Please, don't say "Clowns". That is too easy and it is a universally known fact that clowns are scary as shit. Aliens could land today, pop out, look around and if they saw a child's birthday party... complete with a clown... Hopefully, they would be of high enough intellect to atomize the paint-faced demon....
About once a month or so, I will envision my death. Usually when I am crashing, lying in bed. I do not fear death itself, that is one of those "it's gonna happen" things. It is more the method by which I will shuffle this mortal coil.
The one thing that will make me have to get up and clear my head for about four hours is being constricted or trapped in a very small space, unable to move. Trapped. Buried alive. Succumbing to the inevitable darkness.
Another thing that causes concern is that I never really know how I ended up in such a state...
I can explain the phobia, having had to wear corrective braces on my feet when I was an infant. I can't remember how old I was. I can't remember anything about them. I can only guess I wasn't a fan then, and their effects linger to this day.
There is a fellow at work, who is not afraid to engage in conversation with me. He stopped by on Friday and the conversation ranged all over. He brought up something interesting. Dragons. If you look back through almost every civilization's mythologies, there be dragons!
Asian civilizations, European civilizations, Norse civilizations, Greek and Roman civilizations... All of them. Co-worker was telling me that the article he read was stating that a dragon is a conglomeration. A hodgepodge of fears.
Snakes? Check.
Wings of bats or raptor like birds? Check.
Mass and size of large predator animals? Check.
In some cases, BREATHES FIRE? Check.
That right there is a phobia potluck.
The article, and yes, I have searched for it to no avail, also states that there is a deep, deep seated conditioning from the way, way back. The little fur covered mammals (aka "our evolutionary ancestors") that ran in fear of giant terrible lizards (aka "dinosaurs")? Yeah... That "resonated".
Then there are the everyday fears... Not crippling per se, but present nonetheless.
There is the fear of not being able to do something. Failing. Boss wants me to be some Sharepoint guru... I have no clue what to do in Sharepoint, but apparently... I am the man for the job. It is scary, mainly because 1) I don't want to let her down. 2) She says if I get paid or not.
Another notable fear is the fear of someone watching your every move. I have never been a fan of a surveillance state... but that is the reality. There is an old adage that "By the time you get to work, you have broken at least 5 laws". Could anyone live up to continual scrutiny on a continuous basis? On a long enough timeline... complete innocence becomes a rarity.
Then there is the granddaddy of fears... No one wants to die alone. Now... That being said, it is unavoidable, but when you read, "They passed surrounded by loved ones.", it helps. A person who is very important to me actually read me a riot act this week. "You better find someone to care for you. What's gonna happen when your parents and Lily are gone?" Ouch... Truth has some sting on it.
The only fear that overrides previous one is being in a relationship with the wrong person. The loss of time. The loss of opportunities. The loss of your own sanity in some cases. The previous fear is THE prime suspect for being the number one reason we end up in bad relationships. Queue the viscous cycle!
With these phobias, all you can do is NOT let them cripple you. As a Master of Sinanju once stated to his pupil, "Fear is a just feeling. You feel hot. You feel hungry. You feel angry. You feel afraid. Fear can never kill you."
The only counter point I could find was from Bodhi... From "Point Break" (1991)... "Fear causes hesitation, and hesitation causes your worst fears to come true."
One more quote that helps me make it through the scary times?
"I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when my fear is gone I will turn and face fear's path, and only I will remain." - Paul.The sleeper has awakened. (Gotta love "Dune")
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This is why escapism is almost mandatory. I play video games and read comic books. I binge on Netflix. I go to Ren Faires.
If you were confronted by all the horrors of the world all at once... You would end up like Marvin in "Pulp Fiction"... It would be like getting shot in the face.
Escapism is the cure for paralysis brought on by fear.
The main problem is that the people doing the TRULY scary shit... They are counting on your not being able to or even wanting to face it. They are counting on your inability to cope with "yet another scary thing". They are counting on your inattention. This is how they become President.
I do wish I had a more cheery blog for you... I do...
They mostly come out at night, mostly,
d
This blog brought to you by silence. Did not feel too musical this morning. Been a rough week.
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