Vinyl

I have a nice little vinyl collection. LPs, records, stax o' wax, what have ya.

Why? There is no need for an analog format. Everything is 1's and 0's, pardner! Digital... Not just for porn anymore!

My reasons are as follows...

1) It sounds better. I don't know if this is actually true or not but it just is. I blew out my higher hearing functions tailgating C-130's as they taxied on auxiliary runways. (Yes, we would see how close we could get. The Brazilians practically dared us to drive up the ramp once... That would have been difficult to explain to the Colonel.)

It seems like the vinyl soaked in the soul, the essence, of the music in those grooves... It was more personal. Not like the cold, flat CD's and the non-tactile mp3 format.

2) The Physicality. You have to interact. You have to hold it just right. There is a little sexual innuendo in finding the hole in the middle. You have to drop the needle. You have to get up off your ass and flip the record.

When you get a used one, you have to inspect for warping and scratches. You have to bring it home and make a solution of rubbing alcohol and water and break out the cleaning brush... And then pour a drink and listen.

3) Halfsies. Albums were divided in to sides. You could love a side of an album and loathe the other side. PRIME EXAMPLE... Rush's "Moving Pictures", Side 1. "Tom Sawyer", "Red Barchetta", "YYZ", and "Limelight"... Probably the most complete and awesome first side of an album in all of musicdom. The second side? I would rather make Ex-Lax and Broken Glass Cookies (I got the recipe!), eat said cookies while having Mitt Romney shove pineapples up my rectum. Okay, that may be a tad extreme... I just don't like side two, okay? And you are welcome for the visual.

Van Halen's "1984", Side B... "Hot For Teacher", "I'll Wait", "Girl Gone Bad", and "House of Pain"... Sonically erect!!! I love a great deal of the Van Halen catalog, but if I could only listen to one side of a Van Halen album, forsaking all others.... I would choose this one.

4) Hisses and Pops. You will never hear these on an mp3 or CD... Sometimes it would get so bad and you would see a tuft of cat hair or dust on the needle. This reminds me off something these millennial bastards will never probably hear... a dial tone. Think about that. Mind = blown.

5) Liner notes. These were writings and scribblings on the sleeves that held the records. You got these with some CD's, but some of the print caused more lens corrections and prescriptions for glasses to be issued. PRIME EXAMPLE - Metalllica's "Master of Puppets" (aka "Greatest Album of All Time") -

"Also xtra fucken yahooz to... Carlsberg Bevees, Sushi, Absolut Vodka, Alka Seltzer, The Young Ones, Remoulade, Skykow, Boom Shankar, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and most of all... Edna!!!"

Who the fuck is Edna???!!!??? We did not have Google back in '86... It was a giant mystery. You just knew Edna had to be a bad ass to get the mention and italicized!

666) Backwards messages. With a record you could manually spin it backwards. This allowed two things...a) Preachers to find shit that was not there and b) the birth of scratching. Both have their merits. Preachers finding Satanic messages led to the birth of the PMRC (That and Tipper Gore's daughter allegedly masturbating to Prince's "Darling Nikki"*). The scratching phenom manifested along with the rise of hip hop and rap. My brother and I completely ruined a Bryan Adam's "Cuts Like A Knife" LP trying to master the art... Don't judge me.

The PMRC forced the labeling of records that were decreed vulgar, obscene and dangerous. In other words, it let me know which ones I wanted/had to buy.

7) The Hunt. As a comic book guy, I could go to a row of long-boxes, and be quite content going through each box, book by book, for hours on end... Finding that rhythm of flipping through, looking for that hidden treasure. That one diamond in the rough that would complete my collection. I can do the same at a record store. I am welcomed by the cardboard smell as I let my fingers to the walking...

There are a few LPs I would love to get my hands on... And the fact is, I could go out to Amazon and procure each and every one of them... But to deny myself the hunt??? Get out of here with that noise. Finding Lenoard Nimoy's "Mr. Spock's Music From Outer Space" was especially awesome... Dunno why...

With the recent rash of reissues and remasters, I am picking up one record a month or so. Filling out some small gaps in certain artists. I am a supporter of getting kids to learn to respect the physical representation of the music. Handle it with a sense of caution and awe.  They don't just press play or double click it...

There was a ritual I had back in the day (Usually a Sunday - Not a Wednesday). When I would finish cleaning my apartment in Waxahachie, TX, I would draw a bath. I would pour two fingers of Lagavulin. I would light a candle. I would break out my Pink Floyd's "The Wall" LP. I would pick a side. I would drop the needle. I would decompress and gird my loins for the upcoming week.

I was raised on vinyl. I was surrounded by it. My Mom's collection was something to be envied. There was a contest on the oldies station in Dallas back in the 80's... "If you can request something we don't have in our music vault, you win!". I forget the prize, but they told Mom to stop calling...

I turned 10.

I turned 12.

I was 16. CD's and Cassettes had KO'd the beloved vinyl. I would still dub Mom's collection onto tape...

Yeah, love me some vinyl.

Pardon me while I burst into flames,

d

This blog brought to you by Incubus' "Make Yourself", Black Sabbath's "13", and The Pixies "Wave of Mutliation". All procured this weekend on Vinyl.

*Note to Self - Rumor has it the Foo Fighters cover "Darling Nikki" at some of their shows. Must youtube!