Mr. D

Preface:
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Apologies for the cheating aspect again... Why reinvent the wheel, yo? But I added... And Mom told me Dad always checks to see if I posted something... Makes me all proud n' stuff... Didn't say "proud n' shit"... That will make Mom happy!

Postface:
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So I am listening to music whilst cleaning, as I am want to do...

"My Hero" by the Foo Fighters comes on. Followed by "Cats in the Cradle" by Ugly Kid Joe.

ALRIGHT, UNIVERSE! I GET IT!

A hero is the person who carried you to the car as you bled out in Mississippi. Never letting you know that they were a) Scared.  b) Super pissed because they told you not to go through that field. c) Wondering how many times this dumb ass kid will cut himself on glass (Age 3 - I put my hand through a window. Age 10 - The Mississippi thing. Age 13 - Brother puts foot through window, into my face. Age 23 - My sunglasses get elbowed into my face).

I got scars, people.

A hero is the person who teaches you your place. I know some guys who grew up with out a father. Quite a few are cocky, arrogant pieces of shit who I have no respect for. I always knew that if I overstepped my bounds, I would be made to know that I am not the greatest thing on the planet, and to pull my head out. 

I distinctly remember heading out on a Saturday night to woo the women folk of Augusta, KS... "Dad, how's it feel to know you raised the world's greatest lover?"

The paper folds down... "Son, I have forgotten more than you will ever know about sex."... 

"I am going to go sit in my car and cry."

Paper folds up, "Have a good night, Son." Keeping me in check.

A hero is the person who doesn't tell you, after you have become an adult, what to do. They let you know that they made some mistakes along the way, and (with a pained expression that you won't understand at the time) try to point out that what you are planning, is going to end badly and hurt you...

A hero will, without trying, set an example for you to try and live up to. They challenge you, without coming out and saying "DEBATE, BITCH!". I remember, with great clarity, the moment I said something that my father actually considered to be a well formed and eloquently delivered opinion. I MADE HIM THINK!!! It was two weeks ago...

Seriously, the first time my Dad asked my opinion about something, it made me feel like I had broken through some invisible barrier. Reached some secret place where only smart people get to go. It was about drywall or lumber or something totally meaningless - but he asked ME!!! Granted, I was working at a lumber yard and I think he was trying to get my discount, BUT STILL!!!

A hero will make you proud that you know them. When you watch a nerdy, old guy grab and hold the attention of six of your stoner buddies by telling a story of bootleggers in Michigan and truckloads of missing silver, knowing full well that these people can get confused by a coloring book "connect the dots" puzzle... And he is HOLDING COURT!!!

That is a gift I am truly envious of that my Father has. He has the ability to gauge his audience and temper the lesson/conversation to their level without losing them or being condescending... Without having mastered that skill, I come across as a pretentious asshole... Granted, most of the time it is on purpose.

My Dad came in to the pool hall I use to frequent (basically, everyday after school) once and someone made a disparaging remark about the nerdy old guy, my friend began to beat the living shit out of him. "YOU DO NOT INSULT MR. D!!!". I do so wonder what happened to Evil Ed...

A hero will never be ashamed that they know you... My father was introducing me, with my nifty mohawk, dressed in my finest shorts and tank top - looking like a circus freak, to full bird Colonels in the USAF without a hint of shame or remorse.

I could have asked for no better example of a "Man". No better archetype of  a "Husband". The mastery of how he did the whole "Parent" thing? Probably one of the reasons I forsook that path. He was lucky in that he met Mom. I was lucky he didn't pull out that one time... As with the Mom blog I posted on or around Mother's Day... I could go on and on, citing example after example of Dad's greatness... But I will close with this:

Since I turned about 12, or so, I can count the number of times my father has told me "I love you" on two hands with fingers left over.

I have never doubted or questioned it. Not for a second.

It's Father's Day.

ALRIGHT, UNIVERSE! I GET IT! I WILL NOT FORGET TO CALL!!!

There goes my hero,

d

(Not to be confused with "Mr. D".)