Research? Forget about it... There are sooooo many topics, so many opinions, a literal fuck ton of stuff written on the subject, that one mind boggles.
Then throw in a divorce. Split, or joint, custody. Full custody with child support. Full custody with a deadbeat ex. Permutations abound...
There are parts of me that lament never spawning. My Mom (HI MOM!) still has a glimmer of hope that I will meet someone tomorrow and, due to my superhuman sperm, that female will squat out a pup in time for Xmas. She has told me repeatedly that I would be a good Dad... (so did some lesbians in Tacoma, but that is another story)
The thought is daunting... Loving something more than me? Seems very implausible...
I dunno... I would have the advantage of being an asshole. Knowing the tricks I had pulled when I was a child... I would be at the disadvantage because when someone tries hurts me, I tend to break it off in their ass and leave them bleeding...
Apparently that style of parenting is "frowned upon".
And let's face it... We all hurt our parents. Sometimes intentionally, mostly the opposite. I was, and still am, guilty of doing so. However, I am able to now understand my actions and let them know that while I am sorry, I am still gonna do what I am gonna do.
I have asked the Folks how they tackled it... According to Mom, "Your Father and I took the things that my parents did that worked, and things that his parents did that worked, and blended them. We also found things that each of our parents did that we swore we would NEVER do."
Key point here kiddies... THEY TALKED THAT SHIT OUT BEFORE PROCREATING!
For example... My Dad did NOT want my Mom to pull the "Wait til your father get's home!" routine. He seriously did not want his coming home to be something his children dreaded. Makes perfect sense. The major downside is that when I got in trouble at school in the days of corporal punishment, I would get my licks from the school official. Come home, Mom would have her go. Dad would get home, and complete the trifecta of "negative reinforcement".
They had a plan. They were a united front... Much to my dismay.
The teenage years... There would be scars. I see a lot of dollar signs...
The early adulthood... I just see more fucking dollar signs...
Adulthood - They leave... IF you have done your job right.
Then, you die. Unless they do something really, really cool, you pretty much just contributed to the overpopulation of the planet... Don't get me wrong... I am pretty damn happy Dad didn't pull out that one time...
I guess this discussion came from an issue a friend is having with her Ex and their kid. Kid is in single digits. He is a sensitive kid. He went to visit his Dad over the Thanksgiving break. My friend asked about the activities that will be transpiring. When "Shooting guns" was broached, she said, "Um, no. I don't think he is ready for that."
When I was over there for dinner on Thursday, she told me about talking to her son and she asked what had he had been up to... Three guesses on what made the list!
She was not happy. Now... I admit the male "See Problem, Fix Problem" gene kicked in. Stupid me. I did have the wherewithal to preface all my responses with, "Not being a parent and not knowing a damn thing about it, here is how I would reply to the Dad..."
The gun thing is an issue (Upon returning, she asked her son when should a gun be used and got "I don't know", supporting her thought process), but it is more indicative of the lack of cohesive parenting.
Parent A - "I don't want out child doing X."
When child is with Parent A, child does not do X.
Parent B receives child.
Parent A informs Parent B stance on X.
Parent B lets kid fucking do X.
Parent A is gonna find out... WTF? Do you think you WON'T hear about it??? Use ya head, Parent B!
I asked her, "How long after you get your son back does it take to 'deprogram' him from the Dads influence?"
The massive eyeroll and grimace was answer enough.
X3 was my first real exposure to children. I am fully aware that "Step-Children" is not the same thing... So... Save your breath...
The father of my two step daughters remarried. The lady had a young son. She said that she wanted her husband's daughters to call her "Mom"... X3 took a "vehement" stance against that. Something something, "better not call that fucking cunt 'Mom'!"
"But, it will confuse my little
How the fuck is that the biological mother's concern? I would have never even brought forth the idea of the daughters calling me 'Dad'. If they did call me 'Dad', I think the shudder of revulsion would have put a stop to it real quick like...
X3 and I had our differences when it came to parenting as well... I disciplined the eldest step kid once... And X3 told me I would not do it again. I pretty much checked out on the "contributing to the raising of a productive member of society" right then and there. Eldest didn't like me because I knew how she cheated at dominoes and let her know that I knew... Good times.
__________________________
"Um, you have puke on your shoulder. Your breast is leaking. You look like you have not slept since the last Space Shuttle was launched. You put wine in that baby bottle. Your baby has a face that a pug who kissed a running lawnmower blade would vomit at. Your baby also has had a loaded diaper for at least 20 minutes and it is beginning to leak. You poor, poor soul."
My hats off to parents... It is a shit job. Mostly thankless. I am reminded of a long con... Taking about 27 years for any sort of payoff...
My Mom has said that I was a good kid, a) My Mom is an optimist. 2) I got away with a lot of shit she didn't know about (Skip this part, Mom). D) It is me we are talking about!
Lunatic fringe,
d
* Name changed to protect fucking cunt's identity.
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