Violence.

Normally, I am a very anti-violence type of person. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I do feel bad for those who travel those lengths, because the violence is there, just like it is in everyone. You just have to cross the line, push the right buttons, or say the right things. Once those cosmic tumblers fall into place, prepare for headline news.

Where does our inherent ability to switch gears from a completely pacified state to that of berserker rage come from? I would submit to the one or two creationist or evolution deniers who do not reckon we evolved or are related to animals, and are reading this... Are you fucking kidding me?

The cases I shall cite are from my past... As I happen to recall them... The names and locations have been changed to protect the... Aw, who am I kidding...

One dreary night in Turkey, on Incirlik AFB, I was heading back to the tent after catching a flick in the "Morale Tent". I was completely void of morale, having learned I was getting divorced upon my rotating back to the world. 22 years old, on the other side of the world, not in the best of moods... I was crossing the bridge from the main road and another troop was heading the opposite direction on the bridge. For whatever reason, we bumped into each other.

"Why don't you watch where you're goin', Airmen?", is what I heard.

"Why don't you fuck off, you cock smoker?", paraphrasing, but 90% accurate...Okay, 99%...

It was on. I don't remember who hit first. I don't recollect how many punches were thrown. I don't recall his name. I DO remember this dude had big teeth... mainly because his big ass chompers split the top my hand open.

We took a step back, due to fatigue (fighting will tire you out, right quick), catching breath... The dawning realization that... WTF? Why? How?... I said, "Wanna get a beer?"

So... 5 minutes later, we are commiserating over a tasty beverage, telling our sob stories. He was trying to get a hold of some lawyer or something legal with a will, I had the divorce thingy.

It was just a case of two people who did NOT need to cross paths.

I have not always emerged victorious, and that is sometimes just what the Dr. ordered. Young gentleman sometimes need to get their asses kicked to keep them in check. In my crazier days, in small town KS., ol' Evil Ed Crane would let me know when I was getting a tad on the cocky side. On two separate occasions, I had the pleasure of seeing the back of my eyelids... Upon regaining consciousness, a simple "Settle down and are we cool?" and the mattered was settled.

Talking sometimes does NOT get the message across. As Sheriff Buford T. Justice let the young man know, after kicking him squarely in the ass, "THAT''s an attention getter..."

Is violence ever justified? Ghandi may think not, but then again, he said "It is better to be violent, if there violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence." That may have just been the hunger talking...

Self defense aside, capital punishment aside... is it justifiable?

Oh, I have no answer... was seriously asking...

Now then...

The desensitization (Spelled correctly first attempt, no help! Hooray me!) of people towards violence has been cited as a concern/reason for the escalation of violence in America. Certain people, namely politicians bought off by the NRA, have railed against video games.

The massacre at Columbine HS in CO. comes to mind because the two assholes played a game called "Doom". So did about fifty gazillion other people. I played Doom. I, II, III, Ultimate, the 2004 version, all of em...

Violent music, violent video games, violence on te TV, everywhere, everywhere... What's a parent to do? I DUNNO... HOW'S ABOUT  YOU PARENT YOUR FUCK UP OF A KID? If the kid starts showing a bit too much enthusiasm for certain things that would make Charles Manson retch, get up on that shit.

In the late 80's, it seemed like a serial killer's were getting caught pretty regularly... The media would search for the scapegoat... Was it the parents, was it rock music, WHY??? I was always hoping for just one of the bastards to say... "Why? Well, Mom and Dad were great parents... I was a youth minister, listened to gospel, don't own a TV, never been to an arcade... I think I am just completely fucked in the head." People would have lost their shit...

I would blame religion... but I have a prejudice for that sort of thing.

I love violence in movies... The Raid: Redemption was 90 minutes of wicked uber-violence... A friend saw it, "Aw, it was subtitled..." A man smashing another man's head through a wall, repeatedly, translates, yo. I just last night watched a movie called "Cheap Thrills". Not so much of a "violent" movie... more of a "If some crazy guy offered you money, what WOULD you do?"... And it escalates... And gets grim...

The last violent act I performed against another human with the intent of doing harm was in self defense. I was in Topeka, KS. I was visiting the folks whilst still in the USAF. 1996-ish? I was drinking quite heavily at the time... Kind of a blur on the timeline, but the recollection is crystal. I asked my sister where a man could whet his whistle, and shoot a game of pool.

I was shooting some pool, and a dude named "Skeeter" (can not make this stuff up), asked to play. I obliged. I have long held to the ideal that one can only be hustled if one is not expecting it. Sadly for Skeeter, I was having a decent night. I decided that taking a good portion of his dough was his penance for being a redneck douche... He saw it differently.

I was walking out to my vehicle, heard "Hey!". Already a little on alert, I turned expecting an ambush. Since I was smoking at the time, I flicked my cig directly into Skeeter's face. It blinds, distracts, and makes the only thought careening through their brain, "Hey, my face might be on fire"... About three to five seconds later, I sat Skeeter against someone's van... I did not envy him the headache he had when he awoke.

Another aspect of violence that hurts to see is bullying. For a myriad reasons... It is easy to say, and I am not detracting from the validity, that the victim of the bullying is the only person who is hurting, but I offer this... The bully had to be taught to be that way. It is usually a manifestation of helplessness in some other relationship in their lives...  I was bullied for a long time. I came home bruised enough that Mom would punish me if I did not start standing up for myself. Serious... I have always avoided violence.

