Chances Are...

Now I got frikkin' Johnny Mathis in my head...

A couple weeks ago, the one I neglected my blog, I participated in a little pool at work. Fourteen of my co-workers and I pooled five bucks each. A nice lady volunteered to make the journey to buy the thirty five some odd Power Ball tickets.

I normally eschew such a meaningless activity. HOWEVER, it was $450,000,000. That warranted some attention. It most certainly was worth a Lincoln that I would have used to buy tacos, booze, toothpaste, or some shit.

I jokingly referred to those tickets as "The Retirement Plan". The Boss asked me, "So, you would quit?"

"Hells, Yes. Wouldn't you?"

"I would finish this project we are on... Then maybe...", she replied.

"Boss, you have a level of dedication and a work ethic I hope to never attain. But you know... I prolly would help finish the project... BUT... Upon hearing the winning number, and realizing we one, I would be in the car on the way to Colorado in a minute. I would be all Rocky Mountain high by morning. So... Wouldn't quit... But would advise against drug testing me... I would probably melt the sample cup..."

"Thank you for your honesty, Douglas."

"Least I can do, Boss. I did explore options to see if there was even less I could do... Took all afternoon..."

And to all of those who are asking, "Really?", Yes. I would go to Colorado and get stoned out of my gourd. It has been since September of 1993 since I partook. I have been good. Back off.

A lot of people daydream about winning... A lot of people around the lunch room will throw out the "What would you do with your winnings?" question. It is really quite simple for me...

I don't want it.

Here is a quick break down... a what if... There were three winners of the big drawing that weekend. Cash payout was $399 million... Divided by three is $133 million. Divided by fourteen is $9.5 million... For easy math's sake... Let's just go with $10,000,000. This is after taxes.

I could be done with that in about... 3 months.

Wha????

For as long as I can remember, I have been really good at spending money on insane, useless shit.

Here is the breakdown...

First... Five million dollars is going to St. Jude Children's Hospital in Memphis. Here is why... This place lets sick kids (and by sick, I mean kids who have gotten a rotten fucking deal) come and get treatment and charges NOTHING! I won't support the Red Cross, who, after they help you, send you a bill...  So, yeah,,, Marlo, here's yo check! (Can I get a wing named after me????). Regardless of how much I would win... Half would go to charity...

Total Left: $5,000,000

Second, I take care of all my bills. I take care of all Mom and Dad's bills. I prolly take care of about 10 of my closest friends bills. At least one of those is an ex-wife... Just because it would eff with her head, which is just fun. Mortgages, car loans, biggies like that. We will call it a cool 1.5 million.

I would do this because a lot of people have helped me through the years. From some, it was a PB & J when I really wanted a PB & J. Others, it was making sure I did not lose myself, pulling me out of a downward social-death spiral...

Total Left: $3,500,000

Indulgence #1.... Eagle Speedster... Watch and drool...

Total Left: $2,750,000

Thirdly... I would need a passport... There are some trips I plan to make...

New Zealand. I would take some friends... Must see WETA. The Shire. I also want to see a rugby match with the All Blacks... They do that Maori Death Haka at the beginning of their matches. Said to be one of the greatest sports spectacles in the world.

And since I am down there, and Australia is, well... right there... On the way back... Japan... I would be hungry for some sushi bout then... Glowing, radioactive sushi!!!!

Then England... I want to be in the studio audience of the show of the clip above. Would also have to get a pic of me in the doorway to 221B Baker St. also.

Since we would probably be flying first class or privately... and it would be spread out over the year... One would have to spend some money... But hey... It would be booked and ready to go...

I would go to Memphis... To hand Marlo her check, but there is another reason...

Total Left: $2,250,000

Land and a house... This gets tricky... The big question would be... WHERE??? I would look into what Canada does when you buy some land up there... Do you have to keep paying a yearly stipend on it? Property taxes and the like... I dunno... Regardless... Has to be close to an airfield... For the private jet thingy AND to take out Indulgence #1...

Total Left: $750,000

After I left the USAF, I made a promise to myself. "IF I ever have the means, I am buying one of each of the machines I have spent the last 3 years busting my knuckles on, and blowing them up."

I would do this... Oh, yes... I would...

Total Left: $694,768.29 (Oh... I priced that equipment... Then doubled it for finding a "demolitions dude" to decimate them to an atomic level...)

Lastly, find a decent bank, the kind that corporations use to dodge taxes... Ones that cartels use in order to launder and store cash... Decent interest rate... Oooh... Swiss bank account... all James Bond and shit... Live off interest...

Done...

Okay... may take longer than three months, but you get the gist. I have ZERO issue spending large sums of money.

The Dark Side.

One of the better documentaries I have ever seen was from HBO, called "Lucky".

