I have oft said, "Well, my Mom loves me."
Quickly followed by, "She has to. There is a law or some shit."
I have never impregnated a woman, let the cells divide into the parasitic organism, and then molded the amphibious, genetic mish-mash that would be my offspring, into the inevitable Lord of All They Survey... So, I do not get "parenting".
My Mom, despite many, many reasons not to, loves me...
I have scared her since I am old enough to remember. I got behind the wheel of a car when I was three-ish, and sent it ambling down a hill... Seeing as how she had lost one child to this method before, I can not fathom the horrifying depths of seeing it unfold before her again... I would loathe the shit out of a bastard for doing that to me...
I was, and still am, a complete nightmare to my siblings. Growing up, I resented my older brother for being the shining example... I resented my little sister for... well, existing... This was not constant, all the time, all out hatred, more stupid sibling stuff. We did have some moments that pushed the boundaries of all out war though. I never thought of what it did to Mom. My biggest regret would be the lack of relationship with my siblings. Not gonna change anytime soon, because I am an asshole. Sorry, Mom.
I would say our final battle of wills happened when I was sixteen-ish... I was in a particularly bad mood over something completely inconsequential, and proceeded to thrash my room. Threw my bed vertical, found an arrow under said bed, threw it into the closet door... THUNK!... Bookshelves flung about. Then came a pleasant knocking, a gentle rapping upon my chamber door...
When I opened the door, she was standing there, peering at the carnage, holding her jump rope. "Put. It. Back."
"I kinda like it this way," At this point, I think the b-word was was about halfway out... The aforementioned jump rope (Old timey cloth rope, metal spring clasps, and SOLID WOODEN HANDLES), wielded with ninja like accuracy, became a blur. A wooden handle cracked me on top of my head.
When I came to, I decided to fix my room. And apologize...
When I was seventeen-ish, I had escaped to the upper peninsula of Michigan. Sault Ste. Marie. I was conquering the big, bad world... But, needed some cash... So I call Mom. Collect. (Back in the day, you could call someone and they would pay for the long-distance call) (Back in the day, a call outside your area, was called "long-distance" - Young people suck.)
"Hi, Mom. I need dough."
"All right."
"Cool. Talk to ya later. Love ya."
"Anything else?" *
"Nah, I'm good."
Click.
About five minutes later, the fact that it is September 13th is learned. Seven minutes later, the realization that the date has significance is haunting my pea brain. Nine minutes later, another collect call...
"Mom."
"Uh huh?"
"Happy birthday. I suck as a human."
"Sometimes."
"Do I still get the cash?"
"Yes."
"I love you, Mom."
"Uh huh. Love you too, son."
There was a time, where every fiber of my being was in agony. Soul wrenching, mind numbing, hellish torment. I was in a phone booth, in Turkey, and told that my first marriage was ending. I knew the only way I was going to get through that first night was hearing the seven words, from the one person on the planet who I could trust implicitly... I needed to hear my Mom tell me "Everything is going to be all right." I needed my Momma.
She has seen me at my best, seen me at my worst. Known me longer then anybody else. I think I worry her more then the other kids... They seem to be all stable and shit. I am still buying swords... And cool cars...
I got her a gift... I think she wants me to make a phone call to that one person who Mom knows made me happy... I know what Mom wants more than anything. She wants me to be happy. That is the goddamnedest thing about the woman. She wants everyone to be happy. Me. My exes, my friends, my enemies. The only person who she wants to rot in hell, is George W. Bush... And Cheney... She is so fucking cool.
I did call her today. We performed our ritual...
"Thanks for having sex with Dad that one time."
Without fail, the reply, "Oh, my pleasure."
Despite all the trials and tribulations I have presented her with for over 40 years, she loves me. STILL. Boggles the damn mind. I guess it must be that bond that only forms when you squeeze out a pup from the Play-Doh Fun Factory of Life... I just don't get it. No male on the planet ever will.
I could tell a thousand stories of how she played a major role in making me the man I am today. Some good, some bad... But the most important fact remains this... She was, and continues to be, there for me. Without fail. Without hesitation. Without reservation. Mild trepidation... It is me, after all.
Mom, I love you,
dougie.
* - THAT'S A HINT!!!!
This blog brought to you by ZZ Top, The Zombies, The Who, Seether, Def Leppard, Serj Tankian, Queens of the Stone Age, Los Lonely Boys, Faith No More, Slayer, CCR, Gene Vincent and the Blue Caps, Danzig, Cyndi Lauper, and the Talking Heads.
Sunday, May 11, 2014
Monday, May 5, 2014
Cheating... Kinda...
This weekend was primarily spent in Waxahachie at Scarborough Ren Faire...
Other point... The damn dog bloodied my nose on Friday. I was bending down to fuss with bed, she jumped up onto said bed and proceeded to headbutt my nose.
It was about a 4 second delay til a nice crimson deluge burst forth.
All that put together... I am beat... Still behind on a bunch of other stuff as well...
So... I am going to cheat... On Facebook, I posted some "Notes"... These are the precursors to this diatribe...
So... An oldie, but my fave...
Other point... The damn dog bloodied my nose on Friday. I was bending down to fuss with bed, she jumped up onto said bed and proceeded to headbutt my nose.
It was about a 4 second delay til a nice crimson deluge burst forth.
All that put together... I am beat... Still behind on a bunch of other stuff as well...
So... I am going to cheat... On Facebook, I posted some "Notes"... These are the precursors to this diatribe...
So... An oldie, but my fave...
Photos aka "Memory Lane needs 'Caution' signs".
Couple of Christmasi ago, the parents gave me a burned DVD.
It has all the pictures they have ever took, scanned and digitally preserved.
I have been looking through them. Seeing my Dad as a child in 1949. Seeing him as a high school student. Seeing him overseas, serving. Seeing him morph into the man in my memories. Being able to recognize where my memories and the archive connect.
Seeing my Mom as a child in the late 40's. Seeing her with a future ahead of her. Seeing her optimism coming through in black and white. Free of the tragedy that later befalls her.
Seeing how they both changed and are literally fucking glowing when the pictures no longer are of just Linda, just Alan - it's them. The constant.
Seeing the only recollections of an older sister I never knew. Seeing how Mom and Dad persevered after she died.
