Cry.

cry [krahy]

verb (used without object)

1. to utter inarticulate sounds, especially of lamentation and grief, or suffering, usually with tears.

2. to weep; shed tears; with or without sound.

3. to call loudly; shout; yell (sometimes followed by out).

I had shed tears over pain, over loss, and over joy. I will say that the majority of the times are those three things in reverse order. The strangest things can trigger it.

Joy... I mean, hearing the theme song for "Superman" can set me off... It makes me think of Chris Reeve FLYING!!! It was more than that though... It was that things were going to be all right, because Supes was on the job and  there was NO job too big for the guy. I have no problem distinguishing fantasy from reality, but it would be a better world with Superman in it.

The pure joy in the tittering laugh issued by Dash in "The Incredibles" when he discovers he can run on water... 

The Beatles, "In My Life"... C'mon?

I am passionate about passion. I can watch a dance recital, and not be moved. People moving in a rhythmic fashion. Woo. A shaved monkey could be taught to do the same. I have seen a ballerina glide across the stage with a fluidity that made my eyes water with it's grace. 

It is a voice, singing so beautifully, you wonder that if angels were real, that would be what they would sound like.

Fine... It was when Glen and Maggie found each other at the end of Season 4...

Loss... I remember the unholy wail that bellowed forth when X1 told me that she did, in fact, want a divorce. I was in a four foot square plywood phone booth, in the "Moral Tent" on Incirlik AFB, Turkey. I was alone, half way around the world, and my life as I knew it, was ending. The brass ring of "getting home, getting that hug and kiss"... gone... Merry Christmas! Thankfully, a Marine tent mate beat the shit out of me and got me thinking again. I was happy with going fetal... He disagreed. Thanks, Sgt. Bowman.

I have had relationships end where no tears were produced. They were moving on to bigger, better things... To lament that loss would have been selfish. In all my relationships of note, I made it clear, I want them to be happy. If it is not with me, let me know and we'll talk. It was not until much later in life that I realized that my own happiness means a great deal to me as well.

There are a myriad scenes in movies that just kill me. The scene in "The Crow" where Shelly looks down at Draven, gives him that secret smirk - The one that is THEIRS... and let's him know, "It is time to come home." The scene in "The Abyss", Ed Harris' silent scream of "Fiiiiiiiiiiight" to his wife, who he watched die. And the classic, "I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." Lloyd Dobler rules.

Pain...  Weirdly, I can handle the physical realm of pain decently. My defenses against an emotional onslaught, well... they kinda suck. I am quick to, and fully vested in, whatever emotion I am experiencing. If I am happy, I am very happy. Sad, then I am oh so very sad. The saving grace from me being clinically bi-polar, is that I am also quick out of said emotion. It is not giants waves, with prolonged peaks and valleys. More just spikes here and there.

Also, I am not a fan of shying away from these spikes. I am a firm believer that by being a pessimistic bastard, everything good that happens is a pleasant surprise (Thanks, Dad!). I also understand that when things are going well, and I am happy, I must be prepared for the other shoe to drop. I keep my eye out for the assclown that likes to come in and shit all over everything, including your Cheerios. (Some of you call him "God")

If I know I am in a stagnant funk, and I know I need to snap out of it, I am not above putting in some of the scenes listed above, getting it out of my system. Exorcising some demons.

Moms, who knows pain on a level that I would not wish on George W. Bush, Jr., gave me some advice back when I was in my Turkish Hell. Moms said , "Doug, breath. Just Breath. When you get that right, you need to get some sleep. When you have that down, drink some water. After you have those things down, get some food in you."

I replaced water with beer, but it was really good advice.

The Big Question... When you are crying, WHERE DOES ALL THE SNOT COME FROM? I mean sweet, sweet monkey balls!!! You are fine, breathing clearly, Tears hit, BOOM! A deluge of mucus barrels on out of your snot locker. Is there a reservoir? I could Google it, but it is really not that important... Just kind of funny and a weird ass phenomenon.

There is almost a cathartic after effect of a good cry. You are wiped. You are drained. You are exhausted. This is where pick your self back up, dust your soul off, and go back to the ever so important task of living.

Blow your nose first, and watch out for that assclown,

d

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