It was insanely eye-opening. It really, with razor sharp clarity, reinforced the whole "Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it" notion.

There were stories of people who blew through it, lost it, pissed it away, ending up broke a year later. One guy spends about 8-10 hours a day managing the money... Paying the accountants and lawyers to keep tract of the lawyers who are keeping track of the accountants.

Granted, he has a really nice house, small ocean going vessel, and a garage full of toys...

_________________________________________

I don't know if there is a "moral to the story"... If money is power, and power corrupts, well... I need no help being corrupted. Doing just fine on my own. I have noticed that the majority of people I talk to, never say they want to be "Rich"... No, most of them desire "Security" above all... Not worried about next months bills, that sort of thing...

I am always a fan of Forrest Gump's take on it... "So, I got a call from him, saying we don't have to worry about money no more. And I said, that's good! One less thing."

Wanna be rich? Best of luck... Wanna be secure?

Well, chances are your chances are awfully good.

Thanks, Johnny,

d

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State of Affairs

I stumbled upon an article this week. It was shared in a forum. The debate that ensued was nothing short of epic. I got to thinking about the core issue... Fidelity. Cheating. Affairs.

Who defines it? How mercurial are the boundaries?

As with most every aspect, of every relationship, the key is communication. The two parties need, nay, HAVE to be on the same page of what constitutes infidelity.

I know a great many people. I know a great many variation on the "Traditional" relationship. I know swingers. I know some in the polyamorous lifestyle. I have been exposed to the epitome, the shining example of happily, married monogamy since February-ish of 1972. Being born in November of 1972, I will leave the math up to you.

So... What is cheating? THAT is, again, open to interpretation... Rather, let's break it out another way...

WHY?

The main reason cheating men will cite for "gettin' some strange"... BIOLOGY! There will be pollination analogies galore. There will be "science" pulled from seemingly out of nowhere.

There is a little truth to that, though. The one argument you can not deny, we are animals. Opposable thumbs, voice box, and access to disposable razors... Thin separation, yo. Out of the billion myriad species roaming the skies, seas, and lands, about six are truly monogamous (and we think 3 of those lied because their mate was in the same room). This is probably due to their life span being measured in minutes... They had to buy her a drink first and listen to all that shit about her cat...

Some women have given in. Thrown in the towel. Accepted the fact that all men cheat*. "Once a cheater, always a cheater." That is usually heard from someone who has been recently cheated on. It may not be true, but it helps to quantify and label things...

X1, before she was "1", found my stash of nudie mags (Analog porn for the youth). Was 19 or 20 years old, still trying to break a record or something and she was still living 45 minutes away... So... "me time" was being exercised. She was in tears and accused me of "cheating".

Porn, and my enjoyment of the erotica, was cheating... I disagreed and stated it was merely a case of "Releasing tension" and a healthy activity in order to keep me from straying in the physical world. All fantasy and what not.

Total bullshit... I like naked women. Been a fan for long, long time. But I did not see it as cheating. She did.

Flash forward two years... Married... A nice winter's day... Snowing, slushy dangerous roads... "Go get a movie"... So, I made the perilous journey into Wichita to get porn for the woman who was it's biggest opponent before. Good times. The main lesson learned here is... Thank the powers that be for the internet.

X3 did all but call "strip clubs" cheating. I think it was body issues on her part, but regardless, she was against it. I explained that the reason a lot of men go is because the women there are essentially therapists. They ask, and ACT interested, in your menial day... For a fee. A beautiful, scantily clad, if clad at all, woman is going to sit on your lap, and be enthralled by every single word you say? Yeah... none too bad for the psyche.

Problems arise when the guy forgets it is a business.

Anyways... Women will cheat for different reasons. They don't really "Cheat" if you listen to the popular music... They "stray". They "wander". I have oft heard that a woman was "driven" to cheat. They were so unfulfilled at home, regulated to titles like "wife", "mother", "meal maker", "chauffeur", "house cleaner", "shopper", and waaaaaay down the list, "lover".

As with a lot of the differences between men and women, it is the emotional aspect that is the overriding factor.

Now, I am not speaking as the authority of all things women. I just know from talking to married women who have cheated. Not with me, mind you, as I will not do that to another man.

My own personal experience was with X1. She cheated on me. I was in Turkey at the time. As a matter of fact, it was when I was flying back from overseas that she did the deed. Many years later, we jokingly did the math. That phrase "We will laugh about this later!" is a truism... Some shit takes about 15 years, though...

She decided to cheat on me for one reason... Call it the "Trump Card". When I left, a guy, who I asked to "keep an eye on her" while I was gone, started taking her out... to clubs... drinks and dancing and all that. Stuff I had truly been neglectful of, in retrospect.