Of course, there are the pictures of me... that take me back to cold winters in Michigan, blazing summers in Texas, beautiful mornings on the beach, in Biloxi. The pictures that make me think "What was I on?", "Really, hungover on Easter morning?" and "Why did I try so hard to conform to being non-conformist?". Ex-wives... JOY!!!
The one that made me laugh out loud is the one from when I drove to my folks house in Topeka from Seattle. No AC in the truck (but two 12" subwoofers!) so I drove with the windows down. My left arm sunburned to all hell.
There are pictures that bring a wince. A tear to the corner of my eye. Memories tainted by time and betrayal from those in the images.
I see the changes my siblings and I have gone through, through the years. the one endearing, non-wavering entity being Mom and Dad.
Knowing that they have been further, lived harder, and been through more then I will ever fathom... And came through it all loving each other more and more, every fucking day... Humbling.
Mom would say, "It was easy, I had your Dad". Dad of course would say "I just drove."
Much respect to the two people whom I owe everything.
It has all the pictures they have ever took, scanned and digitally preserved.
I have been looking through them. Seeing my Dad as a child in 1949. Seeing him as a high school student. Seeing him overseas, serving. Seeing him morph into the man in my memories. Being able to recognize where my memories and the archive connect.
Seeing my Mom as a child in the late 40's. Seeing her with a future ahead of her. Seeing her optimism coming through in black and white. Free of the tragedy that later befalls her.
Seeing how they both changed and are literally fucking glowing when the pictures no longer are of just Linda, just Alan - it's them. The constant.
Seeing the only recollections of an older sister I never knew. Seeing how Mom and Dad persevered after she died.
Of course, there are the pictures of me... that take me back to cold winters in Michigan, blazing summers in Texas, beautiful mornings on the beach, in Biloxi. The pictures that make me think "What was I on?", "Really, hungover on Easter morning?" and "Why did I try so hard to conform to being non-conformist?". Ex-wives... JOY!!!
The one that made me laugh out loud is the one from when I drove to my folks house in Topeka from Seattle. No AC in the truck (but two 12" subwoofers!) so I drove with the windows down. My left arm sunburned to all hell.
There are pictures that bring a wince. A tear to the corner of my eye. Memories tainted by time and betrayal from those in the images.
I see the changes my siblings and I have gone through, through the years. the one endearing, non-wavering entity being Mom and Dad.
Knowing that they have been further, lived harder, and been through more then I will ever fathom... And came through it all loving each other more and more, every fucking day... Humbling.
Mom would say, "It was easy, I had your Dad". Dad of course would say "I just drove."
Much respect to the two people whom I owe everything.
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Pledge of Allegiance
A friend, long ago, asked if the Pledge of Allegiance was "patriotism or indoctrination".
Allegiance IS indoctrination. Pledging allegiance is uber-indoctrination. You swallowed whatever they were selling hook, link, and sinker.
In basic training, the way they got us to remember stuff was to a) Scream at us, b) punish us for forgetting stuff (while screaming at us), and c) REPETITION.
Having the kiddies repeat this stuff over and over is nothing more than Brainwashing 101. Get 'em while they are young! Like Catholic Priests! Like Big Tobacco! I am unaware if they still make kids recite the pledge. I remember doing it, but don't remember when I stopped having to... Weird.
Frankie Bellamy wrote the thing in 1892. He was a socialist, by the way... Somewhere, someone should tell Sarah Palin this... Hopefully she will suffer excruciatingly painful spontaneous combustion, and then a F5 tornado scatters her ashes so she can not reincorporate into flesh. The original:
"I pledge allegiance to my flag and the Republic for which it stands. One nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
In 1923, it was altered.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Now, being the militant Atheist* that I am... I am against the addition of the words "under God". It is just people of one faith exerting their will over those of us who do NOT agree with their particular flavor of Kool-Aid. I understand it was to let them thar Ruskie Heathens know we got an all powerful, Imaginary Friend on our side!
However, I do not like Christianity. I sold my soul to Jesus when I was 8 or some shit, but that was because at the end of the week long, summer bible camp, the chick gave out Lego's. When I was 8... I would have done just about anything for Lego's, yes... including selling my soul to Jesus. I will do another blog sometime about the Carpenter Cult and it's utter hypocrisy. And possibly one on my love of Lego's...
Patriotism never enters the equation. It is very similar to kids going to church. There is no such thing as a "christian child". There is a "child of christian parents". The kids do not really grasp the words they are saying. They are the literal sheep, following the herd and teacher/Shepard.
My Moms LOVES the clip of Red Skelton reciting the Pledge...
And I, being a fan of words and shit, like it too... UP TO ABOUT THE 4 MINUTE MARK!
Patriotism is actually DOING something for your country and fellow citizens. Putting your country and countrymen before your own needs and wants. All these "patriots" in D.C, and people who claim to "love their country"... But when asked what branch did they serve, you get stammers, blank stares, and averted gazes.
One of the great things about the people who actually serve this country, is that they allow the people who do nothing but take from this country to say and make whatever claims of patriotism they want.
I would have no problem with the Pledge resorting back to the pre-'54 versions. It would serve this country better. It would actually help reinforce the SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!
Living is easy with eyes closed,
d
* Militant Atheist - Um, we get together, maybe have a beer, discuss Star Trek and shit... NOTHING gets blown up and no one gets beheaded... Religions should try it.
This blog brought to you by Korn, Helmet, Cheap Trick ("Reach Out", made me wince), PJ Harvey, Nazareth, Warrant (WTF?), AC/DC, Aerosmith, Jace Everett, James Marshall Hendrix, Mountain, and the Lords of Acid.
Allegiance IS indoctrination. Pledging allegiance is uber-indoctrination. You swallowed whatever they were selling hook, link, and sinker.
In basic training, the way they got us to remember stuff was to a) Scream at us, b) punish us for forgetting stuff (while screaming at us), and c) REPETITION.
Having the kiddies repeat this stuff over and over is nothing more than Brainwashing 101. Get 'em while they are young! Like Catholic Priests! Like Big Tobacco! I am unaware if they still make kids recite the pledge. I remember doing it, but don't remember when I stopped having to... Weird.
