission...

"Hey, Dougie."

"Yo, Karla."

"You need to come with me to church on Easter Sunday."

See had a ritual that all the drinking, cavorting, and shenanigans would be eradicated from her "record" if she went to church on Easter and Christmas. Sort of a Bi-Annual cleansing... I weighed her dilemma... I took into account the fate of her immortal soul which hung in the balance and two milliseconds later...

"Um... No?"

"We will sin directly after. In the parking lot if ya want..."

"Kinky.. Okay."

So, in our Sunday best, and just a little hungover (NOT DRUNK!), we made our way to the base chapel.

Walking up, we could see through the little side windows that we were maybe two minutes late... I gave her the nod back to the car, indicating my willingness to bail. She was resolute and gave a shake of her head. She was set on her mission of atonement.

Not minutes before getting out of the car, I had remarked on how calm and serene the day was...

As we opened the doors, a gust of wind, Category 4 Hurricane force, out of FUCKING NOWHERE appears, as if we summoned it, and proceeds to extinguish EVERY. SINGLE. lit candle in the joint. There were many.

Was there a follow up gale? Was there a front on the horizon? Did the severe weather alert system go off?

Nope... Just the one.

The smoke in the air hanged for an eternity. The congregation looked at us. We looked back at them... I was kind of waiting for someone... ANYONE... to point and say "I cast thee out!!!" They never got the chance.

The bruises on my arm from where Karla death gripped and pull me out of the chapel and back to the parking lot were the only reminder of the incident... And I proudly displayed them to my fellow troops on Monday.

At the time, I was not the militant Atheist I am today. I was still in the "Identify As Christian but I have some serious doubts" camp. So, sadly, neither of us were much in the sinning mood after that little meteorological anomaly.

Unholy Shit aka Number Two... The Taste Test!

I would like to stress upfront that it was not me in this chapter who did the blaspheming... I just love the story. Oh, word of warning... Shit gets real graphic.

In the yule season of 2004, it was the first Xmas being divorced from X2. I was living in Waxahachie, Texas. Smoking like a chimney. Drinking like a fish.

Through the miracle of technology, a girlfriend of a friend introduced me to a nice young lady... Via myspace (The Facebook before Facebook). She was 20 years old. I was 32. Don't judge me... We all get ourselves something nice for Christmas... Mine just happened to be bendy and had a tongue ring.

For the next two or three weeks, we Netflixed and Chilled a lot... And since there was no Netflix, we did the later. Fun times.

I knew in my heart of hearts, there was no real future relationship, and I made sure she was informed of this, as well. I don't think a diagram or even four years of classes could have made her "understand" it. The fact that the "relationship" was on it's last legs came sharply into focus as we were cruising back to her place, and she remarked, "Those spinning rims on that truck are the COOLEST!"

Yeah... Start the countdown...

I think it was two days later, she informed me that she, "Could not continue our wicked ways."

So... My first thought was, "You mean our 'wicked AWESOME' ways!"... but went with, "Why is that?" instead.

"Because our Lord and Savior...." and that shit went on for a while. I tuned it out. She had left a few items at my apartment and came down that weekend to get them.

And you guessed it... We were wicked again.

I did not hear from her after a while. I checked a couple of her posts online and it looked like the Jeezy Creezy took hold this time.

Sooooooooo... Thursday. My friend, whose girlfriend did the introducing, and I are cruising up the Chili's for lunch. I was behind the wheel... and our conversation went like this...

"You seeing <Her name redacted> this weekend?"

"Nope... We are done."

"What happened???"

"She found Jesus."

"You mentioned that last week... Didn't she spend the night last Friday?"

"Yeah... she found him last week, but came down to get her shit... and... well..."

And then Elroy dropped the bomb...

"So... How does Jesus' cum taste?"

I fully expected the pit to Hell to open right in front of us and swallow us whole... And there was much swerving as I was laughing til my balls ached.

That's my boy, ELROY!

Number One With a Blessing

In the summer of 97, which puts back in Tacoma and in the USAF, we went out on a Friday night.

When I say "we", I mean there was anywhere from 10 to 20 of us from our shop heading to the same place to hang. "Espirit de Corps" they call it... We ran thick as thieves. Someone always had your back and there was always someone there to make sure EVERYONE made it home.

Some Sergeant heard of this town that had a "community hall" type thing. It was about 30 minutes out of Tacoma. I could not even begin to tell you where... We get there... and I know that I will be bored fuckless in about two minutes.

