Casper, I Ain't

I think I am not going on dates as of late because of the phenomenon known as "Ghosting" (Yeah... THAT's the reason!). Old, married people, be thankful you are getting to skip on this latest trend.

Ghosting is where if the person who you went on a date with just isn't feeling it, they don't let you know any reasons as to why, or if they had a good time, or they were still hung up on their old boyfriend and just weren't as ready to date as they thought they were. Nothing... They just vanish.

On the rare, rare occasion I do pursue someone romantically, there is now a more than good chance that there will be a shift to the ethereal and intangible, usually associated with something dead...

What drives this course of action? Is it cowardice? Apathy in effect?

Best case... The person doing the ghosting understands that rejection is a big ball of shit to hit someone with. So, in the effort not to be a dick/bitch, they go the route of fading away and becoming uncommunicative. See? They did not stomp on your guts... They did not point out all your faults... They didn't lead you on... Nope. Like a ship in the night, they just sailed on.

Comedian Aziz Ansari, in his brilliant book about modern romance, mysteriously titled, "Modern Romance", talks about the practice of ghosting. In his up routine, he would ask the audience/research groups about how they would like to be told that there is no interest by the other party.

A) Be told up front. Honest and Direct.
B) Go on a few more dates and end things before it get's too serious.
C) Never hear from that person again and all attempts at contact are ignored.

The crowd overwhelming and emphatically indicated that "A" is how they would like to be dealt with. "We're adults, dammit! We can handle it."

Then he would ask the same crowd how they handle it when THEY have no interest in the other party, do they:

A) Tell them upfront and directly that there is no interest?
B) Lead them on for a bit... Delaying the inevitable?
C) Ghost them like a mother fucker?

The SAME crowd would resoundingly pick "C" as their go to method for ending a budding romance.

Ladies, Gents, Others... I give you the definition of hypocrisy.

I was in a group/forum and someone brought up this topic. I equated it to a band aid. If you tell someone, "Not interested", it is like ripping off a band aid... with a Robin Williams level of hairiness.

Getting ghosted leaves questions. "What did I say?",  "What did I do wrong?", or, in my case, "HOW did I offend?" So many ways for me to do so, I just want some idea of exactly how I offended you. I
am not really giving a damn that you ARE offended, just wondering WHICH button I pushed.

One can not be "Angry" at the Ghosters of the world... In the end, they don't owe you shit. There was no contract or statute dictating that further communication was guaranteed. Even if you ended the date with "I will talk to you later" and they said "Look forward to it."

Having been ghosted, you can be puzzled and disappointed... But not angry. Consider the fact that they did you a favor and showed you the merit of their character early on.

I don't think I have ever fully, and truly ghosted someone... If able, I always answer the phone, or reply to a text. The manor in which I reply will convey, quite succinctly, my feelings towards said person. They will be left with little ambiguity as to my feelings towards them.

Ghosting just goes into the myriad games played in the beginning stages of any modern relationship. Now it is "Call vs. texting?", "Showing too much interest vs. not showing enough", "Who cares least wins", "Who pays for what?", "How many dates before we make with the nudity?"... All games.

I know that it is not their sole province, but ghosting is much more prevalent in the youth. I guess the only thing easier to brush someone off on your phone is not to brush at all...

____________________________________

Took last weekend off. I just needed to not do anything. Veg. I am getting election coverage overload. It has only been going on for two fucking years. Thankfully, it is almost over.

Also, Trump is turning out to be an even bigger piece of shit than thought... and I thought he was a colossal piece of shit anyway... The even SADDER fact is that his supporters STILL will not see that they are... just... wrong...

Ugh... anyways... Ghosting is bad, mmmkay?

Who ya gonna call?

d

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