Frankie Bellamy wrote the thing in 1892. He was a socialist, by the way... Somewhere, someone should tell Sarah Palin this... Hopefully she will suffer excruciatingly painful spontaneous combustion, and then a F5 tornado scatters her ashes so she can not reincorporate into flesh. The original:
"I pledge allegiance to my flag and the Republic for which it stands. One nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
In 1923, it was altered.
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Fucking immigrants! Seriously... they wanted everyone to make sure they knew which flag. One year later...
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Because there was worry of what? Not knowing which United States you were pledging to??? I am sharply reminded that people have always been dumb... That it is not a new phenomenon.
Around 1941, there was a thing called the "Bellamy Salute"...
Yeah... Pretty sure as soon as some newsreels were shown from Europe, namely Germany, that salute went away pretty damn quick...
But wait.. it gets worse... June 14, 1954...
"I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands. One nation, under God. Indivisible, with liberty and justice for all."
Now, being the militant Atheist* that I am... I am against the addition of the words "under God". It is just people of one faith exerting their will over those of us who do NOT agree with their particular flavor of Kool-Aid. I understand it was to let them thar Ruskie Heathens know we got an all powerful, Imaginary Friend on our side!
However, I do not like Christianity. I sold my soul to Jesus when I was 8 or some shit, but that was because at the end of the week long, summer bible camp, the chick gave out Lego's. When I was 8... I would have done just about anything for Lego's, yes... including selling my soul to Jesus. I will do another blog sometime about the Carpenter Cult and it's utter hypocrisy. And possibly one on my love of Lego's...
Patriotism never enters the equation. It is very similar to kids going to church. There is no such thing as a "christian child". There is a "child of christian parents". The kids do not really grasp the words they are saying. They are the literal sheep, following the herd and teacher/Shepard.
My Moms LOVES the clip of Red Skelton reciting the Pledge...
And I, being a fan of words and shit, like it too... UP TO ABOUT THE 4 MINUTE MARK!
Patriotism is actually DOING something for your country and fellow citizens. Putting your country and countrymen before your own needs and wants. All these "patriots" in D.C, and people who claim to "love their country"... But when asked what branch did they serve, you get stammers, blank stares, and averted gazes.
One of the great things about the people who actually serve this country, is that they allow the people who do nothing but take from this country to say and make whatever claims of patriotism they want.
I would have no problem with the Pledge resorting back to the pre-'54 versions. It would serve this country better. It would actually help reinforce the SEPARATION OF CHURCH AND STATE!
Living is easy with eyes closed,
d
* Militant Atheist - Um, we get together, maybe have a beer, discuss Star Trek and shit... NOTHING gets blown up and no one gets beheaded... Religions should try it.
This blog brought to you by Korn, Helmet, Cheap Trick ("Reach Out", made me wince), PJ Harvey, Nazareth, Warrant (WTF?), AC/DC, Aerosmith, Jace Everett, James Marshall Hendrix, Mountain, and the Lords of Acid.
Tuesday, April 22, 2014
Current Despairs
Cliven Bundy and the BLM Standoff
So, a "patriot" is someone who uses violence, and or threats of violence, to get out of paying a bill? I owe a credit card company a nice, hefty sum... Do you suggest pipe bombs, like the ones you have used in the past against the BLM, Mr. Bundy?
The guy has been told since the 80's to stop letting his cattle graze on FEDERAL land... They started fining him. His defense, "I don't think that's right." Tough shit, assclown. I don't think bankers and Wall St. types who almost bankrupted the world getting off Scott free is right, but I don't make the rules.
If the Gov. was coming onto his PRIVATE property and telling him his cows can't graze there, that would be an issue of infringement. This is not the case.
And a special "Fuck you, you Fucking Fuck" to (thankfully) former Sheriff Richard Mack, who, during the standoff, said he and his fellow "patriots":
"were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front. If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.”
Real patriots would not wipe their ass with these free loaders who masturbate, sitting in jello, fantasizing about a showdown with the big bad Government.
NRA and all the Politicians who can't get a soundbite out because the NRA's dick is in their mouths.
After the tragedy at Sandy Hook, the CDC was "commissioned" to do a study about gun violence in America. I say tragedy, the NRA saw it as a way to advocate getting more guns around schools... Solid plan if your name is Douchey McDoucheALot. Also, they blamed virtual guns in video games, which as far as I know have caused ZERO non-virtual deaths.
Congress, namely Republicans and dickless Democrats, have stripped the 2.6 million dollars that would be budgeted for completing this research. 2.6 mil in terms of Federal spending is like $2.60 to you and me... It does not hurt, except when all you want is some spicy nuggets from Wendy's...
Republicans strategy... If we can't stop legislation that may harm our gravy train with biscuit wheels, we will defund it. Affordable Health Care ring a bell?
What is the NRA afraid of? That gun violence will pop up on the top 10 killer of Americans? That statistics will come to light about the chances of being killed by a gun? That myths that 1) Gun violence is decreasing 2) Criminals can't guns and 3) Nothing can be done*, would be shown to be just that, MYTHS?
I would be more than slightly amused if it were to be discovered that gun violence is like the #4 leading killer of Americans. Maybe then there would be an actual DEBATE on the subject. One I would not allow the NRA to attend.
That would never happen as the NRA lobby has their hands so firmly up the asses of politicians, that the lump in the politician's throat is the NRA's wrist watch. One is reminded of a puppet...
Flight 370
Why is everyone obsessed with this??? Because there is very little in the way of real mystery anymore. I think back to a little over a year ago and the rapid identification and apprehension of the Boston Marathon Bombers... 10 years ago, they might have been able to get away with it. 20 years, we would still be hunting.
This Flight is just... gone... The speculation has ranged from the plausible to the absolutely absurd.
It is more of a general "WTF???" then a concern about the actual perishing of the people, which is kind of sad in it's own way. I guess it has the "If it could happen to that flight, could it happen to mine?" connotation...
Utah.
I have to go to The Land of Mormon for a conference. While I love leaving Texas... Utah would not make the top 500 of places to go... Outer Space is preferable... And I have seen "Gravity".
I should not bitch, but I know friends who go to conferences in Miami... San Diego... Going to get some good training out of the deal, so... silver lining and what not. I have already Googled "liquor stores", "strip clubs" and "pubs" in the area... Good to go.
Earth Day.
