Ray Rice is a professional football player for the Baltimore Ravens. He is considered a marquee player. He is married.
Mr. Rice and his then girlfriend are shown going into an elevator. When it reaches it's destination, the door opens and she is dragged, by ol' Ray, unconscious from the elevator. Now, I have been on a couple of elevators. I have never been knocked out by one... So, it is very probable that Rice beat her to the point of unconsciousness.
So... Spousal abuse will get you a whopping TWO game suspension. Alleged rape? Like that of Ben Rapistberger from the Steelers? FOUR games. Kill your teammate whilst out drinking and driving? Cowboys are still hopeful for Josh Brent to come back to the team! He did his 135 days!
If you really want to understand what a great many of you will be cheering come this fall, imagine if you will, that when they do the player intros when starting offenses and defenses take the field... There is new stat columns (Hell, it would be a screen unto itself)... Criminal Record. You could break it up into Felonies, Misdemeanors, Time Served, Fines Paid... Oh, the stat fiends would lose their collective shit.
The special treatment of "star athletes" is fostered from early on. The local legend from my small town in Kansas was that the high school starting QB, Larry Something or Another, was allegedly drunk and allegedly hit a cop car with his car... I think he played the next Friday... NOW, if my long haired, bad attitude having self were to have SNEEZED on a cop car, I am willing to bet that a "warning", would have come in "shot" form.
I was married once (thrice actually) to a high school Chemistry teacher. She did a stretch out near Midland. They take their football quite seriously out that way. Ex-Cowboys wide receiver, Roy Williams, came out of that area. Texas schools instituted a "No Pass No Play" rule back in the day. Guess who "passed" Chemistry? Roy Williams! Now, if'n I were a betting man, I would put money down that the guy could not even SPELL chemistry.
So, from the high school days, certain kids are taught that rules do not apply to them. The only thing that increases is the amount of money and the seriousness of the crimes committed.
Albert Haynesworth was playing for the Titans, and he jolly stomped a Cowboys player's helmet-less head. The play was OVER. The cut from Al's cleats netted the Cowboy 30 stitches. Haynesworth got a FIVE game suspension.
That is called "Aggrivated Assault". The NFL labelled it "Detrimental Conduct".
Ndamukong Suh - All American!!! Has repeatedly been criticized for his "aggressive style" - and "idiocy" on the field. Only been suspended for 2 games for kicking a guy. Has been fined for $216K. Wow...
Here is his contract... 5 years/ $63.5 MILLION. $23.5 MILLION is GUARANTEED.
$500K... Yeah... That has got to fucking sting. Say you had $23.50... And you did something uncool... Seriously dick move... And someone said you should cough up fifty cents... Two quarters... Would that deter you from doing it again?
Micheal Vick... Fuck him. Everybody can jump on the bandwagon all they want... "But he paid his dues and he did his time." Yeah, how many other CONVICTED DOG KILLERS do you welcome into your house on Sundays? He was sorry... for getting caught. I still don't think he realizes or thinks he did wrong. So it is easy for him to say he is sorry and what he did is wrong. The NFL's response, TWO game suspension. Ouch.
I think I have had enough of the NFL. I still can't support Chik Fil A for using their own money to fund hate, so I will probably boycott and not patronize the NFL for supporting REWARDING evil fucks.
Sad, I used to love football.
More human than human,
d
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On this day, at 3:17PM CST, July 20th, 1969, we landed on the moon. Moon landing... Read the title again. Your welcome. I'll be here all week, try the veal.
The guys at NASA did this death defying feat with the same computing power I had in my bedroom when I was 14. They went to the moon with the computing power of a Commodore 64, I was looking for the earliest of digital porn...
The number one song on the radio was this...
Baseball games were interrupted... And the players took to the field to salute the astronauts and lead the crowds in the singing of "America, The Beautiful".
