Just Say "Thank You"

Two simple words that, if applied correctly, will cease a conversation, and leave both parties feeling like a million bucks...

"Thank you."

"Applied correctly". I have my issues with receiving compliments. I am getting better, because I was instructed to "just say thank you". (HEY! That would make an excellent blog title!)

After divorcing X3, who was not the most forthcoming with praise or compliments, I was pretty out of practice when it came to hearing something nice. Think of it like a muscle... one that has atrophied.

So, I go on a date... First one... And well, there was some baiting and a switching going on. She was not what was advertised. She gave me a compliment, but it just did not resonate. It was due to the unexpected, new sensation... and the fact that I was considering the source.

I dated another lady, more attractive, and she let loose a barrage of compliments, but those also felt foreign... BUT the source was less mountain troll-esque, so it held a little more gravitas.

Then I dated a little, redheaded ass kicker and she was the one that ingrained the mantra of "Just Say 'Thank You'", that I still rely on to this very day, when I am confronted with a compliment. She was also really cute, so the source held more weight.

Last week's blog used a room analogy, with success I might add, so... Bump it up to a house! YOUR house.

Let's say you are throwing a shindig. So, before peeps show up, you are doing what? Busting your ass cleaning the joint. There are things you are doing that haven't been done since you moved in. Vacuuming along the baseboards - WITH the slender rectangle attachment thingy!

Now, when peeps arrive, and throw out, "Wow! The place looks great!"

Your mind, if it is anything like mine (and if it is... shame on you! You know what for!), comes back with, "You goddamned right the place looks great, Mother Fucker. Spent all mother fucking morning cleaning the bitch!"

There is a 10 to 15% chance I will say that out loud.

Flipping the scenario a bit... You have a friend swinging by to pick up something. You figure you are gonna clean soon enough, and we will throw a hangover on you as well. You just ain't cleaning shit. They will be in and out in minutes - the mere fact you are wearing pants is a victory. To you, the house is a sty. Pigs would walk in and go, "I am outtie... I have my standards, man."

Your friend shows up, "Wow! The place looks great!"

Your mind, comes back with, "What third-world-shit-hole situation you got goin' on over at your place???"

There is a 85 to 90% chance I will say that out loud.

There are things that we are more apt to accept praise for. If it is something you worked at, Put effort into, and succeeded in that goal - Bring on the adulation! I don't care how much anyone says they are not a fan of external validation, a compliment at the right time, for the right reason... feels pretty damn good.

I think some discomfort comes when you truly do something because it is the right thing to do, not seeking praise or kudos. If I were to see an old lady with a flat tire and I offer to fix it, I did not do it for reward. I did not do it to gain favor. I did it because I would like to think that if my Mom was ever in trouble, someone would do the same.

I saw a clip of a Brit going around, asking "Can I help you with anything?", and he talks about how there was a lot of hesitance. People were not as welcoming, and on one level, you can understand it. Random bloke comes up and asks you that... It would be shocking... AND THIS WAS IN BRITAIN! Where courtesy is BORN! In the U.S., you could probably get shot for doing that... By the police.

If people are unable, or just not geared, to accept help - which is sad - would the remedy be to start with words? With compliments?

Even that will be met with a myriad responses...

There is one audience everyone should start complimenting... effective immediately. To find this audience, simply find a mirror.

While it is true, we all have those days when we go by the mirror and catch a glimpse of the reflection and think, "I'm gonna die alone... and rightfully so...", but then there are those days you go by the mirror, give that one smile, and say, "You're a handsome devil. What's your name?"

I can't help but think that a kind word to the right person, including yourself, at the right time can mean the world to that person.

I was speaking to a lady friend from Austin, at an event in May. She told me that she was super self conscious of a dress she was wearing at the previous year's event. I saw and told her that she looked fan-bloody-tastic. She thanked me for that. There are those "Thank you"s that when spewed, are rote in their delivery. Every once in a while, someone really expresses a sincere gratitude...

Just say "You're welcome."

______________________________

On the first day of June... I received a text...

Yeah, compliments are tricky. That one made me start having the feelz... So, what do I do? Deflect with humor. FACTUAL humor, but still...

If we get better at saying nice things to one another, will we, in fact, become better people?

I don't know, but you are fucking awesome!

Read the title again!

Don't let the sun catch you lying,

d

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