I bullied a kid in 7th grade. I made fun of him. I put him down. And one day, he beat the holy hell outta me. I deserved it. Was it because I was being bullied and was looking for someone I could do the same to? If so, I chose poorly...

In high school, Robert "The Iceman" Pinault and I "adopted" some freshman kid who was 4' 2" ("Dave" I think his name was)... Iceman told his tormentor's, "You picking on my cousin?"... Since Bob had done time, he had a slight reputation... And I was the resident Satanist, Drug Dealing, Psycho. Dave was golden after that... Nary a finger was laid...

In the last days of the USAF, I was deriding a guy... Showing off... He was a small, stout Samoan who enjoyed power lifting, and he bitch slapped me so hard I saw stars... About 20 minutes later, I was at the smoke pit and he came up and apologized, and I said the fault was mine as I was being a complete asshole. He asked if I was gonna press charges. I said, "Hell no. I respect your instruction method and have learned a valuable lesson, Sarge. Right tool for the right job. Hooah!"

This week I saw this...

I found it fascinating. I also watched the accompanying "Behind the Scenes" piece, and the director posited that "Violence without aggression = Intimacy"... I am sure some bondage fetishists would agree...

I will leave you with a joke...

The Masochist says "HURT ME!", the Sadist replies, "No."

Smart people, help the dumb people,

d

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Rinse and Repeat

Cows will chew their food, swallow, mostly digest the food in their stomachs (plural), and sometimes regurgitate it back to the first stomach. You would think that the first stomach would mention "Hey, wait a tick, I've seen this shit before!"

Which brings me to Hollywood...

I have been on this rock long enough to know there is nothing new under that big ball of fusion in the sky. I have been a cinema-phile long enough to understand that most, if not all, movies fit a genre. Some go as so far to be formulaic. I tend to avoid those... or wait for Netflix.

I read today that "Predator" is getting remade. NOT a sequel. NOT a prequel. Remade*... "Predator" is one of my absolute favorite, no holes barred, smash your dick with a whiskey hammer - yes... a hammer made of whiskey,  knock down, drag out, awesome-sauce movies of bad-assery of all time.

I think my cup got really close to running over with the latest incarnation of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". I remember reading the Mirage Studios comic, when they drank beer and swore. I remember it being secretly cool... Then that travesty of a cartoon ruined it all... Took something I loved, and made it... MAINSTREAM!!!

After the first live action movie was released, I was amazed at how some of the story was influenced by some of those early issues. So I gave it some props. Then... Vanilla Ice had to show up in the second one, and that was that...

This NEW installment has the originally 4' 6" turtles clocking in around 6'. Did they take a look at the source material at all?

"Point Break" - Getting remade... Um... Because the story of an ex college quarterback turned FBI agent tracking down surfing bank robbers, led by a zen master type who befriends the agent, was not told thoroughly enough the first time?

"Robocop"... This one goes under the same file of "Why?" The original was the epitome of 80's mindless, uber violence - serving purpose whatsoever. The original cut was RATED "X"! For VIOLENCE! Forget NC-17!!! No horror movie has approached that... There was no reason to even attempt a remake... Hella no reason to have a PG-13 one. Come to think of it, there was no real reason to have the sequels to the original either...

"Man of Steel". I love Superman. I love the mythology. I love the cannon. I love the ideal. I watched Snyder's vision, and for about 66% of the movie, was cool with it. I will just say this... SUPERMAN DOES NOT KILL. PERIOD. EVER. END OF FUCKING LIST. I put Singer's "Superman Returns" above "Man of Steel" by leaps and bounds for that reason alone. Seems like Singer actually read the books and knew Superman is not about being dark and edgy. He is about being the beacon. The shining example.

"Spider-man"/"The Amazing Spider-man"... Ugh... just ugh... Show me a highlight reel, I am good.

There are some franchises that have benefited from the "re-imagination process"...

"Godzilla (2014)" - The latest installment starring the King of Monsters was a nice little disasterpiece. The effects were second to none and the sound... oh, the sound... If Revelations were to come about, and angels were to sound their trumpets... I would hope at least one sounds like Godzilla's roar from this flick...

"Star Trek" - J.J. Abrams not only re-imagined a universe, but managed to explain why it was different. To do so in a way where most people, die hard fans and novices alike, were like, "Yeah, I can see that." was no small feat. The inclusion of Nimoy made an entire legion geekgasm in their Starfleet uniforms.

"Rise" and "Dawn of the Planet of The Apes" - Tim Burton missed it when he attempted it... I blame Marky Mark for that one. This new iteration has Andy Serkis... You probably don't know that name. He was the guy who did the motion capture and facial performance of the main ape, Caesar. GOT NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR TOO!

"21 Jumpstreet" - They just had fun with it... And made it their own while paying a nice little tribute/nod to the original. I approached with trepidation, wondering how they could pull it off, but they did. I have even heard not-terrible things about the sequel.

The "Americanization of foreign films" is another troubling trend. If you hear the film is "adapted from the *insert country here* film", you really do owe it to yourself to scope the original. Yes... You will have to read subtitles. You are getting all cultured and shit... DEAL!

"Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" - Swedish originals had more lesbianism... So kudos to them. I did love Fincher's opening title sequence. I would sneak into the theaters just to watch the opening credits. Will end up the American version just for that alone...

 "Let the Right One In" - Again with the Swedes... The American version, "Let Me In", came and went without so much as a whisper. Prolly a good reason for it.

We steal sooooo much from the Asians, I am not even going to list them all... Three examples...

Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai" became "The Magnificent Seven".

Kurosawa's "Hidden Fortress" was a major, major influence on "Star Wars".

"Old Boy" became "Old Boy, A Spike Lee Joint". Brolin did kick all kinds of ass... So will give props where props are due.

I remember reading a story about the BBC classic "Spaced" and how it was being considered by the American director McG for remaking... McG was bombarded by fans, both famous and from the commonwealth, telling him to leave it the fuck alone. "It is perfect the way it is" was the mantra.

This gives me hope.

In closing, I am seriously waiting for the day when I read the report of a movie being made and the retelling of the same movie is in development at the same time...

The fact that I would not be surprised to read about "The Great Escape" or "Bridge  On The River Kwai", starring Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gorden Levitt, and Mark Wahlberg removes all that previously mentioned hope. Ladies... simmer down now.

Lights, camera, action,

d

* Shane Black is slated to direct... So... not an entire calamity. He was Hawkins after all...

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Don't Panic

"In the beginning the universe was created. This made a lot of people angry and has been widely considered a bad move."

For the last couple of weeks, my mission (and solution to said mission) has been simple. That would not do.

A couple of Sunday ago, May 25th, it was Towel Day. I decided I needed to procure 2005's "Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" on Blu-Ray. No, not DVD... What am I? Amish?

My quest began by hitting the place I was grocery shopping... Target. Nope... Had a copy on DVD, but the aforementioned snobbery would not abide. I zoom across the road to a place I dread, Wal-Mart. On a Sunday. After the cultists have finished their ritualistic exposure to what awful people they are, but for 10%, all is coolio. No luck there, either. On to Best Buy. Nope. Half Priced Books? Nope. Movie Trading Company? Nope. Bupkiss. Zip. Nada. No bueno.

I called it a day... And yes. I know a a bevy, a virtual cornucopia, a veritable plethora of ways to order my Precious and have it delivered to my very door. I am also quite positive I have a gift card to one or more of those establishments and would end up paying next to nothing...

NOT THE POINT!!!

I wanted the quest. I wanted the search. I wanted to be Arthur and it my Holy Grail (Yes, with coconuts. Python-a-style!). I wanted to be Indiana, and it be Coronado's Cross (phooey to all those who thought I would go with the Ark!). I wanted to be Zaphod and it be my Magrathea... If I would have gone right out and found it, I would have enjoyed it, and that would have been it.

To my high falootin' literature peeps, if Gregory Peck found that damn white whale real quick like and killed the bastard, it would have been a short ass book. Eat it, Melville!

I will keep my peepers out for the elusive prize. In the meantime, I "obtained" a digital copy and watched it... The means of the obtainment shall not be discussed due to legality. Arrrrgh, Matey!

For me, the film, a bit more than the books, which will be read again soon, had a theme of questions and answers. To all nerds, this next section is for the non-nerds... Slightly paraphrased. Don't get yer nerd jizz all frothed up...
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A long time ago, an alien race built the largest, most powerful computer in the galaxy, named it "Deep Thought" and asked it the Ultimate Question. "What does it all mean... life, the universe, and everything?"

Deep Thought, sultrily voiced by Dame Helen Mirren, replied, "That will take a bit... Come back in 7 billion years."

When the crowd gathers at the designated time, from planets near and far, They ask "Do you...?"

The supercomputer interrupts, "Have an answer for you? Yes. but you are not going to like it... Okay... The answer to the ultimate answer of life, the universe, and everything is... 42."

This of course led to more questions...

At a later point, the bad guys are going to take the protagonist's, one Arthur Dent, brain in order to find the NEW "Ultimate Question". 

"Fine, Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - Is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy."
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I think back to my relationships, and the times I asked that ultimate question. It was very akin to when I was a student. I was wrong. So very fucking wrong. A lot. However, that feeling of having that question answered... Satiation...

A friend of my third ex-wife, X3, asked me when I began exclusively being with X3, "Do you plan on hurting her or jerking her around? She has had enough of a rough time."

I told what I sincerely believed, at that time... "You know how we are all searching for the one we want to spend our lives with? My search is over. How's yours going?"

Yeah, I know. That was a good answer.

While I am okay with being "alone", there are times where loneliness sucks major donkey balls. I steel myself against attachment and shroud my heart's fragility with cynicism. I truly, equally hope for and more than fear the day when I have to ask that question again.

Because I already know the answer.

So long and thanks for all the fish,

d

P.S. - And yes, when they engage the Infinite Improbability Drive at the end of the flick, and it pops into Douglas Adams' (who helped write the flick, but died in 2001) floating head, goes black, says "For Douglas"... it makes me tear up a tad.

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Mr. D

Preface:
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Apologies for the cheating aspect again... Why reinvent the wheel, yo? But I added... And Mom told me Dad always checks to see if I posted something... Makes me all proud n' stuff... Didn't say "proud n' shit"... That will make Mom happy!

Postface:
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So I am listening to music whilst cleaning, as I am want to do...

"My Hero" by the Foo Fighters comes on. Followed by "Cats in the Cradle" by Ugly Kid Joe.

ALRIGHT, UNIVERSE! I GET IT!

A hero is the person who carried you to the car as you bled out in Mississippi. Never letting you know that they were a) Scared.  b) Super pissed because they told you not to go through that field. c) Wondering how many times this dumb ass kid will cut himself on glass (Age 3 - I put my hand through a window. Age 10 - The Mississippi thing. Age 13 - Brother puts foot through window, into my face. Age 23 - My sunglasses get elbowed into my face).