The world watched and the world held it's collective breath, praying to numerous deities. Hell, Aldrin gave Shepard communion in the capsule. If I could ever envision a time when I would look to an imaginary friend to help out, it would be as I was about to step foot in an environment completely alien.
Kennedy said we were going to do it, and America got it's shit together and did it.
Let's flash forward 45 years...
The number one song on the radio is "Rude" by MAGIC! (All caps and an exclamation point to really mean it). It is a stupid pop song about a skeezy looking musician who accuses a father of being rude because he does not want his baby girl marrying a skeezy looking musician. If the musician was smart, he would know that "groupies" are definitely in the "perk" column... Getting married whilst on your meteoric rise and groupies are bountiful - That falls into the "Dipshit" column, hombre. Unless you are a drummer...
I can not imagine anything of a scientific related nature interrupting ESPN... or ESPN2... or The Ocho... or ESPN Classic.. We will get a press conference and headline news for Lebron James going back to Cleveland, but something tells me that, if asked, he would not be able to tell you what NASA stands for, or possibly what it even is.
Like Tom Hanks in "Apollo 13", I too wonder "When are we going back and who will that be?" Wondering often leads to discovery of certain truths... This is not always a pleasant thing.
I can prognosticate with great certainty that we will never go back to the moon. "We" being the operative word and "we" meaning the United States of America. NASA is gutted. NASA in it's role of "manned space exploration", for all intensive purposes, is dead. The majority of press or recognition NASA receives is that of tragedy or failure. Or some psycho astronaut lady driving all night, wearing a diaper, with murder in mind...
What has been in the news cycle longer... Duck Dynasty or the fact that there is a rover on Mars? Score one for misogynistic, bible thumping Redneck douches.
This is not to say humans will never make it back to outer space. There is even a remote possibility we could get lunar someday... In the year 2525... See what I did there?
It will be left to the corporations. The guys like Branson and Musk. The guys who have made their fortunes and now want to go forward and reach further. The sad fact is that out of all the rich bastards in the world, those are the two I can think of that have vision beyond that of the bottom line. I am sure there are maybe four other guys and gals... So... 6.
Now that we have identified that science and exploring spirit are sorely lacking... Like a true American, I wanna blame someone for it...
Well, let's see... Maybe if we did not have to waste time in a SCIENCE class teaching fucking fairy tales like "creationism" and "intelligent design"... maybe that would help.
Maybe if we did not have one of two major political parties be so vehemently against anything scientific, that could help. As a wise man said... "No bucks, no Buck Rogers". Funding is what makes rockets fly. Republicans want to kill the frikkin' planet, why would they give two shits about space???
Maybe if we challenged the kids. These would be the kids who have the collective intelligence of the world at their fingertips and are looking at the latest in digital porn... Wait... Seriously, our "standards" of education are insanely inadequate since "Every Child Left Behind" had it's way with curriculum across the nation. Thanks, Retarded Cowboy President!
For every article of promise, showing intellect and scientific thinking by the youth of today, I read a gazillion others that make me think we are not only doomed, but unless it is trending on Twitter, most under the age of 21 won't notice.
"You have 140 characters until self destruct",
d
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We have an epidemic of gun violence in the good ol' U.S. of A. More so than a lot of developed nations that do not have restrictions such as those in Britain and Australia.
First and foremost... Let us clarify one thing... If you say "They're cumming fer mah guns!!!" and there is nary a soul on your porch or, (most likely) in front of your double wide, from the ATF, with a warrant for your arsenal of penile compensators, then THEY ARE NOT COMING FOR YOUR GUNS.
After the current President got elected, a friend, who is a rabid gun nut, blamed the new President for jacking up prices of ammunition... I was like a Rottweiler with a baby in it's mouth... I was not letting that one go... "HOW is it his doing???" No answer. That was just a company agreeing with the President that Americans will cling to their guns and bibles and they made a buck or a million off it...
Since Columbine (April of 1999), there have been 130 some odd school shootings resulting in at least one fatality. Some might say, "That was 15 years ago!, 130 isn't so bad!" I am sure ones perspective would change if a massacre were to occur at a school where their little parasite attended.
