Which brings me to Hollywood...
I have been on this rock long enough to know there is nothing new under that big ball of fusion in the sky. I have been a cinema-phile long enough to understand that most, if not all, movies fit a genre. Some go as so far to be formulaic. I tend to avoid those... or wait for Netflix.
I read today that "Predator" is getting remade. NOT a sequel. NOT a prequel. Remade*... "Predator" is one of my absolute favorite, no holes barred, smash your dick with a whiskey hammer - yes... a hammer made of whiskey, knock down, drag out, awesome-sauce movies of bad-assery of all time.
I think my cup got really close to running over with the latest incarnation of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". I remember reading the Mirage Studios comic, when they drank beer and swore. I remember it being secretly cool... Then that travesty of a cartoon ruined it all... Took something I loved, and made it... MAINSTREAM!!!
After the first live action movie was released, I was amazed at how some of the story was influenced by some of those early issues. So I gave it some props. Then... Vanilla Ice had to show up in the second one, and that was that...
This NEW installment has the originally 4' 6" turtles clocking in around 6'. Did they take a look at the source material at all?
"Point Break" - Getting remade... Um... Because the story of an ex college quarterback turned FBI agent tracking down surfing bank robbers, led by a zen master type who befriends the agent, was not told thoroughly enough the first time?
"Robocop"... This one goes under the same file of "Why?" The original was the epitome of 80's mindless, uber violence - serving purpose whatsoever. The original cut was RATED "X"! For VIOLENCE! Forget NC-17!!! No horror movie has approached that... There was no reason to even attempt a remake... Hella no reason to have a PG-13 one. Come to think of it, there was no real reason to have the sequels to the original either...
"Man of Steel". I love Superman. I love the mythology. I love the cannon. I love the ideal. I watched Snyder's vision, and for about 66% of the movie, was cool with it. I will just say this... SUPERMAN DOES NOT KILL. PERIOD. EVER. END OF FUCKING LIST. I put Singer's "Superman Returns" above "Man of Steel" by leaps and bounds for that reason alone. Seems like Singer actually read the books and knew Superman is not about being dark and edgy. He is about being the beacon. The shining example.
"Spider-man"/"The Amazing Spider-man"... Ugh... just ugh... Show me a highlight reel, I am good.
There are some franchises that have benefited from the "re-imagination process"...
"Godzilla (2014)" - The latest installment starring the King of Monsters was a nice little disasterpiece. The effects were second to none and the sound... oh, the sound... If Revelations were to come about, and angels were to sound their trumpets... I would hope at least one sounds like Godzilla's roar from this flick...
"Star Trek" - J.J. Abrams not only re-imagined a universe, but managed to explain why it was different. To do so in a way where most people, die hard fans and novices alike, were like, "Yeah, I can see that." was no small feat. The inclusion of Nimoy made an entire legion geekgasm in their Starfleet uniforms.
"Rise" and "Dawn of the Planet of The Apes" - Tim Burton missed it when he attempted it... I blame Marky Mark for that one. This new iteration has Andy Serkis... You probably don't know that name. He was the guy who did the motion capture and facial performance of the main ape, Caesar. GOT NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR TOO!
"21 Jumpstreet" - They just had fun with it... And made it their own while paying a nice little tribute/nod to the original. I approached with trepidation, wondering how they could pull it off, but they did. I have even heard not-terrible things about the sequel.
The "Americanization of foreign films" is another troubling trend. If you hear the film is "adapted from the *insert country here* film", you really do owe it to yourself to scope the original. Yes... You will have to read subtitles. You are getting all cultured and shit... DEAL!
"Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" - Swedish originals had more lesbianism... So kudos to them. I did love Fincher's opening title sequence. I would sneak into the theaters just to watch the opening credits. Will end up the American version just for that alone...
"Let the Right One In" - Again with the Swedes... The American version, "Let Me In", came and went without so much as a whisper. Prolly a good reason for it.
We steal sooooo much from the Asians, I am not even going to list them all... Three examples...
Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai" became "The Magnificent Seven".
Kurosawa's "Hidden Fortress" was a major, major influence on "Star Wars".
"Old Boy" became "Old Boy, A Spike Lee Joint". Brolin did kick all kinds of ass... So will give props where props are due.
I remember reading a story about the BBC classic "Spaced" and how it was being considered by the American director McG for remaking... McG was bombarded by fans, both famous and from the commonwealth, telling him to leave it the fuck alone. "It is perfect the way it is" was the mantra.
This gives me hope.
In closing, I am seriously waiting for the day when I read the report of a movie being made and the retelling of the same movie is in development at the same time...
Lights, camera, action,
d
* Shane Black is slated to direct... So... not an entire calamity. He was Hawkins after all...
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