I got scars, people.

A hero is the person who teaches you your place. I know some guys who grew up with out a father. Quite a few are cocky, arrogant pieces of shit who I have no respect for. I always knew that if I overstepped my bounds, I would be made to know that I am not the greatest thing on the planet, and to pull my head out. 

I distinctly remember heading out on a Saturday night to woo the women folk of Augusta, KS... "Dad, how's it feel to know you raised the world's greatest lover?"

The paper folds down... "Son, I have forgotten more than you will ever know about sex."... 

"I am going to go sit in my car and cry."

Paper folds up, "Have a good night, Son." Keeping me in check.

A hero is the person who doesn't tell you, after you have become an adult, what to do. They let you know that they made some mistakes along the way, and (with a pained expression that you won't understand at the time) try to point out that what you are planning, is going to end badly and hurt you...

A hero will, without trying, set an example for you to try and live up to. They challenge you, without coming out and saying "DEBATE, BITCH!". I remember, with great clarity, the moment I said something that my father actually considered to be a well formed and eloquently delivered opinion. I MADE HIM THINK!!! It was two weeks ago...

Seriously, the first time my Dad asked my opinion about something, it made me feel like I had broken through some invisible barrier. Reached some secret place where only smart people get to go. It was about drywall or lumber or something totally meaningless - but he asked ME!!! Granted, I was working at a lumber yard and I think he was trying to get my discount, BUT STILL!!!

A hero will make you proud that you know them. When you watch a nerdy, old guy grab and hold the attention of six of your stoner buddies by telling a story of bootleggers in Michigan and truckloads of missing silver, knowing full well that these people can get confused by a coloring book "connect the dots" puzzle... And he is HOLDING COURT!!!

That is a gift I am truly envious of that my Father has. He has the ability to gauge his audience and temper the lesson/conversation to their level without losing them or being condescending... Without having mastered that skill, I come across as a pretentious asshole... Granted, most of the time it is on purpose.

My Dad came in to the pool hall I use to frequent (basically, everyday after school) once and someone made a disparaging remark about the nerdy old guy, my friend began to beat the living shit out of him. "YOU DO NOT INSULT MR. D!!!". I do so wonder what happened to Evil Ed...

A hero will never be ashamed that they know you... My father was introducing me, with my nifty mohawk, dressed in my finest shorts and tank top - looking like a circus freak, to full bird Colonels in the USAF without a hint of shame or remorse.

I could have asked for no better example of a "Man". No better archetype of  a "Husband". The mastery of how he did the whole "Parent" thing? Probably one of the reasons I forsook that path. He was lucky in that he met Mom. I was lucky he didn't pull out that one time... As with the Mom blog I posted on or around Mother's Day... I could go on and on, citing example after example of Dad's greatness... But I will close with this:

Since I turned about 12, or so, I can count the number of times my father has told me "I love you" on two hands with fingers left over.

I have never doubted or questioned it. Not for a second.

It's Father's Day.

ALRIGHT, UNIVERSE! I GET IT! I WILL NOT FORGET TO CALL!!!

There goes my hero,

d

(Not to be confused with "Mr. D".)

Rednecks... Can I get a Final Solution?

I will never understand a celebration of idiocy... I will never willingly look for the simplicity of something so I do not have to think... I can not fathom there being nomenclatures for where one was born in regards to the "Mason Dixon Line"... My mind spins at the notion that "Intellectual" is an insult... I have trouble with people who are at the same time the most generous and most bigoted... Well, generous if you have a certain skin pigmentation...

"Git R' Done"

I like to think of myself as a person with a good sense of humor. I appreciate all kinds and flavors of humor. Harold Llyod, Richard Pryor, Loius C.K., Chris Rock, Steven Wright, Jim Gaffigan, Larry, Moe, and Curly  (Shemp can suck my choad). I do not, however, support Larry The Cable Guy.

I like Ron White and Bill Engvall. I can handle Jeff Foxworthy in small, small doses. When it comes to the last member of that little troupe, I just can not endorse him. I find his humor catering to a demographic I have no desire to join. Lowest Common Denominator.

A gentleman at work, who for all purposes is a higher up, requested a report to be made for the system. He actually wrote up specifications... I was flabbergasted... And then I saw the title he had bestowed on this little gem... The "Git R' Done Report". I requested, as nicely as I could, that the title be changed. He pressured me as to why. "Because I have no desire to be associated with a character that I would classify as mentally retarded due to incestuous breeding habits."

"Southern Boys"

Another forum had a post... "30 Things You Will Never Here Southern Boys Say"

This is the list... My responses are in bold...
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30. When I retire, I'm movin' north. Right, because I love sweating my balls off in 90% humidity.

29. I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex. "I will take 'Which Family Member Kisses Better' for 200"

28. Duct tape won't fix that. This is why there will never be a "Redneck Air". 

27. Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken. "I enjoy piss colored water!"

26. We don't keep firearms in this house. Of course Jr. shot his toe off the other day... We're so blessed that it wern't a repeat of what happened to Billy Joe Jim Bob, rest his soul.

25. You can't feed that to the dog. Animal cruelty! YAY!

24. No kids in the back of the pickup, it's just not safe. DARWINISM! Or "Them thar Mexicans stole our transportation strategy!"

23. Wrestling is fake. "I like watching two muscular dudes perform choreographed exchanges..."  Latent homosexuality... Nice!

22. We're vegetarians. Right... And most of the Southern states are among the unhealthiest! Adult Onset Diabetes! Congrats!
 