That is just in schools... Workplace incidents? Suicides by firearms? Gang violence? Hooded teenagers with Skittles? If one were so morbidly inclined, I am sure they could find gun violence to be a daily activity. We have a new national pastime!!!!
Both sides of the issue have their specific rhetoric...The gun nuts* hold up the 2nd Amendment like a shiny, all powerful standard as they march along... Meanwhile, them being able to quote or identify any other important pieces of the Constitution is a dubious proposition, at best. The biggest gun nuts, the NRA, has repeatedly spouted nuggets of verbal feces that are good for soundbites, but found to be indigestible to anyone with half a brain. For example...
"The only thing that stops a bad guy with a gun, is a good guy with a gun." True... Usually, they are called "cops" or "soldiers"... They have extensive training. It is not some dipshit who spent one Saturday in a rec room and got a Concealed Handgun License (CHL) who will more than likely add the problem vs. help it. So, if you want to stand by that statement, apply to a police academy or go down to the local recruiting office. Otherwise, try again, thanks for playing.
Now, I have friends who love to find the one or two stories a year where a crime is prevented by a law abiding citizen with a firearm. "Oh the coverage is disproportionate..." Well, yes... A class of elementary school kids getting killed is a tad more newsworthy then when a crime does not happen... For every one or two stories of that nature, I could find 10 to 20 not so happy incidents involving a firearm.
The last set of reforms to be up for a vote, with 90% of the populace supporting the measures, did not pass... The NRA is to blame for that one... One of the provisions in the reform was to be a tad more stringent on the background checks... Mainly because, the whole "determining who is a good or bad guy with a gun" has been failing miserably. Remember the "Joker" guy who shot up the theater when the last Batman flick opened? All his arsenal... Legally obtained.
Friends o' mine also like the stance of, "The gun is just a tool... If a person did not have a gun, then it would be a hammer or a knife... Ya gonna outlaw them????" This argument is an advanced variation on the idiotic "Guns don't kill people. People kill people." True... but as the philosophizer Eddie Izzard noted, "Guns do help."
On the same day of the Sandy Hook tragedy, a guy in China went to a school with a knife and stabbed or sliced 23 people, mostly kids between 6 and 11 years of age. Ah... see... didn't have a gun!!!! True... but here is the kicker... NO ONE DIED!
The NRA is also very much into assigning blame. They actually blamed VIRTUAL, PIXELATED weapons and bullets for the damage caused by REAL, NON-IMAGINARY weapons and bullets... That is ballsy. Complete and utter horseshit, but ballsy.
I know Americans will never allow the passing of anything that would remotely hinder access to firearms. We are not fighting "guns"... but more so the "culture of guns"... It is a hodgepodge mix of the sport of hunting (legit), the power of life and death a weapon bestows to it's owner (I do NOT want that power), the compensation for a small penis (Buy a big truck too!), and self preservation and protection (also legit).
I had myself a nice Glock 21 SF... .45 caliber... Extremely nice weapon, got it for a STEAL... I went to ranges and remembered my training from the USAF, and fired off enough rounds to realize that I am still bad ass... And that was it... Until the AC broke down. In Texas. In August... So... Bye bye gun... No use in protecting my stuff if it's all melted...
I may or may not ever own a gun again... It is not even on the radar... However, the moment that the government says I can't... That is when I WILL obtain one. And as for the Zombie Apocalypse... No worries. I got swords. No reloading.
The solutions are there but not simple, but will never be enacted. The answer is not "No guns", and the answer sure as hell is not "More Guns". I personally am for taxing the living shit out of all gun and ammo sales. Sin tax in effect, yo. All that money goes to mental health funding... Because in the end, crazy people will always have access to something that can do me and you harm. Bush, Jr. invaded Iraq... Just an example...