HEY LOOK!!! It's a diagram... I do apologize for it not being to scale...

Click to Embiggen!

The "X" marks the spot where we ended up. Someone was on the main stage "Blah Blah Blah"ing about something. In front of me, there were some napkins. White, paper napkins. I was admiring the fact they were not just some cheap ass paper napkins. One step below cloth napkins, I tells ya. Classy!

So, I am folding this napkin. And I realize that my black shirt had an interesting collar.

The red arrow is to indicate that the button for the "collar" was offset of the main button line...

So... I took my napkin... and folded it right over the "collar"...

My friend looked up and started tearing up with laughter.... "Holy shit. If it did not look so SPOT ON, it would not be as funny..." The rest of our group took notice... There was applause.

I stood up and said, "Who needs something from the bar?" Bets were made if I would wear it all the way up the bar and back...

I received our order, headed up to the bar. The bartender asked, "What'cha nee...." and then she looked up... gulped, "Father, what can I get for you?"

"Good evening, I need three Bud Lights, two Sam Adams, a Jack n Coke, and a pack of Marlboro Lights - shorts. We are at table 4... Can't miss us..."

"Ah... Ah...  All right..."

As I was headed back, feeling completely sacrilegious, I noticed that in one of the booths, there was a nice group of young ladies... I also noticed the booths all had pitchers of water...

So... I stopped... Turned, and dipped my fingers in the pitcher, flicked a little H20 at each, did the Catholic Sign of the Cross, and ended it with a wink and a smile that would charm Satan himself...

As I finished going back the table, my crew gave me a standing ovation.

I haz moments.

________________________________________

I did not share these to show you that there is no deity... But if there was one, I would probably be struck dead nine times over by now... Just sayin'.

These are just some funny moments that will ALWAYS make me happy to have been a part of. I will take a couple of minutes of that life, over a lifetime of "servitude" any day... And twice on Sundays.

Salty, bitter, and runny,

d

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From the Universe

Congratulations.

You are being born today... Homo Sapiens, Earth, early 21st Century, North America, April 20, 2016, in about 20 minutes or so... Just wanted to give you a head's up on a couple of things... Ya know, prepare you for some stuff...

First...

Breathe. Seriously... This is about all you will be able to handle at this point. 

Breathing is so important, older people actually get "Just Breathe" tattooed on their bodies. As a reminder? In case they forget? Silly humans. Never cease to amaze.

You will breathe, nonstop, everyday, until you die, which will be... lemme see... yup... in the future. I don't want to ruin the surprise.

Next thing is probably going to be "nipple"... Enjoy... Everyone enjoys nipples. There is a span of about 13 years or so where they are not a priority, after that... It just becomes a matter of degrees of importance.

Cast of Characters

You are going to enter into some chaos. That "breathing" thing... First ones are going to be really cold. Sorry, but you just spent 9 months, give or take, gestating in a warm womb... The view sucked and you were basically swimming in your own shit and piss... but ya know... They will wash ya off.

The woman that the people in white or blue (doctors and nurses) are going to hand you to, looking ragged and like she just ran a marathon? That is your "Mother", or "Mom". She, at that moment, will love you, unconditionally. You are one of the best things to happen to her...

The gent, that may be in the room at your Mother's side, but has the "Oh, Shit... This just got real!" expression? That will be your "Father" or "Dad". 

He too loves you, but he is going to be doing the mental calculations of how much you are going to cost him over the next thirty or so years. He may start crying... Could be happiness... or lament...

Would love to tell you that these two are married. Would love to tell you that they love each other and will either get married or stay together... That would be going against the odds. 51% of all marriages end in divorce. 

Also, there is no telling at this point if they are ready for you. There is no guessing their mental state. We may be having this conversation again in a couple of years if Mom decides that you are the root cause all of her problems... No telling... Roll of the dice! Exciting!

Gender

You are either going to be a "male" or "female". I know which, but again, don't want to ruin the surprise.

If you are a "male", then you are going to be fine. Rarely objectified. Treated with much more respect in almost every facet of your life. 

"Females" will be objectified pretty much from the start. Hopefully, in your lifetime, you will make the same wage as a man for doing the same work... but I doubt it.