21. Do you think my gut is too big? Self respect? Nah!
 
20. I'll have grapefruit and grapes instead of that there biscuits and gravy. See #22.
 
19. Honey, we don't need another dog. Right, just breed another child you can't support!

18. Who gives a damn who won the Civil War? The Slaves? 620,000+ dead people?

17. Give me the small bag of pork rinds. See #22.

16. Too many deer heads detract from the decor. Right... Because you showed real skill with a scoped, large caliber rifle, from a concealed perch, with bait, and tons of other modern conveniences...

15. I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today. Okay... Can't argue with this one... But I do try to avoid the place due to it's raping of it's employees.
 
14. Trim the fat off that steak. How many heart attacks there, Chief?

13. Cappuccino tastes better than espresso. Starbucks is in the South... But you may be exposed to actual culture if you enter... and it would make you feel stupid... best to just avoid.

12. The tires on that truck are too big. Compensating for anything, Hoss?

11. I've got it all on the C: DRIVE. If it is porn, I would believe it. 

10. Unsweetened tea tastes much better. See #22.

9. My fiancé, Bobbie Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. I have rarely heard of "Rich White Trash".  

8. I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl. "But I got two bags of Crystal Meth!" 

7. Checkmate. No strategerizin'!
 
6. She's too young to be wearing a bikini. Pedophilia!

5. Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen. Roy Clark was a fantastic musician... but that show was all about tits and innuendo - Nothing wrong with that, but seen one episode, seen 'em all.

4. I don't have a favorite college team. "I weren't smart enuff t'go, so I will support the sports team and pretend!"

3. You Guys. I don't even understand this one... Which is a victory.

2. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Betty Mae. "I kin see yer hail damage!" 

AND THE NUMBER ONE THING THAT YOU WILL NEVER HEAR A SOUTHERN BOY SAY: 


1. Nope, no more beer for me. I'm driving a whole busload of us down to re-elect OBAMA. Besides the drunk driving indicated... The bigger issue...

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The Southern states are invariably the poorest states... and also very Republican. Republicans sell their constituency on the premise of "Your time is a comin'"... I feel bad for the toothless bastards because YOUR TIME IS NOT EVER GOING TO COME!. 

I touched on the fact that the Southern states are none to healthy... And which states were the most ardent opponents of the Affordable Health Care Act? It was not the North, East, or West...

"A Country Boy Can Survive"

Country music sucks. Humble opinion. This song is a shining example. No one is asking you not to survive... Well, I have not asked... yet. This self imposed self persecution is so "hapless victim"... The city types in the city are not your type of people... Well, stay the fuck out of the cities then. Everyone wins. You drive too slow anyway, you dumb shit.

The Stars N' Bars!

I do not get holding onto a symbol of losing. Sadly, I would equate it to the Nazi swastika flag, but a lot of the assclowns who sport the Confederate flag also have the Nazi one. Both LOSERS!

If I see a bumper sticker, window decal, tattoo, or any representation of the Confederate flag, I deduct anywhere from 50 to 100 IQ points from the owner. The point deduction scale is based on size. The fact that some state flags still have this reminder of absolute and epic fail is a travesty.

The Civil War was the dumbest era in American history. PERIOD. George W. Bush Jr.'s "Presidency" is second only because his body count was lower.

NASCAR

NASCAR gets laughed at by other people who enjoy REAL racing... You know this right? The die hard NASCAR fans will counter with "Largest growing sport!!!" or "It takes skill and endurance!"...

Most other driving sport's fans can counter with the death nail to the argument, "Our drivers can turn left AND right!" Done.

I have and never will watch a NASCAR event from start to finish... I would rather watch snails have sex.

A Confederacy.... of Dunces.

You never hear of a "Confederacy of Smart Bastards!" No... you get a bunch of idiots together and you get the encapsulating title, and it is so appropriate. Rednecks will vote against their best interests, scoff at healthcare while being the most unhealthy, claim to be hospitable and yet are the most segregated, furthest behind in educational categories and most proud of college... sports, some live in squalor and can not stop spawning...

This has led me to the scary thought... The stupid people breed like vermin... I like to think of myself as a somewhat smart type person, and I decided not to have kids for purely selfish reasons. The stupid will overtake the population... One, we'll just call him "W", already got elected president.

So, hopefully the title of this diatribe is more understood... and desired.

NOTE: This is not an attack on all Southern people... Some of the most endearing, sincere, welcoming people I have met in my travels were from the South. Southern hospitality is a beautiful thing. Redneckitis is not geographically based or contained... It can strike anywhere. Anytime. Your neighbors... Your friends... YOUR KIDS!!!

Sweet dreams, 'Murica

d

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The Republican Jihad on the Middle Class

“Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.” – Goldfinger (probably a Republican or a Nazi, but I repeat myself.)

At one time, I was heard to say, “I can understand the tenants of the Republican party”. It came down to the following, “I don’t want to pay taxes to allow some artist to urinate on a canvas and call it art.” Also, “I don’t like paying for people who abuse the system.”

This was before the blatant attacks, the economic terrorism, on the middle class by the GOP. It was George W. Bush Jr. that really opened my eyes as to how corrupt these bastards are. They are evil. I like to be thought of as miscreant, but honestly, I am nowhere near as diabolical as these guys. Much like how the GOP doesn't like funding performance art, I really did not like funding “Faith Based Initiatives”.

Republicans are against “big government”. 