This week, people lost their shit and saw a pic of Spielberg sitting in front of a sprawled out Triceratops. Some of these Einsteins actually accused the director of JURASSIC FUCKING PARK of hunting and killing a dinosaur. THESE PEOPLE PROBABLY OWN GUNS!!!! THAT SHOULD SCARE THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!
Sir Psycho Sexy,
d
* Gun nuts... I understand having a piece for home protection... I understand having a couple of weapons for practicing and the joy of going to a range and developing your skill as a marksmen... Coolio, this term does not apply to you... But if you have over, say 10 guns... You may not be the "problem", but you sure as shit ain't the solution.
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I know I usually throw one of these out there every Sunday. Given the events of this last week, I am just exhausted enough and have only one overriding thought...
My Lily. She is such a good, smart, loving, happy, WELL CARED FOR (Hear that? Sound of my own horn being tooted), spoiled, loved, idiotic, well meaning, compassionate, friendly, goofy, beautiful dog.
While an Atheist, I am not against the concept of a soul. Higher mammals have souls. Elephants mourn. Wolves mate for live. Dolphins have orgies. And dogs know when you are hurting.
There is no other soul on this planet I have had more contact or interaction with in the past 7 years.
She kept me on this planet when I really could have given two shits that I remained. I hate wearing a helmet when riding my bicycle... Even though it is an wicked awesome helmet... I would love to feel the wind... BUT... Knowing the driving styles of the local populace, I fear getting creamed by a nice elderly person. I do not fear my injuries, I fear someone not being here for Lil'.
I have thoughts about vacations and going on jaunts... Putting miles on my little coupe... But I don't like the thought of boarding Lil' for that long... hurts my heart for whatever reason. She would eat it up, of course and she could probably use a little more socializing.
Tomorrow, I get to call the veterinarian. I will tell her of the VAST, CONTINUING improvement. I will tell her the medication count. I will ask her the next steps. I will thank her profusely. I will probably cry at the reminder of the last time I talked to her and was getting prices for euthanasia... Just typing the fucking word is making my eyes brim with tears...
Tomorrow is the first time back at work since last Tuesday. I am super thankful for the understanding of my Boss. She went above and beyond in helping me. I owe her. She came and helped me transport Lily's new palatial crate because my sporty, little coupe could not accommodate it's bulk. I tried throwing her a 20 spot, but she would not hear of it.
I am actually looking forward to going mainly because I have been getting a tad stir crazy... I will be making trips home at lunch... To let her out, and give her meds... I will be thankful for the 1.5 miles commute...
My friends, my families, my people... All those who have sent the positive, healing thoughts out there... And yes, to those who have prayed... I sincerely thank you. I don't believe in any of that voodoo, but would sure as shit not turn it down either.
Friday, I was in the shower, and reminded the Universe of a couple of my redeeming actions... "Hey, Universe... Remember when I could have told that racist, fucking piece of shit, SrA Manning that I deflowered his "virgin fiance" 6 months before they met and did NOT?"
"Hey, Universe... Remember when I did not try to hurt X1 when she told me who she cheated on me with, and got pregnant by, and really, really could have?"
"Hey, Universe... Remember people who said I saved their life by just being there and listening?"
I did not do those things looking for recompense... I didn't do them to garner favor... I did them because they were the right things to do. But Friday, when confronted with the thought of losing my best friend... I was not above calling in some karma...
I think the "Black Cloud" is weakening and will go away all together... Now, it will be assessing the damage and rebuilding...Taking things slowly and trying to set up a warning system if, and inevitably when, another storm approaches...
The onslaught of emotions that this brought on... I can't catalog them all... Thursday, the 3rd, was a bad, bad day. I was in shock. I was prematurely grieving... I think she decided to get better to prove me wrong... Just to make sure I do not go back to a wardrobe consisting of black t-shirts. I love that damn dog.
I see you shiver with antici...
d
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Normally, I am a very anti-violence type of person. I will go to great lengths to avoid it. I do feel bad for those who travel those lengths, because the violence is there, just like it is in everyone. You just have to cross the line, push the right buttons, or say the right things. Once those cosmic tumblers fall into place, prepare for headline news.