The planet is dying, but I think she is going to make it real, real interesting in her last days. So, celebrate Earth day, and go back to destroying it for the other 364 days.
Yellowstone Caldera? Frakking quakes? Tsunami's? Fukashima Radioactive waste? Disappearing ice caps? What will it be that finally destroys us?
Instead of debating on whether or not climate change is man made or not, how about we do something about it. This is like waking up, going to your kitchen and finding a lump of shit in the middle of the floor and asking everyone, "Is it man made or not?"
Which is a step up from the worthless GOP, who would stand on said loaf and deny it fucking exists while also asking "What's that smell?".
Her.
The first thought in the morning, and the last when I go to sleep. I miss my friend.
Dog will hunt,
d
* from an interview with Garen Wintemute, director of the Violence Prevention Research Program at the University of California, Davis Medical Center.
This blog brought to you by Primus, Treat Her Right, Cake, Lenny Kravitz, Alan Silvestri, Led Zeppelin, Marilyn Manson, The Byrds, Anthrax, Columbia - A Groupie, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Foo Fighters, Wolfmother, Sir Elton John, Stevie Ray Vaughn & Double Trouble, Korn, Daft Punk, and The Doors.
So, a "patriot" is someone who uses violence, and or threats of violence, to get out of paying a bill? I owe a credit card company a nice, hefty sum... Do you suggest pipe bombs, like the ones you have used in the past against the BLM, Mr. Bundy?
The guy has been told since the 80's to stop letting his cattle graze on FEDERAL land... They started fining him. His defense, "I don't think that's right." Tough shit, assclown. I don't think bankers and Wall St. types who almost bankrupted the world getting off Scott free is right, but I don't make the rules.
If the Gov. was coming onto his PRIVATE property and telling him his cows can't graze there, that would be an issue of infringement. This is not the case.
And a special "Fuck you, you Fucking Fuck" to (thankfully) former Sheriff Richard Mack, who, during the standoff, said he and his fellow "patriots":
"were actually strategizing to put all the women up at the front. If they are going to start shooting, it’s going to be women that are going to be televised all across the world getting shot by these rogue federal officers.”
Real patriots would not wipe their ass with these free loaders who masturbate, sitting in jello, fantasizing about a showdown with the big bad Government.
NRA and all the Politicians who can't get a soundbite out because the NRA's dick is in their mouths.
After the tragedy at Sandy Hook, the CDC was "commissioned" to do a study about gun violence in America. I say tragedy, the NRA saw it as a way to advocate getting more guns around schools... Solid plan if your name is Douchey McDoucheALot. Also, they blamed virtual guns in video games, which as far as I know have caused ZERO non-virtual deaths.
Congress, namely Republicans and dickless Democrats, have stripped the 2.6 million dollars that would be budgeted for completing this research. 2.6 mil in terms of Federal spending is like $2.60 to you and me... It does not hurt, except when all you want is some spicy nuggets from Wendy's...
Republicans strategy... If we can't stop legislation that may harm our gravy train with biscuit wheels, we will defund it. Affordable Health Care ring a bell?
What is the NRA afraid of? That gun violence will pop up on the top 10 killer of Americans? That statistics will come to light about the chances of being killed by a gun? That myths that 1) Gun violence is decreasing 2) Criminals can't guns and 3) Nothing can be done*, would be shown to be just that, MYTHS?
I would be more than slightly amused if it were to be discovered that gun violence is like the #4 leading killer of Americans. Maybe then there would be an actual DEBATE on the subject. One I would not allow the NRA to attend.
That would never happen as the NRA lobby has their hands so firmly up the asses of politicians, that the lump in the politician's throat is the NRA's wrist watch. One is reminded of a puppet...
Flight 370
Why is everyone obsessed with this??? Because there is very little in the way of real mystery anymore. I think back to a little over a year ago and the rapid identification and apprehension of the Boston Marathon Bombers... 10 years ago, they might have been able to get away with it. 20 years, we would still be hunting.
This Flight is just... gone... The speculation has ranged from the plausible to the absolutely absurd.
It is more of a general "WTF???" then a concern about the actual perishing of the people, which is kind of sad in it's own way. I guess it has the "If it could happen to that flight, could it happen to mine?" connotation...
Utah.
I have to go to The Land of Mormon for a conference. While I love leaving Texas... Utah would not make the top 500 of places to go... Outer Space is preferable... And I have seen "Gravity".
I should not bitch, but I know friends who go to conferences in Miami... San Diego... Going to get some good training out of the deal, so... silver lining and what not. I have already Googled "liquor stores", "strip clubs" and "pubs" in the area... Good to go.
Earth Day.
The planet is dying, but I think she is going to make it real, real interesting in her last days. So, celebrate Earth day, and go back to destroying it for the other 364 days.
Yellowstone Caldera? Frakking quakes? Tsunami's? Fukashima Radioactive waste? Disappearing ice caps? What will it be that finally destroys us?
Instead of debating on whether or not climate change is man made or not, how about we do something about it. This is like waking up, going to your kitchen and finding a lump of shit in the middle of the floor and asking everyone, "Is it man made or not?"
Which is a step up from the worthless GOP, who would stand on said loaf and deny it fucking exists while also asking "What's that smell?".
Her.
The first thought in the morning, and the last when I go to sleep. I miss my friend.
Dog will hunt,
d
* from an interview with Garen Wintemute, director of the Violence Prevention Research Program at the University of California, Davis Medical Center.
This blog brought to you by Primus, Treat Her Right, Cake, Lenny Kravitz, Alan Silvestri, Led Zeppelin, Marilyn Manson, The Byrds, Anthrax, Columbia - A Groupie, Aerosmith, Iron Maiden, Foo Fighters, Wolfmother, Sir Elton John, Stevie Ray Vaughn & Double Trouble, Korn, Daft Punk, and The Doors.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
Cry.
cry [krahy]
verb (used without object)
1. to utter inarticulate sounds, especially of lamentation and grief, or suffering, usually with tears.
2. to weep; shed tears; with or without sound.
3. to call loudly; shout; yell (sometimes followed by out).
I had shed tears over pain, over loss, and over joy. I will say that the majority of the times are those three things in reverse order. The strangest things can trigger it.