Also, Females will have their bodies go through weird changes. At puberty, a woman starts a monthly cycle, where she has her body chemistry go wonky, then painful cramping and bleeding as she sloughs off an unused egg and uterine lining. Her breasts enlarge, sometimes to a painful degree. Societal norms dictate that she shaves her armpits and legs. Now, if the woman becomes impregnated, the cycle stops. For nine months, just like you did, the embryo grows into an infant human which she then squeezes out painfully. The woman's breast begin to produce milk to feed said infant... Remember the nipple from earlier? Once the woman reaches her mid forties to early fifties, her body goes through ANOTHER metamorphosis. The cycle stops. Hormones get all out of whack. 

Males, at puberty, may start shaving.

Race

At this point in human history, race is still a thing. Would be great if people realized that by 2164, the races really start to deteriorate and homogenize, and the Homo Sapiens becomes the actual important part.

Again, I know what race you are going to be... any minute now... But, ya know... "Spoiler Alert"...

If "Caucasian", you will be pretty much golden. Just the way it is. Bank loans get approved at higher percentage. Acceptance into colleges is higher. 

If "African-American"... well... You are more likely to be shot by police officers... by 800%. Even unarmed. You also have an 80% higher conviction rate for the same crimes committed by the aforementioned "Caucasians". Just wait til 2020... President Kayne West makes some interesting changes. I have said too much.

If "Latin American", you will face your own hardships. Mostly everyone thinking you have "invaded" and are essentially an "Anchor Baby". You will learn about these imaginary lines on these things called "maps". On one side of the line, you are labelled one thing, on the other side of the line, you are labelled "less than". The "Battle of El Paso" will be right around the time you are old enough to be drafted... Too bad Canada built that wall... You can blame Trump for that one...

If "Asian-American", well... you guys end up winning the whole ball of wax. Congrats.

Education

If you are a resident of the United States of America, you will more than likely attend "Public Schools". By the time, AND IF, you graduate in the year 2034, you will be 18 or so. Never has information been so readily available to everyone... yet the lacking of wisdom been so prevalent. 

You will have been taught at the level of the stupidest mother fucker in class. So... Best of luck. Bone up on your Chinese. Just saying.

Here is nugget of wisdom. I will try to make this one stick... You are going to school to be "educated". NO ONE, NO POWER IN THE VERSE CAN STOP YOU FROM LEARNING!

Love

This is actually one of the greatest and cruelest things in the Universe. It will make you feel like you are bursting with "goodness and light" and floating on Cloud 9... and will drag you through the depths of a hellish landscape and rip out your heart.

Love is an undeniable constant... it is an actual thing... It really is neither created or destroyed... More like "tapped into"... Think of it like a stream...If you dive in without checking the depth or strength of the current, you will get swept away... And when you crash, it will hurt like a bitch. Helluva ride, though!

If you stay on the shore, never dipping a toe... You WILL spend your later days wondering "What if..." This is a guarantee.

Right now... Any second now, that is... All you can count on is the love of your mother. And if the Universe is kind, it is the one love you will ALWAYS be able to count on.

The World

Earth... The planet you are being born on, in 2016... It's in bad shape. I would try and hit Disneyworld in Florida before 2050... just saying.

The possibility that you will have respiratory difficulty due to air quality issues increases every year. Also, every year of your life, will be the hottest one on record... Until that one storm... but again... The surprise is worth it!!!! The look on your face will be priceless...

There are people, today... The day of your birth, who still think "Climate Change" is a "hoax". That, or they are debating whether or not it is "man-made".  That is like walking into a kitchen and finding a huge turd in the middle of the kitchen.

"Is it man-made or did a dog do this???" (The dog represents "Nature")

"Who gives a fuck??? We have to clean this shit up!"

Oh.... Dogs... You will loooooove them furry bastards... They are pretty awesome... Just watch out for that one dog, two streets over, when you are seven... 

You.

The stuff between your imminent birth, and the moment you cease to be is called "Life". It will seem infinite, and then you will not know how long it will last and that will keep you awake at night... Or the thought of  what happens at the end of it... 

Big mystery... And that is why actually LIVING is important.

Your life will be what you make of it. There will be high points, and low points... Trials and tribulations... Moments of great joy, and moments of great despair.

Here is the thing, though...

Life is unfair. I don't care.

Tough cookie to swallow... I get it... 

Ooh... Cookies...

______________________________

All of this doesn't really matter... You are going to have a full memory wipe when oxygen hits your brain. Think of it like wiping a hard drive on a computer. Little safeguard built into you silly, silly humans. Sometimes though... the wipe doesn't take all the way... Some clusters sneak through. You guys call it "deja vu" or "premonitions"... Good times.