Where does our inherent ability to switch gears from a completely pacified state to that of berserker rage come from? I would submit to the one or two creationist or evolution deniers who do not reckon we evolved or are related to animals, and are reading this... Are you fucking kidding me?
The cases I shall cite are from my past... As I happen to recall them... The names and locations have been changed to protect the... Aw, who am I kidding...
One dreary night in Turkey, on Incirlik AFB, I was heading back to the tent after catching a flick in the "Morale Tent". I was completely void of morale, having learned I was getting divorced upon my rotating back to the world. 22 years old, on the other side of the world, not in the best of moods... I was crossing the bridge from the main road and another troop was heading the opposite direction on the bridge. For whatever reason, we bumped into each other.
"Why don't you watch where you're goin', Airmen?", is what I heard.
"Why don't you fuck off, you cock smoker?", paraphrasing, but 90% accurate...Okay, 99%...
It was on. I don't remember who hit first. I don't recollect how many punches were thrown. I don't recall his name. I DO remember this dude had big teeth... mainly because his big ass chompers split the top my hand open.
We took a step back, due to fatigue (fighting will tire you out, right quick), catching breath... The dawning realization that... WTF? Why? How?... I said, "Wanna get a beer?"
So... 5 minutes later, we are commiserating over a tasty beverage, telling our sob stories. He was trying to get a hold of some lawyer or something legal with a will, I had the divorce thingy.
It was just a case of two people who did NOT need to cross paths.
I have not always emerged victorious, and that is sometimes just what the Dr. ordered. Young gentleman sometimes need to get their asses kicked to keep them in check. In my crazier days, in small town KS., ol' Evil Ed Crane would let me know when I was getting a tad on the cocky side. On two separate occasions, I had the pleasure of seeing the back of my eyelids... Upon regaining consciousness, a simple "Settle down and are we cool?" and the mattered was settled.
Talking sometimes does NOT get the message across. As Sheriff Buford T. Justice let the young man know, after kicking him squarely in the ass, "THAT''s an attention getter..."
Is violence ever justified? Ghandi may think not, but then again, he said "It is better to be violent, if there violence in our hearts, than to put on the cloak of nonviolence to cover impotence." That may have just been the hunger talking...
Self defense aside, capital punishment aside... is it justifiable?
Oh, I have no answer... was seriously asking...
Now then...
The desensitization (Spelled correctly first attempt, no help! Hooray me!) of people towards violence has been cited as a concern/reason for the escalation of violence in America. Certain people, namely politicians bought off by the NRA, have railed against video games.
The massacre at Columbine HS in CO. comes to mind because the two assholes played a game called "Doom". So did about fifty gazillion other people. I played Doom. I, II, III, Ultimate, the 2004 version, all of em...
Violent music, violent video games, violence on te TV, everywhere, everywhere... What's a parent to do? I DUNNO... HOW'S ABOUT YOU PARENT YOUR FUCK UP OF A KID? If the kid starts showing a bit too much enthusiasm for certain things that would make Charles Manson retch, get up on that shit.
In the late 80's, it seemed like a serial killer's were getting caught pretty regularly... The media would search for the scapegoat... Was it the parents, was it rock music, WHY??? I was always hoping for just one of the bastards to say... "Why? Well, Mom and Dad were great parents... I was a youth minister, listened to gospel, don't own a TV, never been to an arcade... I think I am just completely fucked in the head." People would have lost their shit...
I would blame religion... but I have a prejudice for that sort of thing.
I love violence in movies... The Raid: Redemption was 90 minutes of wicked uber-violence... A friend saw it, "Aw, it was subtitled..." A man smashing another man's head through a wall, repeatedly, translates, yo. I just last night watched a movie called "Cheap Thrills". Not so much of a "violent" movie... more of a "If some crazy guy offered you money, what WOULD you do?"... And it escalates... And gets grim...
