Lighter Faire

I know I promised lighter topic/postings following the Class Warfare diatribe... And I apologize about the last one. I just had to get some of that off my chest.

Now then... The thing coming up I am truly happy for is Scarborough Renaissance Festival (AKA and hereto-forthwith referred to as "Scarby").

The two links will give you all the pertinent details on the proceedings and what not. In this post I will relay some of my feelings and history.

The first time I went, was maybe 2004 or 2005. After getting divorced from X2* I moved down to Waxahachie to be closer to work. I was spending my Saturday doing something I excel at. I was making chocolate chip cookies.

My family has a long tradition of making the cookies. The recipe has been handed down throughout the centuries. My ancestor, off a distant branch of the family tree in some far away land, was housed near a bridge. She was asked by the local council to collect a surcharge for people wanting to transport goods across said bridge.

One day, the municipality asked her to collect double the required fee. She knew that would be met with a modicum of resistance and more then a bit of ire. She, in her infinite wisdom  decided to inform the weary tradesmen of the inflation and give them a cookie to soften the bad news. Soon word spread across the countryside of Abigal Nestle's cookies... At the Nestle Toll House. The recipe can be found on the back of their chips, yo.

Sorry.

Anywhoozle, I was making cookies, and my friend Elroy called and queried, "What are you doing?"

"Making cookies."

"Bringing 'em into work?"

"Yeah."

"Cool... But you are becoming a shut in. You need to get out. Come with me and Lilith to Scarby."

"WTF is Scarby? Is this a Simon & Garfunkel cover band or some shit?"

So I went. I felt out of place for about 2 seconds. There is something that happens when you pass under the arches... You can have as much fun as you want to put into it.

Climate

The atmosphere is fantastically soothing. You head a harp and a mandolin in the distance, just playing... maybe a song, maybe just filling the air with pleasing background noise. People in fantastic costumes, ranging in all manner of price, detail, and just plain love put into them. The myriad smells as you walk around are an olfactory locator to me having been so many times. The roasted nuts, the soap hawkers, the camel & elephant rides, and the smell of spring in Texas.

You can walk the main circuit and you will see friends from previous seasons. You can pick a table, and may be joined by some others, and the conversations start. Hours go by. Everyone is friendly and helpful, everyone is there to have a good time. Basically, an armed society is a POLITE society... If two dudes bump into each other, "HEY, WATCH WHERE YER GOIN!" - "WHY DON'T YOU WATCH WHERE YOU'RE GOING!"...

Put visible weaponry on the same two gents, "Apologies, good sir" - "No no, a thousand pardons from you, Sir"

It is the best place in the world to do horrible British accents, and I fall into Jack Sparrow speak almost instantly... The mead helps... More on that nectar later...

Shops

There is art. There is craftsmanship. There are demonstrations of said crafts. If you go in with zero "garb", or costuming and props, you can get fully outfitted rather quickly. And yes, it can get expensive. Again, you get out what you put in.

The cats selling their wears, they do this almost year round. That is it. This is their passion and their livelihood. Granted, more than a few are retirees... Others are not "suited" to a 9 to 5 lifestyle. All had a calling to the gypsy road. There is a strong sense of community among the vendors.

My personal garb goes as follows... 1 pair of high leather boots, 2 pair of tights, 1 pair pirate pants, 1 three inch leather belt, 1 leather sporran (Renaissance fanny pack - but cooler.), 1 war sword, 1 Kukri blade, 1 flogger,  2 purple heart wooden mugs (one spare), 3 or 4 puffy sleeved period shirts, 1 wide brimmed leather hat with feathers. Various accouterments... Yeah, there be some cash invested, yo.

The highest compliment I got was last season. A little girl, 4 or 5 wanted a picture with me because I was all decked out in garb.

Acts

As for entertainment, there are five or six bigger stages and about 10 to 15 smaller venues. The acts will let you know before hand the age range of appropriateness that their show encompasses. Family friendly is easily found. Adults only shows are just as easily found.