Joy... I mean, hearing the theme song for "Superman" can set me off... It makes me think of Chris Reeve FLYING!!! It was more than that though... It was that things were going to be all right, because Supes was on the job and there was NO job too big for the guy. I have no problem distinguishing fantasy from reality, but it would be a better world with Superman in it.
The pure joy in the tittering laugh issued by Dash in "The Incredibles" when he discovers he can run on water...
The Beatles, "In My Life"... C'mon?
I am passionate about passion. I can watch a dance recital, and not be moved. People moving in a rhythmic fashion. Woo. A shaved monkey could be taught to do the same. I have seen a ballerina glide across the stage with a fluidity that made my eyes water with it's grace.
It is a voice, singing so beautifully, you wonder that if angels were real, that would be what they would sound like.
Fine... It was when Glen and Maggie found each other at the end of Season 4...
Loss... I remember the unholy wail that bellowed forth when X1 told me that she did, in fact, want a divorce. I was in a four foot square plywood phone booth, in the "Moral Tent" on Incirlik AFB, Turkey. I was alone, half way around the world, and my life as I knew it, was ending. The brass ring of "getting home, getting that hug and kiss"... gone... Merry Christmas! Thankfully, a Marine tent mate beat the shit out of me and got me thinking again. I was happy with going fetal... He disagreed. Thanks, Sgt. Bowman.
I have had relationships end where no tears were produced. They were moving on to bigger, better things... To lament that loss would have been selfish. In all my relationships of note, I made it clear, I want them to be happy. If it is not with me, let me know and we'll talk. It was not until much later in life that I realized that my own happiness means a great deal to me as well.
There are a myriad scenes in movies that just kill me. The scene in "The Crow" where Shelly looks down at Draven, gives him that secret smirk - The one that is THEIRS... and let's him know, "It is time to come home." The scene in "The Abyss", Ed Harris' silent scream of "Fiiiiiiiiiiight" to his wife, who he watched die. And the classic, "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." Lloyd Dobler rules.
Pain... Weirdly, I can handle the physical realm of pain decently. My defenses against an emotional onslaught, well... they kinda suck. I am quick to, and fully vested in, whatever emotion I am experiencing. If I am happy, I am very happy. Sad, then I am oh so very sad. The saving grace from me being clinically bi-polar, is that I am also quick out of said emotion. It is not giants waves, with prolonged peaks and valleys. More just spikes here and there.
Also, I am not a fan of shying away from these spikes. I am a firm believer that by being a pessimistic bastard, everything good that happens is a pleasant surprise (Thanks, Dad!). I also understand that when things are going well, and I am happy, I must be prepared for the other shoe to drop. I keep my eye out for the assclown that likes to come in and shit all over everything, including your Cheerios. (Some of you call him "God")
If I know I am in a stagnant funk, and I know I need to snap out of it, I am not above putting in some of the scenes listed above, getting it out of my system. Exorcising some demons.
Moms, who knows pain on a level that I would not wish on George W. Bush, Jr., gave me some advice back when I was in my Turkish Hell. Moms said , "Doug, breath. Just Breath. When you get that right, you need to get some sleep. When you have that down, drink some water. After you have those things down, get some food in you."
I replaced water with beer, but it was really good advice.
The Big Question... When you are crying, WHERE DOES ALL THE SNOT COME FROM? I mean sweet, sweet monkey balls!!! You are fine, breathing clearly, Tears hit, BOOM! A deluge of mucus barrels on out of your snot locker. Is there a reservoir? I could Google it, but it is really not that important... Just kind of funny and a weird ass phenomenon.
There is almost a cathartic after effect of a good cry. You are wiped. You are drained. You are exhausted. This is where pick your self back up, dust your soul off, and go back to the ever so important task of living.
Blow your nose first, and watch out for that assclown,
d
This blog brought to you by The Doors, Van Halen, Aerosmith, KISS ("Hard Luck Woman"... Damn), Nirvana, Tool, The Replacements, Sonic Youth, The Beatles, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Dangerous Toys, Peeping Tom & Massive Attack, The Doobie Brothers, Toadies, Billy Squier
Sunday, April 6, 2014
In Good Company...
Someone posed the query after this weeks events concerning the OKCupid/Mozilla Firefox showdown...
You have a voice, USE IT! It is one of the kick ass things about this joint. You can say what you want. People can reply. Double edged sword. Thankfully, I know how to sword fight.
So what will it take to enact real change?
Company vs. Company Gang Wars!!!!
This week it was OKCupid.com Vs. Mozilla... Recap here.
OKCupid was not cool with Mozilla guy's anti equality stance and put a disclaimer on their main page if you browsed to it using Firefox, and offered the links to get all of the other major browsers. They did leave a "proceed anyways" link... So they were not total dicks about it, just gave their opinion. They handled it cool. The Mozilla dude in question resigned.
I am not a fan of taking out my frustrations of a CEO's actions on the minimum wage person I actually come into contact with. That is not cool. Back during the hay day of the Chik Fil A hoopla, they were a couple of people who posted themselves going through drive thru's and giving some pimply faced teen grief... That kid is innocent and does not deserve that sort of "retribution".
I have swallowed pride for paychecks before... One company flew three flags over the headquarters... The Stars and Stripes, The Texas State Flag, and the Christian Flag... I was the seventh employee and four of the "senior" staff all attended the same church. To the president's credit, he never said I have to believe in what he did. It would make my sphincter itch when he would want to start meetings with a "prayer". Um... sorry, but I just don't think telepathically communicating with a Jewish Zombie Carpenter is gonna make a bit o' difference in my not wanting to be in this damn meeting. Ooooh, ya brought donuts! AMEN!
Kicking out the jams,
"Does a person's or company's political views sway your actions?"
Short answer: HELLS YES THEY DO.
Longer answer, which is why you are here... HELLS YES THEY DO, AND TO DENY IT IS FOLLY.
Seriously, I avoid Chik Fil A if at all possible because the head honcho is against equality. It is his right to voice and beliefs, and it is my right to say "I will take my business elsewhere." Sucks, because I do miss all that sodium in my life. I just could not sponsor hate.
That and they kept saying "God bless you" when they would give me my food or tell me to "pull forward"... Who in the hell do they think they are? It got to the point where I would blast Slayer as I pulled up... "PRAISE HELL, SATAN!" makes 'em not smile so much... It is the small victories.
