We were having many drinks. I am pretty sure the reasoning my ex-wife wanted to get a drink with her ex-husband is because she has more than a modicum of trust in me. I would suspect she would also be tired of getting the same ol' platitudes that one, without fail, receives upon announcing a break up...
"Everything happens for a reason"... Sure, care to share what that reasoning is, ass face?
"When one door closes another one opens..." Well... Given the number of doors on the planet... Given the number of people on the planet... I am sure, statistically speaking, the probability of a door being closed, and a completely different door being opened, simultaneously are pretty fucking high, Einstein.
"There are plenty of fish in the sea..." And a metric fuckton of medical waste... Thanks for that, would you like to jab me in the eye with a dirty needle that just washed up on shore while you are at it???
The spouting, while well intended, does nothing. Much like when someone says, "I am praying for you." They should have said, "You are on your own, best of luck. I am doing the least amount possible." I do not send "prayers" or "positive thoughts"... I have been known to send a dirty limerick...
She came to me because she knew if, in the midst of her explaining the situation and factors contributing to the break up, I smelled bullshit, I would call her out on it. While never a fragrant affair, from what I gleaned, she knows what her shortcomings were in the relationship. I, not knowing the other parties take on things, but knowing her, feel she was justified in pronouncing it dead.
It is one of the bigger precipices you will face... It is the cliff at which most of us have stood before. Below us, the murkiness of the "Unknown". All around us, the "Present Situation", in the form of a maelstrom of anger, doubt, insecurity and the glimmering hope of "what could be". The cliff becomes higher and more daunting the longer the relationship has been going on.
No one can decide how bad the storm of the present that you are weathering has to be before you make the decision to jump. That is yours and yours alone. It can depend on how real the hope of everything working out is, versus the colossal shitstorm that has driven you to the edge. One thing I can suggest... "To thine own self be true". Has a better ring to it than, "Fuck all the bullshit, trust yer gut."
When you start to doubt yourself in a relationship, every previous relationship barges back into the ol' cabeza. Your own special Hell! Joy!
This mental deluge, is all our baggage we have not dealt with. You do not get to be in your late 30's or older and not have some baggage. I have always tried to at least make mine a matching set. One of the biggest foibles is to try and denounce your baggage at the beginning of a relationship. I am not suggesting you shine a spotlight on it or anything...
"So, do you have any baggage?"
"Want that alphabetically or chronologically?"
If you are in a relationship and you are feeling neglected, shit on, taken advantage of, or just not getting out of it what you think you deserve, ask yourself "What would I tell someone I care about to do in the same set of circumstance?".
Another wonderful thing about breaking up... The damn truth usually comes out. Most will say communication is vital to every relationship. Granted... So is being honest in what you are communicating. To do that you FIRST have to be honest with yourself!
Discovering how a person REALLY felt can be cathartic or Damage, Inc..
The other person has assured you time and time again, "No, that doesn't bother me at all."...
You break up...
"That bugged the living shit out of me. Every time you did that, I wanted to attack your genitals like a rabid honey badger wielding a cricket paddle and a blowtorch."
It is a matter of deceitfulness... It is wrong... It paints the entire relationship with more than a hint of wasted time. Living a lie.
Most males will do this, only on little things, to ensure that nudity and touching will continue.
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My only advice is the same with everything you feel falls in the "Failure" column. Learn from that shit.
"Those who do not know history are doomed to repeat it."
WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG
"Those who do not LEARN FROM history are doomed to repeat it."
In those "In Between" times of being in a relationship, work on YOU. Be better. Love your self. Sometimes twice.
More importantly, work on sorting your baggage. Examine all those old relationships with a self deprecating eye. Be critical of yourself. Then... Put them away. The next time they rear their hydra like head, you have a better command of them and are stronger for it. They will be a preservior rather than an anchor weighing you down.
Before getting into another relationship, know your WORTH. If you are reading this, you know me... So, you have that going for you...
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Now, as for the difference between a break up and divorce... One costs a whole lot more. One has an ass load more paperwork, and one is legal and public decreeing of Failure! There is only one sure fire way to avoid it... Don't get married.
There I go, turn the page,
d
This blog brought to you by sad, sappy ass songs by the following: Stone Temple Pilots, Pantera, Korn, Rodrigo Y Gabriela, Van Halen, The Cult, Anthrax, James Marshall Hendrix, Marilyn Manson, The Beatles, Dethkok, Elton John, Megadeth, and the mighty Metallica.
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