My Top Five Do Not Miss... In no particular order...

1) Christophe The Insultor - You give him money. He insults whoever you want. The more you give him, the worse your target gets it. At the end of the show, he does a "Grand Finale". This is where some poor bastard is picked and EVERYBODY can throw in on the insult.

Story - True this time - I took X3 out to Scarby on our second or third date. Elroy's girlfriend thought it would be cute to get me insulted... Threw a 20 spot on me... Sadly, X3 and I were chatting with ol' Christophe before the show and he clearly recognized me... So, all in all, was not too scathing.

Grand finale time... Elroy's girlfriend gets picked... and got an over $350 insult thrown on her... Was completely brutal... Cries of "Mercy!" were being bandied about... At one point there was a correlation between her and Snow White, but only because he saw her getting tag teamed by seven midgets... Yeah... Ouch. I think I peed a little I was laughing so hard...

2) Daniel, Duke of Danger - Same reason you watch NASCAR. Always catch on windy days! They get "interesting". Family friendly but not insulting.

3) Iris and Rose - Wild and Thorny... Very tawdry songs. PG-13... ish...

4) Arthur Greenleaf Holmes - Wildly inappropriate poetry... If you are lucky, you will get "I Built My Love A Menstrual Hut".

5) Fire Whip Show - Fire. Check. Whips. Check. What more do you require?

I could do a top 20... easily... There are dozens upon dozens of other acts to catch... and you should. Birds of Prey is quite spectacular. And very importantly, don't be a dick and if you enjoy the show, throw some cash the performers way. They entertain, you throw some love. Deal?

Although not an "act", it is something to witness... The Parade.


Food

Scotch egg. A hard boiled egg, wrapped in a cocoon of sausage, and bread crumbs, then FRIED! Hells yes. There is just about fried "anything you want". The turkey legs are a meal for four... I have a couple places I go... A bakery to the right of the entry is where I get a turkey provolone pastry thingy... Hell, I get two.

Lunch is usually the aforementioned Scotch Egg. In the afternoon, usually before I exit the realm, I snag some deep fried mushrooms. This is usually to counter act the next topic...

Mead

Fermented honey usually cut with pear or apple juice. Sweet but not sickeningly so. And seductive... You can drink and drink and then... oh shit... Jack Sparrow Mode Engaged... thas Capt'n Jack, Love. I only imbibe this glorious, golden liquid during the Faire... I know my willpower... and I know where I would cave...

Ritual

I am a creature of habit to some extent. I enjoy the method of a thing. I enjoy the comfort of knowing what to expect. I am not rigid in my process that I will get in a full on Rain Man snit or anything.

I like getting there about 15 minutes before they "THROW OPEN THE GATES!!!" (Inside joke. Boom.) You spend your time by your chariot, getting garbed up. Making sure you have everything you need. Double checking that you have everything you need. I make my way in, hit my Turkey and Provolone... And then some mead... Scotch Egg at some point.. And then it all fades away. I walk where I wanna go. See what I wanna see. Do what I feel compelled to do. The only schedule is one decided upon by a group, and even then it is all voluntary... The Epitome of Chill.

There have been days where Elroy and I have hit show after show... Catching as many as we could. There was that one day where we sat and drank mead... Literally all day... I sat for two or three hours in the parking lot... Still prolly should not have driven.

Weekends starting April 5th running through Memorial Day.

Faire thee well,

d

This blog brought to you by Jimi Hendrix Experience, the Polyphonic Spree,  System of A Down, Led Zeppelin, Otis Redding, Marilyn Manson, Mr. Big ("Hold on little girl... Show me what he's done to you.", ahh), Steve Vai, PUSA, Iron Maiden, DISCO KISS!, Foo Fighters, Korn, Tenacious D, Metallica, Bob Marley & The Wailers ("Waiting in Vain" - Preach, Mon!), The Cars, Percy Sledge, Krokus.


* The X's - X1 is my first ex-wife. X2 is the second. X3 is, YOU GUESSED IT!, the third and final X3.