I am afraid of a few things... First and foremost, tomorrow is my first day back at work since the 18th. Nine days off. I may have forgotten a password to a server or two...
In the first five of these nine glorious days of "not a fucking care in the world", I did nothing. I binged Game of Thrones, I played some Xbox, I made a trip to the grocery or booze store, but seriously nothing of import.
Then... I made a date.
The date was Friday evening. Just a meet and greet. We are now planning seeing each other tomorrow night. The first second date of 2016. We like each other. She is absolutely gorgeous.
This will also make tomorrow at work that much more of a bitch to get through.
So... I am happy. Which does not lend itself to writing a blog where you rant and rave about shit. I remember the band Godsmack, talking about their third album being the most difficult...
"Hard to be pissed off and angry when you are a millionaire."
So... with that in mind... I would like to take this moment to talk to Hallmark, American Greetings, and Blue Mountain... The top three greeting card companies...
GLITTER ON CARDS SUCKS BIGGER THAN THE BIGGEST SUCK THAT EVER SUCKED SUCK.
Seriously... I got my birthday card from Mom and Dad, and after checking for money, read it. Beautiful sentiment... Truly... There were tears... Wiped my eyes! (Not really, but Mom is an avid reader and she was happy for that nanosecond... Was a nice card Mom! sincerely!)
I went to the bathroom, to accomplish the tasks you do when you enter a bathroom, and as I was passing the mirror, out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimmer...
Upon gazing at my face, it looked as if I had been booby bitch slapped by a bountiful bevy of bombastically bosom-ed burlesque dancers... Honestly, I have been to gentleman's clubs and have exited wearing less glitter than I did reading this card.
Now, there is only one greater offense in the "card sending world" and that is: adding confetti to cards. Some people want to pack their invitation to Taylor's Second grade Graduation with Rip Taylor levels of confetti...
For you young'uns...
"Thank you for the card... And making me break out the fucking vacuum cleaner. Also, can't wait till I am moving out of this house fourteen years from now and still finding fucking confetti... My RSVP now stands for 'Really? Suck Venomous Penis!'"
By intrinsic properties... If I get a glittery card, that has confetti in it... I am legally absolved of all wrong doing. KILL CRAZY RAMPAGE!!!!!
Heretofore known as the "The Hallmark + Asshole Defense Loophole"
Christmas is coming, people. Make it snow... but not with glitter. I mentioned this to my date while on the phone. Her first response was to think of a person she really is not a fan of, but will probably have to end up sending a card to... I could HEAR the evil smirk! "Hmmm... Confetti"...
I do like her.
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While I am not blinded by emotions (yet), I am happy that there IS potential. Potential denotes possibilities. Possibilities are based on odds and as a not so great smugglar once remarked, "Never tell me the odds."
Then he went and successfully navigated an asteriod field. (3720:1, against. ALPHA GEEK!)
2016 has blown all magnitudes of goat. If this is how 2017 is ushered in, I am okay with that.
It's a beautiful morning,
d
This blog brought to you by Tesla, Audioslave, Emiliana Torrini, Lords of Acid, Rodrigo Y Gabriella, The Rascals*, Ennio Morricone, and Hootie & The Blowfish
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