I happened to have a plunger handy, so... insert your own plunging sound effects... My efforts were not in vain. Clumps of hair, mine. I have been growing out the follicles out for a spell.
Hair and an accumulation of purple lint. I have some stellar purple bath sheets. For the record - fuck towels. Bath sheets are the bee's knees. They are great, but 4 years later, they still pollinate the area with lint.
So, having finished showering, and extracted a not so tiny clump of hair, I got out. It eventually drained, but left a nice film of "eww". So, I found myself on my knees asked myself, "Self, why the long hair?"
GOOD QUESTION, SELF!
I think the biggest section of that pie chart is "It Pisses Off the Rednecks I Work With". Last week, the gentleman whom I will NEVER get a Xmas card from, remarked, "Hey Doug, I think your barber missed a spot."
"Really, where? My ssssstylissssst usually is spot on!" (It's the lisp that REALLY makes 'em cringe. That cringe makes my soul smile.)
As of now, I essentially have my head shaved all the way around and the top is long. There is literally the long and the short of it. It is either long, or really, reeeeally short. Zero on the sides short.
Another reason is for the ren faire. It just seems a little more... I dunno... ren fairey. I might get a nice viking braid one weekend.
I had long hair in high school. After high school. Little bit during the military.
*Funny Story Time*
In the military, I had essentially the same hair I do now, but I was much cuter then. This was TWO DECADES ago - almost exactly TWO DECADES ago. We were not allowed this sort of length, so every morning, I would gel it back and hairspray it.
Shit was bulletproof. I remember a fly got caught on it once.
One day, it was warm, and we were busting ass on the flight line. We stopped by the smoke pit for a cig. An errant strand had come loose. The end of it was touching my upper lip.
Master Sergeant Dooley was coming out to get a butt of his own.
"Hey, d... Hair's getting a little long."
"Yes, Sergeant", and we hopped back in the tug and amscrayed.
A couple of days go by. Again, we were busy on the flight line. Like clockwork, we were met by Sarge at the smoke pit. Again, one lone strand of hair had broke free from the product prison I had constructed.
"Hey, d... I thought I told you to get a haircut."
"No, Sergeant. You mention that my hair was getting a little long, and I agreed." and before he could retort, a call came in on our truck's radio. So off we zoomed... at 15 mph.
I think it was a week later, he comes up to the smoke pit, where I spent a decent amount of time.
"Afternoon, Sergeant."
"Hey, d?"
"Yes, Sergeant."
"Get a fucking haircut."
"Roger that, Sergeant."
*Thus Endeth the Story*
Point being, I have always been a fan of bucking authority and not being in the "norm".
I guess the last reason I am growing out my hair is because I just don't know how many more opportunities I will be presented with to do so. This may be the last hurrah, if you will.
Not to sound braggadocios... but it is really soft and angel like... So... Got that going for me...
While I am all about the keeping my doo on point, I am nowhere near what I have seen women go through to maintain their manes. It is insane! Once I have finished with the shampoo and conditioner, I use a comb. End of list.
Women have a metric fuck tonne of products they use in order to JUST keep the hair healthy. I mean, Gawd forbid that they are actually going OUT. Then they break out an arsenal of products, and tools - just to look good for their significant other.
So, Dudes, when you go out and do NOT notice their hair or makeup, THAT is why it is a big deal. How's about a little something... ya know... for the effort.
Some women, and I am speaking from what I can figure (Ladies, if I am wrong, please address all hate mail to "Not me, Corner of Nowhere and Just Saying Avenue"), feel a not so small percentage of their appearance rides on their hair. Some, of course, could give a shit. I also am willing to bet that the majority of the judgment felt, is perceived as coming from other females. Men are kind of oblivious when a picometer of hair has been trimmed from your bangs.
I have never seen a bond so tightly formed than between when a female goes to a stylist and the stylists gets what the female is trying to convey, and then PULLS IT OFF! It is a total "ride or die" situation after that bit o' magic transpires.
Last point... Hair is BIG business! Shampoo, conditioner, oil treatments, relaxer, anti-fizz, gel, hair spray, mousse, coloring, dryers, irons, curlers.... Hair care has it's own AISLE in the damn supermarket and is 25% of a CVS, Walgreen's or Rite Aid.
When it comes to ethnic hair? HALF A TRILLION DOLLAR INDUSTRY! Scope "Good Hair" by Chris Rock.
Then moving on to barbers, stylists, colorists, extension-ists (sp?) - Crazy money. They have their own schools! When an occupation has it's own school, you know that shit is legit! There are quite a few hair stylist competitions - with cash prizes and bragging rights... Queue the insanity.
"Those silly females! Spending all that money on hair!" say silly males... Not so fast, Pum'kin.
Rogaine? Propecia? Before limp dick pills came along, I remember seeing a lot of commercials for that stuff.
Lest we forget... Hair Club for Who??? Hair transplants? hair plugs? Whatever the current president has on his EMPTY FUCKING HEAD (Apologies - I tried... I did... I tried, dammit! Curious that I proofread this and I didn't delete it... I AM NOT SORRY! I'M GLAD I DID IT!!!!)
Joe Buck, sports announcer, almost DIED from getting hair plugs. Well, complications from hair plug surgery. Homeboy was willing to die vs. go bald...
So, let's not cast dispersion on the greater sex for spending a chunk of change to look and feel better about themselves. There was no anesthesia involved.
_____________________________
In the end, the shower is clean. Mad respect to Brillo steel wool pads. Big props to Draino for helping with the clog.
I am not going to keep the hair long forever. I whimper when I have plucked one or seven long ass, gray ones. Mom thinks I look good in a crew cut. I think she is losing her sight or getting senile (KIDDING MOM!).
I am not against having the short hair. In the summer of 2011, Dallas had seventy days over 100 degrees. To hell with that noise. My dome was shaved. It also allowed me an extra ten minutes of snooze in the mornings. There was no shampooing or conditioning... There was no combing... Hmmm....
Hey, Self... What was that question again? "Why the long hair?"
Oh, yeah, I remember now, "Some ladies like it."
Meu dedo enterrado, no meu nariz,
d
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