Not to worry.., This is not your first time. According to the charts here, this is your... seventh time... Enjoy it as much as you can... Get ready, and head towards the light.

Breathe,

The Universe.*

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*d

The State of Living

Those who know me know that I am pretty sick of Texas. Besides Austin, Texas has little redeeming value. The only reason I am here is the same reason bank robbers rob banks: It's where the money's at.

So, I began thinking about it... If I didn't live in Texas, where would I like to reside? And the process of elimination started...

Besides Austin, there really is no place in Texas I would like to live... And Austin is getting to the point where it is no longer as cool as it once was... The secret was let out of the bag and it got flooded with people who have made it as uncool as everywhere else in the  Low Bar State.

Waxahachie would be second place... only because it would be close to Scarborough Ren. Faire... and I have heard rumor that the city is getting some software that I have spent the last year becoming a bad ass in... Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....

Okay... Next... And we will start East Coast...

Maine: Con: If Stephen King crosses your path, you have 24 hours to kill a clown or you die... Pro: You get to kill a clown!

New Hampshire: I am white. But even I am not that white.

Vermont: While I like "v" words, and maple syrup... I do not like vermouth and this state is too close to that word.

New York: I would never live in New York City, because it would be too much... and I am pretty sure that the one big ass city drives the cost of living for the rest of the state... And I would despise that my car insurance was crazy high because of dumb ass people.

Massachusetts: It would take too long to learn how to spell it... And also, Bahstun? No thanks.

Rhode Island: Climate change and the rising ocean levels will take care of this one.

Pennsylvania: Just by what I have seen at the sporting events... Where people will boo their own mothers, I just can't see me setting up shop there.

New Jersey: There is apparently a vile creature that haunts the State... called a Snooki... Reason enough to steer clear.

Maryland: I have no opinion about Maryland...  I have nothing in regards to Maryland. It just doesn't register... Word Association Time... "Maryland"... "Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh".

Washington D.C.: I would get too angry everyday being that close to politicians. Lewis Black levels...

Delaware:

Nuff Said.

West Virginia: I am not that fond of any place that a direction is in the name...

Virgnia: This state sucks so bad that a part broke off and said "We are doing our own thing..."

North Carolina: I think I went here for a couple of weeks in the USAF... I dunno... Was drinking heavily then. I do remember it being muggy as all hell... so... Pass.

South Carolina: N. Carolina's redneck brother?

Georgia: The most litigious state. Everyone sues everyone... And no one has ever come back from Georgia and said "It was soooo cool there!". All I have ever heard is "Sweat pooled in every crack and crevice I possess and in ones I did not know I possessed."

Florida: Heaven's waiting room... I have been to the state once, on the Gulf side. Stayed on the beach which was nice... But again... It will be underwater sooner rather than later...

Ohio: I do not like college sports... I do not like the NFL...  I can VISIT the Rock N' Roll Hall of Fame.

Kentucky: 4.4 million people, 12 last names... Do I hear dueling banjos?

Tennessee: Memphis had it's appeal... and that is lost to me now...

Alabama: Some people looked at "Forrest Gump" as a heart warming story... I saw it as a cautionary tale.

Mississippi: I think the state flag has a Rebel Flag in it... Automatic elimination.

Indiana: I have no opinion on Indiana... It neither repulses nor attracts me... Which means it has SECRETS!!!!

Michigan: Having escaped BOTH peninsulas, and now that the government is literally trying to kill it's residents... Michigan would be the last place I would ever return to.

Wisconsin: Summers here last a total of 37 minutes... Need a little more than that...

Minnesota:  Ohh dontcha noooo.... Cold weather and people talk funny. If I was gonna live in a place like this, I would just move to Sweden...

Iowa: I think I have an ex wife there... There are not a lot of people there, so the chances of bumping into her are not that astronomical. Why risk it? And as a famous comedian once said, "If you want to get away from it all, and I mean IT. ALL.... Des Moines, Iowa... IT doesn't even know where Des Moines is."

Illinois:  Again... I am betting that Chicago's economy drives the prices up of things across the state... I just am not a fan of that noise. And it is too close to Michigan. 

Missouri: Been there. Done that. They can keep it. Will have to visit the folks sometime. Got invited out for a beer from an old friend just last night who is also up that way. Visit: Yes. Live: No.
Arkansas: Have you heard how exciting life in Arkansas is? Yeah... Me neither.

Louisiana:  Two thirds of the state is a polluted wasteland do to Halliburton and the Koch Brother's tampering and oil and gas operations...