We were young. We should have been out living it up. Instead, I was in the USAF, she worked two, or sometimes three jobs to make ends meet. All our friends were pretty envious of what little we had. A Friday night with a 15-pack of Strohs, tunes, and cards... Nice... BUT... We should have been going out... I realized that when I was on the other side of the globe. Expressed my intent to remedy that when I rotated back to the world.

At Christmas, she asked me for a divorce. In February, she slept with that guy.

The "Trump Card" was for when I came back and was gonna talk her out of divorcing me. She had made up her mind and if she felt herself reversing or doubting the course of action... BOOM... She would throw it down. The proverbial ace up the sleeve... Sadly for her though,  it was the proverbial bun in the oven.

Dude got her pregnant first pop. All that going out and having fun stopped pretty fucking quick. Universe has jokes!

WHY NOT?

There are reasons/justifications TO cheat. Unappreciated at home... Hot chick/dude flirted and offered... Biological wiring...

So why be monogamous?

Again, from my personal experience, because IT FUCKING HURTS OTHERS. End of fucking list.

If you have not expressed or communicated that exclusivity has been established, then by all means, shaboing til it hurts... If you have committed to someone, be faithful. Pretty damn simple.

The lying. The sneaking around. The money. Is it worth it? Ask Kobe Bryant who shelled out something like $18,000,000 dollars for his indiscretion... Just writing 18,000,000 made me wince...

Would it be easier to tell your PARTNER IN LIFE, "Hey... I am feeling unfulfilled"... Granted, not a fun conversation, but better than "Care to explain the lipstick on your dick?" or "Nice hand shaped love-bruise on your ass."

________________________________________________

It seriously hurts. Even before I joined the ranks of the cuckolded, I never cheated. I do not plan on ever cheating.

The closest I came was in 8th Grade. I kissed a girl when I was not really over the girl I broken up with eight hours earlier... Not fair to the kissed girl.

After getting divorced in the USAF, I have a couple of "friends". About four of them... There was much nakedness and touching. No feelings got hurt because each and every one of them understood the parameters of the "Relationship" we were entwined in. There is that "communication" thingy again...

One of my favorite aspects of the sexual arena is this... Exclusivity. I am a comic book geek... I like "limited editions"... Rare chromium covers in small pressings... Do you know what a criteria for a "hyper-exotic-car" is? Rarity. "Only 5 of these in the world!"

When I am kissing a woman, I do not plan on engaging in that activity with any other woman. These lips, her lips... All ours and no one else's. If that were to change, I would let her know. Now, exchange "kissing" with whatever manner of perversion you want... same rules apply. We are "Exclusive". Those jumbly bits... MINE... Well, not mine per se, but I have "Right of First Refusal"...

Some people can spread that around. Some can somehow divide themselves to be with many partners... I can't. I am no better than they are... UNTIL they hurt someone. THEN I am better than they are.

It boils down to - Whatever works for you. A wise man, who contributed 50% of my genetic makeup, told me a long time ago, "If you can't look at yourself in the mirror, you need to stop and think about things." If you can cheat on a person who you supposedly love, kudos to you... Remind me to never trust you with anything remotely near and dear to my heart.

The Black Hole Son,

d

* - Not all men cheat. They just don't get caught. KIDDING!!!

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The Big Game... No... NOT the damn Super Bowl

While I am quite aware of tomorrow's contest between the Seahawks and Patriots, it is not the spectacle of note this weekend.

Early this Saturday morn, I sojourned up to the AMC. I had a gift card from XMas, and I used it to see the "Game of Thrones, The IMAX Experience". It was a showing of the last two episodes of Season 4 of HBO's fantastic, award winning program.

First... "Game of Thrones"... If you have not watched, I actually feel a bit of sorrow. It is my opinion that it is a fantastic show and not to be missed. I will concede that it is a daunting show. It has multiple story lines and character arcs that make the audience do something broadcast TV has been woefully lacking in doing... PAY ATTENTION.

The story is set in a fictional world called Westeros. There are families. There is one throne. There are two seasons, Summer and Winter. HERE THERE BE DRAGONS! It is not heavily reliant on the hocus pocus aspect. There is some mild "magic", but it is not a major component to the story. Well, the dragons could be considered "magic", but here is me, not caring. THEY ARE DRAGONS!

The characters are what make the show so awesome-sauce. There are characters who you instantly like, there are some you instantly hate. Over the course of the show, some of the arcs will make you change your stance on a character... Others arcs will make you more entrenched in your hatred or admiration.

I finished watching Season 2 and thinking, "There is no damn way I am going to wait for Season 3." TO THE INTERNET!!! A few keystrokes later, I had the ".epub" files of all five novels in George R. R. Martin's "Song of Fire & Ice", which is what the show follows, downloaded to my Nook.

