You Don't Get To Pick.

"Blood may be thicker than water... But it ain't glue..."

As far as I know, I came up that. CATCHY! This just means I can find no instance of it occurring before it spewed forth from my brain hole.

I was searching for a topic, and a good friend provided it for me. "Family". That was his suggestion. One word, but myriad meanings and personal weight attached to it.

Now, I know why he suggested it. He and his clan just had a reunion. It was the first time they had been together in about eight years. Me, being the nosy little bastard that I am, inquired as to why. The explanation was simple enough.  He is the youngest... at 51... and he grew rather irksome with being told how he should be living.

Both of the parents had passed, so, more than likely, the older siblings were trying to fulfill the parental roles that had become open. After a couple of years, he just decided that he would rather avoid the inevitable hassle and headache of being around his siblings. Voluntary expulsion versus saying things you can't take back.

Family means something different to every single person on this planet. My own personal familial structure is as follows:

Mom & Dad. They are my constant. Regardless of how tumultuous the world is raging against me, I know I have those two in my corner.

For anything emotional in nature, my Moms will be able to shine a light through the fog and show me a path... To which I will completely ignore and end up having more hurt and work ahead of me.

My Dad... I can run things by him and get the "Yup, Yup" of technical and logical affirmation, OR a sigh and wincing of a "been there done that - and it sucked..." accounting.

I have a brother. Older. We have not spoken in round about 7 or 8 years. We had a falling out. It is more than likely my fault. I am okay with that. He has his life and I have mine. He is doing quite well, and I am also...

I know it pains my Moms something fierce. I do feel remorse for that fact, and that fact alone.

I have a younger sister. She lives in Kansas City. Married... Has a kid... We have not spoken since 2006 I think... There is no animosity. No hard feelings. Just nothing to say. She did email me a couple of years ago, "Hey... You are an uncle again."

Lily... She is my top bitch... Her neck started to act up again... And it hurts me to know she hurts. First person I called? Moms.

That is my immediate family.

When I was in the USAF... I had people who were my brothers and sisters... When you chew the same dirt together... You bond. Out of all the people I served with, there were still one or two people who I would let crash on my couch anytime. And I know that, without fail, I could crash on theirs as well.

At the present, there is a handful of people, in my life, who are more than friends... They may not be blood relation to me, but I would not hesitate to call them family. They know who they are.

I have seen family be used as a weapon. I have a very good friend... She is anchored by a family that will quite possibly be her ruination. She was consistently hammered with the mantra "Family does for family"... And for the most part... I have no problem with that school of thought... WITH A BIG ASS CAVEAT... So long as EVERYONE in said family unit is pulling their weight.

In her, case... She is the only one providing any support... I refused to meet her family on a number of occasions because I do not think I could have been even remotely civil. It still kind of bugs me... Using something as powerful as "family" as a means to make sure a member never gets an opportunity at any semblance of happiness.

However... I am reminded of some wisdom handed down to me from Dad... "If someone does something to you that you don't like more than once, and you do/say nothing to remedy the situation... On some level, you must like it."

Verily.

At work, the subject came up of letting homosexual couples adopt. Ya know... Starting a family.

"Dougie, you know that ain't a normal family!"

"Well, gee, Mouth Breather... considering that the majority of families in the good ol' USA could be classified as 'dysfunctional'... What is this 'normal' you speak of?"

I added, "Having never really having heard sunshine and rainbow stories from the foster care system, why would I deny a child a loving and nurturing environment in which to flourish? Raised by two people painstakingly vetted and having been found to be able to provide... that are DYING to provide... for a child..."

Another guy added, "Yeah... but they are gonna push the gay agenda on that kid..."

After grimacing in pain from rolling my eyes so hard, I asked him, "Where do gay people come from? Gay parents? Biologically speaking, that is kind of impossible... BI-O-LOG-I-KUL-LEE"

This is the same guy who returned a drink once because it came in a martini glass and he was threatened by it... Did not want to be thought of as gay... STEMWARE WINS AGAIN!

_____________________________

Some people love their families with all their hearts. That is fantastic, I am happy that they are happy. I am of the mindset  that you can love your family members, but bear in mind, that because a person is labelled "Brother" or "Sister", they are not exempt from being an asshole or bitch.

Yeah... I am a big hit at Thanksgiving dinners...

Sorry if this blog seems a little discombobulated... I am worried about my pup...

You gave me life, now show me how to live*,

d


This blog brought to you by Faith No More, Robin Trower, Korn, Led Zeppelin, Megadeth, The Doors, Alice In Chains, Bob Marley & the Wailers, Burden Brothers, Nirvana, The Edgar Winter Group, Pearl Jam, Foo Fighters, Skunk Anaasie, Billy Idol, Deee-Lite, Pantera, Bryan Adams, and Audioslave.

* Within reason, yo.