Some of my friends automatically went into the Pink Floyd tune, with "it's a gas" being a good following lyric.
If there is a commonality among the majority of humans on this planet, it's money. We all have to have it in order to procure provisions and shelter for our individual survival... And if you have enough of it, you will attract a mate for the propagation of the species... RIGHT ON, MASLOW!
In order to procure it, we have to do something of value to someone else who does want to do whatever it is or is incapable of performing the deed, and is willing to give you their money in order to do it. See... the definition of prostitution!
So, you work, you get money, you spend money. Rinse and repeat.
One trend emerging that causes concern, is that more than some of the millennial generation was simply given everything. So the whole "Working to get what you want" notion just does not appeal to them.
I always want to be there when the parents tell them "No, I will not get you a new <insert whatever bauble asked for here>, get it yourself", and see that look of "Whaaaaaa?" cross Tristan's face. It is as succulent as it is momentary, as they know the grandparents will indubitably cater to their whims.
I don't think balancing a checkbook, or doing household finances, is even a subject in schools anymore. I have been away from the education system long enough to have zero clue as to how they are NOT preparing kids for life these days. I just know they are not.
It took me a while after high school to get a handle on the whole "paying bills" and shit. If memory serves from almost 24 years ago, in Augusta, KS., if you got the BLUE notice that your water was going to be shut off, you HAD to pay the bill... The white, green and yellow notices were just for "FYI".
I also had the whole "being married" thing working for (and against) me. X1 (first ex wife) did the household finances and, by all accounts (PUN!), she did a good job. I was in the USAF, she worked three jobs at one time, and paid dem bills, yo.
After the divorce, I was living on McChord AFB, and pretty much had zero bills... I also was 24 and learning to laundry for the first time... Lots of growth, and growth is nothing if not painful. Food and shelter? Check. Female companionship? I was really cute then... so CHECK! My main expenditure was alcohol.
X2 also took care of the finances. For a while. When the Ambien binges pretty much rendered her "loopy as fuck all", I had to take over. I think seeing how much she was spending each month on Ambien was one of the final straws that led to our going our separate ways. Well... not right away... she made hella good money. Lesson #42 of Dougie's Financial Power System: Sugar Mamas/Daddies are SWEET! Get one!
Internet bill paying was a new thing at the time, but I still did the handwritten checks. By writing out the totals, it really, really made you understand where the money was going. It kinda caused pain to write out the mortgage check. This is how I know that "Thousand" is the first number to have the letter "a" in it... and in the rules of grammar, 1,000 and above is when you should use numbers vs. writing out "nine hundred, ninety nine".
X3 was a financial guru and a bad ass with money. Of course, her kids were never without, and I always felt broke... Funny how that shit happens. I think it was 2014 when I finally paid off ballet lessons. When we decided to split, she laid out all the financial plannings and accounts and bills. I was thankful as hell, because I had been out of practice.
Since being single, I have a super anal retentive grasp of my finances. I have a spreadsheet, called "Finances". I know... Creative, right? It has a "Progress" tab, where it shows every check since October of 2012, and prognosticating out to February of 2019.
I know I get two checks every month, called Phase 1 and Phase 2. I get paid every other Friday, so there are two months every year when a third check comes into play. I call that one "Mod A". There are also "Taxes", and "Xmas". The municipality I work for does what they call a "Seasonal Cost of Living Adjustment" to coincide with the first full week in December... so... "Xmas" it is...
On the second sheet of this budget spreadsheet is a breakdown of the next couple of checks. I plug in the my check amount, and then I math the shit out of each of the bills I know I will pay in that "phase".
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The check marks denote known totals, and the question mark denotes unknown. It keeps my OCD Demons at bay and takes out the surprises out of payday. The Reliant bill was a question mark until Tuesday... Then I got the bill... Plugged in the total and voila! Financial Peace Of Mind.
It only took me twenty years of adulthood to get a grip on finances... And I still consult Mom and Dad on big financial maneuverings because they, COMBINED, are wicked smart financially.
I ask the folks, Mom and Dad, how they do it... figuring that after FIFTY ONE years of marriage, they would be so solid and on the same... "Your mother does it all wrong!", and "He has his way and I have the way that works!", is what I got.
Of course, they do that thing where they round up all expenditures, and round down all inflows of moolah. That makes my skin crawl. If asked, I can tell you, down the PENNY, what my balances are. Mainly because I work it so there are NO CENTS on my accounts. Nice, rounded off dollars, thank you. Again, OCD Demons.
Regardless if you are in the camp of "Get Bill, Pay Bill Immediately" (Dad Method), or the "Wait 'Til It Is Due, or They Sneak In An Extra Bill" Camp (Mom School), you need a budget. Setting financial goals is not a bad idea either.
And while I am "comfortable", I, like a GREAT MANY of us, find myself remarking, "If I only had <insert total here> bucks extra... I could really get ahead!!!" It just seems like there is never enough.
I really have one credit card I use. It is called "Life". Whenever "life happens", it goes on the card. I also put romantic dates on the card, because they happen with such fucking rarity, it will be paid off in the time between them...
"Life" is the damn dog's grooming or vet shit... "Life" is when you need a new crown... "Life" is when ROGER WATERS is coming to town! C'MON! He is the one singing in the aforementioned
Pink Floyd song, "Money"!!! "Life" is when all your supplements and vitamins run out at the same time. That shit ain't cheap. "Life" is a speeding ticket. "Life" is going to a four day rager with your peeps, and it is worth it, because that IS life.
When that card gets a little out of control... I focus on it a bit, get it back down to manageable levels.
So... The point, you ask?
Money is not the root of all evil. It is nothing more than a tool.
Think of money as a hammer. Bills, groceries, expenditures... Those are nails.
If you use the tool correctly, you can build something. Solid and secure.
Use the tool incorrectly, you will be bleeding, and be cursing a lot.
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Xmas is coming up... Less than fifty days. Yeah... let that sink in. Money is about to get super tight in households across the land as couples buy their little shit-spawn assloads of new and shiny battery wasters, and forego getting themselves anything.
Incidentally, most marriages, that cease being marriages, cite "Money/Finances" as the top stress on the relationship.
It always seems as there is never enough and, in my opinion, that you can "outlive" any budget... And if you are in your 20's... Have fun, dammit!!! Your 30's is when you work all the time to pay off your 20's... Your 40's are when you work so you can enjoy your 50's and 60's... After that... Well, you are just happy to not to be shitting yourself.
14 years, 11 months, 27 days until I retire, and then I start smoking weed again.
I know the Devil's looking up at me,
d
This blog brought to you by Down, The Human League, The Dust Brothers, Ray Charles, David Bowie, Toadies, Marilyn Manson, Led Zeppelin, Jay & Justice, Deep Purple, Silverchair*, Alice In chains, Prince, Pearl Jam, and Iron Maiden.
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