As I was reading, it became quite apparent that without having seen the show, putting names with faces, I would have been lost. The books are not for the "casual reader". They are engineered to make you want more. Kudos, to the author. The first two seasons of the show roughly covered the first book and a half. I tore through those books at a rather quick pace. The last three books were savored and consumed before the premiere of Season 3.

Here is a testament to the show and the people involved... I knew a scene, now collectively known as "The Red Wedding", was coming. I WAS AWARE. I HAD READ IT. It still shocked me and made me react as if I had no clue. I would not say the scene itself shocked me... more the execution. Bless HBO, for they had no sponsors to be wary of. No, the gloves were off and the brutality of that scene was note for note perfect.

Here are some other reactions... Beware, some language ensues...

In the fourth Season, the was some mild divergence from the books, but it was far from detrimental. The "Purple Wedding" was another scene that was brilliantly executed. The actor Jack Gleeson had done such a phenomenal job of crafting a character you just wanted to fucking die. Seriously, you hated this little bastard.

In his moment of dying, he ceased being the little bastard. He ceased being the cruel tyrant. All those layers were stripped away and he was laid bare... He was just a scared little boy afraid of dying and wanting his Mother... If you have not seen that part yet... um.... Spoiler alert?

Here are a couple of truisms of the Game of Thrones Universe:

1) You have a favorite character? That's nice.
2) When you get to the next chapter, you are hoping for "Tyrion".
3) The Imp has the best lines. Period.
4) Do NOT go to weddings in Westeros.

The fourth season also marked when I decided to cut cable... I had my service turned off the Thursday before the SEASON FINALE! Sometimes I have great ideas... Sometimes my timing sucks the balls of a dead goat. Never fear though, I was only about an hour off from seeing it in real time. I am all awesome like that.

As for the IMAX treatment, it was glorious. Episode 9, "The Watchers On The Wall" takes place entirely in one location. The Wall. A giant ice barrier between the North, home of the savage "Wildlings" and the South... which is basically the rest of the world...

The Knight's Watch, black coated stewards of the Wall are few in number, but have a big ass wall. They are comprised of the refuse of prisons... The outcast... The banished... All sins and crimes are forgiven when you "Take The Black"... You swear an oath to stand guard on the Wall.

The Wildlings, comprised of the tribes of the North, brought together out of necessity and survival. They outnumber the Knight's Watch about 1000 to 1. They also have giants... Giants and IMAX go together like lonely people and porn!

The battle is vicious, brutal, bloody and brilliant.

The highlight, for me, is how the Watch dealt with the group of Wildlings climbing the sheer face of two to three hundred yards of ice. Imagine a large anchor (Scythe) on a chain pulled to the top of the wall. They simply had it frozen in place on top of the wall... At the appropriate time, when the command was given...  Click that link to see it with your own peepers.

Next time I hear the word "Smear"... I will grin like an idiot...

The Finale, Episode 10... It is difficult to give you the highlights of this episode as they are the culmination of the nine, if not more, preceding episodes. There is a knockdown, drag out, just plain ferocious fight between a guy known as The Hound and a lady who holds her own against a guy known as The Hound.

There is a resolution between a father and a son...  Which ends pointedly. Twice. (He reloads)

To see this show on the big screen, with the sound being bombastic as it can be... Wow. Just wow. It was befitting of a show that every week provides movie caliber entertainment and does what all great shows should do...

Leave you wanting more.

Valar Morghulas,

d

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SubNote: I skipped this NFL season... I will skip the Super Bowl. I do hope the Pats lose though... I respect the hell out of their winning ways, including cheating, but I always hated watching them play. Was mechanical and lacked soul. So... Go Hawks?

"IT'S A LEGITIMATE STRATEGY!!!"

There has been some stink over "American Sniper".

I have enjoyed some of Clint Eastwood's films. The guy can make a woman falling and hitting her head on a stool seem pretty dramatic... "Million Dollar Baby", everyone... Feel good movie of 2004! I jest, it was an examination of how many times you can get punched in the testes by a film searching to exploit your caring about people you normally wouldn't give two shits about.

And before you pshaw me, name the last female boxing match you attended... Hell, I would be impressed if you could name me the last female boxing match you WATCHED.

Eastwood has lost some of his luster after speaking to an empty chair at a convention. So, he makes a propaganda film. The story of a sniper. The reason I say "propaganda" is because the word "American" is in the title. I guess the movie poster with Cooper in a United States military uniform was a little too vague? The American flag in the background was not enough of a hint?

