Sunday, January 22, 2017

Recipe For Cookies... Or Was It Disaster?

When I baked cookies, I approached it like I would assembling a piece of furniture, or say, performing a 180 day inspection on a -86 diesel generator that powers planes when on the ground.

I would follow the damn instructions.

The Air Force gave you a set of instructions to do every maintenance action imaginable on every piece of equipment. They did not take kindly to "Going off script." If you were to give something a whirl when assembling a piece of furniture and it turns out badly... You end up with a very uncomfortable "conversation piece".

So, as the title states, we will stick with the cookies. Yes, it's an analogy, dammit!

The first step would be reading the recipe. Getting the list of ingredients. Hmm... Lessee

2 1/4 coups of all purpose flour. (What other purposes does flour have??? Honestly? "On weekends I tutor blind kids on how to become fluffers on porn sets" or "I run an Alt Right support group... WHITE FLOUR!!!! WHITE FLOUR!!!")
1 teaspoon of baking soda.
1 teaspoon salt.
2 sticks of butter, softened.
3/4 cup granulated sugar.
3/4 packed brown sugar.
1 teaspoon vanilla extract.
2 large eggs. (You got runny cookies? You prolly used extra large eggs. Nice job, Rook!)
12 oz. package of chocolate chips.
1 cup of chopped nuts Fuck chopped nuts.

If you do not have all that... Do NOT try and make cookies. It will not end well.

This is also time for reasonable experimentation. In other things, like brownies and shit, the recipe calls for cooking oil or something... And you can substitute applesauce for the oil... I have personally had brownies with that very substitution and they were insanely good. Could not tell it was made with pre-chewed apples..

If you make cookies and substitute the granulated sugar with Turkish Hashish... well... Have some Doritos as a munchie back up. It would also be the biggest paradigm shift from aroma to taste... "Man... smells like cookies... aaaaaaaaand weed... My nose is very happy..."

Within the cookie recipe, that I have used since I started making cookies, I have made modifications. I usually throw in some more flour... Another quarter cup or so. I have been known to throw in some maple syrup, a teaspoon or so. My Moms would toss in a splash of coffee. Enough to make you question the flavor, but not overpower.

Last season at Scarborough Renaissance Festival, a bakery had Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies. They were so very good. The bacon was not overpowering, but present... That was a nice addition and could have easily ruined a decent cookie if overdone. It is where you are able to take some chances... Playing the "We Will See" card...

I was talking to my co-worker this week. The Russian Puppet Trump came up in conversation. Since November, the co-worker has been saying "We will just have to see."

Playing "We will just have to see" is fine when you are out twelve bucks in ingredients, a smelly kitchen, and maybe a cookie sheet... NOT WHEN FUCKING NUKES ARE INVOLVED!

The absolute ineptitude shown during the "peaceful transfer of power" has been so blatant and presented with every decision... It boggles the mind... Applying the recipe analogy to the presidency... The candidate Trump did not have ANY of the "ingredients" to make a good president.

It was like he showed up, via Trump Airlines, with Trump Steaks, Trump Wine, and Trump Vodka, with a degree in Culinary Arts from Trump University and said, "Who wants to make cookies???"

Every appointee to a cabinet position was a death sentence to that department. EPA? You get a climate change denier. HUD? You get a man who believes that the pyramids were grain silos. Labor? The guy who makes food porn commercials and is against the minimum wage. Not raising it... Just against it in general. He wants to be able to pay people less than minimum. Education? Someone who I am willing to bet has never stepped one toe into a public school... but her family contributed over 200 million to the GOP.

A confederacy of dunces is one thing... Rick Perry alone guarantees that title is appropriate. This is different. This is a suicide squad. And just like the movie... It does not look good.

Trump and his ilk are the last predators of that era. This is their last hurrah. This is their "Fire Sale"... "Everything must go!" He is going to set the whole thing on fire, and then walk away.

Um... Oven was only supposed to be set to 375 degrees...
______________________________________

We don't have time for "We will see". Within HOURS, the climate change page on whitehouse.gov vanished.

We don't have four years to waste on this vile representative who will now be in the same company as Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, LE PETOMANE! (Sorry... "Blazing Saddles" makes everything better)

Seriously... Your kids will be taught about him. If you have, or know someone who has, sons or daughters serving in the armed services, they are under his command. If that doesn't give you a moment of pause...

As the all wise Oracle once said, "Take a cookie."

Times like these,

d

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