But they had the ultimate trump card... When, oh when, do you crave the living shit out of Chik Fil A? When does it really feel like it will hit the spot that nothing else can satisfy? That's right... Sunday. When they are closed.
That and they kept saying "God bless you" when they would give me my food or tell me to "pull forward"... Who in the hell do they think they are? It got to the point where I would blast Slayer as I pulled up... "PRAISE HELL, SATAN!" makes 'em not smile so much... It is the small victories.
But they had the ultimate trump card... When, oh when, do you crave the living shit out of Chik Fil A? When does it really feel like it will hit the spot that nothing else can satisfy? That's right... Sunday. When they are closed.
It is a matter of what you can justify and stomach vs. what you can't.
I am a big fan of Jimmy John's sandwiches. I can get in and out and back to my desk before the computer goes to sleep, if I hit the traffic lights just right. They are quick, easy, and not terribly expensive. So I hear that their head honcho likes to hunt endangered animals. Well, shit...
I decided to look into it... I found an article talking about how hunting endangered animals can actually stimulate population growth. "I will take a #12 on wheat, hold the tomatoes and cucumbers." All is well.
I understand that sometimes circumstances won't allow the justifications... You will rarely see an older Jewish person driving a Volkswagon. The whole "doors on the ovens at Auschwitz were designed by VW" is a damn tough pill to swallow. BMW's are usually verboten in that community as well... That being said, my folk's Passat was one of the best cars I have ever driven. Was a superb machine that was made to eat miles.
There was an episode of "Mad Men" where a WWII vet and head of the ad agency takes umbrage with the Honda people being considered as clients. I can understand the sentiment. He actually knew people killed by.... AH wait... There is the caveat.... His friends were not killed by delegation of Honda people... But still, prejudices are usually very comfortable to those who wear them like an insecurity blanket.
It is no secret that one of my most loathed individuals on this planet is the Retarded Cowboy, Ex-President, War Criminal, Bush Jr. Behind every empire, there is a crime. Go back one or two generations, and you find that Bush Jr.s grandpappy Prescott (automatically a douche richie rich name) was uber helpful in Hitler's rise to power. He made his money by helping the Nazis. Solid citizen and SENATOR.
If you can't justify the cause, person, service, company, what have you... Then Ctrl-Alt-Del the sons of bitches... If you can... Some people will consider themselves to have a moral superiority on that one particular facet, but rest assured, they have something in their life just as sordid... That they can justify in their mind.
"Does it make a difference?"
Sure, to YOU. As politicians are bought and sold, and a certain party is trying to enact voter strangulation, it is easier to "Vote With Your Dollar". If you say "To Hell with such and such", good for you. You can't demand others to follow in your footsteps... But you can inform them as to why you made your decision. Caution: if you get all holy crusader with a ton of shit, people will generally stop talking to you. Spread it out over time... And wait til it comes up in conversation, then get on it like a Rottweiler with a baby in it's mouth! Never let it go!!!
I understand that sometimes circumstances won't allow the justifications... You will rarely see an older Jewish person driving a Volkswagon. The whole "doors on the ovens at Auschwitz were designed by VW" is a damn tough pill to swallow. BMW's are usually verboten in that community as well... That being said, my folk's Passat was one of the best cars I have ever driven. Was a superb machine that was made to eat miles.
There was an episode of "Mad Men" where a WWII vet and head of the ad agency takes umbrage with the Honda people being considered as clients. I can understand the sentiment. He actually knew people killed by.... AH wait... There is the caveat.... His friends were not killed by delegation of Honda people... But still, prejudices are usually very comfortable to those who wear them like an insecurity blanket.
It is no secret that one of my most loathed individuals on this planet is the Retarded Cowboy, Ex-President, War Criminal, Bush Jr. Behind every empire, there is a crime. Go back one or two generations, and you find that Bush Jr.s grandpappy Prescott (automatically a douche richie rich name) was uber helpful in Hitler's rise to power. He made his money by helping the Nazis. Solid citizen and SENATOR.
If you can't justify the cause, person, service, company, what have you... Then Ctrl-Alt-Del the sons of bitches... If you can... Some people will consider themselves to have a moral superiority on that one particular facet, but rest assured, they have something in their life just as sordid... That they can justify in their mind.
"Does it make a difference?"
Sure, to YOU. As politicians are bought and sold, and a certain party is trying to enact voter strangulation, it is easier to "Vote With Your Dollar". If you say "To Hell with such and such", good for you. You can't demand others to follow in your footsteps... But you can inform them as to why you made your decision. Caution: if you get all holy crusader with a ton of shit, people will generally stop talking to you. Spread it out over time... And wait til it comes up in conversation, then get on it like a Rottweiler with a baby in it's mouth! Never let it go!!!
If you despise Wal-Mart and their corporate structure of completely anally raping their employees, DON'T SHOP THERE! If you don't like Target's French Connection, DON'T SHOP THERE! If you need food and are against Monsanto, GROW A GARDEN, PRAY FOR RAIN. If you are against drugs, THROW OUT ALL GOOD MUSIC FROM THE PAST 400 YEARS...
If you feel strongly enough about it, get vocal. Utilize social networking sites... Be a snarky bastard and write blogs about it (*wink!*). HOWEVER, just because that one alarmist friend of yours posts something about carrots turning white will bring about the Zombie Apocalypse... Snopes.com the shit before you scare your Mom half to death, who just friended you because she wanted to see pics of your kids. Seriously, research research research. Find arguments both for and against. Think for yourself. Google is free, yo.
If you feel strongly enough about it, get vocal. Utilize social networking sites... Be a snarky bastard and write blogs about it (*wink!*). HOWEVER, just because that one alarmist friend of yours posts something about carrots turning white will bring about the Zombie Apocalypse... Snopes.com the shit before you scare your Mom half to death, who just friended you because she wanted to see pics of your kids. Seriously, research research research. Find arguments both for and against. Think for yourself. Google is free, yo.
You have a voice, USE IT! It is one of the kick ass things about this joint. You can say what you want. People can reply. Double edged sword. Thankfully, I know how to sword fight.
So what will it take to enact real change?
Company vs. Company Gang Wars!!!!
This week it was OKCupid.com Vs. Mozilla... Recap here.