The movie is based on the book (Ohhhh, Now I get the title!) by a man who, without the context of "war", would have killed more people than any serial killer. Now... Since he was trained and sanctioned by our government, he is a "hero". Basically, you know how you hate a football player when he trashes your team... THEN the next season comes around and he now plays for your team.... and you love him? Rooting for the jersey? Kinda the same... Don't believe me?

Imagine the box office numbers on a movie about an Iraqi national, who was, coincidentally, a sniper and killed 160 people who invaded his country... I don't see that getting greenlit by a studio anytime soon. Do you?

So, since the assassin was on OUR side... "Hero".

The Comments

The comments of note this week were made by two people. The first one was by Micheal Moore. He called snipers "cowards".

Modern warfare has a HUGE element of detachment... Which could be construed as cowardice.

War was once fought on fields... Two sides lined up, ran at each other and you looked your opponent in the face as you fought and killed.

When airplanes were introduced as an element into battle, there was no "radar"... No "missile lock"... You had to constantly scan, wrestle to get in the position, within YARDS of the enemy to knock them out of the air...

Today... Drones flying miles high... Naval vessels fire missiles so smart, they will knock on the door, say "Candygram!", then blow up... OH, from over 600 MILES AWAY...

Snipers are now getting confirmed kills from up to a mile away. Due to the classifying of this sorta stuff, I would not be surprised if it was a greater distance then that.

Yes, I would say wholesale slaughter has gotten a tad "impersonal".

Since all these things keep out troops out of harm's way, we seem to be okay with it. You know what else keeps them out of harm's way? Not starting bullshit wars that last over a FUCKING DECADE!

Moore's uncle was killed by a sniper in WWII... He was raised being told that snipers are cowards... Again... Ones who are against us are more cowardly though...

Seth Rogan compared this film to "Pride of the Nation". The movie within the movie "Inglourious Basterds". He compared two propaganda movies whose primary antagonist's are both snipers...

Um... What is the outrage about that comment? Was it too "factual"? Was it too "on the nose"? Wait... was it that one of those guys wore a Nazi uniform? Again... cheering for a jersey!

A lot of the hullabaloo of the comments comes from the word choices. "Killer", "Assassin", "Murderer" - Those seem to make people upset. Why? They are factually accurate. It seems to be an easier pill to swallow for the folks at home to label them "Sniper" or "Sharpshooter".

The Troops

I have always said, "I support the troops. I do not deify them." They are kids. They are human. They are doing what they are told. Can things go wrong? Hells yes. They have. Repeatedly.

Before you pshaw that, Yes... I did my time in the service. Did I face anything near the stress that this character faced in his job? No...  There was that one time this girl's Dad answered the door and stuck a gun in my face... Good times!

I have zero issue with the service this guy provided his country. By all accounts, he did his job and did it exceedingly well.

I guess I just wish he did not have to...

I feel a sense of deep shame in the handling of our troops during this, the LONGEST AND COSTLIEST conflict this country has ever been involved in.

The government has asked more of these troops with longer and more frequent deployments. More in the form of lack of proper equipment. More in the complete and utter lack of a clear cut plan to victory.

Secondly, by flat out denying that the Veteran's Affairs was woefully inadequate, and for lack of a better word, the fucking dismissal of the physically and mentally damaged sons and daughters, we (AS A COUNTRY!) have broken a most sacred of vow... We may have brought them "home", but a lot of them never made it "back".

Next time you are in a voting booth... Scope your "representative's" voting record on Veteran's Affairs.

Freedom

I do get sick of hearing the misleading, bumper sticker, soundbite... "They are defending our freedom!"

Freedom to do what? Freedom from what?

"Well... then... They are protecting our way of life!"

I would proffer that it was only in danger because of our previous actions and disastrous foreign policies... Oh... and by "way of life", do you mean "Oil Consumption"?

"You want the terrorists to win???"

Um... No... In war, everybody loses... War only serves war. It is also very difficult to beat up a "Concept". You can't bomb an "Ideology".

The only restrictions or impairments made on any freedoms were put in place by the United States Government.

This war on terror has only made more terrorists. Oh, and Dick Cheney a shitload of money.

I had a lengthy debate with an ex-Mother In Law when I first got out of the military. The Supreme Court had just ruled that flag burning was protected expression. She could not believe that I supported that decision. I could never get her to realize that freedom includes stuff you are not a fan of.

The Freedom of Speech exercised by the people who do not support the troops, or propaganda films about a particular troop, is the same Freedom of Speech that the troops signed up, i.e. VOLUNTEERED, to protect.

___________________________________

By telling me, or anyone, that they should not say it something because it is something you disagree with or do not like... Well, I will have a lot more to say if you tell me I can't. You will not like it. Not. One. Bit.

Taking the shot,

d

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Title comes from....

Abbie Something...

I was bebopping around the interwebs and caught a TED talk...

