My primary purpose was to hang with two of my friends, from a national chat room, that I have known for going on four years now. They are good, good friends who help keep me relatively sane.
Last night, a local group was having a pool party. This group encompasses the Dallas, Ft. Worth area. This area is larger than the state of Connecticut. and has 9,000 times the population. Slight exaggeration, but only slight. If the group is having an event, say a Happy Hour on a Thursday in Arlington, I would have to drive an hour, fight traffic, get there, drink, then when done, drive an hour back.. On a school night... No thanks.
This pool party was two miles down the road. On a Saturday. I was going to drink anyways. Laundry was done... Shit.
So, instead, I found myself in the chat room. I mentioned the pool party, and my comrades asked if I was going to go...
"I went to a pool party last month" (Referring to the event in the first paragraph.)
"Go, you anti-social bastard!" Paraphrasing, but not by much.
This topic of "being social" has been creeping in the noggin for a couple of weeks. I was going to do it last week, but Ali died... This week was Gordie Howe... And awoke to a mass shooting in Florida... Really, 2016, fuck off already.
Being social, for me anyway, is not as easy as it is for others. I can be social, I know not to hump the leg of the person I am speaking to... Well, I know NOW... Social graces and shit are tight!
In a 1:1 exchange, I can be humorous, engaged, and dare I say, a bit charming. In a group of unknowns, I sit back and get to know the lay of the land... Who the bullshitter is, who the wanna be alpha is, who the actual alpha is, who the followers are, who the smart one is... I may let loose a quip or two to really gauge who the smart one is...
The armed forces has an actual thing called "espirit de corps" (Eh spree duh cor). It is basically saying a spirit of the core... Our shop had it in spades. When we went out, it was in a pack. You felt good knowing other's had your back, and you equally good, or better, knowing you had theirs.
We would be in a pool hall, and there would come a call for "Hey, D!!! Enthrall us with a story..."
"So... Me and Evil Ed Crane were bored..."
I had no problem holding court with my brothers in arms.
I couldn't do that with twenty strangers... I would be nervous and awkward. I would stutter and "um" and "uh" may way through, and destroy a great story involving a cheerleader, bleachers, and two merciful cops.
When I was married to X2 (Second Ex-Wife), she had a large family. They made me feel welcome and comfortable. At family gatherings, there was much socializing. No nervousness or apprehension. I could probably show up at a large gathering TODAY and they would say, "Wanna beer? Wanna beer? Wanna beer?" in rapid succession, as I used to not accept a tasty beverage until the third time asked.
Between X2 and X3, there was the SkillsNET Days and Crew... Only thing missing was camouflage uniforms and the constant aroma of JP-4 (jet fuel). And it was there that I began my affair with my Hetero Life Mate, Jack Daniels.
With X3, I withdrew. I was depressed and beat down. I was in an entirely miserable existence and did not want to inflict that upon anyone else.
So, after divorcing... I found that my social muscle had atrophied. I truly think of it as a muscle.
With the advent of "Social Media" in the years of being married, I garnered the fact that it is not really that "social". I could see all the people doing all the things... But really had no desire to participate.
Again, no strength in that social muscle.
Reconnecting with old friends, going back out to Scarborough, and yes, even the ball kicking, gut punching, soul rending activity known as "dating", started the slow process of stretching that social muscle out.
Still... The chat rooms... They give you the gift of anonymity. Gauging the audience? Who gives a flying fuck? I will troll the hell out of them... I will flame the entire room...
The rooms were a boon and a hindrance... They allowed me to socialize without having to put myself out there. Allowed me to let "me" shine through again... And that let me realize, "Hey... I like me some me!" Think of the chat rooms like Kegels for the social muscle.
The other beautiful thing about being a little bit older now, and having moved into the stage of "Hey... I LOVE me some ME!", I have no problem going to an event... A pool party... On a date... and if I am five minutes into it, not digging the scene... I fucking leave.
What are the going to do? Take away my birthday?
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I can think of the times my parents had friends over... All two of them?
My Dad hates people more than I do, and on a larger scale. BUT, when I introduce him to friends or lady friends, he is personable and downright cordial...
Dad found Mom... and I am pretty much of the opinion that, if the rest of the world up and vanished, Dad would just say, "That will help cut down on the traffic..."
I go to the gym, working out muscles of the body. I read books, flexing neurons.
I did end up going to last night's pool party... Socially sore this morning... But that could just be the Jack.
Nodding and grinning,
d
This blog brought to you by The Parliament Funkadelic, The Rolling Stones, System of A Down, Beck, Tenacious D, Nirvana, Queens of The Stone Age, Led Zeppelin, Daft Punk, Queensryche, Van Halen, and Anthrax. (Title of today's blog comes from the opening line of Anthrax's awesome song... "Anti-Social". There... all comes together and ya learned something!)
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