OKCupid was not cool with Mozilla guy's anti equality stance and put a disclaimer on their main page if you browsed to it using Firefox, and offered the links to get all of the other major browsers. They did leave a "proceed anyways" link... So they were not total dicks about it, just gave their opinion. They handled it cool. The Mozilla dude in question resigned.
I am not a fan of taking out my frustrations of a CEO's actions on the minimum wage person I actually come into contact with. That is not cool. Back during the hay day of the Chik Fil A hoopla, they were a couple of people who posted themselves going through drive thru's and giving some pimply faced teen grief... That kid is innocent and does not deserve that sort of "retribution".
I have swallowed pride for paychecks before... One company flew three flags over the headquarters... The Stars and Stripes, The Texas State Flag, and the Christian Flag... I was the seventh employee and four of the "senior" staff all attended the same church. To the president's credit, he never said I have to believe in what he did. It would make my sphincter itch when he would want to start meetings with a "prayer". Um... sorry, but I just don't think telepathically communicating with a Jewish Zombie Carpenter is gonna make a bit o' difference in my not wanting to be in this damn meeting. Ooooh, ya brought donuts! AMEN!
Kicking out the jams,
d
This blog brought to you by MC5, Grand Funk (It is more than a regular, normal everyday funk... no, it is a GRAND funk), The Seatbelts, Korn, Megadeth, Audioslave, Drowning Pool, Boston, Tenacious D, Metallica, The Cutting Crew ("This is a couples skate"), Steve Vai, The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, Tesla, Down, The Stereophonics, and Queens of the Stone Age.
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Life, Liberty and the Pursuit...
"We hold these truths to be self evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Happiness."
Some dead guys wrote that a long time ago. They had the right idea, but were also making shitloads of money off of slave labor... So, kind of a hypocritical statement. The truer statement would have been...
"We, in not knowing a damn thing, think that old, white men rule! We also think a Creator, but not a particular religious based one, because that would be uncool, gave us some rights that are pretty rock solid, them being Life. Liberty, And a sappy Will Smith movie! Thankfully, we are aware of our limited grasp... so Ladies, African-Americans, and LGBTs... Amend this bitch! (After we are worm food)"
This blog is about the Affordable Healthcare Act. I think it could fall under the whole "Life" part of the aforementioned inalienable rights. (SIDE NOTE: I have never, ever heard that adjective used anywhere else! Ever!)
This SUPREME COURT UPHELD LAW has caused more ass itch then almost anything of recent memory. Hell, the Republican Corpo-Electorate has voted to repeal the thing FIFTY, FIVE ZERO, times... There is a point where you cease to be standing your ground, and start being an annoying piece of shit. They passed that point 49 votes to repeal ago.
The law has caused a veritable abyss in the political discourse and general work place discussion. In my workplace, someone, anonymously laid a printout of "The Tea Party Guide To Defunding Obamacare" in the break room. Wouldn't ya know it...I grabbed my, Someone grabbed a Sharpie and wrote "THIS IS NOT NEEDED, THE BATHROOM IS FULLY STOCKED WITH TOILET PAPER!" Anonymity is a double edged sword. And I own swords. Plural.
To find some resolution, one must find common ground from where to start the discourse. And here it is...
"Once it became a "Health Care Industry", we ALL were hosed."
Insurance companies are a legalized form of gambling. They get money coming and going. And they were sucking you dry every year with larger fees, lesser coverage, and higher deductibles. They would tell you this is because of the rising cost of the uninsured.. People skipping out on paying the emergency room bills. So, we, the people doing the right thing, have to shoulder the burden.
Some truth to that... Sure. So, I dunno... Try to make there be less uninsured?
Insurance companies, in order to keep their shareholders happy, would kick off people when it was discovered that they had some serious illness - because it was non-cost effective. Kind of the ultimate dick move. No one could argue that should be a big no no.
So, I dunno... Make it so they can't kick you off if you get sick?
Insurance companies could pick and choose who they wouldsteal from accept as clients based on preexisting conditions. So, your old Insurance Co. kicked you out for being sick and no one will insure you because you are sick? Congrats, you are going to die in agonizing pain and completely draining the financial resources of your family for generations to come... THANKS FOR PLAYING!
So, I dunno... Eliminate the pre-existing condition clauses?
Guess what the first phase of the Affordable Health Care Act did???
The Money Fellating Right Wing's major argument - well, sound bite, because most of their supporters can't comprehend a fully formed thought of more than two sentences, was "Your insurance rates are going to raise 5000%!!!!" Or was it Sarah Palin's "Death Panel" bullshit? I forget.
Understand this, President Obama did not raise a damn thing. The Affordable Health Care Act did not raise a damn thing. That would be the insurance companies choice to do so. No one else's. They were going to raise your deductible anyways. Seriously. Every year they did so. Suddenly it is the President's fault. Tell that story walking.
The roll out of the website was a fiasco - granted. As a programmer, I can fully understand the complexity of a site like that... But to have 55 different companies involved in the coding??? THAT is unforgivable and would cause the cluster we all were privy to. So the interface was jacked. People getting covered was not. And as of yesterday, that number is around 7.1 million.
The second phase was a bit more tricky. It was an implementation of a standard of coverage. Some of the insurance companies sell a "street 'surance", mostly to low income families. It looks good on paper, but it covers next to nothing. So, having it creates a nice, false sense of security - until something goes wrong. The Affordable Health Care Act said no more duping the already struggling. Here is the standard.
So far, the biggest fun is to see the "Americans For Prosperity" (aka The Koch Brothers Propaganda Machine) wheel out their "Obamacare Horror Stories". The fun comes from someone fact checks them and in five minutes, debunks them. In some cases, showing the "victim" how the AHA is actually going to help them. Good times. Suck my Koch.
The amount of disinformation, and money spent on said manure, being pumped out by the opponents of the AHA is astounding. If they, I dunno, put that money towards medical research, maybe we could cure some shit... HAHAHAHAHA... Who am I kidding, that would help people... And they could give a rat's bleeding rectum about people.
You want an all too typical depiction of insurance companies? Watch "The Rainmaker". If you don't feel a tad sense of revulsion by the end, you must be a soulless creature, or worse, a Republican
With as much as we spend on healthcare in this nation, to be ranked 37th in the world in "Quality" is a travesty. That is the horror story that needs to be told. The treatment of our Veteran's medical care is a disgrace. The War Pigs have no problem sending them to war, supporting them (for photo ops), but seem to have a damn problem funding/fixing the VA and voting for job bills for Veterans.
