They know who they are...

I used to say that with an ominous tone. They, the people of my derision, were aware that they had wronged me and, more importantly, they knew that I KNEW!

Now, I use that term with a respectful connotation.

I recently was in a relationship. It was a long distance one. In this day of modern communication, we were never out of touch really, and, if so desired, able to see each other via cams. My notion regarding a LDR was they could only work if they had an agreed to termination date of the "LD" part...

Hooray past tense!

There were differences. There were expectations (mainly on said termination date). Both were amplified exponentially by distance. That and lack of touch and naked time was a real bitch.

For every concern and difference, there were points and counter points... However, with the distance looming and our time together seeming to be shorter and shorter, less sustaining... Before it would drive us koo koo for Cocoa Puffs, we decided to cease the relationship. Last night, we did the band aid scenario. Brutal and quick... And yes, my heart hurts. Ouch, baby. Very ouch. My greatest regret being that I hurt her... But by ending it, did I spare us time, travel, money, and greater heartache? I know I will be asking myself that to the day I die.

The universe, being the silly bastard that it is, has jokes... This morning, as I kicked on my alarm clock radio to the oldies station, to get my douche on*, "Lonesome Loser" by the Little River Band was playing... I had my knife in my hand and was looking forward to alarm clock radio shopping... But, I stopped short of chrono-homicide.

I went into work, holding it together, skipping songs left and right that would lay me low on a good day... On the way home, my phone (sync'd to my car's system) hit me with Black Sabbath's "Changes"... I cried.

She was my woman
I loved her so
But it's too late now
I've let her go.

Thanks, Ozzy.

I have never been in a situation where the relationship ceased when it was still, in my mind, burgeoning... Where I loved her and she loved me...

I hold absolutely no ill will towards this person. Very much the opposite. She is one of the few people on this planet with whom I opened my heart fully. She was kind and generous with it, and did me no wrong. And I know for a fact that my love is daunting. It is complete and whole. This is why my reservation to fall in love is so great.... And my desire to do so is just as wanting. JUXTAPOSITION!!!!

She is the most together person I have ran into, in a long, long time. She has her ways and she has her life. Like her, it is beautiful. I do not regret in any way, shape or form my inclusion into it. Her acceptance meant more to me then I could express with words... And I have a knack with those...

She knows who she is. And I do love her for it.

Goodnight, Sweet Lady,

d

This blog brought to you by Beck, Ozzy & Type O Negative covering Status Quo, Ennio Morricone, Mark Knopfler, The Beatles, Iron Butterfly, Iggy and the Stooges, System of A Down, Cake, Commander Cody, The Foo Fighters, Metallica and tears.

Author's Note:: In case you have not figured this out, this blog is my exorcising the demons in my head. I spew them out so they are not mine alone anymore. Share the load, friends!

* - Shower... One of the few cheese eating, surrender monkey language words I know...