And The Shovel Is For...

Yesterday, as I was about to start cleaning house, I had the brilliant idea to wear my brandy new, NONE too cheap, moccasins. Figuring to get them a little more broken in for Scarby next weekend. I get the right one laced up... Looking super awesome. On to the left moc!

The third of ten glass button makes a noise... like crushing glass. And this button just... wobbles off it's post...

The visions of what I wanted to do the Earth. Flames seen from space. A rolling, devastating storm cloud, raining death and destruction, with me at the head... Commanding and bending the raw, primordial power of...

VENGEANCE!!! (If I could have made it blink, I would have)

I finished cleaning the house. Called the good people at Catskill Mountain Moccasins, and all will be fixed in the first 10 minutes of opening day. I calmed down, and it took about five minutes to remedy the situation. Even I was a little appalled at the level of my reaction.

As the wise Ron Burgandy once said, "That escalated quickly!"

That was not the only inspiration for this week's verbal spewage...

I spoke with a beloved friend this week. She had been wronged. Shit, to be honest, she had been verbally abused by a person she was in a relationship with. I may be many things, but there are lines I will never cross. Hurting someone I supposedly love? It sickens me. As I told someone a while back, "I may be a bastard, but I am not a fucking bastard." (Not in the classical sense of the word... Love ya, Dad!)

As I recall, and am replaying in my movie-hole I call a brain, what this guy said and did, I feel hurt. I feel for this person (Never mind that she is my friend. Never mind that she is one of the few people on the planet I actually love. Just the fact she is a human being - hurting), recounting the recent events with tears in her eyes... Hell, I write this, I am tearing up... Hurt is the primary emotion...

However. Comma. There is a seething cauldron of rage bubbling underneath.

She came to me with her story because she had written a letter to this vile, piece of shit's new girlfriend explaining in detail what a vile, piece of shit this guy is. It was succinct and well thought out and executed (She is meticulous and hella organized! You do NOT want to piss her off.).

She was asking me if she should mail it.

There it is. The dilemma. Should one seek vengeance for the wrongs done unto them?

Not Just The Name of Roy's Horse!

What does it take for you to want to make someone feel YOUR pain?

In the case above, the reason she wanted to inflict suffering was abundantly clear. THE FUCKER WAS "GETTING AWAY WITH IT". Almost a direct quote.

Now, some people can read that story and it not have any effect, or elicit any reaction. These same people could see a scratch on their car and want the streets to run red with the blood of everyone in a twenty block radius because the bag of dicks that scratched their ride might still be in the circle of pain!

Last night I was helping a lady friend set up her blog, and discussing writing, so I brought up this topic. This lady is uber hippie lady. Loves hugs. Loves animals with a passion. Loves love. I have never heard her to speak an unkind word about anyone. The worse utterance being, "I would not like that person around me."

That is the equivalent to my "Fuck that fucking fuck. Hope they die screaming."

I asked her what would set her off? She said "Nothing" in an instant, clinging to her pacifist ways and teachings.

"Someone fucks with your kid", I countered.

"Ohh, they done fucked up then.", she said and I felt the sudden drop in temperature... I think even she was surprised by how quickly her mind went to vengeance.

Ta-da! Trigger discovered!

I told a therapist once, how I envision my own mechanism. I do my best to allow the momentary, brief flash of retribution on a plague-like scale to surface... and then lock that shit down. A lock is a series of little tumblers that have to be manipulated at the right angle and sequence to unlock.

IF someone were to pick my particular lock... It will make national news and... well, they United States Correction System might not let me blog from death row.

On Ice!

If you tell me you have not heard the old Klingon Proverb, "Revenge is a dish best served cold." I will call you a fibber and tell you to watch "Kill Bill Vol. 1 & 2" immediately.

I have been mentally dissecting that phrase for the past few days. I think I never really gave it much thought really. Someone been wronged, it is the go-to of vengeance quotes... Don't really think about it. Just say that shit. Sound smart!

When you are hurt, when you are angry, when you are BLINDED by those two powerful emotions, the first thing to go out the window? REASON.

The "served cold" part is the beautifully evil part of the quote. Let the hate and hurt simmer down... A boiling pot of water in not a real danger. Why? Because you see water doing that gurgle, rolling bubble shit... "Hey, that water is hot!"

You see a nice container of water... not exhibiting any of the behaviors associated with a boil... Stick your hand in... Come on... All is calm and serene... C'mon... I got you, Pum'kin... BURN!

No... IF you do seek vengeance... Let the storm pass... In the calm that follows... Wait for your opportunity... Like a Swedish Steppenwolf cover band naming themselves "Bjorn To Be Wild"... That kinda opportunity.

Regain the higher brain function and set forth your plan to completely decimate the object of your wrath.

A dish best served cold...

____________________________

I ended up telling my friend that I would NOT mail the letter. It was difficult for me to get that jagged, little pill out myself. I would not condemn her if she did end up mailing it. 

My reasoning is that, at the moment of our conversation, she was out. She was free and clear of that dysfunctional universe. To mail the letter would be opening the door and walking back into it.

She would not be present to see the expression and reaction of her letter being read... There only satisfaction would be that she had done her due diligence to try and help another human being from being hurt the same way she had been...

Yeah yeah... that is nice and all... but it would really fuck with that world class bag of dicks too.

In this case, however, dealing with this sociopath... It would not cause one flag in his step... Which is what really drove my opinion to not send the letter.

"Before you embark on a journey of  revenge, dig two graves." (TITLE!)

Confucius said that... And what it means, in that day and age, your reaction, would cause an reaction. Which would prompt your escalated reaction, and then an escalated reaction on theirs...

Even if you vanquish your foe, how much of yourself was sacrificed in the process?

I miss the parts of me I have buried along the way and I am tired of digging graves. That being said, there are seven graves I still have to fill, and I check each dish's temperature daily.

I hate it when my friends hurt,

d

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