The last violent act I performed against another human with the intent of doing harm was in self defense. I was in Topeka, KS. I was visiting the folks whilst still in the USAF. 1996-ish? I was drinking quite heavily at the time... Kind of a blur on the timeline, but the recollection is crystal. I asked my sister where a man could whet his whistle, and shoot a game of pool.
I was shooting some pool, and a dude named "Skeeter" (can not make this stuff up), asked to play. I obliged. I have long held to the ideal that one can only be hustled if one is not expecting it. Sadly for Skeeter, I was having a decent night. I decided that taking a good portion of his dough was his penance for being a redneck douche... He saw it differently.
I was walking out to my vehicle, heard "Hey!". Already a little on alert, I turned expecting an ambush. Since I was smoking at the time, I flicked my cig directly into Skeeter's face. It blinds, distracts, and makes the only thought careening through their brain, "Hey, my face might be on fire"... About three to five seconds later, I sat Skeeter against someone's van... I did not envy him the headache he had when he awoke.
Another aspect of violence that hurts to see is bullying. For a myriad reasons... It is easy to say, and I am not detracting from the validity, that the victim of the bullying is the only person who is hurting, but I offer this... The bully had to be taught to be that way. It is usually a manifestation of helplessness in some other relationship in their lives... I was bullied for a long time. I came home bruised enough that Mom would punish me if I did not start standing up for myself. Serious... I have always avoided violence.
I bullied a kid in 7th grade. I made fun of him. I put him down. And one day, he beat the holy hell outta me. I deserved it. Was it because I was being bullied and was looking for someone I could do the same to? If so, I chose poorly...
In high school, Robert "The Iceman" Pinault and I "adopted" some freshman kid who was 4' 2" ("Dave" I think his name was)... Iceman told his tormentor's, "You picking on my cousin?"... Since Bob had done time, he had a slight reputation... And I was the resident Satanist, Drug Dealing, Psycho. Dave was golden after that... Nary a finger was laid...
In the last days of the USAF, I was deriding a guy... Showing off... He was a small, stout Samoan who enjoyed power lifting, and he bitch slapped me so hard I saw stars... About 20 minutes later, I was at the smoke pit and he came up and apologized, and I said the fault was mine as I was being a complete asshole. He asked if I was gonna press charges. I said, "Hell no. I respect your instruction method and have learned a valuable lesson, Sarge. Right tool for the right job. Hooah!"
This week I saw this...
I found it fascinating. I also watched the accompanying "Behind the Scenes" piece, and the director posited that "Violence without aggression = Intimacy"... I am sure some bondage fetishists would agree...
I will leave you with a joke...
The Masochist says "HURT ME!", the Sadist replies, "No."
Smart people, help the dumb people,
d
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Cows will chew their food, swallow, mostly digest the food in their stomachs (plural), and sometimes regurgitate it back to the first stomach. You would think that the first stomach would mention "Hey, wait a tick, I've seen this shit before!"
Which brings me to Hollywood...
I have been on this rock long enough to know there is nothing new under that big ball of fusion in the sky. I have been a cinema-phile long enough to understand that most, if not all, movies fit a genre. Some go as so far to be formulaic. I tend to avoid those... or wait for Netflix.
I read today that "Predator" is getting remade. NOT a sequel. NOT a prequel. Remade*... "Predator" is one of my absolute favorite, no holes barred, smash your dick with a whiskey hammer - yes... a hammer made of whiskey, knock down, drag out, awesome-sauce movies of bad-assery of all time.
I think my cup got really close to running over with the latest incarnation of the "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles". I remember reading the Mirage Studios comic, when they drank beer and swore. I remember it being secretly cool... Then that travesty of a cartoon ruined it all... Took something I loved, and made it... MAINSTREAM!!!
After the first live action movie was released, I was amazed at how some of the story was influenced by some of those early issues. So I gave it some props. Then... Vanilla Ice had to show up in the second one, and that was that...
