Next... I will be the first to admit it... I am in search of* an elusive creature. I know she exists. I have felt the disturbance in the force. I had given up the geas. Broken the spell. as it were... Then the universe decided to get jokes. I met a lady who brought into sharp focus of what it means to have one's shit together.
Admit it, you had to look up "geas"... And if you didn't, roll percentiles to see how big of a nerd you are. (Old D&D reference, if you didn't get it, no worries... you had a social life in high school. Congrats.)
I have been going to the gym routinely. I do this as preventative maintenance. I do this to combat stress. I do this because it will make me look better to the opposite sex. The opposite sex, who is oft heard to say that "sense of humor" is a big factor in a potential mate. I don't want to sound too cocky, but I am a funny mofo. If a sense of humor was that big of a deal, I would be knee deep in women...
I proffer this visual representation...
In addition to the gym going, I cut waaaaaaay back on drinking. This was due to a woman of merit who I shared some time with... She voiced concern after an amigo ushered me three shots of Jack in about 10 minutes and I was not phased by their consumption. It was a serious wake up call for me, as well. Again, I did not do this expressly for someone else. That is an important point. It was in conjunction with their wishes. Of course, I am enjoying a beverage as I type this...
Drinking was never a problem. It was a distraction. A nice derailment of my train of thought. I have had spells where people have voiced "concern". I laughed at them and said, "Chief Master Sergeant, your concern is noted and unwarranted. I have never broken the rules and regulations set forth in the Code of Conduct and Uniformed Code of Military Justice. May I please be excused? I gotta go get drunk."
I have also jumped on and stuck to a budget in recent years. X3, upon leaving, set up the Quicken for me, and laid it all out. I will always be appreciative for that. After X2, I was a complete wreck and idiotic when it came to the dollars... I charged a lot of stuff that I should not have and am STILL paying for it...
I am on track to get my financials in a state of awesome-sauce, where I am not dragging the sins and ghosts of past relationships into new ones.
And that is what it is ALL about... Preparation. I have seen the previews but would not waste a second watching a show like "Doomsday Preppers". I guess what I am doing now would be considered "Holy Shit I Found a Woman I Really Like and Would Like to Possibly See Where It Goes Prepping".
Again, stressing that fact that the things I am doing are self beneficial first... The fact that they could be appealing to a potential female mate... BONUS!
I have been hoarding vacation time. In years past I have been foolish in my using of a day here, a day there, and not really needing to burn them... I would scarcely have any to carry over into the new year. Then I get into a thing with aforementioned woman of merit, and we discussed travel and I was worried that I did not have the vaykay days accrued... Because I was an selfish douche.
A little harsh, but it was more that I had the mindset I was of undeserving of love and would not be in a relationship for a long, long time. Especially from a woman who had her shit together. (They know who they are).
I look back at the years between X's and am almost ashamed of the wasteful manner in which I let it slip through my fingers. I should have been preparing for when I met the elusive and mythical "her".
Yes, Mom and Dad... I should have done some college and shit. Internet porn was invented. Sorry.
When it comes to the emotional side of things, I am not concerned. I know what it takes to be in love with a person and in a committed, exclusive relationship. I got that shit down. It is now more of the "What I bring to the table" aspect. We all have baggage. I just am making mine more manageable and properly labelled and compartmentalized.
So, if I am bringing my on the road to physically fit, honest to a fault, social drinking, fiscally responsible, gainfully employed, silver tongued, not ugly, excellent taste in music, sense of humor having, dog loving, ready to travel self to the table... They better bring their fucking "A" game to have a seat at the same table as me.
For the record... I could make a list of my faults longer then the "pro" list... I am not perfect... Far from that shit... But I am a good person. I am also an asshole, but an asshole you want on YOUR side. Also, this is my blog... If you want to make the "con" list, GET YOUR OWN BLOG!
On the ol' FB, a friend asked, "What are you looking for?" Short answer: Rich, Nerdy Stripper type. Long answer: I want a woman who gets that the person you are angry with is not the person of the last five minutes, it is the person you have known for five months, five years, etc. A woman who gets that reality TV is neither "Reality" nor "TV".
I want her to be supportive, not blindly aligned to my every whim. I do not need sunshine blown up my ass 24/7. I just do not need to be torn down at every turn. Questioned on the wisdom of my actions is fine... Hell, that is almost demanded of. Summarily denied constantly will get old rather quickly.
I really want to have the someone in my life that when I get news, good or bad, it has not really transpired until I get to share it with them. I did not think it was ever going to happen again. For X-Mas last year, I was proven wrong. That brief installment of happiness did not make it. It just showed me that the possibility exists.
Now, I am in search of...
d
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* Title of this tirade is a reference to a show narrated by ol' Spock... Called "In Search Of".
............Salute............
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