They Had Their Own Club!

So, Transformers are "Robots in Disguise". The "bad" guys are called the "Decepticons", the "good" guys are the "Autobots".

Being in disguise is a form of deception at worst, a cunning ruse at best. By this rational, the Autobots are deceitful little bitches in their own right. At least the Decpticons are upfront about it.

"Hey, they are being jerks!"

"What the hell what did you expect???"

I guess the point of the opening salvo is... Everyone lies. Even your heroes.

A couple of weeks ago, a good friend suggested I do a blog about "Lying". Mmmmkay... Kind of a broad topic but here goes...

I will tackle it by dusting off my collegiate journalism experience. Who, What, When, Where, How, and Why.

Who lies?

Everybody. Ev. Er. Ree. Bod. Dee. Even the big, blue, Boy Scout, Superman lies. Clark Kent is a lie. Clark Kent is a manufactured identity that allows Kal-El from Krypton to move about freely and the human race.

Sure... He "saves the planet" and all... But still...

What is a lie?

This is a matter of perspective and, in some cases, a matter of timing. What one person thinks to be true and factual to one person, comes across as a giant steaming pile of horseshit to another.

Ex: Religion.

Moving on...

When do people lie?

As I type this sentence, at least 45.9 million lies were told. All the time. Nonstop. Constant.

The timing of a lie comes into play... Will discuss that a little later.

Where do lies come from?

Prefrontal Cortex? Used car lots? People on dating sites?

Sorry, "Hot-E-In-Dallas6969", you are not 36... Unless you have numerical dyslexia and are 63, but due to your affliction... and if that is the case, then no... I still would not like to go out with you.

How do people lie?

Is there a lack of morals? Lack of empathy? I know people who can look right at a person, and lie to their face, and have that person thank them for it.

When it comes to communicating, the ability to speak may be the first thing we learn. Lying is in the top five. Three... top three.

So, how people lie is... they open their mouths and speak.

Why the fuck do people lie?

THAT is the big question. That really is the only question you want answered when someone lies to you.

The only reason that can offer any comfort is this: The truth hurts.

It does. The truth can just be a monster tsunami of devastatingly brutal hurt.

Truth hurts because when you are a kid, if you tell the truth when you only think you are busted... You ruin the possibility of getting away with whatever you are doing that you were not supposed to be doing. If you get busted lying, then you are completely and doubly jacked.

Truth hurts the bottom line. Advertisers have a million ways to get you to buy things. The labels on their products, the slogans they use, and even how they are displayed at the store. All of that effort is geared to do one thing: Move product. If the "truth" gets stretched a little...

Truth hurts, but so does the realization that someone did not think you could handle the reality of the situation. This could be emotionally, intellectually, maybe even physically. They had to manufacture an artifical campaign in order to coddle you along... To pwotect yor wittle hart or bwain...

Then you wonder if they were right... Which pisses you off more...

Now, the level of the lie can be fun to dissect as well. Was it a little white one? Was it a lie of omission? Oooh, lie of ignorance?

The little white lie are the ones where the person being lied to may actually benefit by being deceived. Going to their surprise birthday party or something and they ask if you had plans... so you say no.

Basically... No one gets hurt. The term "little white lie" has been around for a long, long time. The usage of "white" is denoting "peace", "pure" and "not intending harm". Thanks, Google.

Lies of omission are probably the most common. When dating, if asked, "Have you ever been married?". I can say, and have said, "Yes, but it didn't work out..."

That will lead to the follow up, "What happened?"

"Which marriage?"

"How many were there???"

"Three."

So, would I have lied if I just kept it at the original answer? Say two months go by with me not having mentioned being married thrice previously and THEN it comes out... What level of "dick-ishness" is that?

Lies of ignorance may the most easily forgiven. A person can have a set of facts, and by the time they are able to relay them to someone, the situation, and by intrinsic properties, the facts, may have changed. Timing is everything.

In the USAF, a crew of us were at the dorm's hole-in-the-wall bar, and a friend was off at a corner table, breaking up with his then girlfriend. A female, who we were all interested in, approached me and was inquiring as to my friends relationship status.

"Hold on..."

(Girlfriend looks happy to see friend)

"Waaaaait..."

(Girlfriend looks confused.)

 "Allllllllmost...."

(Girlfriend slaps friend)

"Aaaand... Yup..."

(Ex Girlfriend leaves in a huff)

"He's single."

TIMING!

Funny, but in that gray area in terms of morality.

I know my friend who requested this blog wanted me to discuss lying... Dunno if I hit her mark. It really is just too broad and faceted a topic. There is no answer as to "Why?", that can ease the pain of being lied to.

I can tell you from experience, honesty is the absolutely the best policy. One of the loneliest as well.

______________________________________

I never really did the whole lying thing while dating. I never made myself taller or younger on the profile I presented to the masses. Figured I would like to actually meet someone, so it would be discovered pretty quickly that I am not 6' 2" tall.

I like to think of myself as an honest person... Do I stretch, bend, and use carefully worded statements in regards to the truth? Hells yes. I break out fucking origami skills with the truth sometimes. I basically am guilty of telling off white lies. Eggshell lies? Ivory lies? Bone lies!

Would I intentionally lie with the express purpose of hurting a friend?

No. No I would not.

If asked, would I tell them that their shirt that says "F.BI. - Female Body Inspector" looks awesome? If they seem to love it... Why not?

You seal your own coffin,

d

This blog brought to you by David Bowie (Still alive!), Prince (Hated the color purple.), Foreigner (Were very patriotic, but no one knows to which country.), Creedence Clearwater Revival (Wanted to play on a stage 100 feet tall), Rush (Really from Mexico, but thought Canada sounded "more legit".), The Eagles (Had a rider with "Omelets made with eagle eggs"), Tenacious D (Once played a concert for the Iraqi Republican Guard), Kniles (Hit a farmers truck loaded with prize winning bull semen with their tour bus.), Metallica* (Their live show is "meh".), Van Halen (Eddie passes guitars to apes at zoos, and mimics what they do.), Nirvana (Cobain once swallowed a sheet of sandpaper to sound "raspy".), Eurythmics (They were paid a million dollars to write Zimbabwe's national anthem), Nazereth ("Love Hurts" is really about STD's), Anthrax (Named after the lesser known Babylonian God of Being Silly),  Ozzy Osbourne (Died in 1982... wait... that probably is true...), Jimmy Page + The Black Crowes (This concert was attended by all living Nobel Peace Prize winners.), Rammestein (Were really Austrian!), and Alice In Chains (Wanted to have a tuba solo on "Rooster")