An autistic girl was explaining her condition, and brought up the concept of "normalcy".

She summed it up quite nicely with a question, "What if the greatest compliment you ever received was, 'You are really normal!'?"

There are a few things I have been accused of... "Normal" is not towards the top of the list.

My mind does NOT work like yours (You should really, really be thankful for this). Your mind does not work like your siblings. Their minds do not work like their teachers... So on and so forth... This is a GOOD thing.

This is what propels us forward as a species on this little rock. If we all thought the same, we would be a hive... A colony of ants.

This could be a huge reason of why I am so anti-religion. Atheism is a by-product of that... I am against a group of people, instructed and overseen by a sheepherder, who is flawed and human as well, who tells them they are the only ones who have it "right". They are the "normal" ones. This, by default, means I am abnormal. "Heathen", if you please.

The desire of acceptance is honed and brought sharply into focus in the school system. It is truly many peoples first social interaction on a large scale, without the familial bond. No one wants to be the last one picked for whatever team endeavor. No one enjoys being ostracized (For the record... I am quite happy I spelled that correctly first attempt... Just saying,,,) by their "peers".

Ah... "peers"... The quotes are there for a reason. Why do we put people above us? Please understand, I am using the royal "we"... Having moved around a bit, I was pretty self-reliant and had no problem making friends. Mainly because I learned early on that people usually suck a bag of dicks.

Do we long for inclusion to that "group" because if we do get let in, we are "normal"?

The popularity of the X-Men (comics, as the movies have been a steaming pile. Seeen better film on teeth.) was that it touched on that point... If you are a mutant, different... abnormal, there is a place you can have the sense of truly belonging... An accepting community... A safe, non-judgmental haven.

Do we envision that these people's lives are so shit hot and that they are so together, that by being embraced, we too are shit hot and together?

I learned quite a lot at the 20 year high school reunion... People who I had hardly interacted with, or was a fringe member of their clique, told me that they wish we had hung out more... Um... I was RIGHT THERE!!!! It could have been the anti-social attitude I worked so hard at...

I also learned that the people that I thought were on top of things, were, in fact, hanging by a solitary, precarious thread... As a wise man once said... "High school is the bottom, being a teenager sucks, but that's the point, surviving it is the whole point. Quitting is not going to make you stronger, living will. So just hang on and hang in there."

At the reunion, I also learned that a man can urinate on 8 parked cars in a row if the wind is in his favor. Toby wins.

"Societal norms" and normalcy are not the same thing... Being able to function in society is the mask we all wear. I have to sometimes interact with a person from the IT... She has the warmth of two day old polar bear shit. A co-worker and I have mused about her after hours activities... Leather was a predominant theme.

We are have the thoughts that make us stop and think, "I am completely deranged... That was NOT normal...", when I have them... it usually ends up on this blog thingy... Stephen King has made a not so small fortune by entertaining the thoughts that others rapidly shoo away. He is abnormal as all hell, and I for one, am quite thankful.

You can have normal facets to your life. I highly recommend it. I just think it is important to celebrate the quirky, non-comfy, off-putting facets that make you inescapably you.

I know a businesswoman... She is really young, smart, and very disciplined. She has a damn good head on her shoulders and is waaaaaaaaaay ahead of the game compared to me at 22 years old. I was taking refuge in the USAF at that time. Her occupation as a dominatrix is what some would call "abnormal". Her attitude towards those who summarily judge her, has a nice bouquet of "Fuck off if you have an issue with it. Thatt is YOUR issue."

I find our conversations quite fascinating. Mainly because they rarely stay within the realm of "normal". I can speak with co-workers and it will be pleasant, socially acceptable... and BANAL!!!!

Topics at work:

1) Football... The refs are for or against INSERT TEAM here.

2) If gas prices go up, it is Obama's fault, and now that they are down, "The president does not control THAT!"

2a) "I am not racist, but how can I hate our president without it sounding that way?" (You can't!)

3) Kids are good/bad/costly.

4) Some stupid person on a stupid reality show said WHAT?

5) INSERT MINORITY HERE. (Under clever subtext, mind you)

Insert both barrels, hook the toe in the trigger, and pull a Cobain!

The lunchroom gets fun when I "pop" in... Because I am not "normal". I will play devil's advocate just to make a person think about the completely asinine thingy that just emerged out of their word hole.

I did not say "re-think about" because I am pretty convinced that Fox "News" has ate some of their brains whole and replaced them with the shit that comes out the other end. Independent thought and they parted ways a long, long time ago. Open head, insert "bumper sticker" mentality.

So... The question that emerges... When does "X" cross the line from "normal" to "abnormal"? That is a deeply personal and individual determination. My threshold of abnormality is probably greater than most.