This NEW installment has the originally 4' 6" turtles clocking in around 6'. Did they take a look at the source material at all?
"Point Break" - Getting remade... Um... Because the story of an ex college quarterback turned FBI agent tracking down surfing bank robbers, led by a zen master type who befriends the agent, was not told thoroughly enough the first time?
"Robocop"... This one goes under the same file of "Why?" The original was the epitome of 80's mindless, uber violence - serving purpose whatsoever. The original cut was RATED"X"! For VIOLENCE! Forget NC-17!!! No horror movie has approached that... There was no reason to even attempt a remake... Hella no reason to have a PG-13 one. Come to think of it, there was no real reason to have the sequels to the original either...
"Man of Steel". I love Superman. I love the mythology. I love the cannon. I love the ideal. I watched Snyder's vision, and for about 66% of the movie, was cool with it. I will just say this... SUPERMAN DOES NOT KILL. PERIOD. EVER. END OF FUCKING LIST. I put Singer's "Superman Returns" above "Man of Steel" by leaps and bounds for that reason alone. Seems like Singer actually read the books and knew Superman is not about being dark and edgy. He is about being the beacon. The shining example.
"Spider-man"/"The Amazing Spider-man"... Ugh... just ugh... Show me a highlight reel, I am good.
There are some franchises that have benefited from the "re-imagination process"...
"Godzilla (2014)" - The latest installment starring the King of Monsters was a nice little disasterpiece. The effects were second to none and the sound... oh, the sound... If Revelations were to come about, and angels were to sound their trumpets... I would hope at least one sounds like Godzilla's roar from this flick...
"Star Trek" - J.J. Abrams not only re-imagined a universe, but managed to explain why it was different. To do so in a way where most people, die hard fans and novices alike, were like, "Yeah, I can see that." was no small feat. The inclusion of Nimoy made an entire legion geekgasm in their Starfleet uniforms.
"Rise" and "Dawn of the Planet of The Apes" - Tim Burton missed it when he attempted it... I blame Marky Mark for that one. This new iteration has Andy Serkis... You probably don't know that name. He was the guy who did the motion capture and facial performance of the main ape, Caesar. GOT NOMINATED FOR AN OSCAR TOO!
"21 Jumpstreet" - They just had fun with it... And made it their own while paying a nice little tribute/nod to the original. I approached with trepidation, wondering how they could pull it off, but they did. I have even heard not-terrible things about the sequel.
The "Americanization of foreign films" is another troubling trend. If you hear the film is "adapted from the *insert country here* film", you really do owe it to yourself to scope the original. Yes... You will have to read subtitles. You are getting all cultured and shit... DEAL!
"Girl With the Dragon Tattoo" - Swedish originals had more lesbianism... So kudos to them. I did love Fincher's opening title sequence. I would sneak into the theaters just to watch the opening credits. Will end up the American version just for that alone...
"Let the Right One In" - Again with the Swedes... The American version, "Let Me In", came and went without so much as a whisper. Prolly a good reason for it.
We steal sooooo much from the Asians, I am not even going to list them all... Three examples...
Kurosawa's "Seven Samurai" became "The Magnificent Seven".
Kurosawa's "Hidden Fortress" was a major, major influence on "Star Wars".
"Old Boy" became "Old Boy, A Spike Lee Joint". Brolin did kick all kinds of ass... So will give props where props are due.
I remember reading a story about the BBC classic "Spaced" and how it was being considered by the American director McG for remaking... McG was bombarded by fans, both famous and from the commonwealth, telling him to leave it the fuck alone. "It is perfect the way it is" was the mantra.
This gives me hope.
In closing, I am seriously waiting for the day when I read the report of a movie being made and the retelling of the same movie is in development at the same time...
The fact that I would not be surprised to read about "The Great Escape" or "Bridge On The River Kwai", starring Bradley Cooper, Liam Neeson, Channing Tatum, Joseph Gorden Levitt, and Mark Wahlberg removes all that previously mentioned hope. Ladies... simmer down now.