They like to say “expansion”, “reining it in”, and “deregulation”. The largest expansion of Government in the last 30 years was under W. I am for scaling back programs and letting the market off the leash in times of economic prosperity… 

Economic prosperity like we had when Clinton left office.  Look what happened when a Republican Governor from Texas showed up. If left alone, the economy was projected to keep in the black over the next five years. Making money. Another Republican Governor from Texas considered running for President. What could go wrong??? I could ask Perry to count the ways, but he would get to two and then say "Oops."

When Republicans say they don’t want big government, it means that they do not want the government making it harder, through rules and regulations, for the mega-corporations to make more obscene amounts of near tax-free profits.

These people are the ones who created the “Roberts” Supreme Court, who have made political rulings in favor of getting corporations the rights of individuals, under the guise of freedom of speech.  This allows corporations to spend as much money on campaigns as they want. Surprisingly, the majority is not even on Congressmen and Senators, but judges.

The U.S. Chamber of Commerce is the main entity behind this. Not in any, way, shape, or form a part of the government. They are a lobbyist group formed by reps from some of the largest corporations on the planet.

Two words – Clarence Fucking Thomas. ‘Nuff said. When Citizens United (or the "Koch Brothers want to buy EVERYONE!") was passed, Thomas' wife received a $750,000 endowment from a shell corporation, but essentially it was from the Koch Brothers... Ol' Clarence should have excluded himself from the ruling...

A lot of you will now be screaming, "But the Democrats have the UNIONS!!!!" True... But they have and will never compete with the Kochs, Big Pharm, and Oil.

When Walker was elected Governor in Wisconsin, he went after Teacher's Union. "Education is in the red! We need to cut salaries!" The Teacher's Uunion said, "We understand..." The next thing the Gov. said was, "Education is in the red! We need to cut benefits!" The Teacher's Union said, "All right... temporarily..."

Then the Gov. said, "Education is in the red! We need you to give up the right to ever come back and ask for anything. Money or benefits. We want you to give up your seat at the bargaining table. Forever." The Teacher's Union said, "Fuck you."

It was an archetype to bust the unions up. Reagan pioneered it back in the Air Traffic Controller Strike in the early 80's. But... no big government... unless...

When it comes to who you want to love, they want the BIG government to step in... Define stuff that grown ass people should have the right to define. 

Republicans don’t want taxes raised. 

They say that now is not the time to raise taxes on anybody. The President wants to raise it on millionaires and the like. If you made a million dollars, you would owe $260,000. The President wants to raise it so a millionaire would have to pay $290,000.  Holy shit!!! How is this American supposed to live on $710,000 a year???

The aforementioned ruling gave the corporation’s the same individual rights as you and I, yet the courts and GOP  protect the corporations from having to pay the taxes that you and I have to pay, as individuals. How can they have it both ways?

Bernie Sanders, Independent from Vermont, pointed out a building on a Cayman Island. It was about 4 or 5 stories tall, nice curb appeal. It just happens to be the residence of over 18,000 corporations. American corporations. They “reside” there to NOT pay their share of taxes. 

I don’t want my taxes raised… I want people/corporations to pay their more than fair share so our government can function.

Republicans really don’t want to tax America’s Job Creators. 

Bush Jr. deregulated and let the free market run wild and gave tax cuts – to create jobs… The theory was much like the “trickle down” economics from the Reagan years. That did not work, and neither did Bush’s plan. It was folly from the beginning. 

That 30k difference I pointed out 5 paragraphs ago, was supposed to be a job created. In my opinion, a person can live on 30 grand a year, but only with the help of social programs. Oooh, the bad word… “Social”. Those “programs” would be the “entitlements” that the GOP keeps mentioning and trying to brand as evil.

My father, who I think pretty highly off, asked me the other day, “You know why I call my retirement, after working for the government for 33 years, an ‘entitlement’??? Because I am fucking entitled to it!” 

If the GOP gets their way, my father’s three decades of faithful service would be viewed as a precursor to his “leeching off the government”.

Bush Jr. is a direct descendant of Franklin Pierce, whose xenophobic actions were pretty much responsible for the Civil War. Historians are now torn between Pierce and Bush Jr. as to the worst president in the history of the U.S.A. I would petition scientists to identify and eliminate the “I Must Rape America” gene. Also known as the “Must Start a Devastating War and Kill A Lot of Americans” gene.

Bush Jr.’s tax cuts didn’t create jobs – it destroyed them, 600,000 of them. While the corporations posted record profits due to lower taxes, they were also granted tax loopholes for closing shops, factories, and plants and shipping jobs overseas. 

Companies like Bain Capital specialized in dismantling companies and shipping jobs overseas so that the stockholders got a premium dividend... The workers? The pension holders? The people who actually MADE the company? Fuck 'em. Guess who pioneered and ran ol' Bain? Mitt Romney. 

Republicans voting on raising the debt ceiling. 

The call to raise the debt ceiling came to vote 17 times while Bush Jr. was in office. It was raised 11 times, with overwhelming Republican support. NOW, under Obama, there is a terrible stink about spending. The only problem is that the spending helps Americans. The Republicans are choosing to forget that they caused this quagmire we find ourselves in, and did it with a smile.

The GOP has also been proposing things, like Cap and Trade, and when the President says “Great! Good Idea!”, they bail out. The vote for Cap and Trade failed by seven votes. All seven – SPONSORS OF THE BILL!!!

Republicans and the Shift of the Middle.