Am I happy with the AHA? No, I wanted the single payer mandate. It would free employers from having to provide... But they would have to provide more pay. Hell, I want socialized medicine. I would pay another 6 to 8 cents per dollar to not have to worry about medical bills. Ever. "Oh but I heard Canadians have to wait 42 years for a broken leg to get fixed". I am sure you did. What time of the day were you watching Fox "News"?
The Doctor is in, bend over,
d
This blog brought to you by LeonardRadio! - The Clash, The Foo Fighters... covering Cream's "I Feel Free" - Nice, Stevie Ray Vaughn doin' "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return), Stevie Wonder, No Doubt, The Yardbirds, Len, Michelle Branch and Santana, Dean Martin, The Who, Wilson Pickett, Friends of George, and the New Radicals, Marvin Gaye, Neil Diamond.
Some dead guys wrote that a long time ago. They had the right idea, but were also making shitloads of money off of slave labor... So, kind of a hypocritical statement. The truer statement would have been...
"We, in not knowing a damn thing, think that old, white men rule! We also think a Creator, but not a particular religious based one, because that would be uncool, gave us some rights that are pretty rock solid, them being Life. Liberty, And a sappy Will Smith movie! Thankfully, we are aware of our limited grasp... so Ladies, African-Americans, and LGBTs... Amend this bitch! (After we are worm food)"
This blog is about the Affordable Healthcare Act. I think it could fall under the whole "Life" part of the aforementioned inalienable rights. (SIDE NOTE: I have never, ever heard that adjective used anywhere else! Ever!)
This SUPREME COURT UPHELD LAW has caused more ass itch then almost anything of recent memory. Hell, the Republican Corpo-Electorate has voted to repeal the thing FIFTY, FIVE ZERO, times... There is a point where you cease to be standing your ground, and start being an annoying piece of shit. They passed that point 49 votes to repeal ago.
The law has caused a veritable abyss in the political discourse and general work place discussion. In my workplace, someone, anonymously laid a printout of "The Tea Party Guide To Defunding Obamacare" in the break room. Wouldn't ya know it...
To find some resolution, one must find common ground from where to start the discourse. And here it is...
"Once it became a "Health Care Industry", we ALL were hosed."
Insurance companies are a legalized form of gambling. They get money coming and going. And they were sucking you dry every year with larger fees, lesser coverage, and higher deductibles. They would tell you this is because of the rising cost of the uninsured.. People skipping out on paying the emergency room bills. So, we, the people doing the right thing, have to shoulder the burden.
Some truth to that... Sure. So, I dunno... Try to make there be less uninsured?
Insurance companies, in order to keep their shareholders happy, would kick off people when it was discovered that they had some serious illness - because it was non-cost effective. Kind of the ultimate dick move. No one could argue that should be a big no no.
So, I dunno... Make it so they can't kick you off if you get sick?
Insurance companies could pick and choose who they would
So, I dunno... Eliminate the pre-existing condition clauses?
Guess what the first phase of the Affordable Health Care Act did???
The Money Fellating Right Wing's major argument - well, sound bite, because most of their supporters can't comprehend a fully formed thought of more than two sentences, was "Your insurance rates are going to raise 5000%!!!!" Or was it Sarah Palin's "Death Panel" bullshit? I forget.
Understand this, President Obama did not raise a damn thing. The Affordable Health Care Act did not raise a damn thing. That would be the insurance companies choice to do so. No one else's. They were going to raise your deductible anyways. Seriously. Every year they did so. Suddenly it is the President's fault. Tell that story walking.
The roll out of the website was a fiasco - granted. As a programmer, I can fully understand the complexity of a site like that... But to have 55 different companies involved in the coding??? THAT is unforgivable and would cause the cluster we all were privy to. So the interface was jacked. People getting covered was not. And as of yesterday, that number is around 7.1 million.
The second phase was a bit more tricky. It was an implementation of a standard of coverage. Some of the insurance companies sell a "street 'surance", mostly to low income families. It looks good on paper, but it covers next to nothing. So, having it creates a nice, false sense of security - until something goes wrong. The Affordable Health Care Act said no more duping the already struggling. Here is the standard.
So far, the biggest fun is to see the "Americans For Prosperity" (aka The Koch Brothers Propaganda Machine) wheel out their "Obamacare Horror Stories". The fun comes from someone fact checks them and in five minutes, debunks them. In some cases, showing the "victim" how the AHA is actually going to help them. Good times. Suck my Koch.
The amount of disinformation, and money spent on said manure, being pumped out by the opponents of the AHA is astounding. If they, I dunno, put that money towards medical research, maybe we could cure some shit... HAHAHAHAHA... Who am I kidding, that would help people... And they could give a rat's bleeding rectum about people.
You want an all too typical depiction of insurance companies? Watch "The Rainmaker". If you don't feel a tad sense of revulsion by the end, you must be a soulless creature, or worse, a Republican
With as much as we spend on healthcare in this nation, to be ranked 37th in the world in "Quality" is a travesty. That is the horror story that needs to be told. The treatment of our Veteran's medical care is a disgrace. The War Pigs have no problem sending them to war, supporting them (for photo ops), but seem to have a damn problem funding/fixing the VA and voting for job bills for Veterans.
Am I happy with the AHA? No, I wanted the single payer mandate. It would free employers from having to provide... But they would have to provide more pay. Hell, I want socialized medicine. I would pay another 6 to 8 cents per dollar to not have to worry about medical bills. Ever. "Oh but I heard Canadians have to wait 42 years for a broken leg to get fixed". I am sure you did. What time of the day were you watching Fox "News"?
The Doctor is in, bend over,
d
This blog brought to you by LeonardRadio! - The Clash, The Foo Fighters... covering Cream's "I Feel Free" - Nice, Stevie Ray Vaughn doin' "Voodoo Chile (Slight Return), Stevie Wonder, No Doubt, The Yardbirds, Len, Michelle Branch and Santana, Dean Martin, The Who, Wilson Pickett, Friends of George, and the New Radicals, Marvin Gaye, Neil Diamond.
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