So... The conversation is taking it's normal route. Lots of questioning back and forth. Thankfully, she said that she liked the writing of my rather lengthy dating profile. Well... Just so happens that I have a whole metric fuck tonne of writing right HERE! I proceeded to give her the link. She may in fact be reading this very sentence... Hi.
Right after sending the text, I thought... Shit. I kind of bare my soul in this saga on a screen. Not all of these are deep, introspective writings, but you could learn quite a lot about me. Not all of it flattering...
Did that stop me from giving her my full name so she could perv my profile on Facebook? NO, IT MOST CERTAINLY DID NOT!!!
"Can I please have a knee that bends in a manner so I can just kick myself in the testicles?"
After some grueling minutes passing, waiting for some indication, favorable or unfavorable, I get a "I like the hair!"
This lets me know she made it to Friday's postings... Again... One can learn a LOT about me on my Facebook profile. I have had my phone number up on it since 2010... Not one call... But still! I don't lock down any of my posts or pics. (I have to call and check on my Dad, because I know his security minded ass might have just sprained his eye muscles from rolling them so hard...)
I had to go move mass amounts of weight back and forth, and up and down, and I was thinking about a conversation that a friend and I had recently about... the Past. Ah... the topic presents itself!!!
She entered a relationship. In the spirit of honesty and forthrightness, she divulged some of her recent dalliances and recounts of her romantic life. Nothing terribly shocking... Nothing that has not gone on before and will continue to happen after we are all decomposed.
Well, this new beau, he took umbrage with some of the details of her past. He would not let them go. He would use these nuggets of information as weapons in which to inflict pain and abuse. More atrociously, he used them as bludgeons to deflect any and all valid arguments she would make.
I had a little issue with the past being a hindrance. I was seeing a lady, they know who they are (SUPER-SLY-EARLIER-BLOG REFERENCE, TOTALLY MADE LESS SUPER-SLY BY THIS ALL CAPS PARENTHETICAL ANNOUNCEMENT!), who had issue with me being friends, Facebook and otherwise, with a few of my exes and women I had seen naked. The fact she was in Memphis, and me six hundred miles away, is a gargantuan factor.
It really bugged her. To the point where I had to tell her... "Either you trust me or you don't." I didn't realize it at the time, but in this case it was not wholly matter of trust, or the past. It was one of access.
A friend, who I was in a relationship with for about eighteen months, needed some cash. I had some cash and I loaned it to her. I did not hesitate. I did charge a big ass bottle of Jack Daniels as interest. "Business Acumen", I believe it is called...
It really bothered her that I did it... I had to explain, more than once, that with this person, who had done me no wrong, to whom I had zero, ZERO, animosity, and had one of the most adult relationships, from start to finish, is my friend. Again, it was the matter of access... When I looked back, I knew what phrase made my lady's blood boil... "She just came over got the cash."
It was the "just came over" part... like my current lady friend wished she could do, and this woman, with whom I had a past, could do in 10 minutes.
After explaining my past to her, I did my best to let her know nicely, "I am not going to alienate my friends, or people I care about because you are jealous they are in my life. These people helped me become the person I am today."
The distance did that relationship in... And we are now good friends... About a year after we were done, and still friends and talking sporadically, I jokingly clued her into the fact... "You know... You are know one of the 'exes' you used to not like..."
I know the "Fuck off" was said with a smile... I hope it was said with a smile...
Yesterday, out at Scarborough RAINessance Festival, I was hanging with our merry little band of miscreants. Two lovely ladies were discussing how they were not a fan of when a new lover would make it seem like he was executing something from a playbook.
Paraphrasing, but something along the lines of, "If you play with my tits, fucking ask my how I would like my tits played with. Don't just play with them like you did with your last chick. What may have worked on her, may not work on me."
I smiled to myself and thought... This is a lot like "initiative" in the workplace... If you try something and it makes your boss happy... You showed initiative. If you try something, and the boss is not happy, "What the fuck ya doing?"
If new lover is playing with her tits and it is something that is making her quite happy, then, "Proceeeeed...." (subtext: "I know this is what he has done before, and if I ever meet the chick that taught him this, I will say 'Thank You'"), if not... "What the fuck ya doing?"
The actual lessons to be taken away is communication, of course... That, and don't let the past dictate your future... or breast handling technique.
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The present is unfolding as it should... Try and stop it. Dare ya. I'll make the popcorn.
I have a past. You have a past. They have a past. Unless you are in Witness Protection, there is know escaping it...
While I do not hide or shy away from any of it, I am not proud of all of my past. I have done some fucked up, repugnant shit. I have made peace with close to 99% of my past. There are always those things you will carry, until you shuffle the mortal coil, that you will never fully come to terms with...
I tell any new person of interest, "You can ask me any question. I may ask if you reeeeeally want the answer, but I will answer honestly... and I can't make you like the answer."
If someone can't handle your past and you have made your peace with it, present them with the following choices... 1) HONESTLY accept it and move on, taking all the time they need to do so. "Accepting" meaning they do NOT get to hold it against or over you. EVER. 2) Swallow that jagged little pill, STFU, and they NEVER hold it against or over you. EVER. 3) Fuck off.
Sitting in my Nowhere Land,
d
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amen brother.
ReplyDeleteAmen squared
ReplyDelete