Oklahoma: I have driven through Oklahoma more than I have any other state. I consider that a sign...

Kansas: Part of me would not mind moving back to Kansas, but the state leadership is so completely insane... I mean, Brownback, the governor, is absurdly corrupt and bought off.. Sad... Lot of good people there... Can't vote to save their lives, but good people.

Nebraska: Like Kansas, but without the pizzazz?

South Dakota: Like Nebraska, without the seasons. And flat... Folks lived in Aberdeen... Dad told me once that there was a river about 250 miles away... If it were to flood and crest over 6 inches... they would see water in town... Your concrete PATIO has a steeper grade than that...

North Dakota: I knew a guy in the USAF who was stationed at Minot AFB in North Dakota... He asked, "Have you ever been cold?" and no matter what you answered, he said "That's cute."

Montana: In one week, there was a train derailment... which spilled cargo containers of bleach... An earthquake... and flooding... Total damages: $42.16... Yeah.. .no.

Wyoming: I drove across Wyoming and hit ALL THREE towns in the state... Before I did that, I thought this place was a myth. I have never met anyone from there... Never seen a license plate from there...

Colorado: Given recent legislation... Possible...

New Mexico: I like some moisture in the air...

Arizona: According to the representatives of this state there is nothing but drug cartel killings everywhere... McCain can keep that state.

Utah: Mormons. NEXT!

Nevada: I don't gamble or partake of prostitutes... So... The states two biggest hits are non factors...

Idaho: Never heard anything bad about Idaho. Never heard anything good either... And potatoes are a starch.

California: I just can't afford California... When the Yellowstone Caldera goes, I think it will trigger San Andreas to let most of Cali slide on off into the ocean...

Alaska: Palin. NEXT!

Hawaii: Of course I would live on an island paradise. Are you daft?

Washington: I lived there before, would do so again... After investing in some Gore-tex..

Oregon: Hmmm... I would very much not mind living in Oregon.

________________________________

I am sure every state has that one shining jewel of a town... Maybe even Mississippi... That one place that makes the state worth it.

Having driven a lot of miles across this nation, I have seen some amazing sights. Rock formations in Wyoming that make you want to punch that one guy at work who says "The Wurld iz only 3000 yeerz old! Bible sez sew!" 

Coming through the canyon pass into Albuquerque at night and the city lights just appearing... Magical. 

Storms rolling across the plains of Kansas... I mean, ya got an hour before they show up... but you know they are coming... 

I moved around a couple of times as a kid... And some more as an adult... I guess I am getting that wanderlust again...

Beast of burden,

d

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No Offense

If I were to say "What about all the good shit Hitler did?"... The audience would play a crucial role in how that query was received.

In front of a bat mitzvah... I am getting my ass kicked. No two ways about it. In front of the Aryan Brotherhood, I would get actual looks of pondering and nods in agreement.

First, let me be clear... Hitler was a micro-dicked, genocidal fucktard.

I can not go a week without hearing about how political correctness is "killing free speech" and making it impossible to speak your mind.

The Freedom of Speech is a tricky beast. I love that freedom more so than any other. I can walk right up to the President of the United States of America and say, "You Sir, are a piece of shit and a fucking war criminal." (This would have been applicable only from 2001 to 2008). No crime has been committed. No harm done. In other countries, that is a capitol offense.

Now, the tricky part is this: being able to say whatever you like is a beautiful thing. It is also a powerful thing. The Gospel of Spider-Man teaches us "With great power also must come great responsibility." (Amazing Fantasy, VOL#1, Issue #15). If you say something, you damn well better take responsibility for the reactions and repercussions.

In the USAF, I was feeling superior one day. Okay, to be more accurate, I was feeling even more superior this one day... I was giving a guy grief, just talking shit and belittling him.

"I'm sorry, did I not speak monosyllabic enough for you to understand me? Want me to slow it down for you to underst..." I never saw the fist coming. I did see stars though.

Later he apologized and wanted to know if I wanted to write him up seeing as how he was a reservist and was a higher rank than me. I told him no... I needed the beatdown for being a dick. He later told me that he was impressed with me...

"Because I did not write you up?"

"No... You should have been knocked the fuck out."

I learned in high school that I have a way with words. I can sway some opinions at time because I have a good command of the language and a decent delivery. Those two things are sometimes all it takes... How else do you explain televangelism???