If you were to describe a sexual act steeped in depravity... and declare it abnormal, I am probably thinking, "Ya know... If we did that in the Vatican, that would really do it for me... Yes... I will wear the papal tiara."

I remember a study saying that something like 52% of families are "dysfunctional"... Would that then make them the "norm"? If you came from a loving, supportive, and nurturing family... YOU are the fucking freak!!!!

Weirdly, I came from a super loving, super supportive, super nurturing family... STILL a fucking freak. I get to live in my head 24/7/365. You peeps are getting a smidge of what goes on in there. All this... still the censored version...

_____________________

By accepting that internal abnormality... it ceases to be abnormal, and it becomes part of what makes you YOU.

Being called "normal" is not a complete compliment... Nor is it a full on insult. It just means your mask fits nice and snug.

And yes... it is an enormous schwanzstucker,

d


This blog brought to yo by 10CC, Iron Maiden, D.R.I., Robert Plant + Alison Krauss, Atari Teenage Riot + Slayer, Steve Vai, Aerosmith, The Beatles, Alice In Chains, Rush, SeatBelts, The Doobie Brothers, Slaughter ("Fly to The Angels" was cool... shaddup!), Sublime, REO Speedwagon, Guns N' Roses, and Liz Phair.

This week's suggested course material: Watch "Young Frankenstein"

With A Bow on Top...

I had nothing for today's offering until about 45 minutes ago.

I got up. Scoped the Best Buy add, and was checking Facebook. A friend had posted a pic that was right up my alley and I just had to steal.

Perfect...

After breffiss (the most important meal of the day), I decided to shower before jumping into the mind numbing work I have to accomplish for the job. I throw on the Bluetooth speaker in the master bath... Anthrax's "Packaged Rebellion" engages in a little sonic assault on my Nucleus accumbens.

Rebellion... Oh, how I love thee. Now I did a thing about revolution a while back... This is NOT the same. There is some overlap, sure... Once again, my blog... Deal.

Rebellion and I go waaaaay back. I am a firm believer in questioning everything. Fully understanding that it is okay to do so, as long as you can realize the answers. Accepting the answers is up to you.

"Why do I wipe my ass?"

"Because things get uncomfortable on many levels if you don't"

In High School, it was a constant of me vs. everyone in any position of authority. I wore my uniform of anti-conformity. I enjoyed doing the absolute bare minimum to scrape by. I felt that the education system was undeserving of my genius. I was a complete idiot...

As Johnny (Marlon Brando) in "The Wild One", and Lisa Simpson, reply to the question of, "Hey, what are you rebelling against?"...

"What ya got?"

"Status quo" is the enemy. Rote is death. Obedience is prison... Ah, to be young and stupid again. Essentially... to be young and not have bills.

One morning, headed to, or coming from, Butler County Community College, I was waiting for a partner in crime to get out of the convenience store at Ohio and Belmont. I had backed into the parking spot, for ease of getting back onto the road...

The store was at the north end of a mini strip mall... At the end, there was a drive-thru lane from a long closed photo developing booth... Directly in front of my was a faded, yellow arrow painted on the asphalt. It was dictating to me that I am supposed to go a certain way.

Mi amigo jumps in the car... I am fixated on this oppressive arrow... He asks, "Dude, what's the matter?"

"That arrow..."

"Yeah... yea... YEAH! FUCK THAT ARROW! We have to go that way. It is a moral imperative."

Now, the comedy would have been that, as we toodled on through, we are inexplicably creamed by an 18-wheeler piloted by a meth addled truck driver, with an abscessed tooth causing him discomfort.

There was no danger as it turned out. As we rolled over the long worn directional aid, we both felt for that briefest of moments that we had beaten the system. The establishment hath been thwarted. NO ENTITY WILL CONTROL US! We are Masters of the fucking Universe.

In the Air Force... I was in a different uniform... Still authority and I were not on the best terms. What I learned in my military service was how to get away with being a derisive little shit. When assigned a shit job... It is okay to question the task at hand AS LONG AS YOU ARE DOING IT.

Case in point... We were informed that a General would be passing by on the road in front of our shop. A group was assigned to go rake the beauty bark in front of the building. I was in that group.

I had a couple of questions for the Sarge...

"What is the speed limit on the road there? 30? If the General is driving at 30 mph, and this area is about 40 yards... It will be in his range of vision for the maximum of 2 seconds. Is this worth those 2 seconds?"

And then...

"Do we think that the Starred One will notice our freshly raked beauty bark and demand that his driver pull over and he will give us all big, wet, sloppy kisses? Not that I would ask or tell..."

(In retrospect, I might have used "rimjobs" instead of "kisses"... I have matured since then... Not much... but some...)

And then...