A Republican president could not propose cutting Medicare, Medicaid, and Social Security. However, if the GOP could jack up the economy bad enough that a Democrat would have to entertain cutting those programs that millions of Americans depend on. They could not do it when Clinton was in, because the economy was rocking.

By shifting off the charts to the right, when the left comes to the table to negotiate and look for the middle ground in the hopes of meeting in the center, the center is far, far, to the right.
 

The GOP proposed a budget plan where 85% would come from spending cuts and 15% from increased tax revenue. The Democrats countered with 83% spending cuts, 17% tax revenue (Oil subsidies and taxes on corporate jets made up the extra 2%). The Republicans were shocked and outraged! Their new proposal was for 100% spending cuts. Once again, allowing the richest 2% to get off scot free.

In the end. 

The GOP is committing economic terrorism. They are holding the Government hostage, allowing nothing to pass or get voted on that would actually help the economy and you. WHY?

That would help the President.

They don’t want that.

They want to cut funding on public education, while sending their kids to private schools on your dime, since we pay their salaries (and health care cost, but that is a whole other can of worms). So the next generation is dumber and more easily manipulated by the propaganda arm of the GOP, FOX “News”.

They want to cut spending and attack cops and firefighters. So when the “have-nots” are at their wits end, they don’t have enough police to do anything about it. Crime becomes epidemic. Not in their privately patrolled gated communities…

They want to cut spending on things like the EPA. These bastards don’t even care about their own grandkids. Scientists (another dirty word to the GOP) say that the climate change phenomenon will get more rapid, and cause more storms. Even if they don’t believe in science, truth, facts, the non-enforcement of safety measures lead to things like the BP oil spill.

In the state of Texas, a town blew up... AN ENTIRE TOWN!!! It was discovered that the amount of ammonium nitrate being stored at the fertilizer plant was 500% more then it was REGULATED for... So, did Governor Rick "Bush Clone" Perry talk about enforcement? NOPE! "Texas won't regulate businesses to death!"... Your town might blow up... But, that's capitalism!!! 

They want TORT reform. If a corporation wrongs you, and I mean jacks up your life, your frivolous law suit will have a cap on the amount of damages you seek. TORT is the root of the word torture. The most famous case they like to point out is the old lady and the hot cup of coffee. I have seen the photos of the burns. I would sue the hell out of them as well. She asked for money to cover the medical costs (skin grafts were needed!) and for McDonalds to make a more secure lid. The jury awarded her the equivalent of 2 days of coffee sales by McDonalds. 2.9 million dollars. This was in the 80’s, McDonalds did not miss that money at all.

Reagan pointed out a guy in a phone booth (big glass enclosures that people would get into, shut a door and make a phone call) was hit by a drunk driver. Reagan scoffed as he explained that the guy had the audacity to sue the phone company. FOR SHAME!!! What he forgot to mention is that the guy tried to get out, but since AT&T did not properly maintain the booth, the door would not open. There were also thirteen other incidents where the placement of the booths were found to be “dangerously close to traffic”. AT&T didn’t miss that money.

Republican state legislatures want to cut funding for Social Services. People complain about people pulling up to get their welfare check in a new Cadillac. They fail to realize that one agent, whose job it is to check for abuse, can’t. They can’t because they have thousands of other cases to check as well. “Well, why not get more agents???”. They don’t have the money. So the abuse continues and proliferates. If the Republicans can’t vote down a program, they will starve it.

They want to kill Planned Parenthood. Some Arizona representative stated, on record, “97% of what they do is abortion!”. After two minutes of fact checking, you can find out that about .3% of what they do is a CONSTITUITIONALLY PROTECTED MEDICAL PROCEDURE! When this lying old white guy’s office was contacted about this complete and utter fabrication, they issued the following statement – “That was not meant to be taken as a factual statement.”

Not kidding. Twelve states have laws being proposed to make your reproductive rights go away. If they get their foot in the door… If they start that ball rolling of legislating morality based on Christian and Family values, are atheists like me going to be rounded up first?

They don’t want to spend money on infrastructure. So when you bust your car on terrible roads, and lose your mediocre job that you had to take because your education was substandard, and Grandma’s health coverage ran out… So crime becomes an option… but there are not enough cops…

In the End.

The Republicans have declared war on you. What are you going to do about it?

I have written to my Senator twice. Once about the Stimulus Vote, which he was too busy pimping himself out to Wall Street to even be present to vote on. In the other message, I called him a prostitute to big business. Both times, I received the standard, rubber stamp, “Thank you” message.

If this could be considered taxation without representation, can I revolt?

I have always hated being ignored or dismissed. I feel that the voice of everyday America is falling on deaf ears.

Ears plugged by campaign contributions, in greater amounts then I could ever earn in a lifetime.

d

This blog is another re-post from a year or so ago... Sorry... Little dated... I BLAME YOU! Gimme something to rant about, dammit... 

Internet Dating... or "Ex Wives, Aisle 8."

About 17 years ago (1997 for the math challenged), my comrade in the USAF was late to work. This was unusual as he was the "go-getter" type. Always early, and would volunteer US to do every job that popped up. Sergeant Ross leaned out the office door, and in his Georgian drawl, "Hey, D!"

"Yeah, Sarge?"

"Where's Byerly?"

I checked the clock... 0703 hours, popped to attention mockingly, " Sir, If he was up your ass you'd..."

"Shut yer mouth! Go get him!"

"Yessir!"

I pulled up to his room in the dorms. The door slightly ajar. I yelled "Hey, Douche-n-stein... I am coming in..." (This was standard protocol in the dorms, as you were never sure what you would walk in on).