I learned my lessons about how NOT to abuse my ability. In late 2014, I was seeing a Lady. She was an extremely attractive lady. This was the type of lady that I would take a picture, go back in time and show my 15 year old self, "THIS is what you will see naked one day!"... Anyways... She was hot... BUT she was having a tough time in the emotional and psychological department. Rough divorce and all.

I could have used a little charm... A little sweet talking and more than likely had my way with her. I, after MUCH internal debate, decided to convince/sway her to talk to a therapist and get some help. I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I did the right thing. I did the right thing... (I am still trying to convince myself.)

If there IS such a thing as karma... ANYTIME YOU ARE READY!!!!

Back to "political correctness"... You can say whatever the fuck you want. Just be prepared for the repercussions. "Well, then I have to watch what I say, and that ain't 'freedom'."

No, Pum'kin... You do not lack "freedom". You lack "balls".

If you feel that strongly in your convictions, but are worried about it being "received poorly"... well, gee... You must not feel that strongly.

Another thing... You had better fact check your shit.

If you speak the truth, political correctness has very little sway on your statement.

The leading Republican Candidate has been "Mostly False", "False" or "Pants On Fire" SEVENTY EIGHT PERCENT (78%) OF THE TIME!!!  The second runner up GOP fuckstick, the Canadian, meets those three distinctions SIXTY SIX PERCENT (66%) of the time...

And what do you hear about those two from the mouth-breathers their supporters? "I like that they don't give a dern about political correctness!"

Looks like they don't give a shit about being just plain "correct" either.

When someone bemoans the supposed loss of free speech to the P.C. police, my first thought is usually, "Just how bad do you want to use the N-word???" In my defense, I work with some real redneck types. Not all of them are racist... But some of them most definitely exude that vibe.

Seriously, what is in your heart that makes you want to say something hurtful, belittling and/or dismissive of an entire group of people?

Fear? Self loathing? Racism? Ignorance? Did Fox "News" put you up to it???

There is also the distinction between not P.C. and "hate speech".

I am not going to spend a lot of space on hate speech because... well... Who the fuck supports hate speech? There is not two sides to every argument. If you are spouting hate speech, you are not just being not P.C.", you are being inhumane... and like a rabid dog, I would have no problem if you were put down.... ATTICUS STYLE! (literary reference! R.I.P. Harper Lee!)

Now... As for being offended by something said that was not P.C.... &?

That's it... And? So?

There is nothing on the books that says you are immune to being offended. Nothing. Not one word in support of you being protected from something infwinging on your wittle, dewicate, sensitivities.

FICTIONAL EXAMPLE... Say someone, who is awesome as shit, and shall remain nameless. replied to a mass email at their place of employment to about 14 people. This someone told a joke in this email.

Here is the joke... Paraphrased, but the gist is there. It is in response to an email that 8 people in the mass email could not make a proposed date for a meeting, because they were in CPR training that day...

"The proposed date is out because 'Saving Lives' is important and all"

ONE of the recipients took "offense" to that. This person threw enough of a tantrum that the writer got written up.

How big of a wussy does one have to be in order to let something like that offend them?

To me, personally, it looks like they already had some beef with the writer, again.... nameless (and awesome as shit), and were looking for any opportunity to get them in trouble. You know... A dick move all around.

IF, again IF, I were to be involved in something like that and it really happened... I would want to tell the ONE offended person a couple of things... But would never say them because workplace harmony is vital...  BUT... Since this is FICTIONAL...

1) "Lighten up, Francis" (The Sgt. Hulka Initiative)

2) "You're offended? Fuck you."

3) "I am sorry you did not get the super complicated joke that a retarded third grader would called 'too mundane'."

Again... That would be if I were involved in the FICTIONAL EXAMPLE... And wanted to waste my breath on someone when compared to a wall is found to be the second best conversationalist.

________________________________

Is there a problem with political correctness?

I think it was needed because people were tired of having to remain silent when some assclown was spouting hateful ignorant shit.

As with a great many things, I think there was a slight "over-correction". I think the claim of  "being offended" can be used a little too much. Slung around so much that it loses it's bite.

Same thing with the accusation of "I can't say what I want because it is not PC!". Bandied about a little too much.

Having to watch what you say is not an infringement on your Freedom of Speech. And you really don't have to watch what you say. As the prophet Eminem once stated, "I'd yank my fuckin' teeth before I'd ever bite my tongue."

If one does not properly gauge ones audience before speaking their mind, Political Correctness be damned... There will be no need for yanking... You can just pick them up off the ground.

Sender of emails,

d

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