"Sarge, with basic training, tech school, room and board, meals... We are the most expensive and well trained gardening unit on the planet right now... Do you think this is a proper allocation of government resources?"

The Sarge, restraining the laughter, replied, "d (they all called me "d"), the only reason I have tolerated your insubordinate shit is because you are raking while bitching."

"All about the mission, Sarge."

Talking with him later, he knew I was right and he also appreciated that I was venting for the entire group. I was expressing what the others were feeling. I was also alleviating the frustration of having to do bullshit for everyone.

Just one of the services I provided in my honorable service...

________________________________

I am accepting of a great many things. I will let a lot of stuff slide off my back like water on a duck.

However...

It is when I am FORBIDDEN to do something that I really, really must do that.

When I was sworn into the USAF... And it became illegal in TWO sets of laws to smoke a joint... That was the only time I ever craved marijuana.

When I smoked, and would go to a restaurant and would be challenged by some non-smoker on how my smoke is affecting them... I would start chain smoking like a freight train.

This week in Paris... A group of ARTISTS were targeted and killed. For fucking cartoons.

These killings are part of the last desperate, death throes of an extreme ideology. The old ways are being eradicated by the proliferation of knowledge. The people in power and control are willing to do unthinkable things to keep that power and control... In the name of something holy.

The only way to help that way of thinking finally die is to say what you think. Express yourself. Say the things you feel... In other words...

"Be dangerous, unpredictable... And make a lot of noise"

d <-- It stuck.

This blog brought to you by Anthrax. All Anthrax.

Register THIS

There was a time... Yes... I will now sound like an old bastard... A time where you could enjoy a video game without pledging your first born's naming rights to the corporations.

I am talking about the rise of the multiplayer accounting systems that the major manufacturers of games have implemented.

It used to be quite simple. You go buy a video game for your PC. You would insert the disc to either play or install said game. Once the game is installed, or loaded... You play the damn thing. Everyone is happy. Upon completion of the game, if one was so inclined, one could trade it in,,, or possibly give it to a compadre to play. "You gotta play this game... You blow up shit!"

"Sounds violent..."

"Well, you blow up Nazis..." (or Zombies)

"Oh, well then.. Hell yeah...

Now, there is the extra steps of registering the game with the company. I think last I counted there were three major systems. The filling out of this form registers THAT instance of the game with the company. The sounds innocuous enough, but it also negates any chance to trade it in. Those discs are now coasters for your tasty beverage.

Side Note: IF I were to ever make a program... The EULA (The legal thing you NEVER read and have to check the box to "Accept" on every install of new software) I would have wrote up... I would put in all sorts of crazy items... Naming rights to children...  Beneficiary recipient status... Right of first refusal of marital endeavors... So... Be warned... If you ever know I had a hand in a program... Read that shit...

I feel the that the rise of this was due to the home video game console coupled with high speed internet. Xbox and Playstation... The home consoles are geared, nay, ripe for multiplayer gaming... The ability of getting spanked on Madden football by a 12 year old from Cleveland and getting called "Cocksmoker" by the little cretin... Well, you just can't find that entertainment value anywhere else...

Even "World Of Warcraft", a PC only online multiplayer game, now has a DNA sampling identification system... Not that excessive, but getting there...

Again, there is a vast majority of people who just want to play the game... Like... By themselves... I have neither the time nor inclination to get so in tune with a game that I can compete with the little "Abortions That Didn't Take" of the world, who are so Ritalin addled, that the pixels render in slow motion...

This poo-poohing comes from my trying to do the right thing. I bought a guitar. It is just trying to keep my mind active and fight off the inevitable dementia that I will face as I get older. I got a great deal on a used one from Chattanooga. It is an ESP LTD KH 202 LH. The "KH" stands for Kirk Hammett. The guitarist from Metallica. The "LH" stands for left handed, which I am. The inlays of the frets are little skulls and crossbones... It fits...

There is a piece of software called "Rocksmith". Very much like "Guitar Hero", but you plug in an actual guitar. Neat. I get the guitar... Next day, I get the software...

I get the disc in and, thinking this not a "Blow Up Nazis" game... I get the pop up for "Stream Account Activation"... Now, I used to have an account... I have not used it in about five years... And it recognized my email... Good sign... After many failed attempts to reconcile, and recover the account, I ended up making a new one.

So, my original account, with some of my information, is perpetually stuck in limbo... And the company has a new batch of personal information for it's nefarious schemes.

It is a hassle... How can one avoid it? There are ways, and I plead the fifth. Yes... It involves mild law spraining...

Conflict breeds resolution,

d

This bitchy little blog brought to you by the sounds of silence... I am just not in the playing tunes mood... Mainly because I am going to practice the guitar for a while...