Lights, camera, action,
d
* Shane Black is slated to direct... So... not an entire calamity. He was Hawkins after all...
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My quest began by hitting the place I was grocery shopping... Target. Nope... Had a copy on DVD, but the aforementioned snobbery would not abide. I zoom across the road to a place I dread, Wal-Mart. On a Sunday. After the cultists have finished their ritualistic exposure to what awful people they are, but for 10%, all is coolio. No luck there, either. On to Best Buy. Nope. Half Priced Books? Nope. Movie Trading Company? Nope. Bupkiss. Zip. Nada. No bueno.
I called it a day... And yes. I know a a bevy, a virtual cornucopia, a veritable plethora of ways to order my Precious and have it delivered to my very door. I am also quite positive I have a gift card to one or more of those establishments and would end up paying next to nothing...
NOT THE POINT!!!
I wanted the quest. I wanted the search. I wanted to be Arthur and it my Holy Grail (Yes, with coconuts. Python-a-style!). I wanted to be Indiana, and it be Coronado's Cross (phooey to all those who thought I would go with the Ark!). I wanted to be Zaphod and it be my Magrathea... If I would have gone right out and found it, I would have enjoyed it, and that would have been it.
To my high falootin' literature peeps, if Gregory Peck found that damn white whale real quick like and killed the bastard, it would have been a short ass book. Eat it, Melville!
I will keep my peepers out for the elusive prize. In the meantime, I "obtained" a digital copy and watched it... The means of the obtainment shall not be discussed due to legality. Arrrrgh, Matey!
For me, the film, a bit more than the books, which will be read again soon, had a theme of questions and answers. To all nerds, this next section is for the non-nerds... Slightly paraphrased. Don't get yer nerd jizz all frothed up...
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A long time ago, an alien race built the largest, most powerful computer in the galaxy, named it "Deep Thought" and asked it the Ultimate Question. "What does it all mean... life, the universe, and everything?"
Deep Thought, sultrily voiced by Dame Helen Mirren, replied, "That will take a bit... Come back in 7 billion years."
When the crowd gathers at the designated time, from planets near and far, They ask "Do you...?"
The supercomputer interrupts, "Have an answer for you? Yes. but you are not going to like it... Okay... The answer to the ultimate answer of life, the universe, and everything is... 42."
This of course led to more questions...
At a later point, the bad guys are going to take the protagonist's, one Arthur Dent, brain in order to find the NEW "Ultimate Question". "Fine, Fine, take it. Because my head is filled with questions and I can assure you no answer to any one of them has ever brought me one iota of happiness. Except for one. The one. The only question I've ever wanted an answer to - Is she the one? The answer bloody well isn't forty-two, it's yes. Undoubtedly, unequivocally, unabashedly yes. And for one week, one week in my sad little blip of an existence, it made me happy."
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I think back to my relationships, and the times I asked that ultimate question. It was very akin to when I was a student. I was wrong. So very fucking wrong. A lot. However, that feeling of having that question answered... Satiation...
A friend of my third ex-wife, X3, asked me when I began exclusively being with X3, "Do you plan on hurting her or jerking her around? She has had enough of a rough time."
I told what I sincerely believed, at that time... "You know how we are all searching for the one we want to spend our lives with? My search is over. How's yours going?"
Yeah, I know. That was a good answer.
While I am okay with being "alone", there are times where loneliness sucks major donkey balls. I steel myself against attachment and shroud my heart's fragility with cynicism. I truly, equally hope for and more than fear the day when I have to ask that question again.
Because I already know the answer.
So long and thanks for all the fish,
d
P.S. - And yes, when they engage the Infinite Improbability Drive at the end of the flick, and it pops into Douglas Adams' (who helped write the flick, but died in 2001) floating head, goes black, says "For Douglas"... it makes me tear up a tad.
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