Today, being Easter, and given last weeks topic, I will talk about Easter a little, and something we all have experienced but not one of us remembers... Birth. Sorta bookend the whole "life" thingy. Last week was "Point B", today is "Point A".
This will not be a long blog. I am not a fan of birth. This planet is a tad crowded as is. I have heard that at our current rate of consumption, we would need 57 more Earths to sustain the population. Since we do not have more Earths, we can only control one part of that equation. I might get more into that next weekend as Saturday is the last Earth Day... Pretty sure it will be outlawed by the current administration.
I know that there are emotions I missed out on because I did not spread my seed. I have heard more than one parent croon about how once their child looked up at them, how "Everything changed."
Yeah. Everything like: Finances - Do you know how much they cost? Holy Shitballs!
Freedom - "No, we don't have a sitter, so go enjoy that once in a lifetime concert/event/something awesome."
Sleep schedules - Show me new parents and I will show you people who would murder for sleep.
Watching/Listening to anything at a decent volume - Once the monster is asleep, you DO NOT WAKE THE MONSTER.
Sex with your significant other - There IS the recovery period. Then, apparently, kids are blessed with a natural cock-blocking type radar. "We are go for penetration in t-minus 4. 3. 2..." "WAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!"
Your relationship with your significant other - Some people tend to focus on their kids rather than their spouse, whom they hopefully have known a bit longer period of time. I call people who do that "Future Single Parents".
And what do you get? For the first two years or so, your only job is making sure the creation does not get broken. No return policy and all that. The warranty on those things sucks as well.
After that, a contest of wills for, oh, say, the next sixteen years. I was at a severe disadvantage in that department. My parents are (NOTE: NOT PAST TENSE!) a united front. One on one was an almost impossible proposition and an exploitable opportunity rarely presented.
Also, during those formative years, there will be a period where YOU, THE PARENT, THE PROVIDER OF ALL THEY POSSESS, THE SHELTER-ER, THE VERY HAND THAT FEEDS, will be viewed as an enemy, as you "ruin their life!".
I am not the type to let shit go, like being told, nay, having "I HATE YOU!" screamed at me. If that were to happen a couple times a year, I can totally see me buying a varying array of different sized boxes in December. I would wrap each and every one of those boxes - and do so beautifully.
I would start filming as my offspring tore into each gift... only to find each box has a single piece of paper with "I hate you", and the calendar date it was verbally spewed at me, written on it. As the sobbing commenced, I would keep filming, and make them open each and every one.
Yes, I would put differing amounts of rocks or weight in the last couple of boxes... Ya know... Give em hope.
If I were to have a child, I am pretty sure that they would inherit all my worst characteristics... They would be an obnoxious, manipulative, little shit. It would have my own parents aligned against my by the time it was out of diapers.
So, it is probably a good thing I never had a kid... Sorry, Mom.
In the end, that is what is Easter is about... Birth/Rebirth. Bunnies are known for a couple of things... Voracious desire to propagate their species among them. Eggs as a symbol? Little heavy handed on the symbolism, wouldn't you say?
As many religions are quick to remind, "Go forth and get pro-creatin'!!!" I won't bore you with the details of how Easter is yet ANOTHER pagan holiday, from the way back, co-opted by the Carpenter Cult in order to be the "cool religion". That and sell chocolate. (But will provide the link!)
I do have good memories of Easter... Mom and Dad would hide plastic eggs with little clues in them that led to the next egg until the end, where a token/gift was waiting. This went on until I got older... I can now understand the hypocrisy of receiving Metallica's "Creeping Death" EP as a present on Easter...
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Another reason I am just not that interested in Easter as a holiday... You get ZERO days off from work. It is always on a Sunday, so - BUPKISS! When Xmas is on a Sunday, I usually get the Friday before AND the Monday after off of work. Easter... NADA!
Lastly, something to trip on... I am a big believer in reincarnation, having met the same asshole twice. Now... people have said that when they feel they are dying, they see a tunnel of light... and all their relatives...
WHAT IF...
That tunnel with a light at the end is the opening of your new Mom's birthing canal as you are being born... As oxygen hits your newly "infantized" brain, it causes a memory dump... Like a hard disc in your computer being overwritten and formatted. Wiped clean... As it does this, it causes memories to flash by... Like your whole life, flashing before your eyes...
OOH... It could be your SAME Mom's vag... Like we are just on a repetitive cycle... A Life Cycle version of "Groundhog's Day"... Doing the same life over until we get it right. Woah... Deja Vu explained... Trippy...
Now we run,
d
This blog brought to you by Stone Temple Pilots, Rodrigo Y Gabriela, Daft Punk, Guns N' Roses, K's Choice, Bowling For Soup, Black Sabbath, Korn, John Cougar Mellancamp, Gruntruck, Jimi Hendrix Experience, Type O Negative, Ozzy Osbourne, Iron Maiden, and Steve Vai*.
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