I peered in... he was at his brandy new PC... BDU shirt half on... He looked like he had not slept... He turns, eyes glazed and twitching from having been screen gazing for the better part of 6 straight hours, and says "Man, I am talking to six chicks at once!!!"

"Scoot over."

Before either of us knew what was happening, a shout rang out, "WHERE THE FUCK YOU TWO IDIOTS BEEN?".

We both turned, to see Sergeant Ross, looking none too pleased... Then we looked at the clock... it was about a quarter after 10.

"We are talking to about 14 chicks at once, Sarge."

"Scoot over."

This was my introduction to Internet Dating...
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Things have changed and things have not changed...

I won't bore you with statistics and stuff... BUT will give you a link to some wicked interesting statistics...

When I was getting out of the USAF, I knew I would be moving to Arlington, TX. So I drunkenly told Byerly... "I am moving to Texas, I should starts talking to chicks in Texas... It is the WORLD WIDE WEB, man!"

"You are a GENIUS!"

This is how I met the second ex wife... aka X2. After we split up...

TO THE INTERNETS!!! This was about 2003 or 2004 ish. The main technological advancement being CAMS! Now you could see the person, and decide there was no way in hell you were going to stick your dick in that. All without having to leave the apartment! Being about 32, things were still okay... Happens to a lot of people...

I met X3 on a site... can't even remember where... I think it was Yahoo! Profiles or the such... After we split up...

TO THE INTERNETS!!! The last two relationships or any merit were both off the internet... By this time, I was (and still am, now) jaded and cynical, it is the closest thing to a self defeating prophecy I can think of... Being 41 and single, not as bueno...

For the record... I will now be talking as to the folly and inescapable world of internet dating... I will be using a site that some know, and some don't... POF.com. It is a pretty popular dating site for a couple of reasons... 1) It is free. 2) It does not cost anything. 3) You do not have to give them money.

And, with that said, ya get what ya paid for.

Okay, I know this will sound like women bashing... And that is because I am not out there reading guys profiles... Like the t-shirt says "Sorry Guys, I Eat Pussy"... Works for lesbians, too. 206 days til XMas!

Likes

On POF you list your "likes"... Women apparently love to "travel", "work out", "shop", "God, "anything outdoors", and "Insert Stupid TV Show Here". I get it... But honesty is pretty important... List "Porn", "Lazy Sundays", "Rooster Fighting"... Illegal, but honest!

The Pictures

If you are covered in blood, or dressed as an occupation, but as a slut in that occupation... You really do not need to caption the pic with "Halloween!!!" No shit? I thought the Slut Division of the police department hiring...

If all your shots are from a high angle, we get it... you are trying to look slimmer...

If you list your self as anything "Christian"... and have pics of you slutting it up for the camera, or assuming positions known only to pornstars... it makes me wonder what church you go to...

If you are doing the obligatory bathroom "Getting Ready for Gals Night Out"... Remove or crop out your vibrator. On second thought, leave it... Good to know the competition...

Reading

In my profile, I list things I am not a fan of. Country music. Republicans. Rednecks. NASCAR. Reality TV... And I get messages or contact from "R3dN3ckGal"... Um... Did you not read what I wrote? CAN you read what I wrote?

I mention I would like someone local... I do this DJ'ing thing in a national chat room and it seems that if a woman lives 486 or miles away from me - TOTALLY digs me... Local? Not so much. So I get messages from frikkin' Columbus frikkin Ohio... WTF? Break out a fucking globe or map or some shit!!!

Red Flags

I actually READ the profiles. I have a couple of things that verboten, that make me hit the "NEXT" button. If a woman with kids says "and they are my world"... NEXT. If they are your world, then where would I fit in?

If a woman mentions "typical Dallas gal"... High maintenance and superficial bitchitude. NEXT.

"Christ comes first"... Does the line form to the left? (Yes, if there is a hell, I am going... if you laughed, see you there!)

I have seen some women in their 40's, who look like they are in their 20's... I have seen some women in their early 30's who look like the Crypt Keeper...

(For those who never watched "Tales From the Crypt")

If the "body type" says "Average", and they are morbidly obese... That means they are not even with themselves.

Speaking of...

Honesty

I believe in it. I know I am far from perfect (but closer than others!). I do not disclose everything... I tell them they can ask me anything they would like. I can not make them like the answer, but they will know it is honest.

There is no reason to lie. It will come out eventually. So why waste time? I will not continue a date with someone who had pics from 10 years ago on their profile, only to show up and see her as she truly is... That is an affront and disrespectful.

They (they being those pesky stats from earlier) say men lie most about their height... Women lie most about weight and physical appearance. But both say "Personality" is the most important trait... LIES!!! The reason is simple... It is the "foot in the door" principle... "If I can just get them to know the REAL me, I will never have to worry about the outer shell! They will look past it!!!"

I can't see that far... Here's an idea... Try doing a little maintenance on that outer shell. Not for me. Not for "him", not for anyone else. Do it for you. Your confidence will skyrocket... And regardless of gender, confidence is sexy as fuck.
______________________________________________________

In closing... I will utilize all means available to find the next "one"...

Maya Angelou, rest her soul, said "Have the courage to trust love one more time, and always one more time."

I am trying Ma'am, I really am. She also said, "Watch out for whack ass bitches on the internet!" (unconfirmed)

TO THE INTERNETS!!!

Easy, like a Sunday morning,

d

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